MySpace
myspace music


Dan Garner



Last Updated: 12/22/2009

Send Message
Instant Message
Email to a Friend
Subscribe

Status: Single
City: SHREVEPORT
State: Louisiana
Country: US
Signup Date: 10/23/2005

Blog Archive
[Older      Newer]
 /  / 
Thursday, October 29, 2009 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Friends




...and if you knew her you either loved her or you didn't.
I did.
She was the Mother Teresa of Shreveport.
Her name was Sister Margaret McCaffrey and she came to Shreveport in the early 60's to do the unheard of:
She provided warm breakfasts for schoolkids who usually didn't get any breakfast.
Sister Margaret made history in Shreveport by organizing the Poor Man's Supper that drew whites and blacks from many different religious denominations to the first citywide "Christian Service" event. Incredulity and pride marked that evening as Shreveporters, always separated by economic and cultural practices, supped soup and broke bread together.

In 1983 she opened up the Hospitality House in the old Cotton Club, down on Sprague street. It could hold about 60 people. She fed over 200 people a day in there, twice a day, 365 days a year.

She opened up a homeless shelter for men, a homeless shelter for women, a neighborhood clinic and numerous homes for homeless families. She was able to help people with their prescriptions, utilities, and transportation...and when other agencies could not help, due to restrictions of governmental funding, they sent them to Sister Margaret, who never took state or federal money. When the riverboat casinos came to town, offering to help, she refused them.

She had a clear vision of what was right and what was wrong. Poverty was wrong, ignoring people's dignity was wrong, gambling was wrong...
...killing, for any reason, was wrong.

In the 80's when the Gulf war began, she protested it with a group called Pax Christi. She protested the killing being done over there and signed a letter of apology to those people whose lives were being destroyed by our military.
WWJD?

This inflamed and galvanized folks in these parts. Counter- protesters took the placards calling for love and peace and threw them in the bayou.
Sister Margaret would not stand down...she never did.

I think that quality was what I admired most about her. No matter where the political winds of change blew, she was steadfast and unswerving.

In March of 1997 she was diagnosed with lung cancer and opted to go without treatment, but continued the day to day of her "Christian Service" work.
The last time I saw her, was in the hospital, reading "Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom".
She said she found it comforting.
I picked up a copy after she passed away.

That was ten years ago.

This Sunday, Nov. 1st, is All Saints Day and I'll be paying my respects to a Shreveport Saint, Sister Margaret McCaffrey.

Sunday November 8th is the date set for this year's Poor Man Supper and Christian Service — the organization that Sister Margaret founded to help the poor — will recognize Dr. Robert Jackson and the Martin Luther King Health Center (Shreveport, Louisiana's first free clinic and pharmacy which was opened in 1985 by Dr. Jackson & Sister Margaret) with its Sister Margaret McCaffrey Award.

The supper will be held at 6pm @ The First United Methodist Church on Texas Street, in Shreveport.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009 

Current mood:  tired
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
 Wednesday, August 19, 2009  11:am:
    Howling Henry Robinson woke me up this morning at 10:am…he knows better. I had just got to bed this morning at 6:am. He called to tell me to check call-time today. His is 7:pm., mine is 6:pm. Henry and I play music together sometimes, with him on harmonica, me on the starvation box and he asked me if I was going to bring a guitar. He wanted to jam during downtime between scenes. “Henry, there’s no place for me to keep a guitar while we’re shooting,” I said… Henry can just stash a couple of harps in his bag and he’s good to go. I told him I would see him there… and now I was up and awake…awake and tired, y’all…and I can’t go back to sleep. So, in keeping with my plan, I’ll give the highlights of my experiences yesterday/this morning. First let me say that there may have been a little naiveté on my part to think that I could just block out everything that was going on around me to hammer out script ideas. What I did, however was make a lot of notes and meet a lot of folks who may help me bring these ideas to fruition including lighting and special effects people. Here’s how it went down: Day One of Straw Dogs I was afraid the production might be cancelled due to rain, but it stopped in the nick of time and left the air thick with a hot muggy humidity that felt something akin to sitting inside of a dog’s mouth. Mosquitoes love this kind of weather. That’s okay, I brought Cutters. I was running late for the 6:30 call (I forgot the Jimmy Davis bridge was closed.) but Glorioso Casting seemed to factor all of that in. It was 7:pm and all the extras were still in the south parking lot of the Century Tel Arena awaiting further instructions. I had meant to get something to eat before heading out, but because I was running late I forgot. The guy parked next to me wolfing down a burger acutely reminded me of this. As I was being guided to the next shuttle leaving for the Parkway High School location I ran into my old buddy, Bryan. A couple of years ago when the movies first came to town, Bryan really wanted to get some work being an extra. Now he was an old hand at it. This was my first experience for a movie, although I had played the part of Olivia Newton-John’s guitarist for the television series, “Sordid Lives”. Bryan and I took the shuttle together and I told him about my idea to knock out this no-budget movie. I also turned him on to Robert Rodriguez’s book, “Rebel Without A Crew”. After arriving we went through line to register for the day’s shoot. Bryan and I parted ways, since he hadn’t really been called in, but was taking a chance that there would be enough no-shows to qualify him to work. The sign-in area was set in the gymnasium and the line went briskly. The next line was for wardrobe. I knew my friend Aimee was working in that department and I’d probably see her there. It was soooo hot and humid. That pretty much settled it for me. If I’m going to do the majority of everything on my film, I’m going to shoot in late autumn, say end of October, November, Decemberish. I fold in the heat. As I stood in line, a production assistant said that it may take a little time and that food was being served further down in what appeared to be a quadrangle, so that’s where I headed. You never know when it might be your last chance to grab a bite, and as I said, I had forgotten to eat before I got there. I was one of the first to go through the multiple tables of food. It was hot dogs, burgers, beans, potato salad and melons, with various things to drink…no coffee though. I chowed down as head-banging music wafted through the hot sticky humid air. I took a Prilosec to be on the safe side. When I got to where wardrobe was set up, in what appeared to be the school’s cafeteria, I did, in fact run into Aimee and she was very busy. I was quickly assigned two t-shirts…one for the Bengals and one for the Mudbugs. I would be playing multiple parts as fans of both teams. That was cool…I had the range. From wardrobe we were directed to a tent with tables and chairs to wait for further instructions, which came shortly after. Bryan was there…he was in! The first scene was a tailgate party, complete with vendors serving chicken and catfish, and a huge bonfire. If I had known about the catfish I might have passed on the hotdogs. FYI, we did NOT go hungry on this shoot. I ran into two old buds, Lee and Neecee and we pretty much hung together throughout the night. Our first roles were as fans of the Bengals, wearing orange and black. This group would later be called the orange group. After a couple of takes, some folks from casting approached us and asked if we would like four more dates as extras. I signed up. After about 10 takes in this location we moved to the stadium and became Mudbug fans, AKA the blues…and for the next couple of hours we camped on the bleachers at the 40 yard line reacting to football skirmishes until midnight and then 12:30am…LUNCH. We left the stadium to go back to the quadrangle for baked chicken or pork chops with Caesar Salad, slaw, mixed vegetables and desserts of German chocolate cake and banana pudding. I didn’t need to eat again, but I did. Lunch was about thirty minutes and then it was back to stadium for an enormous amount of different takes of us cheering on the football teams. Folks were beginning to get a little punchy and cranky around 3 in the morning. This went on until about 4:30am and by then I was beat. There was not a lot of scriptwriting being done on my part. This may not have been the strongest part of my plan. At the wrap of the shoot everyone sort of zombie walked back to a prop area to return signs and banners and/or to wardrobe to return clothing and then entered a laborious line to have paperwork turned in and signed-off. A few minutes later I crammed into a shuttle with a group of girls who apparently were the cheerleaders…no one was cheering. We were tired pups. We were then dropped off at our parked vehicles. I finally got home about 5:30am and quasi-drifted to sleep around 6ish. Tonight we’ll go back and do it again…
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 

Current mood:  creative
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
My Film Diary...Tonight I start a 3-night stint working as an extra on the re-make of STRAW DOGS by Rod Lurie, in Bossier City. I just finished reading Robert Rodriguez’s “Rebel Without A Crew” at about 4:am this morning, which is partly why I’m starting up this diary.

Last year I had decided to make a “no-budget” film to take advantage of the movie making that has been pouring through North Louisiana lately. I’m not sure what that advantage is, other than the local recognition and acceptance that, yes, a film can be made in North Louisiana, and that maybe it could catch the eye of someone who might be able to help me get the movie out there, once it is completed.

My idea was to use gear that I already own to create my film: two Canon GL2 video cameras, 3 lights, an assortment of wireless and hand held microphones and a Zoom digital audio recorder for redundant audio. I bought the gear right before I left my job at a local cable station (where I had worked for 21 years) which also included a digital video editing system called “The Kron” that immediately became obsolete the moment I bought it.

The film is “PLAN X FROM BEYOND” and is homage to the old no-budget sci-fi movies from the 50s. The germ of the idea came from a film I saw called “Lost Skeleton of Cadavra” which was shot on video and bumped up to film. The idea had been kicking around in my head for about a year and then one night my wife and I went to see a big screen showing of the movie “Plan 9 From Outer Space”…That night I decided on the title of my film and began working on script ideas.

My thinking was that this would be no-budget because I didn’t have any money, but I did have gear and creativity on my side. I also thought that I would shoot it with no real time schedule…just here and there as the winds and ways would allow. That has turned out not to be such a good idea.

I did some preliminary shooting at Big D’s Bar B Q of the opening dance party sequence (which subsequently got shut down by the police) but lost my wind, when my 2 main characters, my daughter and my son, left town to go back to college.

Since then I haven’t really picked up the cameras again.

Other ideas have wafted through my head for possible no-budget movies:



A period piece called “The Cross Lake Monster” based on a true story…



A movie about a couple of would be blues guys and their misadventures on the road to obscurity….



A film about an older guy in his mid fifties, trying to start a career as a singer/songwriter…



And the adventures of an out of work super hero with no real super powers trying to get back on top of his game…



These have all been “just ideas” with little to no development going on…a few false starts of scripts that have been lost to time.

Of course, my inner critic keeps yelling at me, “This is stupid! You’re almost 54 years old! This is a young man’s game! You’re just spinning your wheels.”



Then I read Rodriguez’s book and it inspired me again.



It inspired me not only to move forward on making my own no-budget movie, but it also inspired me to do it all myself and with a quick turn-around time to complete it.

I need a deadline, folks...



So for the next three nights I’ll be an extra on someone else’s movie and I’ll use my time developing and writing my script. At this moment, I’m not sure what it will be.



I’m making a list of things to carry with me in a small back pack.



Pens

Pads

Gum

Deck of cards

Business cards (in case I meet some folks who may be good to have in my movie)

Rodriguez’s book.



It’s beginning to rain…hope the production is still on for tonight.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 

Current mood:  validated
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
I left Tipitina's Foundation back in March to become a full-time musician. What was I thinking?
This:
If I could manage to increase my monthly gigs I could theoretically make more money performing music than working at my previous day job. This month I hit the sweet spot, i.e. I have officially surpassed what I would be making if I had stayed on with the foundation...and looking at my calendar I will hit the sweet spot again next month.
This is all possible because:
A) I have a very understanding wife.
B) Now I am able to take on gigs at unorthodox times during the day or night and sometimes both. 

It is not the easiest work.
Each job is a compilation of finding the gig, getting the gig, setting up for the gig, playing the gig, tearing down after the gig and if everything goes right, being able to get the gig again. And this process is ongoing. No, it isn't easy, but if it were, everybody would be doing it.

At the moment I am doing most of my own booking and juggling solo performances with two different duos and at least three different bands. There are also the "out of the blue" gigs that are always satisfying. 'Frinstance, I just went in and cut a commercial, doing all the music (guitar, harmonica, vocals AND my 1929 National Triolian) as well as the voiceover. I haven't done this kind of work in several years but I guess, like riding a bicycle, you never forget how once you've done it for a while.

Mind you, so far all of the work I've been doing has been local. I've taken a couple of jobs in East Texas and there are a couple that have been a few miles outside of the city limits. I haven't really gone on the road yet, which is sorta on my to do list.

I was just reading a short blog by Seth Godin, "Priming The Pump of Efficiency" (Seth Godin's Blog ) and it talks about the lag time of becoming efficient once you've changed the way you do things. That got me thinking about my lag time in getting to this place, the sweet spot, but here I am.

So this is a follow-up report to my last installment for those of you that may be interested. From time to time I'll try to write an account of my trials, tribulations and preferably successes as I continue to pursue "The Sweet Spot". 

Saturday, April 11, 2009 

Current mood:  adventurous
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
(Long Article Alert)



If you've read anything I've written, you're aware that I'm not much of a word smith...and I've been struggling to find a way to explain to people why I left Tipitina's after four years...usually right after they ask me why I left Tipitinas. Well, for one thing, it was time. It was four years...a good four years in which a good program for local musicians was implemented and successful to boot...Ronny Cates is now heading up that venture and I can't think of anyone more qualified.

I had never worked in the non-profit sector before and it was a great experience. The musicians and digital artists who became part and parcel of that experience taught me more than they thought I taught them and they were, in a way, responsible for my paradigm shift...

One purpose of the Co-Op is to provide musicians with the tools to make the next leap forward in their music business. I had first hand access to those tools and I began thinking, "Why am I not taking advantage of those resources and taking that next leap?"

Then two other things happened. I attended the International Folk Alliance in Memphis, thanks to the Shreveport/Bossier Convention & Tourist Bureau
and met a lot of folks who are living as musicians AND I read the following blog by Lee Stranahan, a guy I have had long term respect for.

Here it is:


"Yesterday afternoon, I signed some papers, turned in my badge and walked out of the job that I’ve been working at for five years. I wasn’t fired or laid off. In the middle of a huge economic crisis and big unemployment numbers, I left of my own free will. I walked away from a steady paycheck, benefits and health insurance…and I walked away smiling.
People’s reactions generally fell into two methods of showing concern for my welfare. Some people showed a mixture of concern and an odd sort of pity at the horrible and possibly insane decision I was making. Others looked me in the eye and told me they weren’t worried and that they knew I’d do great things. Both of these reactions came from people who cared about me but they show the single biggest factor in deciding to make a living without a job.
Fear.
If you can overcome your fear by thinking through your options and coming up with a workable plan, you can overcome your fear and leave your job.
I wasn’t afraid today when I walked out of the the building but I sure have been afraid. I was in fear that I’d be laid off or worse, that my hours would be cut or that everyone in the company would be required to take a few extra weeks off without pay. I’d seen it happen and I was barely making it, living week to week and paycheck to paycheck. I was afraid of blogging the wrong thing and losing my job because of something I said. I was afraid to do much to try and get outside work to increase my income and I was afraid to make waves or ask for more money.
I walked out on fear today. I got tired of the illusion of security and of trying to tell myself that my job was somehow going to work out any better for me in the future. It wasn’t. Simple math and common sense told me that I wasn’t making enough to pay my bills or that the work wasn’t going to become satisfying. So, I quit.
I quit fear…that’s what I gave up."







This blog lead me to read his other postings:





"29 Dec, 2008
Shifting To A Make Money Mindset
Posted by: Lee In: Success
In the five years that I’ve had a full time 8-4 job, part of my brain has melted away. When I was freelance for the prior fifteen years or so, I constantly had MAKE SOME MONEY thoughts rolling around in the back of my head. I had to or I wouldn’t have eaten.
Now that I get a check every Thursday, those brain cells are dead. I know money is coming is in and even though it’s not enough to pay my bills, really, that false sense of security envelopes me in a nice warm cocoon of stupid so I don’t have to have income ideas percolating. Now I think about all sorts of stuff - art projects, things I can write, film ideas - but making money isn’t a constant.
If ever there was a reason to not have a job, this is it.
It really does lull you into the self sustaining myth that having a job solves some problems. In my case, it’s caused more problems than it solved if I stop to think about it. I’ve gotten further in debt because my false security said taking on more debt would work out okay since I have a job. It’s cost me income. It’s hurt my brain.
So I’m having to kickstart my brain and literally force myself to try and get the freelance attitude back, even though I’m still at my day job right now. I try to trick myself into thinking that no more paychecks are coming When I have an idea that could generate income, I jump on it and try to take some action on it right away to create a little momentum for myself.
What do you do to keep your brain generating income producing ideas for you?

04 Jan, 2009
Who Will Make The Fries?
Posted by: Lee In: For Artists| Success
Be ever vigilant..
Pretend you’re a guitar player but for your day job you work at a fast food joint. One night, the Biggest Band In The World sees you at a gig. Afterwards, they pull you aside…a one night contract in hand…
“Dude, we want you to open for us tomorrow night at Madison Square Garden!”
It’s the best news of your entire life. It’s your big break. You go back to work at the fast food place expecting high fives and congratulations. Instead, you get pulled into the manager’s office.
Dude, you’re on the schedule for tomorrow night. This is your job, cancel that guitar thing. Otherwise, who will make the fries?
This is why a job - especially the wrong job - is deadly to creative people. Your fellow employees often could care less that you have a big break. In fact, the idea pisses them off. They don’t want to see you on the cover ofThe Rolling Stone or featured on Pitchfork while they are still going home smelling like burger grease for minimum wage. They don’t want to hear about your good fortune because all your dreams mean to them is that they have to work the fry machine for a night.
Maybe it’s your job where people feel this way. Or maybe it’s your family. Or maybe your friends. It really sucks but you can’t let people hold you back. They will if you let them.
At the first signs of this attitude, do what Freddie Mercury says…
Spread your little wings and fly away."





finally...
Lee suggested a click on this link:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/12/how-to-make-lots-of-money-during-a-recession/








so...that's pretty much it.

I figure that within the next 6 months, I can make more money doing my music related activities than I can working my former day job...and in the long run, a whole lot more,...

In other words, proving the Co-Op program is viable.

I feel empowered.

I've got a woman who is supportive and has pointed me in a direction that I could not have imagined for myself.

I am a working singer/songwriter/musician...and yet when I meet someone at Brookshires and they ask me what I'm doing now... I can see that they think that they are staring at someone who may be mad.



To quote Leonard Cohen last Friday night:

"I'm just a crazy kid with a dream,"
Sunday, February 08, 2009 

Current mood:  happy
Category: Music

Click here to buy my CD.

Here is a first review for DAN GARNER IV by Karl Hasten:

DAN GARNER 1V
“IV” kicks off with the neo-punk urgency of “Wild” and ends with a complete three-sixty on the sweet acoustic coda of “Calling of Your Heart.”
In between, Garner has crafted his most consistent and cohesive body of work rocking through a number of style-checks from such icons as Bowie, Alvin Lee and, dare I say, Nick Drake. There is even an understated homage to psychedelia – on the appropriately titled, “Something Strange.”
As always Garner liberally deploys his secret weapon, the virtuosic guitarist Mark Griffith who here flows fluidly from searing to plaintive with the blink of an eye. Griffith lets a “Jean Genie” riff out of the bottle on the rocking “In Love, On Fire, Not Ashamed” and lets his guitar gently weep along with the singer on “Happy Birthday To Me”. The latter song is a lament to loneliness that is tight, country blues perfection.
Though Garner never sounds LIKE any one particular artist, he deftly sprinkles subtle musical references throughout the CD’s ten impressive cuts. Rock is the dominant language here with a vibrant energy percolating in many of the pieces, yet the folk/blues/roots undercurrents are shaded in with an artist’s touch.
Most recording artists have a defining moment where all their influences and experience and daring coalesce into a masterwork that catapults them to another level - arguably “Rubber Soul” for The Beatles, “Highway 61 Revisited” for Dylan, and so on. In my humble opinion this one shows Garner has the legs to go the distance. “IV” is a X.





Click here to buy my CD.
Thursday, February 05, 2009 

Current mood:  nerdy
Category: Web, HTML, Tech
...but my daughter says it's been around for awhile.

Dan%20Garner
Quantcast

http://www.reverbnation.com/dangarner
I found it as an application on facebook. I don't get facebook and I don't think I will anytime too soon, but I DO like this player and the ease of being able to add music AND videos into one neat pile that is easily accessible. I don't know how many songs I can add, but so far, it's a lot more than myspace. Six of the songs from my new CD, "DAN GARNER IV" are loaded with 1 song, "Happy Birthday To Me" available for free download. I also have "25 Things" available as a free download. I'd love to hear feed back on what you think of this "new" player and also what you think of the tunes.
So here's what I'm doing:
I'm twittering a link to this myspace blog which links to facebook player, ReverbNation, which also shows videos hosted by youtube of some "LIVE" performances at the MUNICIPAL AUDITORIUM in Shreveport, LA (GOOGLE it) whew!!

If this ain't an experiment in social-network marketing, I don't know what is!!
Saturday, January 31, 2009 

Current mood:  jubilant
Category: Music
DAN GARNER IV now available...Featuring HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME


Click here to buy my CD.


Click here to buy my CD.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 

Current mood:Solemn
Category: Friends
An article in today's Shreveport Times, by John Andrew Prime (Many thanks, John):

Charles Graves, a founder of the storied and stylistic Shreveport-born singing group the Ever Ready Gospel Singers, has died at age 89.


Graves died Saturday, according to friend and producer Dan Garner, a Shreveport musician and music historian.

The group, which under Garner's tutelage in 1999 released the CD "Union of the World," accomplished much under Graves, he said.

"The fact they continued to work together for 60 years was important. And in that time, they crossed a lot of hurdles," Garner said. "They were the first black group to perform on KWKH Radio, the first to perform at the Louisiana State Fair, the first on local TV. But, most important, they preserved a unique style of gospel music."

They were the last practitioners of their brand of gospel music, he said, noting the style, called Southland gospel, is characterized by blended four-part harmonies, a cappella performances at times and drawing from music dating to the 1800s.

The quartet was one of the first black groups to perform at Municipal Auditorium and to appear on television in Shreveport, which cemented a place for it in the city's social and musical history.

The group dates from 1944, when Graves, of Waco, Texas, and Elbert Green, of Menifee, Ark., met while serving at Barksdale Field. They joined with other servicemen to form the group The Barksdale Melody Singers.

"After they were discharged, Graves and Green remained in Shreveport, where they decided to form another singing group, which tapped into the talents of area vocalists," the group's Web site states.

The nascent band was helped by Shreveporter Willie Caston, who in 1946 gave the band its final name and started it on a series of regional touring, recording and radio performances.

The band's first recording contract was signed in 1954, with Abbott Records out of Hollywood, Calif., which led to the release of the tunes "I Claim Jesus (First)" and "When the Moon Goes Down (In The Valley Of Time)." Its second release, on the Shaw label out of Houston in 1957, included "Jesus, I Love To Call Your Name" and "One Of These Mornings."

Later releases were on the Duke, Peacock and Sitting In labels.

Caston died in 1977, but the core of the band — Graves as second tenor, Green as bass, Fortune Stephenson as baritone and Frank Edwards as first tenor, continued.

In recent years, the group worked with legendary gospel singer the Rev. Eddie Giles, once of the Jive Five, and with the late Ron Capone, a Grammy Award-winning sound engineer.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008 

Current mood:Solemn
Category: Friends
Services will be this Saturday, 11:am at Pleasant Hill Baptist Church in Shreveport, Louisiana.


The guys in the group called him "Cholly Boy".

He was a co-founder of The Ever Ready Gospel Singers over 60 years ago and was their music director, as well. He was the tenor voice on all those great recordings from Duke/Peacock and Sitting In With Records, not to mention Hollywood Records. I had the honor of working with him in the mid-90s on a project designed to document the music of The Ever Ready Gospel Singers.
Back when I worked in TV, Bro. Graves would sometimes drop by to visit with me. I always had a guitar in the corner of my office and I remember once, Bro. Graves picked it up and began playing some back porch slide on it. I was stunned.
He told me, that as a boy, his father took him to the Juneteenth picnic in Comanche, Texas, where he was hoisted on his dad's shoulders to see Blind Lemon Jefferson performing "Shaggy Dog Blues" on top of a picnic table.

I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago about coming out to meet with some folks at The Municipal Auditorium. He said he didn't think he could make it. I was unaware that he had been hospitalized weeks earlier with congestive heart failure.

The Ever Ready Gospel Singers were the first African/American group to perform on KWKH Radio and KTBS Television, as well as the stages of The Municipal Auditorium and The Louisiana State Fair. They seemed to be able to effortlessly cross over any hurdle placed before them.

Cholly Boy, looks like you've just crossed over another one.

Thanks for being a friend and for being a part of my life.