I dont understand why things cant be easy like they were. I just dont understand why everyone cant be friends... i thought that you of all people would maybe be happy for me but idk. I just dont understand how everythign in life has to be so difficult. Like love... falling in love should be the hard part, not every day after that. Im so tired of it being so difficult to be with the people i love. How i have to choose my words carefully so as not to set people off. Another hard thing is getting a job. I just need some money. Isnt this supposed to be the land of opportunity? i guess weve lost sight of that as americans. I just want a minimum wage job and i cant find one anywhere. That and i really seriously need a car. Ive accepted the fact that my car will be sold or ill never get it so i guess i have to start looking for a car so i can look fro jobs further away the only problem is that in order to get a gods forsaken car i need money. why is my life one giant catch twenty two? why cant things just be easy...

..> ..>

starting off 2008

I know that new years is gone but i think this is a time for me to reflect on everythign thats happened in 2007. Needless to say but tons has changed not just me but other people have too. Even though New years is another date on the calender for some reason people give it some sort of unearned specialness. It gives people a large amount of hope that they can change their lives all because the people who invented the modern day calender deemed it a new year. But does anythign really change? do people change? i dont know but im startign to believe that people do in fact change. however the situations themselves never change. An explosion may happen but after the dust settles everyone picks up the pieces and searches for the familiar and eventually...everythign goes back to exactly the way it was before. I am going to try my hardest to never let that happen to me. and that in a weird sense is my new years resolution. now you may be thinking, this girl is crazy, what is she talking about? and hats fine, this all makes sense in my head so if you dont quite understand i forgive you lol. Anyways, alot has obviously happened to me as ive mentioned and if you know me at all or youve talked to me you probably know most if not all of it. People have come into my left just as people have come out of it and sure its hard but i would never change any of it. ever. The people that left all chose to leave and that was their decision and however i may have felt about ti at the time that is how i feel now. Now, that doesnt in the slightest mean that i forgive anyone it just means that i repect their decision. Some of them had good reasons, others didnt. If they were to read this they probably would just scoff at this whole paragraph and think " this is all bs" and thats ok, youre entitled to your opinion and no one can take that away from you but this is really how i feel ( not to sound like... a typical emo kid blogger lol) but yeah. I would never ever take back the people who left me in the sense that i would go back in time to stop it because then i may never have been so close to the people im close with now. I have great friends who are always there for me no matter what and a wonderful boyfriend whom i love very very much. I would never trade them for one less heartache. ever. ( i just noticed my typing errors scattered throughout but am far too lazy to change them so excuse me for that) Highschool is one giant play and every highschooler has their roles to fill i guess. Im just excited that my act in it will finally come to a close in 6 months and i wont have to deal with it anymore. Unfortunatley as many friends as 2008 has brought and will bring im distressed to think of how many wonderful people ill lose when i go away to college   especially the ones closest to me. I may be a helpless romantic but im not nieve. Howeveer much i would like to say that me and aj will last through college i dont want to plan for that because making plans are like naming a frog youre about to kill and disect. it brings heartache when you see their brains dashed out.  wow, was that graphic... haha errr anyways, yes. long story short i love my friends. i love my boyfriend. i dont want to lose any of you.anyways i think its time that i wrap this up. much love to everyone and i hope you all find youre own little piece of peace haha. yours truly, amanda

Well guys, its been tough. lets just say that ok. And im sorry but i need to share somethign with you guys. I have lost all faith in the internet and society. So...im goign trhough a pretty tough time right now and (please dont show me any sort of sympathy or whatever i just need to get this off my chest) and ive been ..very depressed because of it. So i decided since i really cant talk to any serious adults anymore id go online and try and sort things out. have you ever tried typing in "help for teens" or "teen help" in to google? all that comes up is "parents how to control probelm teens" and "special schools for troubled teens" not only does this completley not help me in any way...its even more discouraging. I try and get help and all it tells me is that the top suggestions or helping teens is shipping them away and"straightening them out". do these parents ever...EVER...think for one second that it may be their fault their child is depressed? that by taking everythgn their child loved away from them is driving them closer and closer to insanity? All i was lookign for was a possibble place where i oculd get advice. real advice. somewhere i could figure things out. but no. All i get is how parents can "deal" with their children. how is that right? explain that to me. what is right about shipping your kid off somewhere else insteadf of being a real parent. a cargn loving supportive parent. What has happened to parentign today? is it all just one big lie? Have parents lost sight of what it really means to be  a parent? a parent should be someone who loves their children unconditionally, and would never call them nasty names and will always forgive them no matter what they do. I am not a child...i dont appreciate being treated like one...but apparantly it only takes one day to turn into an adult because until the day im 18 i will apparantly be a child. It makes no sense. What did i do wrong. What did i do to deserve this. no one else i knwo has to go through any of this . They just slide through highschool with theri perfect little relationships...they dont have to deal with any of this. and then theres me. I dont drink, i dont smoke, i dont do drugs, i dont have sex. Im a fuckign saint compared to everyone else. I try and do one thing and im called a slut and a whore by my own mother. I just...i dont understand. not in the least. Three quarters of my class has gotten drunk at least once. Half of them have TRIED to get drunk on more than one occasion. then theyll goout driving. The other half does drugs, or has smoked pot at least once. IVE NEVER EVEN SMOKED A CIGARETTE. I am tired of gettign punished. arent you supposed to get rewarded when youre good? why cant just one thing...ONE THING be easy... i just dont understand.

Hello again,

This week is boiling down to being very lame. Not only will my mom not let me go to project revolution, but im working every day except thursday and friday. The highlight is hat AJ is finally coming home on friday. That should be exciting. Although i really would like to see Haloween. Hm, maybe ill catch it earlier int he morning before aj gets back. I think i may. Anywho For any of you out there who play video games listen closley, especially if youre attracted to Horror/Survival games. If youve ever browsed the rows ofvideo games at your local game store and wandered upon the game Rule of Rose i warn you and advise you to find another game. Rule of rose is a very disturbing horror survival game that is in fact banned in a few countries. It is the tale of a girl who seems abotu 19 who is lured off a bus by a creepy little boy who leads her to a mansion. Inside themansion are numerous creepy children who slam doors in your face and torment you in numerous ways. After being buried alive (for a month) you suddenly show up on an air ship thts floating over the ocean. Why youre there, I dont know yet, i haven finished the game but all the same, you are introduced to a masochistic group of young girls who call themselves the red crayon aristocrats. They physically and entally abuse you rubbing a rat on a stick in your face and placing you on the bottom of their hierarchy. There are two adults on this airship. A creepy man who looks like a gardener and a maid. the maid is killed off fairly quickly. She is dragged up the stairs by these deformed child type creatures with brooms, beaten to death with the brooms then her dead body is shoved underneath a bed nd contorted in horrifying ways. Now that ive told you all how frightening it is i will explain to you how lame it is. The game play is terribble. The main character, Jennifer, is weak and a very unskilled fighter. You cant aim her to attack these creatures that are basically eating you and the first two weapons you have are basically butterknives. The first boss battle, which is a school master who is tied up by chains and looks like hes dead brandishes his baton at you and never ceases in swiping at you, which makes the battle almost impossibble to win.Then when he hits you you take about five minutes to stand up and hes hitting ou all this time, so you can basically do nothing. Its ridiculous for the first boss of the whole game. I am still waiting for this game to redeem itself but if i were you id save that 30 dollars and buy yourself a gamecube because this game is not nearly worth it. Anyways i need to go eat lunch before going to work so ill catch you all on the flipside. Ciao babes.

yours truly,

Amanda

Dear Bloggers,

Its me again, your (newly) faithful blog writer. I need a good pen name. I think that if i want more people other than my close personal friends i need something catchy and dazzeling. Today im going to go into nerd mode and talk about the E3 convention...or E for All as it is being called this year. I desperatley wish to go but im a bit wary about the death of E3 as we knew it. Will it still be as good as the E3 that ive coem to love watchign every year? Or will it be some less than desireableknock off that leaves everyone interested in video games hanging? I will ponder this fact. If any of you bloggers out there have the answers then tell me.

 

Onto my next topic of discussion. Seniour year. Yup its just around the corner. Raise your hand if youre excited! *raises hand* Tomorrow i get to go pick up my driving ticket and all that jazz. I cant believe im finally going to graduate in litttle less than a year. Its like...ive gone to school every day of my life since i was 6. Now it seems almost a litle bit surreal that im not going to be doing that anymore after this year. I'll go from little to no freedom to a rush or unbridled on your own freedom when i go to college seems like it will be a bi weird and overwhelming.I dont know. Either way its super duper exciting! anyways Im gonna go and...do something. Haha. Catch you all on the flipside!

Your ever faithful Blogger,

( name to be decided) AKA amanda

The mall is the best place to people watch. One day i was walkign back to work from my break and i witnessed a girl breaking up with her boyfriend. it was quite dramatic. he got all moody. and emo. Today i saw the same girl, with another boy. i laughed to myself. it was quite fascinating. On another note boys irritate the hell out of me and then they make me not mad again...and it makes me even more angry beause i give in way too easily. blah.

That is my new goal. hello blogging world!  wonder if anyone other than my friends will actually read this oh well. my first topic of conversation. I am nocturnal. how i discovered this? Im always tired during the way and awake at night. yeah, pretty simple right. ok next topic of conversation. Has anyone seen the movie stardust? I did! it was fantastic. anyone who would fancy seeing Robert Deniro dressed in drag dancing to the can can song will truly love this film. Anyways it is filled with corny fantasy romance and the like with witches, romances, epiphonies in the matters of love and 7 dimwitted princes all killing eachother off for a chance at the throne. quite good if you ask me.

I figured it was high time that i post a blog. Usually i only post blogs when im in a horrid mood. tonight im so-so. I was quite angry today. Im growign weary of my parents treating me like im a small-ish child. I sound like a whiny teenager but i should be able to do things. im 17. I dont need to be dragged places i dont want to go by my family. oh well. Well if there is one thign i can say its that my view on boys hasnt changed much. theyll always be ridiculous. Fortunatley ive found one thats a bit less ridiculous than the rest : ) He makes me quite happy. I really do owe him my sanity lol. After what happened he did a bit of picking me up and dusting me off as it were. At any rate he can still annoy the hell out of me but i dont love him any less for it...that will be my downfall. lol. now hell never stop tryign to annoy me! well anywho im tired of thinking of things to put in this bit of space...no one even reads this anyways lol.

I am so mad right now i just dont even know what to do. my fuckign mother dosnt care abotu anythign i want. ever. all i wanted to do was go see harry potter tomorrow and it is very very important to me. and she wont let me go because of summer school. I HATE MY LIFE and i hate mrs mons because this is ultimatley her fault and i hate parents who dont even care that youve been waiting a whole year to see this movie. i died a little bit inside when she told me no. its just not fucking fair. not at all. and i casnt do anythign abotu it because im a kid apparantly. i cant wait to move the fuck out.

haha, odd title but yeah i did dance on a chair for about tenseconds afore jumping off. that made me sound a little sketchy but i was nto the only one i swear lol. anywho prom for the most part went without a glitch. I am happy to say there was no major drama during the dance itself but afterwords there was a bit of an iffy spell with some of my friends. oh well, i wasnt there, its nto important. There were no tears shed by any of my friends which is a first and i danced all night long. The only real problem was that my stomach started to hate me about twenty minutes into the dance so it was a bother but i got over it. Dennys after the dance was spectacular haha. Dennys in a prom dress is more fun than it sounds,as we were like the only people there, except for mary brother celia, some sketchy lady who kept giving us funny looks (she scared me she did) and a table of rather iffy looking guys. But yes and then we went to erins for a long night of scooping and bad movies. sorry jess thta movie was just...sad. but alladin was fun at 3 in the morning. anywho i will catch you all on the flipside!

 

-Amanda