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♥ Stray ♥

Savannah Mort


Last Updated: 11/18/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 19
Sign: Libra

City: O FALLON
State: Missouri
Country: US
Signup Date: 10/24/2005

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Monday, December 14, 2009 
Ugh... I was going to write a poem here, but it seems I no longer have the creative ability to do so. I cannot even type a word without second guessing it, and backspacing. I don't know what I want to say, or what I want to do, just that I really feel like writing this all down. Don't ask me what writing 'all' this down is, because I honestly don't know. I guess I just want to waste some time until I spend the rest of the morning doing myspace surveys.

I've been second guessing everything in my life. Everything, from what I want to eat to important things like relationships.

I feel like the world is spinning and I'm on some distant planet watching it, wondering when it will ever change. But it never does.

Everything stays the same. I still have a mother who constantly has no money and pretty much forces me to give her what ever amount she needs-- even if that means putting me into debt.

I still have a jealous rage to everyone I know-  especially this time of year when I'm suppose to be enjoying others company, but all I can think about it is how I wanted what I know that person got.

I guess I'm always going to have to deal with being envious of people, although I do admit that I'm not as envious as I use to be of some people, it just makes me want to be more envious of others.

I've always wanted to do one of things where you have so many friends that you want to say something too, but you don't put their name, you just give a number and put something like "you've always been the best person in the world to me" and blah blah blah,  but I realized I only want to do that with people I have issues with, because I'm too scared if I actually tell that person that they won't want to talk to me instead of just getting mad.

I'm having.... trouble with getting certain people gifts this year. I decided that I wanted to get quite a lot of people gifts, and I can't help but regret it because I never want to go shopping. But since I started to already get people gifts, I can't just stop, or everyone else around that person would be pretty sad. One of my biggest problems, is that I think really hard on about a gift, before I'm like "What's the use, it's not like anyone's going to care that I got this for them, just that they got it. Or that I even put thought into it at all."

I suppose that sounds pretty selfish, which I guess I am, but I really do try not to be. It's just something that I just try to hide. So if you get a gift this year, just remember to hate it after I'm gone, okay?

It's cold, everywhere I go is cold, it's like my  body is telling me how much of a cold person I am, yet all I can think about while I'm freezing is that. "I'd rather be cold than hot any day."

It's also really hard to shop for some gift for Steph when she's the only one who ever gives me rides anywhere.

Oh How I really need a car....
12:31 PM 
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