~Smoked out with Leo, Biggie Tarantino
 Size like a sumo, Frank White numero uno~

Notorious B.I.G.
 Ayo, somebody just asked me to cop them a bootleg of NOTORIOUS, which comes out this weekend.
To anyone that is thinking the same:
Go out and see the doggone flick, mang!
GEEZ!!!

-'nuff said

BIG UP BIGGIE AND THE PLANET BROOKLYN, SON...E'ryday, all day

Numero Uno's where I rank you,
Lord Knows that I'm thankful...

Boom! So a bruh got a little shook up. Can't recall ever having that feeling, man.
That feeling that makes you reflect on the ish that you've done or the ish that has transpired in your life.

It is said that right before you cross over to the next plain you see your life flash before you in a split secind. That's a heckuva rewind/fast-forward mechanism, isn't it?i guess as this life is about to end, a few secs can seem an eternity.

Well, I know one thing is for sure. It'll mos def. make you appreciate life, eh? Especially as it is not far from the end. So, i ramble.

I just had a close call. The closest call. That I can recall. in recent, or my entire history. Had close calls. Was in a robbery when I was about 8 or 9. Gun in my face and the whole nine. In the bodega around the way, up in the Vernonville. I was too young to really get what had just occurred. And after the fact, it made for a cool story. "Yoooo, we were in the bodega on a Saturday night 'cause Mom wanted some Winston's (or Parliament in the boxes - one of those...Ooooh, or maybe VANTAGE - I STILL remember that bullseye logo - Hahahaha) and I wanted some cheez doodles, so I'm looking for my doodles and then I turn around and Leigh (my brother) is on the floor and I say 'oooh, you better get off the floor, 'cause you gonna dirty your jacket and moms is gonna be..." CLICKA

I look up and there's a gun (in retrospect, prolly a .38, I think) dead center on my face. My brother yells at me to drop down and I drop with the quickness. The robbers got some money and bounced and then we got outta there. I can't recall if we wound up getting the cigs or my puffs, but I do remember thinking that would'a made Mom mad if I got shot over my cheez doodles. LOL

So, fast forward a few decades and i'm loading the youngest in the car so I open the passenger side door and let them in, and round the car so that I can buckle the youngest in. I ALWAYS BUCKLE from that side, and I'm fine because I'm not double parked. I'm parked in a spot on the street,so I'm good. Traffic always is thick over there, but I'm good. My body is halfway inside of the car: torso being inside, my limbs standing outside, but leaning on the car.

Don't know why, but for some reason, i couldn't reach the buckle adjacent to the car seat, so I fell slightly and something made me straighten my legs out(side of the car) to balance myself. I was getting annoyed with my current predicament and next thing I know I was being silly and curled my legs upwards when...BAM!!!

FUT THE WUCK!!! (dyslexic cursing, for the uninformed)

I check to make sure the putty's are okay, and they are. WHY WAS SOMEONE DRIVING SO QUICKLY AND ERRATICALLY???

I then lean back and slide out of the car knowing that something hath just happened. I'm pissed because I just spent money and prepped the car for the winter and they even added in a free car wash, so I was feeling good about the car. I look out and see a parking mirror on the ground. Other fragments from some other car are on the ground.

I glance up the street and a Toyota Cressida has pulled over.Then, I peer down and see it.The door. My door. DAMMITALL!!! It's pretty banged up. The door is dented and bend semi-upwards. I attempt to close it and nada. It won't close. SH!T! U GOTTA BE KIDDING ME, MAN! I just serviced the car and now this!?! My health is the last thing on my mind. I'M PISSED!

I hurry up to the Cressida and notate the license plate in my phone. As I walk up next to the car, a young lady rolls down the window shaking and apologizing. I almost feel bad for her, but I'm too vexed. Doesn't she know that she almost F'd me up. She continues apologizing and I'm searching for something to say. Something fitting. Something to teach her a lesson. All I could muster was "was it worth it?"

Yeahhhhh...that got her right where I wanted her, dummy. You told her a thing or two. What a jackass! No, not her. ME. I couldn't see myself going off on someone that almost took me out. She apologized for her heavy foot and her terrible depth of perception. And on top of that, as we get to talking, she says "aren't you an actor...or comedian?"

WOWWWW!!!

Now I really can't be a d!ck to her. I never really get into any level of celebrity, when someone recognizes your work. DAMN! Although, it's not like I was gonna go off on her, she ensured me being friendly to her.

And even funnier than that, she tells me that she's a college student and was running late for a test...that she hadn't studied for. Well, at least someone benefited from this. And when I asked what she wanted to be when she grow up,and without hesitation, she says "A comedian". Amazing.

Maybe it was destiny that she almost killed me. T'was meant for us to meet.

Anyway, as we waited for the police, we spoke, but my mind wandered. And suddenly, the reality of what had just transpired hit me. I could'a wound up dead, man. And that ish made me a little NERVOUS. GOT KINDA SHOOK. If I had gotten dead, that would'a sucked. Would'a ruined my Thanksgiving. Actually, my entire holiday season would've been SHOT!

Glad it wasn't ended. Glad i didn't die. I said a long prayer and thanked God that I wound up leaning in and bending my lower half in such a way that when her car impacted, I wasn't sandwiched between hers and my vehicle.

I don't know man...I'm just hella-gratefuLL and thankfuLL. It made me realize how feeble and vulnerable our bodies are and how quickly it can all just change. It's given me greater perspective on how we take things for granted and don't appreciate the little beauty's in life and how petty we all can be. Makes you wanna

My life could've been a wrap and that's some serious ish. The car is F'd up...but I was able to get the door closed. Hell. Who cares??? if I needed to use duct tape to keep the door closed, I'd rather do that than have a nice, shiny new casket. I'm alive to close the door and that's a fothermuckin' BEAUTIFULL THING.

To any and everyone that has supported me or held me down or been in my corner or been a friend or acquaintance or anyone else that simply happens across this blog, I wish you ALL many blessings and much love as well as a SAFE and wonderfuLLfilled holiday season.

And the craziest part is I keep thinking that that probably would'a made Mom mad if I got deaded in a fatal car accident...WHILST PARKED!

~dust

This jawn laid me out.
I keep laughing. I can't help it. Ohhh man...that was good...it's funny because the csr has no idea fut the wuck is going on.
He's sooo friggin polite! That's what happens when you outsource the calls overseas or out of country.
How does he not know what is occurring? He actually uses the phoenetic alphabet to spell back his name (Ethan - even though when asked for his name, he says "Captain Neda"...which is from Ep.5, Empire...such a SW nerd, I am).
Hold up...but why does the CSR. get Ethan outta it.
And when he asks his name and u just hear breathing...OH MAN...THAT ISH IS FUNNY!
The dude finally realizes something is awry when he hears OBI WAN as his last name.
Non SWNerds may not find this as funny as me or other SWNerds...and in that case, as the title says, I FIND YOUR LACK OF FAITH DISTURBING!

"Speech is my hammer, bang the world into shape
Now let it fall... (Hungh!!)"
-THE MIGHTY MOS DEF

I woke up so amped and thought about how many people would notate on this particular date. I decided to go to the gym and automatically felt some extra curlage at either corner of my mouth. Keepin' it real: I WAS CHEEEZIN' ALL DAY. I mean, it were the biggest Kool Aid grin that anyone could see. Proud. Elated. Excited. Included. Amped. Hyped. I'm still floating.

Now, anyone that knows me personally, knows that me cheezing is nothing new. I live life and prefer smiling to frowning. My smile, once in a good mood, is usually infallible. Entering the CRUNCH, i saw two sisters talking and they looked at me and said good morning and I replied with "GREAT MORNING"and the CHEEZE, and they offered smiles and laughter as well. I wasn't gonna try'n be shy about how I felt about Barack Obama being elected the 44th President of the United States last night. Awww man! I'm beaming with pride.

Everyone in the locker room was abuzz regarding the historic moment. I felt so inspired that I knew my workout would be even more tenacious. I would be more determined to work out hard. Harder. Almost to muscle failure...but not quite - I'm told not to ;)
I turned on my ipod and began jumping rope and MOS DEF's "HIP HOP" began it's motivation of my rhythm.

"From the core to the perimeter black,
You know the motto
Stay fluid even in staccato"

Then as the song ended and shuffled to the next (I prefer the surprise of not knowing what'll help me push harder), Talib's "GET BY" comes on. Yooo, I'm so hyped, SON!
Everyone at the gym that knows me and walks past during my rest periods smiles at me and greets me w/ smiles and I in return CHEEZ and pump my double fisted, universal triumphant, "YES, WE DID IT" signal. Then MJ's "MAN IN THE MIRROR", then Jay-Z's "SUCCESS". I was sweating so hard.

And I realized why I was so motivated. So amped. So prompted to wanna do better. Be better. Work harder. A brotha' named Barack Obama just did what seemed virtually impossible to most people, especially Black people, such a short time ago. And the more I reflect on the sentiment, the sadder it seems. Because so many Black Boys grew up with a feeling that no matter what they did, achieved or accomplished, there were just some things beyond their reach.

I spoke with older cats today, specifically Black men and they all said the same thing.
"I never thought I'd see this happen...not in my lifetime". I reflected on how growing up I would see television shows and children would be told that they 'could one day be President' and I remember thinking, i can be a lot of things, but that was not one of them. It wasn't because of faulty programming on my parents part. It was just sort of an unspoken truth that was reinforced every time I was in school and saw a picture of Presidents dating back to 1789. All faces were white, and that was that. That's just how it was. And the ones who might've been fair towards people of color were covertly vilified or killed. Lincoln, Kennedy.

Lincoln is said to be one of the greatest Presidents in this country's history and how do we repay him? We put him on the penny. 'Wanna free those brown people, we're gonna put your face on the coin closest to their complexion'. Just ramblin', I guess.

Anyway, I thought of all who fought and died to get to this point. Names like King and X, Parks and Evers, Tubman, and Till. And of my Pops and everyone else close to me who's Black Fathers may not have believed this would happen anytime soon.

And I'll always remember the history occurring yesterday. And the beauty of the moment. Speaking to my mother and hearing an excitement that I've never heard her exude regarding an election. ANY ELECTION. An excitement which spilled out of the voting booths and into the streets. NY'ers can be miserable. We know that and for some odd reason, it's a source of pride to many of us. The unfazed exterior is a mask that proabably weighs down more than it helps. Yet yesterday, NY'ers (even more specifically BROOKLYNITES) were downright neighborly. Asking if they had voted. How did it go? How long was the wait? It was AWESOME!

So as the day passed and it became less likely that McCain would mathematically be able to win, skepticism became quiet hope which at 11pm EST., erupted into full on Celebration...ACROSS THE WORLD! The entire world suddenly had hope. A biracial (yet, honestly, perceived as a Black) man had won the highest position of power on the planet. And in that instant, children, and even more specifically young black boys were allowed a spot at the table. There is still prejudice and racism, but American's of all races, creeds and colors proved last night that the democratic process can be an effective tool for change and inspiration as well as one that is inclusive of all who reside here.

Mind you, this is but one day. We celebrate today, but the work lies ahead for Mr. President Elect Obama (that feels good to say that & makes me smile =D ) and all of America, and even the world beyond. None of us are autonomous. Let's all make this a better place.

...and for the 1st time in my life, I feel the promise of America is a reality.

GodspEED
I invite anyone who reads this to offer what the day meant to you personally.

peAZY~

DoeCe

Rosa Sat so Martin Could Walk...
Martin Walked so Obama could Run...
Obama is Running so our Children Can Fly!

I'm kinda tired, so this might be brief.
I was inspired today. This morning actually. I got hom late last night and so, i was type tired this morning. Some will know that I did NOT have intentions on going to any Church this morning.

I figured if anything, i could watch Creflo Dollar on tv, save a cover charge and get my prayer on from the comfort of my bed. I wouldn;t have to worry about parking and worse: today was the ING New York City Marathon. This means that in order to make it to my particular house of worship, then I'd have to figure a roundabout route because the marathon route runs directly in front of Emmanuelle.

***grrr***

However, I guess because of daylight savings, I get a good 4 hours or so of rest, which for me is good. So, I roll out w/ the fam and am fortunate to find a detour route that doesn't intercept the marathon. I go around it via the Brooklyn Queens Expressway (BQE, for NY'ers) and get a parking spot with no problem.

Anyway, the police had a roadblock set up, and we go to check out whether or not any of the runners have passed. The leading men have and the leading women (winner, Paula Radcliffe was among them) run by as we arrive to the corner of St. James and Lafayette. But what I'm feeling is that as the services proceed inside, choir in full reveille, pastor has discharged a 2nd choir outside, in the streets to cheer on the runners. I thought to myself 'how interesting'.

So, we watched for a few minutes and all I could think as I admired the tenacity of each athlete was, damn, maybe I could at least withdraw my hands from the warmth of my pockets and CLAP since the majority of people passing at this early stage of the race (as the leading women passed by, news media rode by with a digital clock showing the race had begun 49:05 prior) had been pushing their bodies to the limits. You could see the contrast in their bodies hues as legs were 2 tones - pale and red from the blood rushing and coarsing through their ligaments. And don't get me started on the amputees in wheelchair's or speedchairs rolling by. AWESOME!

Needless to say, I clapped, but hell, I didn't choose to run. Why should I NOT keep my hands warm and buried into my pockets? They made their choice(s) to run. Wasn't it enough that I was standing out in the cold smiling and (semi) cheering? Now I gotta CLAP too? Geez! The cat in a plain ol' wheelchair made me realize, that I can clap too, lest I look totally lame. We go inside soon and get our prayer on. I pay the cover into the collection and it's a moving sermon. I'm glad i woke up and went. Mind you, though, during the entire ceremony, you can hear the choir outside as well as the crowds forming. I'm anxious to see. I wonder who will come in first. I don't ponder who will WIN, because in my eyes, any who cross the finish line, wins, even if only against the fatigue which they experience. However, whosoever doth actually come in first, was the best trained, prepared and equipped to win the entire race, and so they should be commended and praised and supported.

So upon leaving, we go out and now you see the clusters of runners moving by the church. Thousands of them.And on Lafayette, between Washington and St. James, you saw masses of runners clapping and dancing to the music that the choir was singing. Just bunches from all over: Sweden, Norway, Japan, South Africa, Texas, Haiti, Jamaica, Old folk,people name "Momo" with it written by hand on their shirts, couples named Jimbo and Beanie, with matching outfits, dude in the devil outfit, the guy running and juggling concurrently, AJ Calloway...WHAT!?! Yes, that's right. My boy AJ, Mr. 106 & Park, now corresponding for Access Hollywood is running by, smile on his face, dolo for delf, is jogging by (next time I see him, I'ma ask him what time he finished in - GOOD ISH, AJeezY)) A blind cat. BLIND!?! Oh yessiree! There were a few blind runners holding strings leading to guide runners and I thought how iLLmatically Awesome that was.

Anyway, what motivated me even writing about this experience was the feeling i got out there as these grpups of runners ran by. It was exciting! Inspiring! and for a split second, I thought, maybe I' ll run a marathon one d...HELL TO THE NAW! I no have a newfound respect for anyone entered ina marathon. Rgeardless of what kind of marathon, if you read this, I give you the utmost for having the courage to push your body to such extremes. I was inspired even more because as the French guy next to me cheered on each and EVERY athlete within earshot by shouting out their name and or country ("GREAT JOB JASON...WAY TO GO SWEDEN..."), it made me feel good that for that little bit of time, it didn't seem like there was any pre-judgement or prejudice in the crowd. Even if you were an atheist running by, you couldn't help but be hit with a jolt of energy from Emmanuelle's choir singing along with the infectious excitement and electricity in the air. And even thought the race was wearing them down physically, every person that I noticed running past that one block, had a huge, almost triumphant smile on their face and even though the race was far from over, each was a winner...taking a victory lap...even if just for one block, before returning back to the gruelling task at hand. They all are saluted. For their tenacity. For their drive and ambition and their talent.

It made me reflect on how each person had their own reasons on running the marathon. But once again, as the diversity of both the runners as well as the onlookers hit me, i thought about the presidential election taking place 48 hours from this. And for a moment, I was hopeful that change is apparent. That maybe just as in this crowd, on this block...the block that bore BIGGIE, in the heart of BED-STUY, just maybe, on Tuesday, November 4, 2008, on the 309th day of this year, just maybe people will cheer and root for and support the best and not let race become an issue. Of course, we still live in a country where ignorance and fear overwhelm rational and logical thought. But I am optimistic that, just as they did this morning, that people will cheer and support and VOTE for the best trained, prepared and equipped to win the entire race, and in turn commend and praise and supported BARACK OBAMA.

peAZY~

D

ps~and as pastor said, I'm prepared for either outcome, knowing how things have gone in the past. Nothing is surprising to me in the world of poliTRICKS, so if things don't go the way many of us hope, then we can as least be proud of the small steps that have been made to make this moment even possible but...FUNK DAT!!!
WE'RE WINNING THIS JAWN! ;)

They say these things come in three's, so it's no surprise to me that Isaac Hayes, aka, BLACK MOSES just crossed over. Respect to Ice. His rendition of "Walk On By" remains one of my fave's. And "SHAFT" still bangs 30+ years later. No more Death Blogs...at least not this week.

sigh...so, I'm bugging that I just learned that Bernie Brillstein, reknowned manager, mentor and one of the last remaining architects of the modern entertainment industry just passed on Thursday. WHAT!?! I'm buggin'.
Fut the Wuck, man!
I don't even got it in me to write too much as I'm still in shock.
What I will say is that he was a good cat to know/meet have any relationship with.
He was a friend of the artist/creator. What a real manager should be. And he had a hand in helping mold the careers and directions of such talents as Lorne Michaels, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Jim Henson, Adam Sandler and too many to list here. Which also meant he helped bring SNL, The Muppets and Hee-Haw to life, as well as Def Comedy Jam and The Sopranos. For Anyone interested in learning about him or anyone interested in a really good read about an interesting life behind the scenes in Hollywood, check out his autobiography, "WHERE DID I GO RIGHT".

Got to first meet him as I was deciding between SNL, MadTV and development deals from different networks and I'll never forget him telling me and my then manager "each show gets 4-5 million viewers every week. Do you know how many clients I have that have made millions in development and nobody knows who the hell they are? GET YOUR KID ON  T.V.!"

Took his advise and the rest is HIStory. He was a nice and friendly guy to me each time I saw him thereafter, from roaming the halls at 30 Rock to producers sessions in Hollywood. Never seemed full of himself or arrogant and self aware of his position or power when I came across him, and I appreciated that especailly since this industry is so based on people asserting their power..

The world Lost yet another Great Bernie ni the space of 2 days. My heart goes out to Mikey and the rest of the Brillstein clan.

Big Up Brillstein!

(on a side note, one of my agents is named "Bernie" and I think I'ma call him just to make sure he's not feeling nervous right about now)

Seems like we just went through this...less than a week ago....and now, here we are again, in mourning...this morning.
For those that don't know, Bernie Mac passed earlier this morning at age 50 from complications due to pneumonia. He had sarcoidosis, a rare autoimmune disease that causes inflammation in his lung tissue,if you care to know.
Now what's crazier to me is not that he died, but the past week leading up to his death.
The wire and rumor mill were swirling with news that "BERNIE MAC DIED" since last Monday, and here it is Saturday. I first received a text from a friend/comic on Monday whilst I was in the movies that Bernie had died and I immediately called a good friend that is close with Bernie. She told me to disregard it and just pray for the brother as he was in the hospital. Then I got more and more texts/calls mentioning it, but I was glad to know that it was just a rumor.
It made me recollect when we were younger and the countless celebrities who had been subjected to similar rumors.
I think the 1st artist that I was a fan of that had died had been Run-DMC...I'm not sure which of them it was. Maybe it was Jam Master Jay.  Either way, I recall that story, Ad Rock from the Beastie Boys, Slick Rick, LL Cool J (which really hit home - he was like a God to me back in 10th grade - he could spit and was a sex suymbol to the ladies...everything that I WANTED TO BE ;). I remember the 1st three times Whitney Houston supposedly had died. Man, the list goes on and on.
Then I remember getting a little older, and a little wiser. And we began dismissing such rumors. Only to realize that they were in fact truth.
I remember 'Pac dying and it not being a shock because he had been shot up in Vegas. But I also remember Biggie getting killed. I remember waking up the morning of March 9th back in '97 and being half asleep and getting that answering machine message (damn that seems like forever ago - hard to believe that they actually used to have little audio tapes in them, eh?) from a friend and all I heard was "BIGGIE" and "KILLED" and I was thinking that he must have had a great show at the Soul train Awards and killT it. Unfortunately, I was wrong...unfortunately, I was mistaken.
I recall clearly the day back during the summer of '01 when my boy Mark up in the R.O.C.hester called me to see if the rumor that Aaliyah had died in a plane crash. I was feeling good and had just booked my biggest career opportunity at the time, and so I was feeling good and really didn't want to believe the hype. Chuck and flav taught me that back in '88. So, I didn't want to believe it, but found out a day later that it was true.
But this Bernie Rumor hit home even more so because I knew the cat. Tossed it up and built with him. Was touched personally by him. So, HOW DARE PEOPLE SPREAD SUCH LIBEL. SUCH RUMORS!
I wonder if "Libel" would be incorrect since the untruths of his being dead were in fact written in media via cell phone text? Hmmm, doesn't matter. I'm so random ;)
Anyway, I was pissed on Tuesday because another friend/comic sent me the "Bernie Mac died" text on Tuesday night, and now I wasn't sure if he was reporting late on the rumor or if in fact, this time it really HAD happened. I was glad to find out that it was NOT true when I checked with my other friend, Nef, yet again. And then I felt guilty because I was asking her this, on her BIRTHDAY. And to make matters worse, she was in the process of preparing for the biggest opportunity of her career.
Then it got me to thinking about how quickly the rumor mill and wire spread. And even worse, how adamant people are that they are correct even with incorrect information. My boy Wil told me that someone told him that Bernie had died earlier this week and kept insisting that it did happen and when he finally proved her wrong she said something like 'oh...well, my hairdresser had said...'.
WOW!!!
We live in the "MY BAD" culture. U say/do something and it turns out to be false? All you gotta do is say "My bad", and it's all good, baby! Right?
And we believe and roll with it all. Just nuts.
So today, waking up to a few texts as varied as "I'm sorry" ;), to Nef actually saying "Call me asap, Bernie", I knew it was not gonna be a good day. It hit home, this rumor did. And it finally came to a head. It makes me think of breathing things into existence. That's not to say Bernie would not have passed, but I wonder just how many people who had taken part in spreading the rumor and "being the 1st to know" INCORRECTLY, had then said a little prayer for the brother, U know? Okay, he wasn't dead, but then rectify being part of that rumor mill and throw a lil' Hail Mary 'my bad' up to God.  Just a thought.
I didn't realize until this week how much that rumor mill can hit home. I mean, I can only imagine Nef's shock upon receiving that first text as she was going about her day that said "Hey...how U doin'...? Did Bernie Die?"
That's crazy, but I know she dealt with it (and handled it like a tropper, I might add).
Nobody ever thinks about it when they jump into that  rumor double dutch. No one thinks of how it hits home to someone. The actual person. Their family. They just have to keep keeping on as rumors swirl about their loved one. And we're all guilty of partaking. Me included.
Alas, I will say that the world, not just the comedy world, but the WORLD, lost one of the Good ones this morning.
I met Mac backstage at a concert date he was donig back in '93. I was less than a year into stand up, still finding my way, and he was the 1st legit comedy star that I was in the presence of. He had just blown up off of Def Comedy Jam and this was like my 2nd or 3rd time seeing him live. One of my friends had just opened for him, and there he was, 5 feet away from me backstage, in the green room, and all I was thinking was "damn, I'm about to get caught snatching up some pasta and chicken". Luckily, as I learned later on, nobody cares about you messing with the food backstage as long as you don't take that one item that is off limits (this can usually be a specialty item such as the one lone welch's grape soda - U JUST DON'T MESS WITH THE ONE LONE WELCH'S GRAPE, SON! Y DO YOU THINK IT'S THE ONLY ONE???).
ANYWAY...I luv saying that to get back on track...it reminds me of...ahhh, I digress...ANYWAY, so we, well, they were all talking backstage and I slid my way into convo and said something like 'Bernie man, you 're real funny, and succesful and I'm a fan, and a comedian too, and I'ma be up there with you one day...' and he, in classic MacMan style said (I'll never forget this) "well, you're ALREADY here man and there's room at the cross". I was touched and moved because he could've dismissed me or kept it moving and instead, he included me and made me feel less a fan, and more an equal peer. It made me think of that line in "GLORY" when Denzels character says "we MEN  first". I appreciated and never forgot that.
So fast forward 11 years, and I'm full on into my biggest career opportunity, and who comes to host SNL, but Bernie Mac (during Black history month - oh, the progress). So he and his "HEAD OF STATE" collaborator, Ali Leroi are sitting in my dressing room and I got to remind and thank Bernie for his words to a young comic all those years ago. He could've possibly been distracted or dismissive, but he was encouraging and now here he was sitting in my office prepping to build. We had a blast that week and especially bonded when we worked on this sketch where he played Sidney Poitier to my Denzel. Awww man, he did a brilliant Poitier and man y don't know how nice he was at a few impressions. He did a great Danny Glovver too. When the sketch got cut for time, he gave me a man hug and said "man, don't even sweat it..U  got something bigger than this". He made me feel better as my baby became the sacrificial lamb.
Other high points from that week were just talking comedy with him, and Tracy Morgan and Ali who is Rock's writing partner and...OH SNAP! The funniest ish was him smacking Kattan...HARD AS HELL...while in character...and then Tracy replaying it over and over the following week and laughing like crazy at Kattan's expense. They did this 4 Stooges sketch. The premise being that there was a 4th, BLACK Stooge that got kicked out. It was funnier that Bernie really hit Chris (by mistake) hard and you could hear it clearly if you see it replay in reruns.

The next time I saw Bernie, was at his series wrap party. Over time, Nef and I became friends and it turned out she was his assistant and I had even sent him our lost skecth along with the "Lethal Weapon w/ Gary Busey" sketch that had also been cut, and a few other cut sketches. I remember showing up as he shot the final scene and he genuinely was happy and shocked to see me. We kicked it for the rest of the day with him and his wife Rhonda, his manager Steve, Nef and Hutchinson, the show's head writer slash/comic friend, and WHITE Ange (LOL if she ever readds this). It was just a festive time. Wrap parties usually are.
And highlights would have to be the Mac hosted Karaoke party and me doing Beyonce's "CRAZY IN LOVE" (me singing B's and Jays parts respectively) with back up from Nef and a few of the other gals. We had fun. Oh, and then we did an impromptu of Bernie's Poitier kicking it with my Denzel. AWESOME! Definitely one of my career/life highlight's.

SIGH

so, all this to say, We lost a good one this morning. But we have such wonmderfuLL memories.
You're the Goodz Bernie Mac. A classic. It took a while to get there, but you are/were a testament to hard work, tenacity and drive. I and many others learned a lot from you. And I appreciate and than kyou for that, bruh.
All Love.
DoeCe

ps~Nef, if you read this, he's proud of you Ma'. Go make you Opportunity a Reality, Shawty!

(now hopefully, no mo' death for more than a week..a month)

Only because it is leap year is it the 216th day.
That beaing the anniversary. However, it actually occurred on the 215th day of the year.
Three...no, Four days after my birthday. Two beyond my annual verse ary. Approximately 16 and a quarter hours from this current time.
And one might think that the emptiness would've subsided. One might think that the gaping void of a hole would have healed somewhat. But that one would be wrong & I shant be fooled. I feel now as I did on August 3rd of last year. the difference being that NOW I KNOW whereas at this time, at this hour on this night of this date, in the 7th year of this new millenia, I only sensed and foresaw the inevitable.

And we huMANs have that capacity to hope. one of our most beautifuLL traits of being huMAN is that even when we know the inevitability of a particular situation, we continue with a certain level of optimism & hope. BeautifuLL, yet sometimes foolish. Oft times we know what the future holds if not by some clairvoyance, intuition  or extra sensory perception, yet we still hope.

I knew what was occurring. Had foreseen it. I knew what was occurring on August 2nd, 2007, yet I maintained a sense of hope entering August 3rd.
I sensed what was fast approaching. however fear, had us in denial and made meretreat away from reality.

I suppose that sometimes denial and fantasy are good. I think for children, especially, fantasy can be quite helpful. Optimism and the audacity of hope can be the sugarcoating to assist with the ingesting of bad medicine and hard candy. Which is not to say that I condone lying to children. Au contraire. I believe that children should hear truths and are prepared to deal with even the harshest realities. More often than not, what occurs is that parents and guardians alike lie to children under the guise of protecting them when in actuality the parent/guardians are protecting themselves from having to explain, with depth, to their child(ren). Why face questions now when the child can personally face these truths at a later time whence they have time to mature. Let 'em deal and do you, SON! Right?
~just a thought~

Back to dates. Numbers. They're funny because certain dates forever become stained in your mem-brain. Certain numbers stay with you forever. Standard dates become monumental ones as do random dates.

7/30, 8/1, 8/3. Biggie died on 3/9. Pac on 9/13. My 1st show/set ever was 02/21/92.
Consecutive pattern 's stick out for their own special reasons. 1/6, 2/7, 3/8.
Peep. Do U realize that someone born on 03/08/80 has almost the same exact numbers in their born day this year with 03/08/08?
Oooh, but peep, then you can flip and rearrange those same numbers and have todays date 08/03/08. All so similar, yet vastly different. Nummbers are PoWERFULL at times.
Same/Different. Alpha/Omega. Life/Death. Either way, numbers don't lie and with each 365, each number and date hold their own special meaning.

Nonetheless, these numbers...these dates and times remain FOREVER etched into my mind and shant EVER be 4got10. THIS I KNOW!
This is my promise. I shant ever be able to nor shall I live in denial or fantasy of this. I shall accept the truths of the matter. In approx. 14 and a half hours  or so, I shall be reminded that DAD crossed over last year. I wrote this in my log 1st and transcribed it onto the net afterwards. Probably because in my own little way I sought an audience of 1, of many.

~U R Missed.

DoeCe

I got a li' older,
a tid bit wiser
gained 3 pounds,
an eighth of inch higher

Me B-day came and went. Quick shout out to all my folks that reached out and showed a brotha' some love, either via phone, text, internet/comment, whatev's. U had a milli-a milli-a milli- a milliON 'tings you could'a been doing and you gave me some of your time:
I appreciate that. Figured to mention it in a blog. Why not, right?
A good friend told me I hadn't blogged in 4eva...AGAIN!
I been avoiding blogs. Just get funny about writing sometimes. which is weird because evidently, I TALK A LOT & must have much to say/express/get off my chest.
Perhaps in mine old(er) age,  I'm becoming more reluctant to share my prive thoughts. More guarded? More insecure?
NAH!!!
Just plain old lazy. And not literally "OLD" & "LAZY". Just lazy. T'was a figure of speech. I know some'll say that I am old or older, but I rebuke age and don't plan on getting old and dusty or crusty anytime soon. No sirreeee Bob. Hmmm? Does the fact that I just said "No sirreeee Bob" qualify me as being an old codger? Well, no. but DON'T use that term again Dean...EVER!
What about speaking in the 1st person and calling myself by my own name when talking to myself? Is this the precursor to becoming senile?
No sirrree...SORRY! No. It just proves how arrogant and cocky and full of themselves some people are Dean.
People such as you Dean. Especially YOU, DEAN! You're so Vain, Dean. Oh so Vain. U prolly think this blog is about you.
Okay, so the Carly Simon reference was far too convenient to let slide, right? I mean, yeah, it was corny and telegraphed, but that ish fit juuuuussst riiiight, NO? Well, MR./MISS CRITIC, what would you have used in it's stead? Digital Underground? Simon & Garfunkel? Gladys Knight sans the Pips? Nope! So U see...IT HADDA BE CARLY SIMON, DAMMITALL!
Side note: U just don't get any good panflute ever since John left the Beatles.

So many things have occurred that I meant to write about. The BET Awards. Played Chicago for the 1st time this year. Successfully Switched NYC clubs to Headline. The comedy world lost another great mind recently. 2 B-days and here it comes.

The BET Awards were cool. The Chris Brown/Ciara joint was kinda FIRE, NO? Keep it real: U don't think many teens got the baby oil out and replayed her gyrating whilst straddling o'er the young Brown fella? But the iLLest part was the AL GREEN TRIBUTE. That may have been the 1st time I saw a tribute where the performers roase to the task of doing the tributee proper justice as Jill Scott, Anthony Hamilton and MAXWELL all have the proper soulful sound and voices to capture what Al Green did back in the '70's. Maxwell kiilT it. Don't believe me? Check out Cee Lo Green's as he enjoyed the performance from the audience.

Chitown was DOPE...even though it was the 'burbs AND not  downtown. Still, a good time was had and I caught up on some rest after doing media.

Gotham Comedy Club was a success as I moved/relocated from Carolines on Broadway to 23rd between 7th and 8th Ave's. The crowds were fire and damn was it a good time. Sorry to those who couldn't make it

The B-days passed and they were great. Unfortunately, that reminds me of the other side of the B-days which is too somber to get into here. That Circle of Life ish. Celebrate Born days only to be reminded of passing overs. Ahhh, that's for another blog.

Oh, but I did wanna reflect on another passing. Last year we lost Jeni, and now the one remaining member of that (supposed) Holy Trinity of Comedy that included Pryor and Lenny Bruce: George Carlin.
Damn! It seemed like Carlin was forever. And he didn't seem old either. But it can just creep up and snatch ya' like that. I remember watching dukes when I was rewal young. Like on SNL back in the days. And he was just a funny hippie to me back then. The cat with the long hair. The white cab driver in "CAR WASH". I remember seeing some of the specials and not even getting everything he said, but I knew he was funny. As I got older I started peeping him more. Studying his style. And buggging off of how much he kept writing/creating new material and pushing the envelope. Rock reminds me of him in that they have a similar work ethic: NEW SPECIALS EVERY FEW YEARS...ON HBO!
impressive indeed.
Then as I entered the biz I still checked for him and I recall his 2nd to last spesh and thinking how he wasn't as funny to me in that one as he had been. However, I was happy to se his most recent and final special earlier this year and to me he once again reminded me of why he was a master and I was but the learner. Ahhh,what a silly young padawan I was. HE KILLT IT!!! And I was happy and proud to be laughing along with the audience, still a fan, many years later after seeing "CAR WASH".

I also remember a few years ago a friend (I think Jim Norton) telling me how cool and down to earth Carlin was. Someone else informed me that if you emailed him a joke he'd email you back and tell you what's right and wrong or better, how to improve it. That was so classy to me. Here's a cat that had achieved the highest levels of stand up, and was still willing to give back.

I never did email him. Probably out of foolish pride or some sense that I wanted to neet him in person so that he could recognize my brilliance as some sort of peer and not via internet as a fan...even though I was. And I guess I blew my chance. In retrospect, I think I was a little selfishly upset when I learned that he passed because I didnt get to meet him or rather let him meet me. So arrogant at times. And I blew it.
Lesson learned: FCK PRIDE!!! If you care enough to wanna let someone know you appreciate their work, let 'em know. I could'a just sent him a "thanx for all the great laffs" email. I bet he would've appreciated it the same way I appreciate when people give me dap after shows. Knowing how hard some people find it to do so. I'm a comedian...but I'm also a fan of good comedy.
If they read blogs in a heaven that you didn't necessarily believe or subscribe in George, and you happen to ever wind up on myspace/heaven.com, THANX FOR THE LAFFS BROTHER.
YOU'RE THE GOODS.

Hmmm...?  Maybe i should change that one.. NO SIRREEEE  BOB