While trying to leave work today, I made to lift the door handle on my car in the usual manner required to subsequently open said door. Only, this time... I, instead, managed to tear nearly the entire handle directly off the door. This, as you might imagine, is not the usual result. How did this happen, you ask? The answer is simple: I am the most intensely strong human being ever to exist on the planet Earth.
Either that, or I had one of those things where, in times of great distress, a person can temporarily perform Herculean feats of strength, say to lift an entire Chevy Tahoe off of the pinned body of a loved one. Of course, it seems that mine was grossly mis-timed...
Hm... nah, I think I'll stick with the thing where I'm the strongest, most virile human alive, fueled by Earth's yellow sun. Yeah... yeah that's more awesome. Although, I'll have to temper my powers, lest this blessing become a curse, and I destroy everything I love with the slightest touch.
Actually, I wonder if it's maybe just that the door handle had become brittle due to age and weather... ... ... no, no surely not. The only logical explanation is that I am now the sole protector of the human race against all dangers, and that my physical might will become legend.
... yikes, that sounds like a lot of work, though.
You know what? Never mind. Here we go...I'm gonna' start over.
Today my car handle broke when I tried to get in. Why? I dunno... probably 'cause it's old... The end.