Sometimes in life you can go along with a great piece of you missing and go along for a decent amount of time without it being the center of your thoughts.  That's the case for me a lot of the time.  The thought of it can be reduced or ignored, much like the dull ache of an old bruise.  It's a bruise that never completely heals, however.  The moment the sensitive area is struck the pain returns without mercy.

The video below is what struck the nerve tonight:


I wrote about this same topic a year and a half ago.  Not much has changed.  The events in the clip are pretty poignant for me as I had a similar moment about ten years ago.  There was no trip, but there was the brief reunion after years of absence.  There was the hint of a rebuilding of what was lost.  There was no rebuilding, though, just loss.  The words Will says in that clip are much the same as have passed through my head time after time after time.

This is one of those life things that one cannot really understand second-hand.  It's an experience of continued tragedy for those that share it, such as myself and friend who sent me the link to the video.  It never goes away, rarely changes with any sort of meaningful reunion.  It always changes the person, sometimes crippling them, sometimes making them strong.

For me, it has made me strong but also caused defense mechanisms to prevent the flood of emotion from crippling me.  I imagine that is the case with many who are successful despite such circumstances.  For me, this means that I have learned how to have lots of friends but very few that are really and deeply trusted.  This means that anyone who betrays trust is automatically and usually irreversibly placed beyond emotional limits.  It also means that aquaintences, superiors in particular, begin with zero trust and continue as such unless they demonstrate they demonstrate a willingness of self-sacrifice.  Very few people do, fewer still in authority.

The paradox of life is that these things cause me to want to be exactly that which I have never truly had, a loving father, a true mentor.  I am grateful for opportunities in which I have been able to mentor my spiritual brothers.  I wait with a half broken heart for the days of being a father.  Some might not understand, but it's an ache, more palpable than hunger or thirst, more deeply spiritual.

The other day I was joking with the same friend I've mentioned that a great pickup line would be something to the effect, "I know God's writing my story, I just wish he'd tell me when chapter 1 begins."  It wasn't long after that conversation that deeper reality broke in and reminded me that chapter 1 began more than twenty-four years ago, that life has already started and what I'm waiting for might not be until chapter six or eight or whatever.  I'm not sure what chapter I'm at right now, so I keep turning the pages hoping to get there someday.

Anyway, this was written for myself, for my friend, for all the children who grow up with an absence, sometimes a dull ache and sometimes a pain that shakes you to the core.  It was also written for those that don't have that ache, so that you might better know us and understand what we go through.

Today, my blog has had 4 views.  This week, 25.  That's a pretty slow week compared to some times in the past.  All totaled, it's had more than 3000 views.  That's more than a lot of websites I've seen with those counters from 1990's, some of those sites going back to the 90's...  It's more than a lot of blogs.

In short, I'm thankful for that opportunity.  It's a bit overwhelming to think of how far this little page goes and how many people it can effect and also how those people can effect me.  Today's blog is an attempt to get to know you better- my friends, readers, random web visitors who are too shy to send friend requests.

Who are you?  What are your hopes and dreams?  Most importantly- if you could do anything with your life what would it be?  If money, time, and all that stuff was no obstacle what would you do?  Who would you be?  Where would you go?  Why would you choose that path?  What do you need to kick start these dreams?

Why am I asking this?  Partly because it helps me to get to know my friends better.  It's good to know the greatest ambitions of people.  It tells me a lot about who they are, why they are.  Also, because part of what I want to be is a connector of people, places, and dreams.  In little ways here and there I already try to make these things happen.  Thanks for reading and for sharing for those that do. 

My spiritual thoughts this week have largely centered on a piece of news:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/06/19/iran.rushdie.reut/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/06/18/pakistan.britain.ap/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/06/17/iran.rushdie.ap/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/06/16/queens.honors.ap/index.html
http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=3288842&CMP=OTC-RSSFeeds0312

Among so many other links...

A bit of background- in 1988 an author by the name of Salman Rushdie publishes a novel called The Satanic Verses.  It is a book which includes references to the Prophet Mohammad in a way that offended many of Muslim faith, including various political and religious leaders.  In short order, the Grand Ayatollah Khomenei, the spiritual leader of Iran and a central figure of the Islamic faith in his day, issued a Fatwa demanding the death Rushdie, extolling all Muslims that it was a responsibility of their faith to aid this edict.  Rushdie went underground for a while and has largely lived in peace the last decade.  One must not forget, however, the people who were killed in riots about the matter, or the hundreds injured.

Fast forward to this last week.  Every year, a council in the UK generates a list of those to receive a knighthood, an honorary title which celebrates their contribution to the UK and humanity in their respective field of work.  This year, Salman Rushdie was among those to receive the honor for his lifetime of literary work.

Apparently, the coals were still burning underneath it all as this one little author has governments of Pakistan, Iran and other places up and shouting about the UK conferring a title on someone they see as deserving of death.  One cabinet member of the Pakistan government even suggested that this knighting was sufficient provocation for suicide attacks.  This is Pakistan, supposedly an "ally" in the war against radicalism and terorrism.  I'd expect nothing less from the government of Iran, but it wasn't so expected out of the modernizing Pakistan.

Thanks for reading about the backstory.  It's a nice lead in to something I've had floating around my head for a long time and never quite found the right opportunity to express.  Here's the gist- if a faith/religion/movement/person/whatever claims to be Peaceful then it has a direct and immediate obligation to respond to the kind of things like I mentioned above and counter it with a message of peace, hope, love. 

I'm not a scholar of Islam, though I do know a good bit more than the average American.  I know that there are countless loving and caring people who are of the Islamic faith.  I know that the faith in and of itself is not an advocate of hate, destruction, and death.  Why, then, do many leaders preach those things?  Why, then, do the people follow those leaders?  Why, especially, do AMERICAN and Western Imams and leaders give implicit consent to such things by their negligence in properly responding to things like this?

Louis Farrakhan, are you there?  Imams of America, are you listening?  Surely, you must get the news.  Do the spiritual leaders in Iran, Pakistan, and elsewhere speak for you and your followers in the US?  If not then what is your excuse for not condemning these things?

Christianity has had it's share of evils, no doubt about it.  Had I been alive in the midieval times I likely would have been killed as a heretic, so I know a bit about preaching against my own faith's leaders.  I've no worries about that.  I know that my personal faith demands a responsibility in calling out the flaws of the established systems.  I know that God profits naught in the death and destruction of humans and has no purpose in people killing each other.  Whenever religion, any religion, tries to take a stance advocating hate, destruction, and death, it is abhorant.  It has taken a sharp turn from sanity and from the message of faith, hope, and love that is supposed to unite us in worship of God, whatever your interpretation thereof.

Myself, I dislike even the term Christian.  I prefer to call myself a follower of the way.  I try to model myself after the life and actions of Jesus himself as the church through the millenia has so done so much evil. I am not a supporter or advocate of the Roman Pontificate or any defined hierarchy within Christendom, but if any of them preached an edict to kill someone you'd better believe I'd be condemning that in as powerful terms as possible.  I would expect nothing less from religious leaders of the various Christian groups. 

Take the Phelps family of Topeka, Kansas.  They are an abomination to the true message of love that Christ's life speaks of.  They preach only hate, they only tear down others instead of giving life.  They are not what Christianity is about.  They are an eyesore on the landscape and they are condemned by mainstream denominations and the populace in general anywhere they go. 

Why is that not the case for those of the Islamic faith who advocate outright murder?  These leaders claim to have 1.5 billion followers, followers who are bound by their faith and consciouses to kill a man who has done them no harm.  He wrote a book.  Big deal.  Don't read it.  People write books that are blasphemous towards Christianity all the time.  You don't see Christians in any large or powerful groups getting in arms about it. 

So, again, where are the American leaders of the Islamic faith?  Where is their voice amongst the bullhorn of mid-East fanaticism?  The many millions of great and productive Muslim citizens of the US and the world- where is their voice in outcry against the perversion of what should rightly be a religion of peace?

Every person, no matter the faith, has a duty among humanity to practice tolerance, to try in whatever way they are capable to make this world a better and more harmonius place.  Silence in the face of overwhelming fanaticism is implicit consent for violence.  How much longer will modern Islam, and particularly American Islam permit this to happen?

This current profile song goes out to the street preachers, the false prophets, the mortalists, fatalists, moral elitists, unappointed judges, and all the like.  It's an ode to love, to the defiance of infinity against condemnation.

The lyrics of the song are largely irrelevant for this topic except for them being Hendrix and the main theme being, "Let me stand next to your fire."  This all started this morning as I picked out a shirt to wear after work to see the Steve Miller Band.  I grabbed one of my favorite shirts, my Hendrix live in '68 shirt.  Bright red, bold, loud, but not obnoxious.  It breathes life without being over the top.  So, go through the tedius day at work then head downtown.  Steve Miller Band was simply awesome, by far the best performance I've seen at Riverbend this year and one of the best concerts I've ever been to.  On the way back to my car, there were these two guys holding crosses with lights across it and all.  One of the crosses had a list of music artists from the 60's- 70's, proclaiming all of those artists were burning in hell.  I glanced the other way and saw another guy with a cross and some writing on it I was laughing to hard to make out.  As I walked by I said to the guy, "Jesus loves everybody, man."  Maybe the most hippie moment I've ever had, but something said from the heart.  I guess he caught a glance at my awesome shirt and then he replied, "Hendrix is burning too," to which I laughed.

I couldn't help but think to myself, "Who the (insert favorite word here) do these people think they are that they have the power to make a list of people shunned from eternity and God's infinite love?  Who are these finite, mortal, tiny beings who think they can pronounce such judgment over people?

I don't even know what gospel or Bible they get their sources from, but it's a far cry from the one I know.

Matthew 25:35- 40
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Mark 12:29- 34
Jesus replied, "The most important commandment is this: 'Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.' The second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these."

The teacher of religious law replied, "Well said, Teacher. You have spoken the truth by saying that there is only one God and no other. And I know it is important to love him with all my heart and all my understanding and all my strength, and to love my neighbor as myself. This is more important than to offer all of the burnt offerings and sacrifices required in the law."
Realizing how much the man understood, Jesus said to him, "You are not far from the Kingdom of God."

Seems love is the keynote there and all else is subject to it.  From the words of Jesus himself we have the profound statement that the love of God and the love of your neighbor is primary.  All else derives from or leads back to that primary love for God and for each other.

The great commission speaks of sending the faithful out to spread the news and message of Jesus.  Nowhere in it does it say, "Hi, you're a man but I'm giving you the power to make a list of who isn't worthy of God's infinite Love."  or "Hi, here's the damnation stick.  Use this to beat down anyone who doesn't meet your own superficial and finite qualifications for the glory of eternity."   I don't recall any place I've seen that authority conferred.  God gave us life and gave us the capacity to share in it.  We brought death upon ourselves.  If we are condemning others we are still wallowing in that original death.  That's a shame considering the life and message of Christ that brings life.  Jesus came to conquer death, hell, and the grave, not to give us some ridiculous mandate to label who wasn't worthy of heaven. 

Peace, life, love. 

Saturday, we had a small group to hang out and watch movies.  One of them was The Last Kiss.  Overall the story was kinda depressing, even with the "happy" ending.  Out of all of the movie, the one part I really liked was the father giving sagely advice.  I don't remember it exactly, but the point of it was that love, the love that you feel, the emotions, all that only matters inside yourself; what matters to others is how you live it.

If you're a frequent or repeat visitor to my little blog here you'll have noticed this same thing as a major theme of my writings and, I hope, my life.  Watching that movie reminded me again of why I've chosen this theme over others, over money, over fame, over success, over faith even.  It reminded me of 1 Corininthians 13.
1: "If I could speak in any language in heaven or on Earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal."
8: "Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will disappear."
11: "It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things."
13: "There are three things that will endure-- faith, hope, and love-- and the greatest of these is love."

Great verses, some of the cornerstones of my life.  "When I was a child..." this is a good verse, one taken at a glance and skipped through sometimes.  Most people pull it out of context to demonstrate what they believe is non childish.  That's all well and good most of the time, but I think they miss what it might mean if left in the context of Paul talking about love.  To me, what Paul is saying is that when we are in spiritual infancy we rely on so much to get us through but as we mature in faith and a relationship with God (or anyone for that matter) some of that falls away.  When that falls away the one thing that doesn't, ever, is love. 

When looked at it from that perspective, it is even more imperative in our worship and outward life to not omit love and serving others.  If our outward expressions cause harm, cause chaos, cause stumbling then we have misoriented ourselves.  If we get caught up in legalism and the trappings of religion we often build a wall around the love that needs to be expressed through us.  If we erect labels and segments for who deserves our love then we greatly miss the point.

There's another part of 1 Cor 13, the "Love is" verses.  Patient, kind, not jealous or boastful or proud or rude, does not demand its own way, is not irritable, keeps no record of being wronged, keeps no record of injustice but rejoices when the truth wins, never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  It's always there and never there for itself.

There are no verses for it that immediately come to mind, but one thing on my mind lately is the confusion that results when the love Eros (romantic) wanes and the love Philia (friendship) is taken for granted.  Along with the love Agape (charity/selflessness), these form something of a trinity of love.  Just like the trinity of the God-head, they exist in different expressions at different moments but are inseperable as an entity.  In life, sometimes, the Eros fades and Philia is forgotten, the Agape ignored. 

This should not ever be the way we express ourselves to each other, through life devoid of true love, whether it be eros, philia, or agape.  Too often, one of these expressions wanes and we forget to change to the other.  If we did, our actions would be different, our course set more towards agape and selflessness.  We cannot logically express philia and agape while choosing self.  As Paul said, put away childish things.  That doesn't mean put away all forms of love for love is the one thing that never passes away.  If we lose our eros and choose to selfishly hide philia and agape then we never move beyond those childish things.

~peace

This is a rarity, but at the moment I'm pretty sick to my stomach.  Not as much physically, but mentally, spiritually, transcending to cause physical angst as well.  What's caused it?  People using tragedy as a way to further their own agenda.

Click here for video.


Note, that if you've posted the above or passed it on I don't consider that nearly as bad as those that made it.  Still, it deserves a response.

The video starts out:
" 'Dear God, why didn't you save the school children at...  (goes on to list various sites of tragedy in the last few decades), Blacksburg Virginia. Sincerely, Concerned Student.'    'Dear Concerned Student, I am not allowed in schools. Sincerely, God.'"

It goes on to list various social changes in the past fifty years.  What it entirely fails to mention is who God is, what the core of Christian faith is, what our response to life should be.  It goes on and on about issues, but entirely fails to address the Christian response to life and to tragedy.

Entirely missing from the video-  LOVE.  I've let it repeat a few times now to see if I can find it, but it's not there.  The word itself is not used, nor is the concept.  I do hear a lot of judgment, a lot of condemnation, a lot of belittling what God is, but no faith, no hope, no love.  All of this while using tragedy and the memory of those slain in the name of an agenda.

John 13:12
After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, "Do you understand what I was doing? You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and you are right, because it is true. And since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other's feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you."

John 13: 34
"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

Luke 11:33- 36
"No one lights a lamp and then hides it or puts it under a basket. Instead, it is put on a lampstand to give light to all who enter the reoom. Your eye is a lamp for your body. A pure eye lets sunshine into your soul. But an evil eye shuts out the light and plunges you into darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not really darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight is shining on you."

Luke 11:39
Then the Lord said to him, "You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are still filthy-- full of greed and wickedness!"

Luke 10:26-28
Jesus replied, "What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?" The man answered, "'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.' And, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  "Right!" Jesus told him. "Do this and you will live!"

Psalm 139:1- 10
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. You both precede and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to know!

I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.

Matthew 28:18- 20
Jesus came and told his disciples, "I have been given complete authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you.  And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.


God is not prayer in school.  God is not an Old Testament class.  God is not the pledge.  He is in all of those, potentially, but is not them.  When we have videos like the above popping up, entirely disrespecting both what God is and the tremendous pain felt by those who lost family and friends in violent tragedy, it just shows that Christianity to a large degree has given over true worship in the pursuit of idolatry.

Christianity is not some formula that has to be followed or else the world descends into chaos and violence.  Tragedy cannot be prevented by human effort, cannot be stopped by having words on a dollar bill, words in a pledge, a prayer before class.  These things move towards something like the Pharisees when they become our defining aspects.

Our faith is not founded upon these things.  They are tools, but not the construction.  They become idols if we completely omit the core of Christian faith: the way of the life of Christ, the passion to love God and love each other.

Love.  Sacrifice.  Service.  These are core ideas of the faith.  Light.

The video has God saying, "I'm not allowed in schools."  What part of scripture or history tells us that God is limited in such a way?  Certainly not the verses I posted above.  To allude so for political gain while families are freshly grieving is just reprehensible.  In their time of pain, do we as Christians really want to send the message that "God isn't there?"

He is there.  In every one of us.  The light of the world, as said above, shines through us.  We carry light into every day with us, into whatever calling we have in life.  In every school day, in every business meeting, in every transaction, in every social occasion we have the opportunity to shine the light of God's love to the world or to hide it.

Loving each other.  Serving each other.  Loving God, serving God.  These things are what we are called to do.  Jesus concludes his commissioning of the diciples by saying he is "with you always, even to the end of the age."  Do we as Christians really want to tell the world that they destroyed our faith simply taking prayer and Bible class out of school?  Is our faith really so fragile?  Are we pharisees in wanting these things at all costs, including neglecting to show the love of God to each other and the world?

No, Virginia, your children didn't die because God can't go into the classroom.  They died because the world, and many Christians without a doubt, failed to show LOVE to a troubled young man named Seung-Hui Cho.

Be LOVE.

Here are some things I learned and a general summary of the trip to Lynchburg and Virginia Beach and back:

I have some of the greatest friends ever.  EVER. 

North Korea, Iran, and Zimbabwe are in a bidding war to hire Steve's butt to lead their WMD development.  Apparently his butt is about five years ahead of their development.

It's possible to go to a beach city and never really see the beach and still have fun.

If it rains for three days before, the waves of Chesapeake Bay are really choppy when the Sun finally comes out.

If you go out of town, it's a rule not to eat anywhere you could eat at home.  It's preferable to eat at a Caribbean diner called Poppa Wheelie's or a Kobe steak house called Kobe Steak House.

There is a section of road somewhere between Bristol and Knoxville where it is perfectly fine to go 120mph if your car is stable at that speed.  (Steve quote- "how come the moving traffic is going by at the same speed as the trees?!?")

It is also perfectly fine to go 95mph while talking on the phone to Britt and holding a drink in your lap while listening to music blasting at 7:30 in the morning after having driven all night.

When you reach Virginia one of the first things you will notice are signs every few miles saying, "Speed limit enforced by AIRCRAFT!!!".   This is apparently a bluff.  We tested it.  Even by two or three airports.  Nothing.  We were a little disappointed in all honesty.

Girls need to take more than one purse, at least one purse for every day of the trip.  This is a woman law that man shall not question.  Men are entitled one inquiry into it before the trip begins and shall make no mention of it once the bags are packed into the car.  Somehow it will all fit.  This is all part of God's plan and humor.

If you've never driven a stick shift before, the perfect time to learn is two in the afternoon after having travelled all night.  It's okay to stall the car hundreds of times in the process.  This will not hurt it.  It will still go at least 120mph on the way back with no hint of any problems.

Hookah is good.  Smoking is bad.  Hookah is good.  The universe is full of mysteries and parodoxes such as this.  Sometimes you just have to go with it.

The Office is an amazing show no matter where you are.  Truth.

Muna and Barrett are going to be awesome parents.  They already are some of the most generous and amazing people ever.  Their kids will love them.

Rose and Johnathan are hilarious and awesome.  Someday they too will be awesome parents.

When walking onto a women's dorm at a college, it's customary for the resident female to shout, "Man on the hall".  It's also customary for Britt to say it not very loudly and for Steve to giggle at the possibilitiles.

Wal-greens is a great store, like a little piece of home eight hundred miles away.

Books are more fun to read when you are somewhere else, anywhere else.

Little things make life long memories.

Britt's one of the most beautiful women I've ever known.  Very few women have I ever thought of as a sister, but she's at the top.

Steve's one of the most awesome guys ever.  Anything you ever do, just add a Steve and it's instant fun.  Not to mention just how reliable, honest, trustworthy, etc he is.  Can't say enough, seriously.

Andre's an awesome guy.  I can't  believe I met the guy as an eighth grader and now he's, he's Andre.  A true brother if there ever was any.

Thanks guys and gals for the memories and awesome trip.  :-)

Psalm 20:1- 5
In times of trouble, may the LORD respond to your cry. May the God of Israel keep you safe from all harm. May he send you help from his sanctuary and strengthen you from Jerusalem. May he remember all your gifts and look favorably on your burnt offerings. May he grant your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory, flying banners to honor our God. May the LORD answer all your prayers.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Once again, the waves of change are rolling through my life and through many of those around me.  Wanted to post up some verses to remind myself and to encourage people.

Normally, I'd write up some extended thing about how God is taking care of us through times of trouble but right now is a time of relative peace.  Right now is a time that many of us are going through change but not the bad kind.  I think that now is a time that many of us should relax and enjoy the moment as we go through new experiences, new challenges, new joys.  May we be filled with joy and peace through these times and always remember to share that joy in God with those around us.

In case you missed MadTV a couple days ago, the best segment of it has been immortalized on Youtube.  You will not regret watching this.  Safe for audiences of all ages.

Mad TV should win an emmy for that.  It's just so brilliant.