...that I switched to Shasta so
I could have more friends.
It didnt make since to me at the time
why my friends who went to Shasta
had a significant number of friends
while I had my little group.
I blamed it on ratio.
Since Shasta had more kids than
U-prep it must have more kids to befriend.

I now go to Shasta.
I have a good amount of friends including
Laura, the Madrigals, and other choir kids.
But I feel like I cant truly act myself around them.
[Excluding Laura, of course]
I always feel like Im holding back.
Afraid that these people would react.
Think of me as overly sexual, perverted, or "dark."

I noticed this winter break that
when I'm around my friends from
Freshman and Sophmore Year at U-prep
I am able to be completely myself.
When Carrissia and Ryan suprised me after finals
they were the ones who were perverted by
drawing penises all over my car.
Seeing Boone, Jourdan, and Eli at B&N
they were the ones who were dark and twisted.
These are my real friends.
The ones who are extremely fucked up
yet loved for it.

[FYI Eli has replaced Krystal]

For my sisters.

The Older Sister Affect

            "Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more. Men were deceivers ever," I announced from the tallest point of the playground. I was five and had no idea what the words coming out of my mouth meant. I honestly have no recollection of this moment, but my sisters, who are a good twelve and fourteen years older than I am, assure me that my childhood was spent prancing around the playground reciting Shakespeare and singing the songs they taught me from musicals.

            When my sisters were in high school, they had an interest in theatre. They knew all the lines from certain movies, like The Princess Bride, and had memorized all the fight choreography. I watched them recite the lines of witty banter back and forth and I saw the phenomenon of theatre happen right in front of me. They had created their own world of fairy tales and brought me to it; without costumes, without sets, just dialogue deeply routed in reality and human emotion. They tried to train me to "do tricks" on their command. They taught me the opening monologue from Shakespeare's Much Ado about Nothing and how to sing "Castle on a Cloud" from Les Miserables. I strived to be like them and eagerly agreed to learn whatever they could teach me.

            My sisters had gone off to college by the time I was six, and I longed for a playmate. The time I spent alone, I spent pretending. When I used my imagination I could have as many friends as I wanted and thus was never lonely despite my solitary surroundings. My life was limitless. I could escape the walls of my tract house and explore how other people lived. Because of my penchant for pretending, my mother enrolled me in children's community theatre. For six years I played some form of animal teaching an audience full of other children lessons of moral fiber. My sisters found my plays adorable. I was doing tricks on a larger scale. Now I was teaching them the songs.

            I recently played the part of Lady Macbeth in my community theatre's production of Macbeth, a big change from the roles I played in my childhood. I felt a certain obligation to do the best I possibly could in this role. I became Lady Macbeth. I could feel her running through me; I wasn't pretending anymore. When I got to the "Out Damned Spot" soliloquy I looked up at my sisters and I saw in their eyes what they must have seen in mine when I was little. I had taken them to the imaginary world that they once had taken me.

            Having older sisters made me realize at a young age what I want to do with my life. Theatre, to me, is the ability to create human emotion out of the simple foundation of actions. I want to bring to the stage something so real that the audience is connected and doesn't remember that they are watching a play. I want to inspire people through theatre just like my sisters inspired me.

Ok...so everyone has had their Ashland Bulletin saying how much fun it was. Instead of telling you, Im going to SHOW you. Yes, I have many many pictures and I worked my already skinny fingers to the bone trying to resize them all and but them on photobucket. So you better like them!

Well I got to shcool around 7:10 and cheaked in with Mrs. Von. I sat down with Ryan and Raffiel(whos name I dont know how to spell) while we waited for the bus and the other students. When the bus came we got on and it was.....RAINBOW! Carrissia, Ryan and I(all the kids with potential ADD) were very happy by the Rainbow bus!!

For some reason all my friends had glasses of some sort(mostly perscription) and we kept trading! They played Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and it was in black and white cause the TVs were fucked up. I sat next to Teala with Carrissia and Laura across the aile. Ryan and Boone were behind them and Raffiel and some chick was across from them behind me.

Photos and Videos from the bus to Ashland with their captions:

Laura Sleeping.

Ryan (watching the Movie)  and Boone (reading).

Raffiel being.....Raffiel.

Carrissia and Laura Sleeping.

Raffiel Exploding.

Funny Faces with Teala.

Carrissia stole Ryans Glasses!

...and then she stole LAURAS!

Carrissia being Carrissia....Boone being scared of Carrissia.

We got off the bus at 10 and had 3 hours to rome around Ashland. We got our coffee, because we needed it. Carrissia and I went into a flower store and lost the boys. We met them at a bookstore not to far away...but they were hiding from us. Then we lost Carrissia...she ran of somewhere and that silly dosent have a cell phone. So we walked to the CD store and we were in there for quite a while. They had a Betty Paige action figure! Ryan and I sang Blister in the Sun<3. Then Carrissia appeared in the CD store. When we left we walked down this ally and Carrissia and I just HAD to stop and take myspace pictures. Unfortunatly the guys didnt wait so we lost them again.

I kept calling Ryan's Cell but he wouldnt answer. We decided to go into an ice cream parlor to sit down and try Ryan again. After many calls of him not picking up we decided to eat lunch. We both got a Ham and Cheese Melt(Im soo vegitarian) abd a Diet Pepsi. Soooo Uber GOOOOD!

Ryan finally called us and told us they were at the park by the Theater. I said we'd meet them there...but we suddenly changed our minds. We walked around Ashland just talking and window shopping. I <3 you Carrissia! Then it was time to go to the First Play!!!

THE DIARY OF ANN FRANK!  I realllly wanted to sit by Carrissia and Ryan. However Mrs. Von put 3 people inbetween me and Carrissia. HOW DARE SHE! Ohh well I still had Ryan. The play was really good. Anna was fucking annoying though. A very sterotypical teenage girl....I wanted to strangle her. I told Ryan it was Nazi Degrassi...and oh boy it was! Very sad, I was close to crying.

Then 4 more hours tell we had to be back for the next play. We walked down to the Park where the boys were originally. We played on the swings and such. There wasnt enough swing for everyone though. Boone was flying really high(*under breath*..and should of jumped off) I ended up pushing Ryan...but his ass kept getting in my face. AHHH.


Then I got on the swing but Raffiel kept pushing me and trying to kill me. It was scary. I dont like that evil fat kid.Carrissia and I decided to take more myspace pictures when we saw this pretty tree by a pond. However it was infested with spiders to the expeirence was quite scary.

Then of course, like any other time we took myspace pictures...THE BOYS DITCHED US, lol. We tried to catch up cause we still could see them, but we got distracted by some HOT stoners kids sitting in the park. We went into a kiddie store for toddlers and looked at the clothes. I picked up one shirt thinking....Im skinny, I bet this would fit me. Well truth be told I found out where Brittany Spears gets her clothes....

We did buy little kid skirts thought that were ment for dress up! Mine was rainbow and Carrissia's was black and white. She kept saying "I got white stuff in my crotch." We went to this other store and I found a raindow bowa. I then declared myself...The Gay Fairy!

We decided to eat without the boys. We went into a place called Munchies and I got a BIG cookie and a plate of whip cream. I massacred the whip cream and ate every bite of my cookie. This was a bad idea cause later I was sooo hungry.

 ANYWAYS, we walked back to the Park hoping the Stoner Kids would be there...they werent. We sat on the swings and talked about life. We also sang Out Tonight and Row Row Row Your Boat in a round. I called Keegan and told him I wanted his penis. When the guys showed up we swung and sang. It was fun fun fun! Then it was time for the next play....

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST! Already one of my favorite plays. Carrissia was asleep on my shoulder the whole time. Ryan would kill me if I forgot to add this so...to quote Ryan...

"They faught over Muffins! There was a hat wearing bush!"