Hello my sweet bitches! Today while sitting at home watching some good old fIsTfUcKiNg, I decided to write a blog. I know, pretty damn exciting times. You are probably jumping up and down or having a love explosion. I will give you a minute to compose yourself and clean the mess …yikes.

 

I came back to school on August 27 after a long break in which my main focus consisted of eating and hanging out with Manola my BFF. When I was finally forced to face the sun for more than 10 minutes due to school, I came to the conclusion that I hate fucking summer!  Tell me, what is soo appealing about it? Besides from the obvious facts, birds sing and butterflies fly. Oh, plus it gives a reason for girls to  dress slutty and for guys to show their ass crack.

Seriously, every time I step outside I feel like a pig that is roasting slowly with an apple in its mouth. Do you want to know what else bother the fuck out of me? Well since I can't hear you, I will pretend you said "oh yes, sexy Consuelito, I want to know. Please, oh don't you hide this from us. Through your writing I clearly see the answers to all the mysteries of the world".

Okay here we go, sit down, is okay hommie-g; people that tan!!!  See, let me explain myself a bit better before I get lynch. I dislike people who tan in excess. Looking like a carrot is not hot, no, no it's not. Especially the contrast between whitish hair and bright orange skin.

 

***Once again using my highly advance software I edited this pic a bit due to naked boobies and v-jayjay.

 

 

Mmm, deliciousness. Please people don't lie to yourselves. I know you are questioning your sexuality (if you are a girl ,gay guy or monkey) if you find this scrumptious specimen attractive.

 

How easy we slip once we see what true beauty is all about huh?

 

I'm joking by the way. HA!

 

At any rate, putting the tanorexic people aside. I wish I lived were it was permanently cold. Since I gave up on the idea of bleaching my skin to make it pale. I decided I would conform if I could forever maintain the yellowish sickly color I get during winter. Yeah…  anyways since this isn't happening in the near future. All I have to say is fuck, goddamn, motherfucking bitch, only because it looks cool on Microsoft Word.  

 

So the point of this ramble was:

A: I hate hot weather

B: I cannot wait for Winter, so I can stop taking showers for a week and not smell!!!

 

C: Your mom is gay, so is  my mom. I mean this as in happy of course!

 

D: I was bored and got tired of Manola.

 

Till next time my darlings!  

Today while browsing Youtube I came across some Slipknot videos. Now I am not going to write smack about Slipknot, sorry buddies it ain't gonna happen.

Slipknot is a fucking awesome band there is no point in denying that. By the way, I have no tolerance, my recommendation is that you smile and nod your head. Wowowowowow Slipknot maggots 4 life!!!!  At any rate, despite of that, I am not sure if fellow female fans (some males to) are seeing the same people as me:

Is it clear they are nine members all covering their faces with masks? You cannot, I repeat you cannot see their faces right? For god sakes they even go by numbers!! If you are not delusional and agree with master Consuelito (once again don't you ever call me that, you shall perish if you do. Thank you. ) why the fuck are girls calling them "hot"? Seriously now, what makes them good looking? I clearly cannot see it. I understand admiring them because of their contribution to the music industry. Especially now days since music is so fucking shitty, but thinking they are some Adonis…

Does the spiky mask make you wet? How about that clown mask? I'm sure it has always been a childhood dream to rape one. Right? Lick and play with that red nose, uh la la you are a kinky one!

 Pure nonsense, UNLESS you are part of that delusional group. If you are, please explain to me what makes them so spicy hot, pretty please? I swear I am bored enough to read what makes them so tasty…agh.

UPDATE: Through a very reliable resource (Google my BFF!)  I found out that the members of Slipknot have actually shown their face… Fuck!

So here they are:

Mmm he is sexay:

And the rest:

Okay so I wasn't totally wrong!  Using my high technology I point it out who I think is tasty. One dude out of the whole band is sexy the rest … yeah not so much. By the way is it just me or the guy on the right looks like a Cholo? Wtf!!!!

It all comes down to the fact, they are talented musicians; their looks have no effect over that. Yet I still don't understand how those girls find them "hot". Unless they are all cheering for Corey, then I guess it makes a bit of sense.

Peace out sweet bitchanesss till later.

Once again I felt the urge to fry everyone's brain (or anybody who is bored enough to read this shit anyways) with the knowledge I have acquire during my college year… Well let me sum it up for ya, NOTHING! Okay, fine maybe I'm lying trying to sound all badass and shit. You caught me, bu bu you want a chocolate chip or a sugar cookie. Shit to bad I don't have any so lets move on. Since I'm sure you do not want to read this sappy shit, "college made me learn about myself, now I am a completely different person blah blah" Let me talk ( agh write ) about the wonderful true knowledge everybody should know before embarking into the dark world of college life( nevermind that bullshit,this is probably useless but I'm bored so fuck it).

Here we go wonderful guide by master Consuelito( don't ever call me that, or I will chop your head off… mentally of course):

1-If you were a dumbfuck like me and went to a college that basically only three people went to (okay I'm exaggerating a little more like four) the internet will become your best friend. Hello porn, good bye real life!

2-Remember you may hate them, is alright they probably hate you to! But that is no reason to let them know. Play along   you may get them in a class, time to use your charm and like a true friend copy their answers! Remember two brains work better than one (she/he does the work you copy simple!). Plus you don't want to be the weird kid in the corner…No, no you don't.

3-If you dorm and hear weird moaning sounds, first make sure it doesn't come from your computer (there is always a possibility you left your porn on!). I know it comes as a big shock those beast are having sexy times  but hey we all need some loving( not me actually, I'm asexual) .Try to not picture them getting their freak on and as an advice use  flip flops if you share a restroom with them… Don't question it, just do it…

4-Watch your step at the parking lot … Condoms and dirty thongs with random white stains will be present…

5-If your university is in the ghetto do not get into fights, remember you are in the G-H-E-T-TO. They hate you and most likely carry guns so be a nice little piggy to them.

6-Molding brownies into  poo shape and putting them in the middle of the hallway is always fun.

7-Finally sometimes sleeping till 3 in the morning is helpful to discover  that the guy you like along with others are peeing on someone's car while screaming in a really Mexican way. Oh those precious moments, I will forever treasure in my heart.

I could go on and on about the many things I learn which I will never ever put into practice but I won't. I'm sure you guys still may want some of your brain cells available.The true is I did meet some pretty nice people at that school ( not enough, I'm transferring to another school).You guys know who you are, thanks for  being good pals…Plus I had a rocking roommate; Michelle my white chocolate I love you. Just because of you, I kept my sanity( well what was left of it anyways!).

Oh here is the thong:

Very nice!

On April 5 is time to celebrate the 14 anniversary of my defunct lovar’s death.

 Whoever is wasting his/her time reading this shit (you must be really bored huh?) may be thinking wtf? a celebration?  Okay you crazy bitch…Yes I am totally semi-serious there is no point in mourning Kurty’s death. He has been death for 14 years, no matter how much you invoke his spirit (which I totally haven’t done…) he will never come back to live. Instead of crying and slashing your wrist, well let’s celebrate!!!! OHHHUHH FUCKINGPARRRTY!!!!!

Let’s remember the men for what he did best: music (besides from being beautiful, sexy, sublime) .The man is a revolutionary legend, an icon that will never be forgotten (I’m sure all of you know that though…. Right? Hopefully, yeah just smile and nod your head!) .I could go on and on about the things I like about Kurt but I’m way to fucking lazy plus I don’t have all day so fuck it. What I will do is list some tips on how to celebrate Kurt’s 14 anniversary. 

Consuelo’s tips on how to celebrate Kurty,Kurt  anniversary on April 5:

1. Since my brain is too fucking fried due to the endless hours I spend in from of the computer watching porn… Let’s do the typical, wear your NIRVANA shirt along with your Kurt’s underwear … there you go that is the spirit!
2. Blast your favorite NIRVANA song and sing it with your eyes close (I’m I the only one that does this? oh yeah DON’T ATTEMP THIS WHILE DRIVING!)
3.  Nag your friends to get into the spirit; if they completely refuse is time to use their little dirrrty secret and blackmail them (The end justifies the means plus I’m sure Kurt would be oh so proud!).
4. If tip number three doesn’t work because you are so hardcore (pssss loser) and you don’t have any friends….is alright! But hey I have a solution , go around singing NIRVANA  and telling strangers about this wonderful, historic date .WARNING: this may cause people to stare at you ( most likely thinking you are  a psycho) don’t worry is all good they are just glad they are not related it to you!
5. Last but most important forget about all the wacky theories surrounding Kurt’s death. Think about what the men accomplish; bringing true, raw music to our beautiful ears (plus the fall of fucking hair metal, especially those fuckers of Guns & Roses. How long does it take to make an album? Another 20 years jajajaja I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE AXL ROSE,YOU TRANNY LOOKING BASTARD… okay I’m over it ,and swear I don’t hold  any grudges whatsoever to the band listed it above).Nirvana did truly change the face of music. It provided an opportunity for alternative rock to be value and accepted it. His music was the voice of generation X and it’s still the true embodiment of teen angst. NIRVANA will never be forgotten… may Kurt Cobain rest in peace.

Here are some pictures (no love explosion on your computer,you will have to clean it up later…) of Kurt sexy beast self, enjoy!

oh yeah just my type of men, delicious!!!

Mmm yeahhh

Oh yeah NIRVANA was a band…

WTF???

Do I even need to say more about this scrumptious sublime creature

Let’s end this with a pic I  found hilarious( why it seems as if I’m the only one?)