Im not a believer in Karma. But this week has made a good attempt at making me a believer. I've done bad things in my life, I've only just recently have been able to help family and work with charities, and the past week may be pay back.

I've been sickly for 2 weeks.
I've been accidentally busting myself up.
I've been completely rocked emotionally.
I've been made insecure, for the first time in 2 years by people I care about.

The feelings I keep going to and from are, Anger and Indifference. How could this happen and why did this happen? and ultimately, why do I care? Life is ever changing, ups and downs.

I think the world is neutral. Ups and downs. But eventually it evens out. Beginnings and Ends. Life, Death. ...beginnings and ends. I know it hurts now, and I know it'll go away, but I almost want the feeling to stay bc its the strongest thing I have felt in a long time.

I have weird feelings about my life.

I just changed to a Ninja 2.0 Layout and I got in the Myspace mood again. I remember before YouTube, when I worked in a call center, I used to Myspace to meet new people. I even downloaded a firefox tool, to refresh the screen every minute to see if anything new happened with my friends. I was a Myspace-aholic.

Now, I am not so much. Im a twitteraholic on www.Twitter.com/phillyd and a YouTubaholic.

But man, its all changed! I've seen changes in my personality, fluctuated in weight, and when people from my past contact me, it amazes me how much they've changed for the good or bad. Like that clean cut friend you had, that got into drugs, or even something small like, they started smoking. IT BLOWS MY MIND!

I think people are constantly changing, which isn't a bad thing because every book I've ever read, has shown me that its FLAT, STATIC characters are boring. Still, does this mean that the relationships we share with friends, lovers, and family, are ever changing and not meant to last, or are they ALL adaptable.

In my life I have played many characters. The son, the loser, the failure, the dropout, and now the head of the house, the small business owner, the entertainer. There are many roles left for me to play, before I take my final bow. I think all people are good and evil. We are not what we are, but what we do and what we learn.

Its one of those nights. I'm flying to Florida tomorrow, to visit with family.

If I dont tell you beforehand, have a blessed Thanksgiving.

-Philip D

I like delivering the news in a different way on the website, so I was thinking of something like this

Im thinking about a project called "I am DeFranco" and it involves YOU GUYS! Essentially you take a picture and/or video of you holding a home made sign that says I am DeFranco. In the picture we need people to look serious, angry, funny, sexy, weird, extra weird, confused, or proud. If you want to get more than 1 person in the pic when you do it, even better. Send in as many as you want.

Also I'd love to see anything from the troops. LOVE YOU GUYS!

Mail anything you make to sxephil@gmail.com

Be well homies :)

-Phil

Over the past two weeks, I have written in Microsoft Word my deepest darkest truths. Things that I wouldn't say out loud. I have read over everything tonight, and I noticed I contradict lots of things. I think there are 2 Phil's inside of me.

There is the Phil thats fine with My mom taking my ex to San Juan for a week, because she needs the cheering up. Then there is the Phil, that wonders what happened to Family blood loyalty.

There is the Phil, that wants to be nice. There is the Phil, that is and has been an open book, but is super blunt.

There is the Phil that wants to hurt and destroy. Then, there is the Phil, that wants to be friendly, even though it sucks to do so.

I'm lost in my own head. There is no RIGHT way, there are only options. All of which have good and bad outcomes. I HATE THE GRAY AREA! My dad, the only person who has ever gotten me, said that in decision making, you always have to think about 1 first. I think thats what I have to do, even though it hurts me, to hurt others. Whats worse is that all my choices and actions get broadcasted to the world. So every Joe Schmoe gets to critique my choices and life based on hear say, or half truths. Fuck em.


I'm lost in my own head.

-Phil

blah blah blah personal information that shouldn't be leaked because its no ones business blah blah blah more personal information blah blah blah blah angry backhanded compliments blah blah I should have never made this blog, but Im going to broadcast in my username now blah blah blog

-Phil

PS. Katie you're insane

PPS. Bitches aint shit but Hos n Tricks

I'm holed up in my hotel for a few hours before I have to go to these business meeting out here in San Fran.

People in my live shows have probably heard of my new addiction, but you should come and fight me @ SpicySide.com.

Make a character and find me my email is phil@phillyd.tv when you search for a friend. I have a little time to kill.

-Phil :)

Its a little surreal being just under 800 subscribers away from LonelyGirl15 on youtube. I didn't even know what youtube was until I saw LG15, just after she had been "exposed". As I'm passing all these people I used to look up to, and some I still respect, its a little bit weird.

I think my new default picture really describes how I feel about this whole ride. I feel out of place, yet at home at the same time. As I've raced to the top I've seen people gain egos, destroy themselves, or just give up when they started losing their audience. How I've kept my audience is the same way I think people should live their lives. Do what stimulates you, what makes you happy.
Listen to what others think, but do not bend to their whim.

I hope and believe this is just the beginning.

-DeFranco

I kind of want to do a Q/A, so if you have a question for me, leave it as a comment and I may answer it here, or in a video.

And no...you can't have or eat my babies....

-Phil D

I always get a kick, when I see my name on respectable sites. I was most shocked when I saw my name mentioned in the NY Times today.

NYTimes Story

It makes me happy to see, that anyone can have a voice these days.

P2TP,

-Phil

PS. Words can move mountains...