1:I hear shouting in the hallway at work. A man yells, "No, just drop it, it's ok, JUST BREAK IT!!!"
Assuming someone needs help moving something, I go across the hall. The door's open, and there's a trash can, a large man and a terrified looking woman.
"Can I help you guys?"
"Yeah, you can help by GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!"
I assume this woman's in danger.
"I'm in the hallway, this is public space. I'm not moving."
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"
"No."
He raises his fist and I think, "Shit, I'm finally going to find out what it feels like to get punched in the face." He doesn't hit me.
"IF YOU DON'T MOVE, I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!!!"
"Miss, are you alright?"
"I'M THE LANDLORD! YOU ARE TRESPASSING, GET OUT OF HERE!"
I call the cops. Turns out he's not the landlord, his mother in law is, but she knows he's crazy so she doesn't do anything. We still see each other every few weeks and look past each other.
This was last November.
2:In front of the UCB theater after a sketch cram, an angry, angry preppie in his 30's walks up to a group of us:
"If you see that kid, tell him I'm gonna shake him! And if you don't, I'll shake all five of you!"
There was a woman with us, so I think, "Oh wow, even though that threat doesn't make much sense, I don't like this."
"Sir, what's the matter?"
"I'll tell you what's the matter, a kid from in there spilled cooler water near my car!!!"
I know I shouldn't say this next thing, but I do.
"But sir, what happens to your car when it rains?"
He does the Biff Tannen laugh. The, "Oh, you did not just say that" thing bullies do.
"Do you know who I am? I've been in the Octagon, I'm an Ultimate Fighter."
Ah, shit, I think. I'm dead.
"Have you ever been in the Octagon?"
"No, but I know it's not alright to threaten people."
He starts punching himself in the face, as if to say, "I'm so tough, I can even take my own punches."
He then takes his shirt off, and he's ripped, and he points to the ground.
"What are you pointing at?"
I know what he's pointing at. He wants me to step forward and fight him. I'm just being a dick because I know I'm dead already.
He points two more times. I go "You can keep pointing all night, I'm not gonna fight you. You totally threatened that guy."
He shoves me, and I fly back, but try and snap myself back into my original position. His buddy from behind him goes,
"Hey, we gotta get out of here, man, I'm on parole."
"Well I'm not!" says the Ultimate Fighter. He turns to me, "Look at you, standing there in your glasses and your dumb jacket."
"Look at you standing there in your shitty jeans!"
"These are DIESEL jeans!"
(He really did yell that last part.)
Pretty soon they get into his buddy's car, but not before he asks me my name.
"Asterios Kokkinos," I reply.
"You're not even from here!"
"I'm from New York!"
"Whatever, fagbadger." And they drive off.
I still don't know what a fagbadger is.
3 & 4:I'm actually pretty exhausted now as I write this. I'm all panicky and spazzy just reliving these old memories. I'm writing this in the first place because three days ago, I finally moved out of my apartment, away from meth-head my neighbor who called me a "Cheeseburger Eating Faggot" and threatened to have her son and brother beat me up.
It's twelve forty five, and the rental manager's supposed to sign the lease over to a new couple. He's forty five minutes late, and we've got a U-Haul rented.
Long story short, I'm in an argument with the building manager.
(Thuggish British accent) "I don't have to tell you where he is! That's my business where he is!"
"Well, it's my business too, I've got this poor couple down here waiting to move into a new apartment!"
"Oh, they're not a poor couple..."
"The guy you sent down here to take care of the paperwork just looked around and left, and he was clearly drunk!"
"He wasn't drunk! Y'know, for mouthing off to me you fucking asshole, your administrative fee to transfer the lease just doubled!"
"Where's the rental manager?"
"It just doubled, thanks to you, see how much higher you get it you fucking prick!"
"Where's Tom, where's the rental manager? You're just upset because you don't know where he is."
"You're in violation of your lease! You can kiss your security deposit goodbye!"
"How am I in violation of my lease?"
"I don't have to tell you that you fucking motherfucker."
"That's because you know I'm not. Look, why don't you come down here and bring some papers."
"Are you threatening me?! Are you threatening me?! I'm not afraid of you, you come down here anytime and face me, I'm here until 8pm!"
Oh god, I'm never getting out of this apartment.
He tells me that he's going to order the rental manager to terminate all communication with me, and hangs up. Long story short, me and one of the new tenants hop in my car and speed down to the rental manager's office, who was sleeping on the couch. We wake him up, he hands us the papers, he drops then quickly hides a baggie of cocaine, we all sign the papers at the terms agreed to before the building manager exploded. Now I'm living in Whittier.
They've got 21 days to return my security deposit or I take them to small claims court. I hope I get my money back. I could sure as hell use it.
Epilogue:Am I the only one who routinely gets threatened? Why does it seem like that to me? I never hear stories of my friends or family getting into these situations. What's happening here?