Show 15 Parama Acoustic LoungeBurlington, VT

 

Autopilot…Drive, rest, eat, play songs, repeat.  Yeah, this one was not very stellar at all.  I don't think I said anything to the audience except "Hello, I'm Keith Monacchio" and "Thanks for listening, goodnight".  Just one of those nights I guess.  Can't really remember what I played, how I did, or if anyone liked it.  Ya know how you go see a band and they are really tight, but they look like they want to be anywhere but playing..That's how it was on this night.  Plus, I found a nice spot to sleep by Lake Champlain.  So nice, that I almost slept though my show.  Woke up at 8:40, suppose to go on at 9PM.  Worked out okay, but I think I sleep marks on my face during the show, and possibly a Hyundai imprint on my forehead.  Yes, very professional of me.  It was a nice room, people were very nice.  I was just out of it.  It was raining all day, so I basically spent all day in the car listening to music and staring at a gigantic lake that was never-ending.  Oh, I had a terrific plate of vodka rigatoni, at this place called Bove's.  Thanks for the heads up on that, brother Edward!! 

 

Show 16 The Harvest Café Hudson, MA

Last show of the tour.  Feeling rejuvenated after my piss-poor performance in Burlington the night before.  Plus, I had someone come visit me for the last night of the tour, and it was great to see a familiar face, especially one as lovely as her.  I'm feeling good, ready to rock Hudson, Mass!!!  Spent the day in Boston, trying to do my best Joe Harvard tour guide impression.  I think I faired pretty well, although I did consult with Captain Beantown, while we there on some dining choices.  After 45 minutes of useless Boston knowledge, he finally gave me the location of good eats and good desserts.  We sang his praises for the rest of the day!! 

 

Ate at this burger place that was fantastic.  Small hole in the wall, that was so crowded they take your orders on the street, "soup Nazi" style or in this case "burger Nazi" style.  Once you're in the place you sit wherever and with whoever.   This was great for my friend and I because she'll talk to anyone, as will I.  Although, all I said to the people next to us, or on top of us (it was that cramped) was "Excuse me, can you pass the ketchup?"  This was the only opening she needed.  Before, I could take a bite of my burger, she had the name, hometown, occupation, shoe size, of the person next to her.  I found this hilarious and weirdly comforting, because my mother is the same way.  I thought asking the women to be her pen-pal was a little much, but what do I know? 

 

So, after a short nap, it's off to the gig.  The Harvest Café is a nice little place.  People were very friendly, drinks (from what I heard) were pretty tasty.  I opened for this band, Angstrom.  They played originals and covers.  Did a good version of G n R's "I used to love her" with a girl singing.  So, it was "I used to love HIM".  Pretty good, indeed.  Not a bad listening crowd, half & half.  Opened with "Indiana Jones" straight into "Numbers".  I think I had them after that.  Closed the tour the way I started with "Josephine".  Nice response!  Sold some merch, Karen (the owner) made us some food to go, and we were out.  Tour over…Finished…Drive home…Need my own bed!!!  Got into that bed about 2:30AM. Exhausted, exhilarated, happy, sad,  and accomplished.  Europe next year, can't wait!!!!

Show 14 Lake Shore Farm Inn Northwood, NH

 

Drove out of  New York to the next stop, New Hampshire.  Very scenic.  Mountains, trees, streams,  all that crap.  Really nice ride.  Played at the Lake Shore Farm Inn.  It's right on Jeness Pond (looks like a lake, but they call it a pond to make it more cozey..That's what I was told).  The pond is still frozen over and it's a bit cold.  The place reminds me of that place from "Dirty Dancing" you know "Kellerman's".  It has that kind of vibe.  I was almost waiting for a PA announcement that said "Bunny hop lessons will be held on the south lawn..Don't be late!!!"  I arrived around 3 with my show not starting til 7 so I had some time to kill.  Met Harry, "the inn-keeper", hell of a nice guy.  Showed me where to set up, big barn like space, great venue.  Also, showed me around the inn a bit.  Asked if he had a place where I could crash hang out, and he take me to the inn sitting area.  Big fluffy couches, fireplace, old school video games (Pole Position, table top Ms. Pacman, juke box that still played 45's.  Sweet!!  He left me there, and said he had to make the dinner for everybody. FREE FOOD!!!!  He must have been gone about 2 minutes and I was out.  Snoring my ass off.  Told me he'd wake me when the sound person showed up.  I love this place!!! 

 

I opened for a band called, Bejammin.  They are called Benjammin, because the 3 lead singers have kids named Ben.  Nice ladies, good harmony's, a little different then my sad song rants.  It's getting close to showtime, and Harry "the innkeeper" announces that suppers on.  I'm freakin starving at this point, so I was like..Yeah, we'll sound check later!!  Big spread, three entrees, veggies, rice, fresh bread, and 3 different kind of pies.  A fat guys dream!!  The cool thing about it is that you eat with the people who came to the show.  Just sit anywhere.  I'm into the community seating.  Like when you eat at Banzai or something.  Just talking to random people who you would otherwise not talk to.  Unless, you get the one guy at the table who doesn't want to catch the vegetables when the chef throws them to him.  He ruins it for everyone.  Just catch it dude.  It's not the other people are going to be saying "can you believe it took him 3 try's to catch the vegetables?!?!?  What a total loser…I never would want him on my vegetable catching team!!"  I'm rambling now, but you get my point.  Anyway, met some nice folks during the dinner hour.  "Upside-Down Pumpkin Pie"…Again..UPSIDE DOWN PUMPKIN PIE!!!!  This was fantastic.  I had two pieces of it..A big pig right??!?!  I don't care it was great.  So great that I went into the kitchen and talked to the chef.  It was Harry!!!  Harry is the man!!  His own creation.  Tried to get the recipe out of him, but he wouldn't budge.  Phenomenal!!

 

Okay, I'm totally fat now and ready to perform.  Did about 40 minutes.  B.B. WORLD, Indiana Jones, Out of our hands, the Set up, Josephine, The New Normal and Fork in the Road.  Good response, sold some CD's, room sounded great.  Next up was Benjammin.  Five piece band.  Did a bunch of covers and I think a couple of originals.  All 3 sang solo/ and together.  Harmonies were real tight.  Crowd was good and I believe everyone had a good time. The whole thing wrapped up at about 9:15.  Pretty early night. 

 

After I helped them break down the PA, Harry asked me "where are you staying?"  "Umm, I don't know where do you recommend?  "Well, you can stay here at the inn??"  (FREE ROOM!!!)  "I'm in, where's my room!?!?!?"  So, let's review, free meal, free room, and even got paid!!  Harry, shows me my room.  It's about 9:30PM.

 

Harry – "So here it is!!"

Me – "this is great!  ( it was better than any hotel I'd been in the whole trip)

Harry – "Just as long as you'll be out by 10AM"

Me – "Sure…I'm an early riser" (total lie)

Harry – "Yeah, I've got the quilters coming tomorrow"

Keith – "Getting new bed spreads huh"

Harry – "The Quilters are people who sew quilts."

Keith – "Oh right…they do it the whole weekend"

Harry – "Yup, 5AM until well past midnight".

Keith – "Wow..that's a lot of sewing..Sounds like a wild bunch" (kidding Harry a bit)

Harry – "Well they can be a handful!"

Keith – I'm sure.. with all that fabric around who knows what will happen?  I have no idea what that means Harry.."  (both laugh)

Harry – "So, out by 10AM"

Keith – "no problem..Harry..um..is there a TV"

Harry –(laughing at me) "not a single one on the premises"

Keith – "right..who needs a TV..Read a book right!!!!" 

Harry – "Alright..see ya in the morning"

Keith – "Goodnight"

 

At this point it's about 9:30.  I'm wide awake, no TV, it's so quiet I can hear my own heartbeat, I'm the only one in the entire inn..This is when I start to think about the movie "The Shining"!!!  It was eerily similar.  I'm waiting for Jack Nicholson to come running through the hallway with an ax. "Wendy do you hear me TYPING?!?!?!"  All kinds of shit.  Decide to phone my brothers and let them know where I am just in case they never hear from me again..  Bad idea..My oldest brother Ed, he immediately goes into his "REDRUM…REDRUM" chant.  Thanks big brother!!  Call Rich, and he gives me some really scary scenes that I forgot about from the movie. Note to self - when in the middle of nowhere, staying at the "the Shining" hotel, don't call older brothers. 

 

Anyway, decided that I should just enjoy the peace and quiet and get some sleep.  Chances are the next night I'll be staying at some dive, where you need to leave the TV on so as not to hear the two people in the next room cooking crystal meth.  Slept like a baby, best night of sleep on the whole tour.  Woke up at 9, was on the road by 9:30.  Big thanks to Harry for being the most hospitable club owner that I've ever encountered!!!

Show 13 Moon & River Café Schenectady, NY

 

Another long ride, 4 ½ hours.  All hopped up on "Polit" truck stop coffee.  "Pilot" tuck stop coffee comes in different levels to keep you awake. 

 

Level 1 -Regular, a little spring in your step.

Level 2 -Stay up until they go from regular programming to infomercials.

Level 3 -Drive through the night and when you get home, re-shingle your house.

Level 4 -Stay awake for a year and a day.  Not sure what the extra day is for, but I'm thinking it has something to do with a much needed visit to a physician.

 

I opted for level 1, seemed like enough of a pick me up.  Plus, I saw some of the level 3 and 4 guys around the truck stop…Scary!!  Stayed at an Econo Lodge, first one of the trip.  We always stay in Econo Lodge's with the band, but I've been staying away this time.  Not as much fun, to make fun of when you're by yourself.  Tom (my Commons road roommate) and I basically stay up laughing at the condition of our hotel room.  In one room we had a giant hole in the ceiling, a huge piss stain on the pillow case, and what looked like blood on the fresh towels.  The only thing you can do is laugh and try not to really think about it.  Best to wait for Sean's summation on the conditions of the hotel (always good breakfast conversation) in the morning.  He generally notices the little things that you don't really think about.  You know the little things..like bullet holes!!  He swore that there were bullet holes in the window, at a Richmond Econo Lodge.  He probably was right since there were prostitutes renting down the hall. Maybe, Econo Lodge will sponsor my next outing, since I'm speaking so highly of their establishment. 

 

Anyway, the Moon & River is a nice little joint.  Reminded me of an old 70's basement.  A bunch of chairs, books, board games, vinyl chairs.  The guy who pened seemed like a nice guy, his name is Dan Noonan.  He's a young songwriter, still working the kinks out, but has some good potential.  I think he got a little pissed because during his set I kept going "NOOOONAN…NOO..NOOOONAN!!! MISS IT NOONAN..MISS IT!!!!!!"  So it was a pretty small crowd this night, and I played without a PA.  Just sat on a chair in the middle of the room, and played.  Pretty naked.  I played for about 45 minutes, I think I opened with "Big, Big World" I seem to be opening with that a lot.  The 7 people that were there were into it and quiet.  I met them all but just started referring to them as "table one".  Like "Thanks table one!!  You guys are great..We're small but mighty!!!"  Packed up and was out of there.  Nice little town!!  Back to the Econo Lodge, slept like a rock.  I was also voted "Econo Lodge Customer of the Year".  Really, quite an honor!!!

Show 12 Nietzsche's Buffalo, NY

 

Drove to Buffalo from Columbus.  Long drive, 5 hours 15 minutes.  Not much going on in this town.  I'd describe it as drab and blue.  That must happen when your team goes to the superbowl 4 times and comes up with a big goose egg.  I got this show through Josh, from the band The Genuflectors.  Good band, a duo, guitar and cello.  Nietzsche's is a good place, nice vibe to it.  Seemed like it was going to be a really good night…Until!!!

 

As I was setting up and getting ready to play, Josh introduced me to this girl, from New Jersey.  Not sure of her name because I think I've erased it from my memory.  But, I'll just call her "Yappy", because she made more noise than a wounded Shitsui.  It went like this..

 

Josh – "Hey Keith, this is "Yappy".. She's from New Jersey.

Me – "Oh hey..nice to meet you!"

Yappy – "Well really I'm from New York"

Me – "Well which is it, NY or NJ?"

Yappy – "Well, I'm a songwriter and performer and now I live in NYC..But, I grew up in Woodbridge, do you know what exit?"

Me – "um…exit 11."

Yappy – That's right..and you?

Keith – "7A"

Yappy – "okay"

Keith – "So, where do you play?"

Yappy – "Oh all over the city…I just gave up a show at the Bitter End..  Can you believe that??"

Keith – "That sucks"

Yappy – "Although, I just got an offer to do a residency at the 169 Bar..Great, right!!!"

(Side note – The 169 bar is probably one of the worst places to play in NYC)

Keith – "Wow…The 169 huh..Good luck with that.  Do you ever play New Jersey?"

Yappy - NO, but I should.. I would have SO many people come out to see me!!  So, you're on a tour?

Keith – "Yeah, I've been out for about two weeks"

Yappy – "Just national?"

Keith – "Yes, just in the US"

Yappy – "Oh..I'm going on an international tour!"  (spoken with kind of a "you poor national tour guy loser" tone..I sense that and retort)

Keith – "What..Like IHOP's or something?"

Yappy – "What?!??"

Keith – "Nothing..Okay I'm gonna start."

Yappy – "Cool..I can't wait to hear your stuff!!"

 

At this point I set up, introduce myself, and open with "Indiana Jones".  People are pretty attentive, listening, going well.  That was through the first half of the first verse.  Then I  start to hear some talking…than loud hello's, then just a full blown conversation.  Guess who??  Fucking yappy Jersey girl, sitting directly in front of me, about 4 feet away.  I finish the song, and get a nice ovation, but still she is talking her ass off.  Not whispering or talking in a hushed tone, but like "HEY FRANK, HOW THE HELL ARE YA!!!!".  I know it's a bar, I know the deal, but I figured this "international touring artist" from my home state might wait at least until the 2^nd or 3^rd song to lose interest.  But, no, by 2^nd or3rd song it's time to start with the text messaging and phone calls.  Really nothing can be more rude than a public phone call that everyone can hear.  I'm in singer/songwriter hell at this point.  I shoot her the stink-eye, but it has no effect.  Now I'm past the point of no return.  I'm fucking seething!!  A few ways this could go..

 

A. I could publicly humiliate her?

B. a simple sarcastic joke directed her way?

C. death by guitar headstock?

D. just ignore her, play the show, and get the hell out of Buffalo.

 

I'm happy to report that, I opted for D. Yes folks, I took the high road.  Maybe I'm growing, getting soft, aging..I have no idea?.  I think it has more to do with just general "I've seen this before, not the first, certainly not the last I'll see of this behavior, just get on with it.  Plus, maybe her phone battery will die or she'll suddenly come down with a severe case of laryngitis.  Anyway, I'd like to thank Josh for listening to me vent after the show.  Sorry to bend your ear like that buddy!!  As for Yappy, well, I wish you well on you "International" tour and the residency at the 169 bar..  Yap on!!  

Tour Blog - Shows 10 & 11

 

Show 10 The Barking Spider Cleveland, OH

Sunday shows basically suck all over.  No different in Cleveland.  Pretty empty, slow night.  Played to a small but mighty crowd of 10.  Busted out a couple of songs I have not played in a while, "Empty Apartment", "She's got a Blackeye", good response on the latter.  Martin, the proprietor of the Barking Spider, is a great guy!!  Big supporter of singer/songwriters.  They treated me really well. 

 

I went to the R-n-R hall of fame.  Spent about 4 hours in there.  Really cool stuff!!  6 floors of music.  They had a special exhibit on the making of the Beatles "Help".  All kinds of behind the scenes stuff.  Very cool set up of Pink Floyd's "The Wall".  They had the wall set up, with the puppets and the drawings.  Got a cool photo of that, even though pictures were not to be taken.  I'm a rule breaker, a real rebel!!.  Oh yeah, I went to the Indians stadium, that I thought was called "Jacobs field" the Jake, but now is called "Progressive Field".  Why do stadiums have to be named after corporate sponsors??  It sucks, takes all the history out of the game.  Wrigley, Fenway, and the soon to be torn down Yankee stadium, are the only ones left.  Even the new Mets stadium is sponsored by Citi Bank.  Hence the name Citi field.  I mean, Shea is a total dump, but it still has some character to it.  I hate change.  Anyway, on to Columbus!!

 

Show 11 The Rumba Café Columbus, OH

 

Slept in the car again last night.  Drove the short distance to Columbus.  Got there a bit to early to check into a hotel so I went to the library to check some e-mail.  Got a bunch of nice notes from people wishing me luck in my travels, very nice.  I think I needed a little pick me up, so thanks friends!!  Played the "Cowtown Songwriters Round" @ The Rumba Café.  Really nice room.  Played with Jason Quicksall, Jesse Henry, and a piano player, Bill (can't remember his last name), but a good player. The night was run like song circle.  Jason, Jesse, and I trading off songs.  With one person starting on a certain topic and the next guy going in a similar direction.  Example, I did "Jesus had a brother" and Jason did a nice segue into his song, "Touchdown Jesus".  I particularly liked a song that Jesse played about a "princess, who lost her crown", not sure of the title, but a great story..Great song!!  Definitely a cool night, would love to do something like that in NJ.  Playing the songs to certain themes was really cool. 

 

The next day, I visited a couple of spots that Joe Harvard told me about.  Used Kids records was a great store.  A ton of vinyl!!  Then I went on a search for a guitar that Joe sold 10 years ago.  Here is how that exchange went…

 

Location : Luigi's Pawn Shop…Time - noon

 

Me – "Hi"

Luigi – "How are you? What can I do for you?

Me – "I'm good"..  "Are these the only guitars you have?"

Luigi – "I have more in the back…What is it you're looking for?

Me – "Well, it's kind of weird…It's a Hoffman Box Guitar."

Luigi – (Looking puzzled) "What???"

Me – "A Hoffman Box Guitar?…It's got a headstock in the shape of horns.."

Luigi – "Horns…Did you sell it to me?"

Me – "No..well..Yeah…My friend did.."

Luigi – "I think I would remember that…We don't have it.

Me – "Could you take a look in the back?"

Luigi – "I think I'd know if I had a guitar shaped like box, with giant horns on it"

Me – "Yeah…huh..Well?"

Luigi – When did your friend bring it in?..last week?…last month? This year?"

Me – "1996"

Luigi – "2006?!?!?"

Me – "no..1996"

Luigi – "are you crazy??"

Me – "Yes..I believe I am.

 

Sorry Joe…I tried.

Show 8 Cognizant Coffee Indianapolis, IA

 

Drive from Chicago to Indianapolis. Long ride, a little tired.  I like driving through Indiana.  Nice and flat, lots of nothing to see, just fields and farms.  I don't know it's soothing that it made me a little tired.  So, I pulled over about an hour from Indianapolis and took a little nap at some scenic overview.  Not sure, if you can call it a scenic over view, because it's flat, your not looking "over" anything, but, still a good place to rest for a while.  Put on Nick Drake's "Bryter Layter" and was out for a good two hours.  So, I show up at the venue, and it's dark, with a big closed sign in the window.  This is not good. A little back story, I was suppose to play as part of this art opening at the place.  Two women were showing their work and I was to entertain with my musical prowess.  Next to the closed sign another sign, "ART OPENING MOVED TO U. OF INDIANAPOLIS ART CENTER".   Light bulb!!!  I'll just bum rush the art house and play for the folks over there.  So, I arrive at this art center, but it's more like a artist co-op, kind of like a bunch of artists living in apartments in this big building.  I walk in find the artists I was suppose to play with, and tell them my story.  They had found out the morning of, that the Cognizant Coffee house  where we were suppose to be is out of business. Great!!!  Before I could make a case to play here they said, "why don't you play here!!!"  Okay, so there was this guy playing a electric piano, and he was going through a small PA.  Okay…pa…check.  Mic???  Have to find mic and mic stand, gotta be someone around here who has one.  In the meantime, I notice the hors d'oeuvres table, I'm starving, before you know it I'm killing the shrimp dip and crackers like a person who hasn't eaten in weeks.  Waiter comes over..

 

Waiter - "Would you like a honey wheat ale"? 

Me - "Are they free?" 

Waiter - "Oh yeah"

Me - "I'll take two"

 

Shrimp dip, crackers, free beer, I love this place!!  Oh yeah, the place is pretty packed to.  Another bonus, people to play for..  Continue hunt for mic stand, someone tells me about someone on the top floor who plays music, and may have one.  I'm off to seek out said person.   I get to his loft, and he is showing his art too, everyone was showing art, I almost felt the urge to draw something or have my mother fax me a copy of one of my 2^nd grade school art paintings, but I thought better of it.  Meet this guy named, Mark.  A bunch of other people, who names I don't remember, and start telling my tale.  He's like "Sure man!!  Hey, you want some pasta??!"  Ummm…Yeah!!"  Again I love this place!!  Not a bad sauce either, I ask if he's Italian…"No, Welsh"..  Yucks all around and I thank him for the eats and the mic & mic stand.  Play for an hour, good response, sound was good in this open atrium.  Sold some CD's.  Funny how things work out!!  Big thanks to Sarah, Kate, and Mark and the PA guy (forget his name) for being so accommodating!!

 

BTW – On my way out of the place, when I was loading the gear, this guy comes up to me who obviously had more free honey wheat than me and says.

 

Drunk - "Hey man…You're great!!!

Me - "Thank you very much!"

Drunk - "Where you going to next?"

Me -"Michigan"

Drunk - "Be careful man… They'll kill ya, in Michigan"

Me - "Huh?!?"

Drunk - "THEY"LL KILL YA!!!"

 

Buzzed, freaked out, happy, and a little frightened, I drive to Michigan.  Where… possibly… I will be killed.

 

   

Show 9 Plymouth Coffee Bean Plymouth, MI

 

I made it to Michigan.  Slept in the car at a truck stop so I could get a room in the morning and have it the whole day rather than getting a place at 3 in the morning, checking out at 11, and having to kill a whole day waiting around to play.  Saves money, smart, plus I could watch the Final Four and hang in my room for the day.  I show up at the venue, and I'm happy to say that it was not closed (a good sign).  Place is really cool.  Kind of like an old house, that has a coffee bar in the front, and off to the side is a living room and dingroom, fireplace, and a nice stage set up.  Played with a guy named Brion Ribborn.  Good player, decent songs, nice guy (although he had more pedals on stage than The Edge) I kept telling the audience that he would be launching a small missile with his pedals after the show.  Jeffree, who runs the show is also a good dude, really into it.   Very attentive crowd, definitely a songwriter listening room.  Decided to open with Big, Big World, to see how quiet they could be?  Answer, pin drop quiet.  I'm happy, plus the place is packed.  Apparently the CD I sent to the local radio station has been getting some good spins, particularly "Kate & Joe".  I told a lot of stories about the songs and where they come from.  Nice to tell the stories to new people who don't realize you're repeating the same shit, that you said to the first people who heard them.

 

But…  I decided to road test the "Homeless guy and the Plate" story.  Please see Memphis blog if you're not familiar.  Anyway, it went over like a led balloon.  Not a soul saw the humor in it.  Pin drop quiet..not good.  But, I perfectly segued into a new song called "Dumbass" which they thought was very funny.  We split the set's, into half-hour blocks.  People stayed the whole time.  Got a great response from the crowd.  A lot of compliments.  I'm pretty stoked at this point.  Figure I'll sell a ton of CD's.  Not that it's about selling and making money, but when you're out there on a budget, it's nice to have some extra scratch.  50 people in the room….Sold 3 cds.  Yeah, that's right 3 fucking CD's!!!  I'm totally baffled by this, but people just don't buy hard copies of music.  Itunes is what they want.  I know this, but I still held out some hope that I would be selling a ton of them that night, with the feed back I received.  Got over it pretty quick and was happy with the 3 sold and the tips, that Brion generously let me keep for myself.  Really solid guy!!  Michigan was the best show of the tour thus far. 

 

Met another interesting character outside the place between sets.  I call him "the worst drug dealer ever"..

 

the worst drug dealer ever – "Hey Man"

Me – "Hey, how are you?"

the worst drug dealer ever – "Pretty good"

Me – "Glad to hear it"

the worst drug dealer ever – "You want a smoke?"

Me – "No thanks I have one"

the worst drug dealer ever – "No..You want smoke?"

Me – (a little confused because he was mumbling) "Do you need a smoke man??"

the worst drug dealer ever – "No man…Do you want to buy some weed?"

Me – "Are you trying to sell me weed??…outside a coffee shop?

the worst drug dealer ever – "Ummm…Yeah??

Me – "This is your spot?!?!?  The Plymouth Coffee Bean!??!

the worst drug dealer ever – "Uh…yeah..

Me – "Wow…Are all the corners occupied?  Or are you just trying to hip up a different market?"

the worst drug dealer ever – "Dude…Why are you asking me all these questions??

Me – "Hey man I'm not a cop.

the worst drug dealer ever – "Oh cool!!  You're kind of freaking me out"

Me – "Well, it's just that this seems like the worst place to sell weed"

the worst drug dealer ever – "Why?"

Me – "I don't know…Have you looked at the yuppie clientele in this place??"

the worst drug dealer ever - "Yeah"

Me – "Well, do you think that "Marcie the Housewife" is gonna come out and buy a dime bag from some kid in front of a coffee shop.  If anything she probably just popped a couple of valium just to get through her day in the first place.

the worst drug dealer ever – "I don't have any valium dude"

Me – And you shouldn't".  I'm not encouraging your chosen career path.  But, if I was you I'd find a corner, or at least go across the street.

 the worst drug dealer ever – "What's across the street?"

Me – "Well, "The Mister Softy" Ice Cream Place looks like it could be promising..

the worst drug dealer ever – "How so?"

Me – "I don't know??  I'm just brainstorming here…  Just throwing out ideas.

the worst drug dealer ever – "I'll think about it"

Me – "Alright, well I have to go play a set now.

the worst drug dealer ever – "Oh…you playin in there?

Me – "Yeah…Why don't you come in on your break on a I'll sing you a song"

the worst drug dealer ever – "Cool man…Good talking to you!!

Me – "You to brother!!"

 

BTW – "the worst drug dealer ever" was one of the 3 people who bought a CD.

 

Night 1 Borders Virginia Beach, VA

 

Well, I made it to the first stop.  GPS is the coolest invention ( I don't care what Harvard says about it).  Not a bad start to the tour.  I have family here so it's always good when they come out to the show.  I put my nieces in charge of mailing list and CD sales, how can you say no to a 7 year old??..    Decent crowd, very attentive.  Played a bunch of new songs, a couple of old ones for my brother Edward.  Kind of a weird Borders though.  I don't think they have music much, people were watching and listening, but were unsure about clapping after songs.  I thought I was sucking it up or something, which is quite possible, but talked top a bunch of people after the show and they really enjoyed it.  It's funny, when my nieces are at the show, I have to sensor myself a bit.  Last time, I sang a line in "At the Fair" about "play some games, lets shoot the clowns" you know the water gun into the clowns mouth balloon fills with water, etc.  My niece didn't quite get the reference and asked my brother "Daddy, why did Uncle Keith shoot a clown?".  So, the censoring was not messing with my artistic integrity.  I can't have my niece thinking I'm shooting defenseless clowns.   Anyway, onto Raleigh tomorrow.  

  

Night 2 Borders Raleigh, NC

 

Hopefully this will be my last Borders show...EVER!!!!  I hate Borders...  Not sure why I booked two shows in a row at this place, but it was a quick booking and kind of a descent warm up for the tour.  But, it's kind of like busking..But your not in a subway or on the street corner, you're in a bookstore.  People are sort of listening, but you wouldn't know it, because barely anyone acknowledges your presence.  Also, the girl behind the counter keeps out yelling out coffee orders at the top of her lungs "FRENCH VANILLA LATTE UP!!!!!!"  Anyway, after you finish then people start coming up and saying how much they enjoyed it.  "Oh, that's nice..thanks!!"  Might have been more helpful if you gave me a nod, or a finger snap, or even perhaps… applause.  Just so I know that I'm not just playing to a room full of dead people.  Alright, maybe that's a little strong, but ya get the gist.  Even if someone threw a copy of Harry Potter at me, that would have been good.  Sure a blow to the head would suck, but at least I'd know that I was reaching people.

 

Night 3 Acoustic Coffeehouse Johnson City, TN

 

Thank God I didn't have to play another Borders!!!!  This place was really cool!!  Kind of like a punk coffeehouse.  The Bohemian Saint.  People were quiet and very receptive.  Everyone here was a musician, or an artist of some kind.  Sold 2 CD's and made 17 bucks in tips. Woo-hoo!!!  Enough for a tank of gas to get me to Nashville tomorrow.  Opened with Indiana Jones, good tip T...  Fucked up the words to Josephine, makes sense, I've only sang it a zillion times...Fuckin idiot I am..  This place gave me a free lunch (turkey Reuben) and free dinner (veggie burger...it tastes like a wet sock, Sarah!!!)..  I think this touring troubadour thing suits me.  But, I could see how it could make some people lose their shit a little.  Missed the band on a couple of tunes tonight, particularly "china", can't seem to get that right by myself.  I had a conversation yesterday with some guy about Camden, NJ.  He read some article about it being the worst city in the country.  He asked If I'd been there.  I said yes, and then he asked me if I was carrying a gun.  Apparently he thinks it's like the wild west.  Then I told him I was from Trenton, he asked me again if I was armed.  Why do people gotta put down NJ??  Fuckers!!!  Anyway, onto Nashville tomorrow.  Gonna try to sneak into the Grand Ole Opry and smash out the footlights..

 

Night 4 Blue Bar Nashville, TN

 

Got out of Nashville in a torrential down pour.  Stayed in a hotel where the door didn't stay closed all the way.  You had to push on it and then slam the deadbolt shut.  Pretty scary..  but, hear is the funny part.  When I was checking in, this lady came in and said to the desk clerk. 

 

Southern Lady - Do you know the homeless guy who lives outside the hotel?

Desk Clerk - Yes, that's John..

Southern Lady - Well, I was riding home from my church group, and saw that he had a sign that said "hungry..broke"

Desk Clerk - uh-huh

Southern Lady - Well, I had a plate of food that I was bringing home from the church,and I decided to give it to him.

Me - Wow, that was nice of you!!

Southern Lady - I do what i can..Well, the thing is?  I told the gentlemen after he was finished I needed the plate back..

Me - (puzzled look)

Desk Clerk - (also puzzled)

Southern Lady - I told him to bring the plate into the hotel and leave it at the desk.  So, did he drop it off?

Desk Clerk - Um...no..I don't see any plates behind the desk..

Southern Lady - Wow, I just have to get that plate back..

Me - What about the silverware??  You didn't give him silverware too?!?!?  A glass?!??! 

Southern Lady - No just the plate (not recognizing my sarcastic nature) Well, I'll come back in the morning.  See y'all!!

 

Couple of questions..

It's like one in the morning and raining like the perfect storm.  Was Southern Lady sitting up in bed obsessing about the missing plate?  Must have been if she came out in the middle of a storm to get it.  Or was the John the homeless guy in the wrong for not returning it?   Is she wrong for wanting it back, I mean the guy could probably use a plate living outdoors and all.  Do homeless people still have to subscribe to some form of etiquette or manners?     Am I an unfeeling, cynical, jerk-off who finds humor in all of this?  My blogging buddy Tony would argue the ladder.   Anyway, I survived the night...Oh yeah, the Nashville show was real good!!

 

Night 5 Mo's  Memphis. TN

 

Played at a place called Mo's tonight.  Great place, great people, listening crowd!!  I opened up with Big, Big World tonight.  Seemed to grab people right off.  Sold some CD's with the "pay what you feel" deal.  Worked really well.  Made some cash.  Stayed at the Old Hickory Hotel.  Another gem of a place.  I had a miner melt-down when I carried all my shit up the second floor room, and the key didn't work...  Had to get another room, I was tired, cold and just wanted to go to bed.  But no!!!!  the fucking key didn't work and I had to cart my shit back to the lobby, get another room from the desk clerk...  Pain in the balls.  The bed sucked too.  Funny thing, when I went into the bathroom of my room someone wrote on the wall, "For a good time call Lindsey & Kerry!!!"...I guess they must have stayed there, as well.   You guys are famous!!!

 

Night 6 Old Louisville Coffeehouse Louisville, KY

 

This one is kind of a blur.  Opened up with "At the Fair".  Good crowd, sold some merch.  I was in and out, of this one.  Nice people who ran the place.  Thanks to Mike McGuire for showing some support and coming out to the show!!!

 

Night 7 Silvies Chicago, IL

 

Chicago was cool.  Played kind of a weird room, to a small but mighty crowd.  Opened up with "The New Normal".  Seemed to go over pretty well, although I could swear the mic was cutting in and out, but it could just be my shotty hearing.  Stayed with Jen Thoma.  Nice to sleep in something other than a hotel.  Jen was a sweetheart and a great host!!  Probably could be a terrific tour guide, as I got a great tour of the city.  I was starving after the show, so we went to the "cheeseborger, cheeseburger place".  Ya know the one from that old SNL skit..  Nice feed!!!  Found a cool record store during the day.  They had a great selection of  7 " (45's to the older folk)  Picked up a couple of things for the band.  US Maple broke up, so I had to tell T-Mac the bad news.  Jenny made me a little care package before I left, the cookies were soft and good, and are now gone.  Never give a fat guy, a very large bag of homemade cookies.  It only leads to bad things. 

Read all about our NEW record, American Ghost.

http://www.thecommons.net/commons_new/press.aspx

4/4/2006 - The Commons On MTV's "8th & Ocean".
Hey All, We received some great news this past weekend. The MTV show "8th & Ocean" has picked 6 songs off of "Dirt Waffle" to be played on the show. That's right, THE COMMONS ON MTV!! What songs you ask? 3..2..1, Don't Go On Me, Lipstick, Looking Back, The Simple Things & Come See Me Sometime. The first episode with our music will be May 2nd with "The Simple Things" up first. "8th & Ocean" airs Tuesday nights @ 10:30PM on MTV. We would like to send a special thank you to Drew Hoegl, for passing along "Dirt Waffle" to the folks at MTV. We are all very excited about this latest development.