Ann Forsman's MySpace Blog |

(Add Comment) |

0 Kudos

Thursday, December 10, 2009

dispirited.

my uncle cam died tonight. the singe most wonderful person i have ever met is all of a sudden gone. my savior has gone and he is not coming back.

and all of a sudden i realized that i have wasted so much time worrying about things that don't matter. i know what i want out of life. now i just have to work harder to get it.

uncle cam taught me that there was nothing more important that love. no more hiding from the ones i love the most because i'm embarassed and ashamed. you are still you and i am still me and no matter what, i will always love you. all of you.

my heart is broken, but i will make something beautiful out of the pieces.

Currently listening:
Harvest
By Neil Young
Release date: 2009-07-14

6:29 AM

(Add Comment) |

0 Kudos

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

i guess i'm young but i feel so weary.

i'd just like to let the universe know that i'm a little tired of my life falling apart. oh but how i will take this situation and make it the best possible thing that could ever happen to me. and i will do it defiantly . someone please get me a vest.

alright, so actually my life has fallen apart far more ridiculously than this before, BUT i really have no interest in looking on the bright side just yet. because i'm real pissed. i'm real pissed that my landlord lied to me, i'm real pissed that my best friend/roommate/family has to move away and i'm real pissed that i have to move back to kitsap county.

but hey, it's a beautiful fucking day, isn't it?

it's been kind of a weird couple months, but i think it's ultimately made me more resilient. and you know, i can't expect anyone to help me if i don't actually ask, right?

i'm going to find the counselor at treatment who told me that all i had to do was get clean and then life would fall into place oh so perfectly. he lied to me and i want that hour of my life back. i'll probably just waste it, but it's still mine.

although i've always known it, i think i'm starting to understand what the key to well adjustment is. and that is a delicate balance. a delicate balance of heaven and hell. maybe things don't have to be super wonderful or super horrible. maybe things can just be and that's where true contentment lies.

and one day soon i'll learn how to deliver babies, play the piano and finish a novel. tom robbins can be my best friend and i will live my days on a ridiculous farm with buffalo i keep as pets and cows that have rubber mats to sleep on. you can come with me if you want. i only have one requirement, you must despise drama while simultaneously adoring everything thats over the top and ridiculous.

i told you, really it's all about a delicate balance.

Currently listening:
Transistor Radio
By M. Ward
Release date: 2005-02-22

5:00 AM

(Add Comment) |

0 Kudos

Sunday, September 20, 2009

please.

don't fuck up. i'm not sure we'll get another chance.

5:27 AM

(Add Comment) |

0 Kudos

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

further explanation needed.

mom's in the hospital.
i'm out here by myself.
i go see her everyday and call her at least 4 times.
you go out drinking and ignore my calls.
i'm a bitch because you think you should be able to act like a douche and i shouldn't be allowed to call you on it. and also, you're always right and i'm always wrong, no matter what.
can't call, can't come see her, can't hang out with me. all because things just "got fucked up". I'm never allowed to use that as an excuse and get away with it.
and when you can't deal, you get to go get drunk. and i have to be sober.

it's all really fucking unfair and at times, so disgustingly inconsiderate that I don't think I can even look in your face.

so, please explain to me how you have any right to be mad or even annoyed with me without looking like such an ass.

Currently listening:
New Moon
By Elliott Smith
Release date: 2007-05-08

2:20 AM

(Add Comment) |

0 Kudos

Monday, November 03, 2008

Filling in these blanks that you create.

It took a long time. A very long time. But I'm actually kind of okay with being myself.

I was walking home from the bus stop the other day. It was raining. I was coming back to my mom's house, a place I've sworn never to come back to. I had no money, no car. But I was happy. I was happier than I had been in a very long time.

I've lost a lot lately. I've lost friends and I've lost faith and I've lost family. But what I have gained has almost made losing everything worth it. Because what I have gained is a feeling of self worth. I have learned to like myself when everything and everyone around me says that there is nothing there to be proud of.

I've learned more living straight than I ever did doing everything bad you could imagine, not that I would trade that experience for anything in the world.

I can accept that some people will never change their opinion about me. And I'm okay with that too. Because the people that surround me now are the ones that truly love me.

If he wants to stay clean and he really wants to do it this time, then I will be here for him too. Cynicism has kept me from falling but the potential is there. Let's just hope that love doesn't cloud the bigger picture.

Starting over took a really long time for me. But I'm ready now.

Currently listening:
New Moon
By Elliott Smith
Release date: 2007-05-08

1:45 PM

(Add Comment) |

2 Kudos

Friday, October 03, 2008

edit the sad parts.

Sometimes all I really want to feel is love
Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry
Sometimes my feelings get in the way
Of what I really feel I needed to say
If you stand in a circle
Then you'll all have a back to bite
Back logged voices on the 7 wonders
We're all so funny but he's lost his joke now
A communication from the one lined joke
A stand up comic and a rock musician
Making so much noise you don't know when to listen
Why are you judging people so damn hard
You're taking your point of views a bit too far
I made my shoes shine with my coal
But my polish didn't shine the hole
If you stand in a circle
Then you'll all have a back to bite
Back logged books on the 7 wonders
We're all so funny but he's lost his joke now
Our communications come from one lined joke
From stand up comics and a rock musicians
Making so much noise you don't know when to listen
Think it over
There's the air of the height of the highrollers
Think it over
You aint got nothing till ya know her

Currently listening:
This Is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About
By Modest Mouse
Release date: 1996-04-09

6:44 AM

0 Comments

(Add Comment) |

0 Kudos

Monday, September 01, 2008

you’re not my friend.
Current mood:

determined

I left you. And I was really sad for a few days. But I think I'm going to be okay now. I have a lot of fight left in me. I fought for you, and I lost. I guss you weren't who I was going to spend the rest of my life with, no matter how many times you said it.

This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Let's move on and let go. But let's not be friends.

Currently listening:
The Essential Electric Light Orchestra
By Electric Light Orchestra
Release date: 2006-04-10

7:55 AM

(Add Comment) |

2 Kudos

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

if we can land a man on the moon, surely i can win your heart

I tried really hard to not fall in love.

But I did. I threw the rule book out the window. I went with what I felt, and it feels good.

I keep expecting it to get bad. I keep expecting something to go horribly wrong, and it just keeps getting better.

I didn't know that things could be this good when everything seems so bad. I didn't know I could still be happy even when nothing goes my way.

I'm happy. For the first time in a long time. Someone is coming home to me who sees through the bullshit. And he keeps coming back.

Life isn't great, but as long as I'm not moving backwards, I'm always making progress.

Currently listening:
The Best of Talking Heads
By Talking Heads
Release date: 2004-08-17

11:46 AM

(Add Comment) |

2 Kudos

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I thought my demons were my friends

Why can't I stop hating God?

10:30 AM

0 Comments

(Add Comment) |

0 Kudos