Silence is the killer
in most relationships, not the silence shared between two loved souls, but the silence that arrives from friction, doubt, mistrust and
boredom. The first major step of
disintegration in Jorge’s relationship with his girlfriend came when he just
disappeared one day and stayed away for two days. His girlfriend was beside
herself again, she had contacted me and because of our general concern we
visited places where Jorge would go.
No sight was found
and then he turned up, unshaven, needing a shower and a change of clothes. It
was if he had just forgotten where he was living and walked the streets.
The cycle of mood
swings became more volatile, the depression, the silence, the stalemate, slowly
grinding her down. There was no doubt he loved her, but for some unexplainable
reason he was destined to destroy the relationship and every time she tried to
repair the damage Jorge would find a new way to break her will.
I spoke at length with
him about his behaviour, which relationship of my relationship with him was
cruel and selfish. Practically every occasion when I did talk to him he would
break into tears. He knew what he was doing, but hated himself for what he was
doing, he loved her, but he did not deserve her and then he hit the nail on the
head…”she will leave me just like my mother.”
For six months this
game of torture seemed to persist, then some where in the middle of is
confusion came the dark step that put us all on alert.
His girlfriend, whilst
on work placement as part of her university course, received a telephone call
on her mobile. It was Jorge, he told her that he had taken some drugs,
sufficient for an overdose and that he was going for a walk.
Immediately she contacted
me and I in turn immediately went on the search for him. Fortunately, as a
drove towards his flat I found him walking in the opposition direction I was
travelling.
I jumped from the car
and run over to him. Surprised to see me I quickly asked him if he had taken
any drugs tonight, from the shuffle of his hands, the movement of his eyes, I
could tell he was contemplating it, but had not done anything. I asked him the
give me what he had, which amounted to three balls of crystal crack balls. I
took them off him and stamped on them and then kicked the dust across the damp
walk way.
He could see from my
look, assertiveness and underlining anger (which I was controlling) that I was
not playing games. He stood there is half shock, bewildered, like an empty
vessel. I telephoned his girlfriend who broke down in tears.
I told him this has to
stop and he agreed. Things calmed down for a couple of months. Then the cycle
started again, this time his girlfriend informed Jorge that she needed some
time from the relationship and that she was going back to Italy to visit her
family for a week…as she put it…she was exhausted.
During this week she
had decided that she could no longer remain in the relationship unless Jorge
received help. Her message was relayed to Jorge over lengthy telephone calls
that would last hours with large period of silence. She told me that quite
often she had to ask if Jorge was still on the line.
He would cry and be
sweet until she indicated that she would consider giving the relationship
another try then he would shift the conversation to ensure it became strained,
then when she returned to her view that she could not stay in the relationship
he would cry and become sweet again.
During this week Jorge
started to ignore my telephone calls and texts. I would call round his flat to
discover nobody in. His girlfriend returned from Italy and took the decision
that she needed to move out, which she did.
I finally made contact
with Jorge and arranged to meet him in central London for an early lunch. His
girlfriend had let me know that she could not remain in the relationship until
he started receiving treatment for his depression and mental illness. I had to
agree with her no matter the pain to Jorge his girlfriend had demonstrated real
love, loyalty, support and strength. She had given everything and had nothing
else to provide.
I met with Jorge and I
was shocked to see how much weight he had lost in a very short period of time.
Secondly, he was caught up in a state of paranoia regarding the men who managed
the nightclub he was working at. Thirdly he had given up his flat, since he
split with his girlfriend and was now living in a small storage room in the
actual nightclub. All this had taken place in a matter of two weeks.
I was shocked and tried
to convince him to come home with me for a few nights to sort things out, but
he was not with me. Every time I spoke to him about anything not of his
instigation he would simply change the subject and refer to the men managing
the nightclub…he was sure they were watching him all the time, following him
and reporting what he was doing to others, they had made his girlfriend leave
him, etc.
Jorge was living in
his own reality, one that removed any responsibility from him and his actions.
Then he stood up and said he needed to make a telephone call and went outside
of the café. I turned my head to the waiter and ordered a coffee and when I
turned back Jorge was gone. I searched, but to no avail, he could not be found.
I telephoned and text, but no replies. I called his ex-girlfriend and asked her
the mane of the nightclub he was working, but he had recently moved to another
club and did not know the name.
Days turned into weeks
and weeks turned into months. I made it a point each day to send a text, or call…but
no reply.
Then on 31st
August late one evening two text messages and a couple of telephone calls were
received on my mobile, which I had switched off whilst at the cinema. When I
switched my mobile phone back on I immediately returned the calls and texts…but
silence.
Three months had
passed and I decided to break the silence and go to the café where Jorge was
working to ask them if they had any news or how I could contact him. I had
moved my work location again and had started to frequent an alternative coffee
shop on morning.
As I entered the café
the owner walked towards me, greeted me with open arms, with sorrow written
across his face. I asked what was the matter?
“Jorge is dead, he
committed suicide, he jumped into the river Thames late on 31st August.”
Jorge Balde RIP
I miss you. Dad x