So, myself and two other comedians did a college show at Bentley University for their freshman orientation. This is how they advertised the show on the posters, program and schedule:

"Join three of Boston's funniest comedians for a night that will have you rolling in the aisles with laughter. Also, don't miss the putt-putt (mini golf) and pancakes right after the show."

This is how far my career has taken me. I'm opening for pancakes Ugh.

Personally, I'm still not quite sure what the hell I am doing with my life. There comes a point in everybody's life when they look around and reflect on where they have gone and where they are headed. Well, right now I'm balls deep in stand-up comedy and don't have a clue as to what direction it is sending me in. I've been performing for a while now and at first it was out of the pure enjoyment of making people laugh that drove me to the stage. There was no actual thought that this could become my lifes ambition. I went to college, earned a degree and built up a nice little resume that would certainly get me an entry level job in the corporate world spending most of my time on YouTube and talking to my co-workers about Grey's Anatomy.
Society laid out a nice little path for me to follow. Stable salary, 401K, vacation time, health insurance and career advancement. All I had to do was follow the steps in front of me and it would surely lead to a nice suburban home with a white picket fence, 2.5 children and a dog named Rusty. Sounds like the American Dream.... and for most it is.

Unfortunately, I have chosen to follow a different dream. I've decided to follow one of those dreams that they tell you about in elementary school. They tell you to reach for the stars and if you work hard enough you can be anything you want to be. You can be an astronaut, a fireman, an actor, the president or even a comedian. For many, when you get older, reality sets in and you begin to realize following your dreams means a whole lot of sacrifice and putting your life and future on the line. It means you have to risk everything just for a chance to roll the dice.

Well, here I am. Taking this leap into an unknown world. Stepping off the path of security and taking a road less traveled. It's never been paved and there are no road signs to point me in the right direction. There are many others on this road with me. All with very similar dreams and risking just as much. If I look far enough ahead I can see a light at the end...but its a long journey and one that statistically will end in defeat. Its strange to be in an industry that produces so much laughter, but creates fear and uncertainty in those who create it.

They say to always follow your dreams, so that is what Im doing. Ive decided to put my life on hold and take that chance to roll the dice. I just hope it doesnt turn up craps.

Bad Drivers                 

I love stereotypes and I especially love stereoptypical drivers.

Women are bad drivers, Asians are bad drivers, drunk midgets are bad drivers and blind drivers are the worst. Whenever I'm stuck in traffic I feel like I'm playing bumper cars with the United Nations and I'm representing the USA.

Maybe it's the patriotic side of me or maybe I just don't want to wait in traffic, but if it's between me and a pregnant chinese woman driving a beat-up Daewoo for who's merging first...fuck her...I'm going first. She's overpopulating the world anyway with her rice-eating demon womb.

Of course, when I think about it...humans in general are bad drivers. We're all bad drivers regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation. It makes sense that if God wanted us to drive he would have given us an exhaust manifold instead of a central nervous system, right? But he didn't and there's a reason.

Most people can't pat their heads and rub their tummy's. How are they expected to read road signs while driving at 85 mph with a "filet o' fish" in one hand while text messaging their BFF about the KKK party they went to that was LOL in their other hand? Then we complain that people drive like slalom skiers on crystal meth. 

This is why the government installed guard rails on the highway. To ensure we all keep moving in the right direction and if we drift off we will be guided right back in line. Like cattle being prodded into a room where we gently get a club to the face then a hook jammed up our ass that will carry us across the assembly line where they cut us into slabs of meat. Then we will be flash frozen and vacuum sealed, transported from coast-to-coast and be displayed at the supermarket like diamonds in a jewelry case with an expiration date. Call me a cynic, but I believe this animal expired around the same time you slit its throat. But I digress.

It doesn't help that half the road is covered with SUV's because soccer mom's care more about their image in front of the neighbors then their children's safety. Well, to be fair these mother's do need a Cadillac Escalade...How else are they going to get their groceries home, their kids to jazz dance and then to pilates? Not to mention...a minivan will ruin their image as a MILF and god forbid that. I, too, would rather get 8 miles per gallon so I can have lights in the vanity mirror of my sun visor.

I guess what I'm saying is if you drive a Hummer (or something comparable) you can suck my dick right down to the balls.

No, seriously, I want a blowjob from a MILF in the backseat of her Lincoln Navigator.

Because the only cure for my Road Rage is Road Head.