Yeah, so I know it's been a really long time since I posted a blog entry, but there hasn't been a whole lot of free or down time for me or the band in quite a while, and when I have been in the mood to write, something always forces its way back up the priority ladder. But I'm forcing myself to rest because I'm fighting off a little bit of a cold and we have a show tomorrow night that we can't afford to miss…as they say, the show MUST go on. So right now I've got the time whether I like it or not. J
I've been thinking a lot about how much things have changed for me and for the band in the technical year that it's been in business. I didn't come from an impoverished life, but I've had to work hard for every single thing within it. I've done the same things that I know most everyone has had to do in their lives at some point or another to get ahead, and (like many) a lot of time to let slip the things that I wanted to do, in favor of what had to be done.
There've been many times in my life that a musical career was within reach, but eluded me either through my own doing or the financial inability to really dig in deep and make it a reality. I've cooked for a living, drove forklifts, worked for logistical companies, was a buyer/planner and I even worked for Dell in the division that handled the big battery recall that happened a few years ago. With the exception of cooking full time (which I still love to do) and the job at Dell (which helped pay for the current album), I don't know if I would've considered myself the model employee, but I was still a damn hard worker. But throughout all of the jobs that I've had, my mind always wandered and daydreamed about the possibility of being a full time musician. And now that I'm actually doing it, and the gears are turning, it honestly still doesn't seem quite real.
When you're used to a certain way of doing things for so long, and it's been dramatically changed, it takes a while to get used to it, a la 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks'. And after so many years and so many people telling me more times that I can count that it couldn't be done, now that I'm actually doing it, it's still taking a while to really sink in. I still can't help but wondering sometimes, though, how I was able to get so lucky to do this in the first place. But then I remember the times where I really felt like this was what I was put on Earth to do. As cliché as it sounds, it has been one of the biggest things that has kept me going, even when times are their hardest.
Though there have been many times where being a full time musician is extremely difficult, I still wouldn't trade it all in to going back to sitting behind a desk for 8-16 hours a day, sometimes more. This is also the only job I've had where I've worked this hard for as well, because it means so much more to live the dream, but it's also my business at a time where life and business is hard right now.
Wall Street just finished up its worst week ever, a major political event is about to determine who will get us out of it soon, and I've been trying to keep from getting sick so I can make sure my band and I have enough money to get through next week by playing tomorrow night in Gun Barrel City.
Will all of these problems exist in a year from now? Some will, some won't – who knows? I do know this however…after a year, I still get those moments (more often than not) where I'm behind the mic, singing a phrase and watching the crowd dancing in front of me, and in the back of my mind I'll be thinking to myself "I can't believe I get to do this for a living."
If it were all to end tomorrow, I'll at least know that I finally got this one right.