www.deadjournal.com/users/idle_hands/

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish i was cooler?

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

17. Am I loveable?

18. How long have you known me?

19. Describe me in 3 words

20. What was your first impression?

21. Do you still think that way about me now?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think i'll get married?

24. What makes me happy?

25. What makes me sad?

26. What reminds you of me?

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?

28. How well do you know me?

29. Do you wish to get to know me more?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

31. Do you think I could kill someone?

32. give me your number?

33. have sex with me?

34 give me money?

35. let me kiss you?

36. watch a movie with me?

37. have dinner with me?

38. let me borrow your car?

39. kick my ass?

40. take a shower with me?

41. be my gf/bf?

42. have a fling with me?

43. be there for me?

44. buy me a drink?

45. take me home for the night?

46. give me a good time?

47. talk to me all night on the phone?

48. tell me you like my ass?

49. watch porn with me?

50.Put this on your own journal and make me fill it out?

    Yes I know it's amazing, I got a cell phone. and its sexier than yours.  Bitch. (925)858-6522 

Why the fuck do I have a myspace? It's a piece of shit for dumb ass teenagers, posers, and fools. Sometimes I feel like my life is going nowhere.... What’s the point anyway..... I feel like I'm a complete asshole, and all I do is slowly hurt the people around me, my dad, my friends,..........Samantha. The only thing that keeps me functioning is the fear of falling and pulling them down with me. I'm a complete poser of whatever I'm trying to be, whatever I'm trying to make my life into.... Is it ever possible to be truly happy, or is happiness just a delusion for the fools this culture has turned us into? "eternal bliss" Whatever the fuck that means, it's unimaginable....... you know why? It's impossible........ That's one of the reasons I've lost my faith....... The other is my aunt. What the fuck are you going to do in heaven anyway? Whatever you want to make yourself happy.......cause you can? 1. That’s incredibly selfish and 2. I'm sure that would get boring after a while............ Then what? I will surrender everytihng that I am to anyone who can tell me that? Have I wasted the amount of my life I've lived so far?

"And All That Could Have Been"

(if you don't know who it's by...then you shouldn't know)

Breeze still carries the sound
Maybe I'll disappear
Tracks will fade in the snow
You won't find me here

Ice is starting to form
Ending what had begun
I am locked in my head
With what I've done
I know you tried to rescue me
Didn't let anyone get in
Left with a trace of all that was
And all that could have been

Please
Take this
And run far away
Far away from me
I am
Tainted
The two of us
We're never meant to be
All these
Pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my
Nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me
Gone fading everything
And all that could have been

Please
Take this
And run far away
Far as you can see
I am
Tainted
And happiness and peace of mind
We're never meant for me
All these
Pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my
Nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me.....................

Ever since I heard the B-side of that "The Hand That Feeds" 7" Alix got me at the listening party, This feeling inside of me has been growing........ It's strange because only Listening to NIN brings this out of me, it's the same feeling that was born about 2 years ago when I first started listening to "The Fragile". So I was finally able to Download the album a week and a half ago thru sharing programs (it doesn't come out until May 3rd) And when I was listening to it during a specific moment and the last track started playing I felt like it ripped out of me......... And I can only describe it as "you know exactly what Trent felt when he made it" And That’s the NIN feeling............ Felt like I needed to share, go back to your miserable Lives....... Currently Listening to "With Teeth"

on vinyl.... bitches! Yea so Things are good, obviously. It couldn't have gotten worse for a while there........ Then someone came along who I had really liked for a while....... To be perfectly honest she caught my eye from the first time I saw her......... And the night after she had really made an impression on me, Matt L. and I talked about her for a while, just how cool she was and how beautiful she was, she's an artist and so we talked about how talented she is and how amazing this one picture of Nyy she drew was.... I don't know why but when a girl puts her mind to something, a girl who is skilled or talented........ It attracts me to them..... And well after a time of things being so, blah. There she was, still there, the most buried jewel of them all..... it just amazed me when I found out she was still single... Still there, almost waiting for me.... she’s just so, she just has this way about her that no one ever sees..... it's indescribable (watch "Wicker Park"..... I feel the same way Matt describes Lisa to his best friend....) It's so strange cause, at times, it's so hard to get her out of her shell. Or to assure her that it's ok to be comfortable around me, it's pretty in a way though...... I think she approaches our relationship the way I use to approach my past ones, I always felt like I had to be "on" or impress the girl...... But then I realized, if their with me............ I mean it's ok to surprise them and do sweet things, but you shouldn't ever feel like you should be "on" for someone that your that close to..... And since she's never been in a situation like this before, it's hard for her to do that. She drew me a sweet little picture the other night, it's awesome XD. I really feel like something is finally moving forward for the first time in a long while.......... P.S. Love, you really don't give yourself enough credit........ I'm lucky to have you, not the other way around.

So I got my last paycheck and paid my dad half of the co-pay, and the rest goes to.......... Coachella!! fuckers! Yup it's gonna be amazing, I did have to borrow like 30 bucks from seth tho. I'm not going to the first day, Just the second with NIN!!! first concert in 4 YEARS!!!!! so I'd figure I'd hang with Brad on the first day! High and Dry - Radiohead

ok, broke up with my gf, crashed my dads car, and lost my job. And only in one week!!!!! wow, you can too with my "I've hit a new low...." plan! But none of it I could really control........ so seriously what can I do, BE OPTIMISTIC! woot.... I need to find a new job, the girl situation I AM working on. and yea DVC in the summer, its gonna suck...... yay. And now that I don't need to worry about work I can hang with Matt!!!! who I've missed hella. Matt Matti and I are all playing with our nintendo DS's it's awesome, I feel so dorky, I love it!

I haven't posted on my other blog in more than a month, so I'll try here, their's a reason to check this more..... FUCK. I just did something horrible, I feel like shit for it and it shouldn't have even happened, I'm so confused and don't know what I want out of life at all...... Or who I want to be with..... I wish it could all just work out and I'd be content for more than a week....... I feel like I'm a ruiner of life, a flusher........ I want to be anti-social just for the sake of saving the people around me.... I can't say what I did cause who it affects doesnt know yet and I don't want them reading about it here..... I just need to vent, and this is better than nething else I could think of, I've always felt creative when I'm unstable......................... Fuck I work in 9 hrs..... Pet eMOTIVE remix - A Perfect Circle