Destrophy. 


Destrophy "The Way Of Your World"

DESTROPHY- On Tour w/ TYPE O|MySpace Music Videos

Destrophy. 


Destrophy "The Way Of Your World"

DESTROPHY- On Tour w/ TYPE O|MySpace Music Videos

I have a home of my own, again, and it is coming together beautifully.  Everything but a bag of clothes has been in storage since April, so it's going to be like Christmas going through things and unpacking.  Jayson and I (I never mention him in blogs, but it's probably about time.  It's not like not-mentioning him changes something....) moved most things in yesterday with the help of a small u-haul trailer and his father, and it went pretty quickly.  We started moving things (or working on moving things) around 10:30, with some breaks thrown in.  After dinner, we came back to our little place, spent some time putting away books and clothes (a lot of the rest of the house is done.  Not having a lot of stuff makes that part easy).  Around 11 or so we took a walk down to a neighborhood bar, which was a good time.  It's only two blocks away, perfect amount of time for having a cigarette, and the bar not only had an entertaining atmosphere, but it had Buck Hunter Pro....which is always a guilty-pleasure of a good time.  :)

I'm finding little things to love and be annoyed by in this apartment, already.  There isn't a great place to put the microwave, and the toilet seems to run constantly.... A couple of the windows have been caulked shut, so they do not open, and my actual network DSL that I'm paying for (or will be once I get the bill) doesn't work because we seem to have a cut phone line in our apartment.... Its poor little red/yellow/green/black guts are lying on the kitchen floor, from where they stream out of a small hole in the wall....  Convenient.

On the plus side, I am in love with these hardwood floors, and the wood trim, and the wooden bathroom door.  I love the real tile on the bathroom walls, and the old gas stove in the kitchen.  I love the ceiling fan in the family room, with its large wooden leaves/blades.  It goes with all the woodwork so well.  I love being woken much too early by beautiful sunlight streaming in my windows, lighting everything up.  I love how the rug seems to bring the room together.....  :)

I love that my Avi will finally have a space of her own again, for her self, her toys, her paintings, her books, her beloved stuffed animals, her musical instruments, her movies, her beautiful, beautiful little self.  Things have been so complicated for her these past few months.  I'm glad I'm going to be able to help more in providing her with stability and things she can rely on. 






(Everyone who has been helping with Avi these past months....you know who you are.  Thank you.)



Whelp....I think this may be enough self-indulgent internet time for the day.  I am going to go read in the bathtub for a bit, I think.  Or maybe take a walk down to get some coffee.  OOO!  Or play a video game!!  Practice guitar.....  Oh, there are so many options.



And speaking of self-indulgence, let me throw out there, before I go, that we're playing a show at Orlando's bar, on Park Ave in Des Moines, September 26th, 9pm.  No cover charge.  Should be three separate artists playing, great music, great beer.  You know you've got nothing better to do....  So be there!  Email me if you have any song requests--I've been trying to learn more new ones and running out of ideas!

We will be moving into a new apartment this week, and I'm excited.  But then, I'm almost always excited to move.  My family moved a lot, starting when I was twelve.  I remember how much I hated it to begin with.  That first move was so sudden-seeming, so out of my hands, so unexplained.  No choices, very little warning.  I had been at that school my whole life, it was all I knew, and we'd lived in the same house for ten years.  It was all I remembered.  Moving was quite the experience.

New school, new home.  There were a lot of joys to be learned from the experience.  We ended up moving a number of times, attending five different high schools.  It definitely taught me some negative things.  At that age, especially, I decided there was little you could rely on, and that you never know when everything you're building will fade away.  Consistency was something I craved, but could never have in that situation.  I had the consistency of being with my family, for the most part, and that was good.  It became hard, early on, for me to try to make friends, though, as I never knew when we'd move again.  It was also hard to get very involved in music and things at school, as I hate to not be able to finish what I start.  For years, it was as if I never had a patch of solid ground to stand on, in order to find out where it was I was standing, and who exactly I was standing there as.

There are a lot of great things about moving, though.  New people are always good, and you'll always meet new people, even if just a couple, when moving.  I'm only moving across town, so I don't have to leave my friends this time, but the lesson still applies.  Some of my favorite things about moving include setting up the new apartment, putting things away, sorting though all your things (again), and deciding what to keep and what needs to go.  That's all of life, and I need to remember to do that often.  There are a lot of habits, thought patterns, etc, that we all get into, and we need to remember to do a self-evaluation from time to time to keep ourselves up to date, so to speak.  How much we keep in the storage containers in our brains is up to us, and many of us keep a lot of things we don't need.  Pack rats, we tend to be, at least internally.

I don't think I'm really touching on any of the points I meant to when I started this blog, and now they are all hazy in my head.  I suppose, though, I just wanted to say that a LOT of us are being handed new beginnings, whether we wanted them or not, and what we do with them is up to us.  I think pretty much everyone I know is at some sort of starting point in their life, many from changing relationships, many moving, many making new life decisions or finally having the chance to get or feel things they didn't think they would ever get, or deserve, for better or worse.  For better or worse, though, what you do with your life is up to you.

I'm thinking of you guys.



jen

I am FINALLY writing my playing with fire song....so that's good.  It's been like...three or four months in the coming.  Just couldn't figure the story out before.


Also, I really want the Erin McCarley album.  They are beautifully written songs, and it would be a great one to have in the car, as I'd know and sing every word within a day or two. 

This is really only for a select few people, so if you think it's about you it's probably not.  On the other hand, if you think this stuff applies to you for some reason, I guess you should examine that possibility (just don't take it seriously).


Person #93710:  I've said it before but I will say it again.  After you have crossed such supposedly sacred moral boundaries (so personally, and with such ease...), how can you feel like you have the right to judge anyone for anything? 


Person #91877:  Ah, ye who has taken so few chances in life.  Don't put yourself at any sort of risk.  Don't risk others, not even with a possible emotional connection.  Don't stand up for yourself, just kind of mouse on by.  Let's just stand at a distance and judge, though most everything you know is heresay or comes straight from the mouths of liars.  That's cool--I'm sure it's a real fulfilling experience.


Person #80438:  Bottom line is, you really don't know, and you really can't accept that not everyone makes your choices, would ever make the choices you have, or is capable of making those choices.  You do not know.  And the vehement hate is just ridiculous.  Really.  Overall--you really, really don't know, you're assuming, and you're wrong.

It has been so long since I've posted a real blog....and it's going to be longer, I'm sure.  This isn't it.  I wanted to let you know that I'm still here, though.  More "here" and present than I have been in a long time.  Life is very complicated right now, and for all the things going wonderfully well, three more are waiting to trip me up, so it seems....  But that's the talent--It's a challenge to maintain a balance.

I can't believe I didn't know this band before.... Where have I been?!?


Gives You Hell

I need to get in contact with my Inner Asylum.  You know.  So my crazies can help me write.

One of the writing books I am reading talks about ways to get all your inner demons to shut up, so you can write.  I have the opposite problem.  I've built so many inner defenses and rooms in my head to shut those demons away, that sometimes I protect myself from things without meaning to.

I'm reminded of a scene from ONCE in which the singer/songwriter Glen Hansard is sitting at his computer, writing a song.  He's writing it on his pad of paper, but using old home videos on the computer to torture himself into true contact with his emotions, and you can feel it in his songs.  He's right there with his feelings.  Listen.  Watch.  You'll know it, too.

I don't have home videos.  I do have old blogs, so I may have to dig through those.  I threw away old journals, which I really hate now.  Now, NOW would be the time to read through them, to muse, to find phrases and words that wrench the heart or make me angry.  *sigh*  I'm going to quit throwing things away. 

So.  I'm going to go find my Inner Asylum of crazies, where I hide my pain.  Then I'm going to use it.  You'll know it when you hear it.