Wow, for an update I really do not even know where to begin. So much has happened in the last year, and so much hasnt. And the biggest changes have happened recently and are still poised to do so. No particular order here, just a chaotic summary of "going-ons" if anything.

Still working at Chucky Cheese. Surprised I have worked there this long. I used to tell myself that the only reason I stick around is because of the people I work with. Well, thats no longer the case. I get along with some instead of most like I used to. It has become truly business only as it were, the pressures remain the same, but the environment has revealed itself to be quite foreboding. I could write an entire book of grievances, but suffice to say that pay, appreciation, consideration, defense, trust, and team-work leave so much to be desired that I think the only reason I am still there is simply to pay bills.

My best friend Chris and his girlfriend (my friend and current G.M.) are pregnant, and it was decided that the best thing to do for them and their baby was to move back to her hometown. Of course I do not want him to go. Known Chris since I was 18 and he has truly been like a brother to me. Other friends, girlfriends, came and went, but he was always there. Just to be clear we are not talking about a move down the street, but hundreds of miles. Only reason I do not whine like a little bitch is because he is leaving almost everything behind to do this. What worries me more than anything, is that the only person he knows there is his girlfriend. The only support network he will have is her and her family that he will be staying with. A bit too one-sided for my tastes, but im a cynical asshole anyway. I'm truly going to miss him and its amazing how all this shit happened so fast. I'm still reeling, and even now I do not think I fully understand or accept that he is really going to be gone.

My family. Hardly ever talk to any of them. Not because we dont get along or anything, it just is what it is. Lets just say I have no idea what any of them are doing for thanksgiving. Paints quite a picture does it not? To be so close, but not. Another thing, finally got in touch with family on my father's side and much has been learned, and yet still so many blanks. Don't know how to make heads or tails with any of it. It seems both sides of my family are quite dysfunctional. Oh, and one family member that lives near me that I had an altercation with (that for better or worse) has changed things between us somehow. Hell, I do not know. So what does one do when the supposed integral pillars of one's life are no longer "there" or are not "there". If you know the answer to that, I'd love to hear it.

My girlfriend Codie. The most amazing woman I have met. Still surprised everyday how easy it is for her to make me happy. Anybody that really knows me can tell you that I am a far cry from the most optimistic person on the planet. My life's track record with um...life has been rather fucked up for lack of better words (Has a tendency to darken things a bit, sue me.) With that said, making me happy is hard to do. To be honest, I even hate the word(happy), sounds fucking stupid. But however she does it, she does it, and thats all that matters. She truly is one of those rare individuals that instills a sense of hope in an otherwise repetitive, normal, existence. Been together a year now, and for once, I truly do hope for many more to come. Nobody knows what will happen with their relationships, and we can always think of reasons why they will or why they wont, sure. But I hope that whatever does happen, it will involve me and her drinking margheritas on the front porch many years from now bickering about where to travel next while she lovingly nudges my ear with her nose. And me trying to act all bad like it doesnt phase me.

I believe in each and every quote hereafter and acknowledge them as fact. Words that I believe are of severe consideration are in bold. Though I will say that every entry herein should be taken dead serious. Alot are from Thomas Jefferson, true, but he was so "Johnny on the spot" with much of what concerned him.

"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty." -Thomas Jefferson

"Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced." -Albert Einstein

""I mean, just because you're a musician doesn't mean all your ideas are about music. So every once in a while I get an idea about plumbing, I get an idea about city government, and they come the way they come."  -Jerry Garcia

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." -Thomas Jefferson

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." -Thomas Jefferson

"I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country." -Thomas Jefferson

"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." -Thomas Jefferson

"Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it." -Mark Twain

"Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth." -Abraham Lincoln

"The philosophy of the school room in one generation will be the philosophy of government in the next." -Abraham Lincoln

"The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws." -Ayn Rand

"Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master." George Washington

"Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison."  -Henry David Thoreau 

"We should reject big government and look inside ourselves for all the things that built this country into what it was."  -Glenn Beck 

"One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government."  -Donald Trump

"The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men."  -Plato

"The instant formal government is abolished, society begins to act. A general association takes place, and common interest produces common security"  -Thomas Paine

"For in reason, all government without the consent of the governed is the very definition of slavery."  -Jonathan Swift

"No group and no government can properly prescribe precisely what should constitute the body of knowledge with which true education is concerned."  -Franklin D. Roosevelt

"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."  -P.J. O'Rourke

"Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program"  -Milton Friedman

So my lovely girlfriend bought me one from Grapevine Mills Mall in Dallas. It came to a total of $119.08 and came in a nice little box complete with the E-cig, charger, and ten cartridges. The brand is "Smoking Everywhere" based out of England and they offer variety with different kits, flavored cartridges, atomizers, batteries etc. They also offer the cartridges in different nicotine strengths.

So far my use of cigarettes has dwindled drastically. I already notice an increased sensitivity to smell and taste, and I seem to be sleeping better. If these are the benefits from using it for just under a week, I wonder what further health advantages will arise from e-cig exclusive use.

Now for a hardcore smokers opinion of them. I love it. It takes a little getting used too, as you have to "draw" from it a little more than you would from a traditional cig, but the benefits far outweigh the minor adjustments to its use. Heres a couple of things I have noticed already using mine:

I do not have to worry about smelling like smoke. I do not have to chew gum for fear of reeking like an ashtray. I have already saved myself about $20 and that promises to continue to grow dramatically. The "cig juice" as I will call it actually makes the vapor taste good (I got the mint kind) and it does come in many different flavors to suit your taste.

FAQ'S:

Is Smoking Everywhere Electronic Cigarette safe? What is a Cartridge? How long will the cartridge last? Who is Smoking Everywhere, LLC? When do I have to replace a cartridge? Do I need a lighter for the E-Cigarette? How do I Turn-On the Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette? How long will the battery last before needing to recharge? Is there a warranty with the purchase? Can I get nicotine poisoning if I continue to smoke the Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette? Where can I buy the Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette? What is the smoke that is released from the E-Cigarette? Does the Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette have a smell? Does the Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette have a taste? Can I use Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette anywhere? What does it mean when the indicator light flashes? Can anyone use the Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette? Why do people use Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette? Is Smoking Everywhere E-Cigarette cheaper than traditional cigarettes?

I came upon a tapestry that would not be denied,
Awakened a longing I did not know I held inside
I tried to find the flaws, that my interest would subside,
but that is when you came, and the colors came alive.

I tried so hard to be my own love's great reaper
and felt the walls I built myself grow weaker.
The colors of emotion were on the move,
Upon the canvas made of silk, so smooth it's rapture
it took the regret and renewed itself with hope.

What is this that has transpired, to dwell within an urgent need?
The trees within the tapestry grew vibrant, and at ease...
with a newfound life instilled, I felt the appeasement
born from within the sigh of a subtle, soothing breeze
There was an awareness , confided, where a dream once resided.
It was then that I realized this dream accepted it's demise...

Because I saw the seasons in your eyes.

Twilight bears the depths indeed, amid the silence in dire need..
To hear the breath of moonlights song, come forth agasp from lips which feed.
I heard it so near, like a bittersweet tear, and then came the warmth of which I once feared...
Her kiss was a truce, and subtly sublime, it felt only reluctance...to the passage of time.
Her eyes did dance, at my prevailing passion's glance,
And knew not if she would take the chance...
Her hands were like shadows, my midnights caress,
which forfeited my lonliness, a harbinger for distress...
Our time was ours, it's measure un-revealed, to the motion of an anxious call
Subdued by right to desires flame, its sound would rise, but would not fall...
She gave to me the gift of kinship, those moments as sweet as rain
So in that time I gave her mine, I gave to her my all...
 
 
 
 

I believe that we are pieces of a puzzle to the tapestry that is life.
That tapestry being the awareness that is afforded to us, and us alone. Life is the sentiment of expression endowed with creativity and the will to simply remain. We are the care-takers and destroyers of our realities. Our mind is the tool by which all atrocities and acts of selfless toil are accumulated. We are the sum measure of a larger part that beckons us forward with new ideas bent on the subscription to endurance.
We can not be controlled indefinitely and we fight forever the restraints placed upon us. By ourselves or an outside force. Our will to dominate is tempered by our need to belong, and therein resides our strength to comply with our inherent weakness to ignore.
We are simply the denizens of a small plane of reason within unrest. Our domain is that of resourcefully adapting to our past, or of remaining within the confines of our fears. We are not blinded by our need to live so much as we are obligated to serve our own preferences of what that need entails.
We are creatures of comfort and famililiarity and will always seek what is tried and true, lest we fail to acknowledge the derivatives of needs unfullfilled. Our pledge is to that of structured chaos, for we are weary, yet watchful beings. The deliverance of our forefathers is the pain of their descendants and we will always adhere to a piece of their legacy. Our persistence in life is directly related to the throngs of rejection, whom we faithfully observe but never succumb to its promise.
Immortality is our most sought after vanity, though none ever sustain its definition long enough to be accurate. All things fade in jest in any time where remembrance is the order of the day. The pinnacle of our struggle, is the necessity of our pennance for deliberating on the forces that guide us. Our influence is that cohesion, but criticized by our lack of reason.
We are not pawns of our own devices so much as we are the kings and queens of our endeavors. The light of our precipice is dawn cresting over an abysmal slope. Our needs are strangers to that which we seek to possess, but we are never truly given what already belongs within.

Three times the time was lost under three,
 Yesterday's yarn of our yearning young youth
Teeters and totters on the training of truth...
What was wasteful, willfully whispers like the wind,
Capturing, calling, the company I condescend...
Needing none, no, naming nececessity nice,
Brings blackmail born by blackened byes...
 
So save simplicity since sanity sucks
For feigning fidelity, forever friendly,
Forfeits Faithful Friends...
From forgetful, fruitless, ...freaky fucks!
                             
 
                        Written on January 20th, 2009 at 11:30p.m. (CST)
This poem was inspired by Alliteration and the time wasted on our past. Apart from which is learned through our failures, many investments are lost to the throngs of change that endear not to be ignored. Always a sucker for words that imbue a sense of peace when written, I have attempted here to address the arrogance of any who believe that anything will last forever.
We are forever at odds with ourselves as much as we would like to be one with others. It is sad, but this is a noble truth of the ages. What once was contained, must break apart upon the whims of change. Time lost is forever time gained. We need not be fearful of the waning hours, but remember always that the world is ours. Take the time to see YOUR light, and sharpen your wits to the wake of lifes plight. We are never and none but always the same, the strength to move on, is the NAME OF THE GAME!!!
I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed being challenged writing it. I have told many that I have a taste for poetry, but not many have seen anything I have written. So I told myself I would write something after work tonight, and thats whta I did. Peace to all, and may you find your inner hope!
                                      -Quentin Cline

I wrote this on July 8, 2002. -Vormand
 

Understanding

Expectations meet with tragic end,

Hopes and dreams we willfully send.

Our past is there, it's presence known,

Through tragedy our hearts have grown.

Uncertainty meets necessity, our general health,

Accept or deny, determining life's wealth.

Restrictions in simplicity, knowledge is power,

Short term memory -fading- within the hour.

Hardship is tragedies twin,

Struggling, pushing, trying to win.

Understanding is what we all seek,

Though most of us will never know,

For most of us are weak.

 

I am often perplexed at how quickly people change...

 

Lately, change in the people I know or have known has been swift. I often wonder what factors must be involved for one to do a complete "outlook makeover". It is easy to speculate that family, friends, and internal/external influences have a large part to play, but this for me, is still very much vague. What subtlety lies at the heart of the matter? I can only speculate.

I have seen someone completely redress their perceived reality unto themselves in such a way that they are no longer what they were, but are so much like they used to be...

I have seen someone completely rethink their place in the world, only to find that their former comfort zone was in fact empty...

I have seen someone question their upbringing so much, that they have grown into a completely new person...

What is the tie that binds? What makes a person "rediscover" themselves? And what transpires to incur a selfless wrath upon the very yolk that once gave them security?

I look around me in awe at the many faces that do the dance of life before my eyes. Where will they go from here? For those who seem so sure that they are on the right path, I would ask, "Does it suit you? Does it feel natural? If so, how are you to know what the tides may bring?" These questions often come to mind because I have a gift for seeing patterns in people that they themselves are often unaware of.

 

             

So many times has an individual told me that they know what they are doing, that their plan to make it a reality unto them is guaranteed. I admire the nobility of such productive ends, but knowing the person in question, and having the gift of perception affords me insight into what will truly transpire. Experience is everything, and those with a lack of it seem perpetually doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Often, it is a mere ideal ones begans to covet, and from that desire to possess it, this ideal grows in strength. By itself, it is nothing but a freeborn thought on the winds of change. But applying ones energy to its manifestation can have phenomenal results.

The tendency of one with a strong desire for accumulation, whatever that might entail is directly related to the speed of which one aquires that which they lack. More to the point, that they believe they lack. All that is required, if for one to accompany the throngs of rejection. Would you enable yourself to have power over that which circumvents your understanding of yourself? Or would you hold dear the value of self-acceptance?

More often than not, I tend to believe that the concept of self-reliance is at the heart of the matter when one seeks change. It usually stems from a notion that something from within is broken and must be fixed. But is this truly the case? I think not. People of all creeds seem inclined to dissassociate the "norm" from their personal experience. It is all about the inherent desire to be unique. What else could it be? Do we not fulfill and measure our impact of existence by simply denying the fact that we are not alone? Why do we hold onto the semblance of safety so much where there is none, and stray from that which gives in abundance? Perhaps it could be said that we are indeed self destructive creatures only so much as the need to avert our own displacement is strong.

We seem to want to be lost. We seem to crave the struggle and rewards of redirecting our focus onto something less substantial. Why is it so? Yet at the same time we yearn to be rediscovered by the same influence that brought us to the wayward point in our lives to begin with.

We insist on knowing what we are, where we are headed, and what we will become. Yet at the same time we depend on a consistency that transcends our ability to truly understand that which we turn away from. Life brings us all together, only to have us depart ways and delve into the realm of the unknown, We are all too eager to be pawns against ourselves for the sake of finding once again what was already there to begin with. Is this not absurd, does it not make sense to you?

 

I have struggled with this, and my understanding of our shortcomings is dominated by a will that would negate them.

Perhaps I can not relate. Perhaps my awareness of the world around us, unique to me and me alone, is the very force that would shut down all other modes of logic. I can only guess and stare in awe at the world that turns, if for no other reason than to come back once again to face itself when it had previously run away...

With that said, I would end this blog with some words of wisdom. And in so doing, it is my profound hope that you as an individual will succeed where so many others have failed. All I ask is this: