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Jack Shoegazer



Last Updated: 11/21/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 32
Sign: Cancer

State: WISCONSIN
Country: US
Signup Date: 9/13/2004

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Thursday, November 06, 2008 
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 
Sunday, August 10, 2008 
I have a bunch of new pictures up from this summer.  Check them out, comment, validate me!  I know it might be hard to find, but the folder is called Summer 2008.  Thanks, peoples.
Sunday, July 06, 2008 
Greetings Friemds,

Yours truly is undergoing a very invasive surgery on July 21st.  Basically, my superior vena cava (the main veint hat brings blood back to the heart) is obstructed and I need a rare spiral-vein bypass in order to correct it.  You can read about it in more detail in this post, and see the actual procedure here.  I will be in the hospital for five to seven days, depending on how things go, and then I have to stay in a hotel afterwards for a few days, the doctors tell me, before I will feel strong enough to travel home.

Luckily, I have excellent insurance that is going to cover the surgery.  However, I live in Madison, Wisconsin and the only doctor that performs this particular surgery is in Salt Lake City, Utah.  (My doctor's father invented the procedure.) Unfortunately, My insurance will *not* be covering my travel expenses in order to get to Utah.  So, after much consideration and suggestions by Jacquelyn and other friends, I've decided to ask the greater internet community at large for help.Thank you in advance to anyone who is able to help.  Every dollar counts.  I appreciate this more than words can express, but I'll try.

Thank you,
Jeremy

(P.S.  I am discovering that for $1 donations, PayPal takes 33 cents of it as a fee, but for $10 donations, only take 59 cents, so I guess bigger donations are better as more money ends up in the fund.  I don't want to discourage you $1 donors though :)  Thank you again.  You are wonderful.)
Thursday, June 12, 2008 
Ann Landers Race for Multiple Myeloma Research

My girlfriend/lover/domestic compatriot/bane of my existence/love of my life/cutest lady in the world/Jacquelyn is running her first 5k race on September 7th to raise money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation, whose work has improved the lives of those suffering from Multiple Myeloma.  She will be running with our dear friend Bridget,  who lost a brother to multiple myeloma last winter.  Please help her out and make a contribution and help her reach her fund-raising goal.

Here's the link in her journal and here's where to donate.

Thank you for supporting a good cause!
Thursday, May 01, 2008 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVwSK6_Th7M

I wrote this play. It's being performed by The Mercury Players Theatre. The last Tuesday of every month they have Short Shorts, a series of <3-minute plays. It was a good time and the plays were hilarious. I'm really proud of this.

Saturday, February 16, 2008 
In my English class the other day, we had to break up into groups of four or five and take turns reading our latest paper, two or three pages on either The Election or The Meaning of Life.  I sat down and wrote this at breakneck speed in the hour before class; I didn't even take the time to edit.  As I read it, people from other groups stopped their own readings and turned to listen to mine.  Afterward several people came up to me to tell me how awesome/amazing/et cetera my piece was.  I tried not to blush but it was hard since I was already a little flushed and red from reading to an audience.  Anyway, the piece is under the cut.

The Meaning of Life

In order to ponder the meaning of life, one must first and foremost believe that life has a meaning.  If one wants to know all about oranges, one must first determine whether oranges even exist.  The same goes for life and the Loch Ness Monster.

If one were to assume that life has no meaning, then it would be pointless to spend any amount of time searching for said meaning.  One with this view would say that life is meaningless and be very content.  I, however, find this to be the laziest of all philosophies.  This is the philosophy of those who can't be bothered to go looking for it, which is, I will argue, is the meaning of life. 

Yes, I said it: The meaning of life is to discover the meaning of life.  It's a bit of a semantic pretzel and verbal fuck-around, but like all true things, it's a bit of a paradox.  Which is why so many people give up and declare shenanigans on the whole question and run off to be nihilists and atheists.

How do we arrive at such a round-about answer?  Follow close and listen up, because I'm only going to say this once.  You can read it a few times if you get lost.

We now know that the entire Universe is composed of nothing but energy.  Quantum physics and particle accelerators have broken down the entirety of existence into various fluctuations in energy fields.  Even the chair behind your desk and the concrete of the floors and the carpet is but energy humming along at a very low vibration.  Everything is energy.  The Sun, the Earth, you, the sound waves you are hearing, and the light you see, even the thoughts you think, are, at the most basic level, energy.

Now, what is it that makes us, humans, different than everything else we encounter?  As far as we know, rocks, trees, cats, and bugs aren't running around pondering what the meaning of their lives are.  The one thing that seems to set us aside is the very thing that makes us run around pondering the meaning of our lives and that is consciousness, self-aware, self-reflective consciousness.  The one thing that no scientist can account for, that no matter how many particles they smash, no matter how many dissections they perform, no matter how many brains they scan, no one can find this consciousness.

There is the old Zen koan: If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?  This is so often misinterpreted, assuming the question is about the actual sound, but really it is pointing to this exact question of consciousness.  To make it clearer, let me rephrase the question: If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no consciousness around to experience it, does it mean anything?  The Universe goes through "the formality of actually happening" all the time: stars are born, suns explode, trees grow, species go extinct, but what does it all mean?  I would argue that inherently, these things mean nothing.  They are merely events following the rules of physics, the rules of expression and energy transformation, the second law of thermodynamics, et cetera.  These same processes operate everything, on you car, your computer, and your body.  Your car breaks down because that's what cars do.  Parts wear down.  Bodies fall apart.  We get sick.  We die.  Why?  On one level, because that's what things do.  'Why?' is a question only a human would ask.

These events, these happenings, have no meaning in themselves.  People don't get cancer because God wants to teach them a lesson.  Your car didn't break down because you weren't meant to go where you were going.  These things don't mean anything.  Before humans came on the scene, a tree grew and no one questioned why.  "Why" was the only thing missing in the Universe before we came around.  So if you ask me, that is our purpose.  We are a bunch of Why-machines.  We are meaning-seekers.  Events do not mean anything until we give them meaning.

In this way, I prefer to envision God as the Universe, the entirety of creation, that all matter is God's body and all thought is God's thought, and like self-awareness to a child, like consciousness in humans as a species, God has taken a while to wake up and now that it has awoken, it is like a child is trying to experience everything it can and it wonders, "What am I?", "What does this mean?", "Why are these things acting the way they're acting?" and our thoughts are God's thoughts and we are telling God what this all is, what it all means.

I am reminded of an exchange in Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions, in which the protagonist, Kilgore Trout, goes into a men's room and sees on the wall where someone has written, "What is the purpose of life?"  Kilgore takes out a pen and answers the anonymous query, "To be the eyes, the ears, and the conscience of the Creator of the Universe, you fool!"  This, I think, is what is truly meant by the idea that we create our own reality.  We may not be able to choose the course of our life, but we can choose what it means.  We can live through tragedy and find glory, or we can live a pain-free and blessed life yet find only agony.  We are given the gamut and we must choose what to make of it.  That, is our purpose and why the meaning of life is to discover the meaning of life.

Thursday, December 06, 2007 
Ex-Italian President: Intel Agencies Know 9/11 An Inside Job

Man who set up Operation Gladio tells Italy's largest newspaper attacks were run by CIA, Mossad

Paul Joseph Watson @ Prison Planet / Tuesday, December 4, 2007


Former Italian President and the man who revealed the existence of Operation Gladio Francesco Cossiga has gone public on 9/11, telling Italy's most respected newspaper that the attacks were run by the CIA and Mossad and that this was common knowledge amongst global intelligence agencies.

Cossiga was elected President of the Italian Senate in July 1983 before winning a landslide 1985 election to become President of the country in 1985.

Cossiga gained respect from opposition parties as one of a rare breed - an honest politician - and led the country for seven years until April 1992.

Cossiga's tendency to be outspoken upset the Italian political establishment and he was forced to resign after revealing the existence of, and his part in setting up, Operation Gladio - a rogue intelligence network under NATO auspices that carried out bombings across Europe in the 60's, 70's and 80's.

Gladio's specialty was to carry out what they coined "false flag operations," terror attacks that were blamed on their domestic and geopolitical opposition.

Cossiga's revelations contributed to an Italian parliamentary investigation of Gladio in 2000, during which evidence was unearthed that the attacks were being overseen by the U.S. intelligence apparatus.

In March 2001, Gladio agent Vincenzo Vinciguerra stated, in sworn testimony, "You had to attack civilians, the people, women, children, innocent people, unknown people far removed from any political game. The reason was quite simple: to force ... the public to turn to the state to ask for greater security."

Cossiga's new revelations appeared last week in Italy's oldest and most widely read newspaper, Corriere della Sera. Below appears a rough translation.

"[Bin Laden supposedly confessed] to the Qaeda September [attack] to the two towers in New York [claiming to be] the author of the attack of the 11, while all the [intelligence services] of America and Europe ... now know well that the disastrous attack has been planned and realized from the CIA American and the Mossad with the aid of the Zionist world in order to put under accusation the Arabic Countries and in order to induce the western powers to take part ... in Iraq [and] Afghanistan."

Cossiga first expressed his doubts about 9/11 in 2001, and is quoted in Webster Tarpley's book as stating that "The mastermind of the attack must have been a "sophisticated mind, provided with ample means not only to recruit fanatic kamikazes, but also highly specialized personnel. I add one thing: it could not be accomplished without infiltrations in the radar and flight security personnel."

Coming from a widely respected former head of state, Cossiga's assertion that the 9/11 attacks were an inside job and that this is common knowledge amongst global intelligence agencies is highly unlikely to be mentioned by any establishment media outlets, because like the hundreds of other sober ex-government, military, air force professionals, allied to hundreds more professors and intellectuals - he can't be sidelined as a crackpot conspiracy theorist.

Thursday, November 22, 2007 
It's Turkey Day here en Los Estados Unidos.  Also known as Thanksgiving.  I heard a guy on the radio yesterday calling it Illegal Immigration Day,   His theory seemed to be that the first Europeans that came here were illegal immigrants and the native Americans could have kicked us out.  But they didn't.  They let us stay, fed us corn and turkey and we survived and prospered.  If one takes this metaphor to it's logical extreme though, one would see that the illegal immigrants (the colonists) eventually killed or imprisoned an entire continent of native people.  Something like this could ruin Thanksgiving.

However, it's the spirit of that first Thanksgiving, that we would live and share with these natives, that we would have a mutually beneficial relationship with them, that saves this holiday from the same brush that has tarnished other holidays.  Yes, we totally fucked over the natives eventually, but that one day (actually it was three days) held a spark of potential of something good and glorious.  So not only should we celebrate the harvest (something so alien to us since we're so divorced from the source of our food) and give thanks for everything we have (rather than whining about what we don't ), but we should also mourn that spark that died, that potential that was never fulfilled.

"The First Thanksgiving", painted by Jean Leon Gerome Ferris (18631930).

I'm thankful that we've learned from the terrible events that followed in this country, and realized that we can settle disputes without killing and war, that we can live with others unlike ourselves, without manipulation and exploitation.  Oh.  Um, nevermind.

Seriously, I am thankful for my son, Ethan who is more handsome, intelligent, and creative than I was at his age; for my girlfriend, Jacquelyn who is everything a loving and supportive partner is supposed to be; for my father, as flawed as he is, has always tried to do the right thing; for my friends, even the ones who I don't talk to anymore - their presence in my past is enough to be thankful for; for my great apartment, though not for some of my craptastic neighbors; for my excellent bicycle which has been retired to the basement for the winter; for my computer and the internet which is actually a vacuum cleaner for boredom,; for my health, while a bit touchy sometimes, is actually quite good; for my cats who are actually reincarnated gods who I must serve unfailingly; and finally for The United States of America, a country founded on a set or principles so brilliant, free and noble, that no one could ever hope to actually live up to them, and yet we try, always striving to be the best, even when blatant crooks have hijacked the whole show and attempt to tear it all down.

I am thankful for my ability to say this and for your willingness to read it.  I am thankful for your comments, opinions, love, support, drama, and snark.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Sunday, November 18, 2007 
My group crushed our competition in my drama class.  We arranged the classroom like a thrust stage and performed this "metapresentation" at a table in the center, with the PowerPoint going on in the background.  We were most definitely the most polished of the presentations.  Everything went off without a hitch.  It wasn't even completely obvious that we weren't off script yet.  We received much applause and after class, several people from other groups came up to tell us how great our presentation was.  During the applause, our teacher exclaimed, (we were the only group that she commented on immediately after the performance) "I am amazed you fit so much information on so many cultures into just fifteen minutes!"

Here is the script.  The (X1) are the slide cues.

Metapresentation Number Three

a presentation disguised as a play about a meeting to plan a presentation

(J0)
 

(J1)

GREG:  (walks in with coffee to see everyone else working) Hey...sorry I'm late.

BEN: (Follows behind Greg) Me too.

CHRIS & JEREMY:  Hi, Greg. Hi, Ben.

STEVEN: Well. look who decided to show up.

B: (under his breath, but audible) Dictator. (He sits)

G:  Listen, Steven, It's 5:30 at night and I haven't eaten since breakfast. Don't make me crush you. (Sits and looks at J's book, opened to masks) What are those?

J: This book of masks is expansive. It covers just about every culture and time period from the earliest shamans up to Darth Vader.

G: OK..so, you are doing Greek...I know Chris is doing Elizabethan...What were you doing, Steven?

S: (S1) It's mask theater of the Kerala region of India, that's South Western India. The theatrical form is called, Krishnattam. It is a cycle of eight plays which depict episodes from the life of Krishna. The performers are elaborately costumed and masked and present the gods, to good Hindus, usually of higher caste. The play cycle is intended to recreate the "divine dream" of God, to allow the performers and audience experience that "divine dream." In that way, it is like western presentational theater. But it's more than ideas, it's about spiritual moods. The play cycle is done once a year and only in a single temple, and it's a long play, the cycle can last for a few days; it's length is supposed to induce a spiritual stupor. 

J:  (J2) That's similar to masks in Greece as well, which grew out of the origins of Greek theatre itself.  It started out as ecstatic worship of Dionysus, the god of nature, wine, orgies, you know, good things.  The "performers" would dress up like satyrs, wear goat-like masks and dance and chant, working themselves into a sort of divine frenzy, until they identified with, or became one with, or rather became Dionysus.  At some point, one of the chanters stepped out from the group and entered a dialog with the others, telling tales of Dionysus and eventually more performers differentiated from the group, embodying more characters in these Dionysian tales until it was "theatre."

G:  That sounds familiar... (G1) Noh started in the same way, but was strictly for the upper class. It was a form of prayer and celebration, but very stripped down. The aristocratic audience knew the stories, so the performances were more metaphorical... they only suggested drama through movement and appearance. That's why the masks were so important...to represent gods and spirits.   2 of the 5 categories of Noh masks are Gods and Goddesses. (G2) (G3) The others are Elders, Goblins, and Devils.

C:  Yea, (C1) the Brit's mainly wanted to spend a lot of money to look pretty, but in the beginning, they also started out just dancing in masks representing gods and telling stories about the gods with no words.  Elizabethan Masques, that's m-a-s-q-u-e as in a type of play, were brought to England from Italy in 1512 and continued through Elizabeth's rein.  It started out as people just dancing and singing with lavish costumes and masks mimicking gods, then slow stories began to emerge.

S:  Hmmm...seems like there is a common thread through this, rooted in religion, our schools of theater originate in the desire to emulate gods. The Krishnattam has remained that way, and it intends never to change. It views itself as preserving the folk tradition of ancient India.

J:  The Greeks, rather than preserving, flipped god-worship on it's head.  Around 450 BC, These early dramas were turned around and instead of honoring Dionysus, theatre was used to attack the entire system of Greek religion.  Slowly, they dealt less with the gods and turned to profound human experiences, like comedy and drama.  (J2) Eventually the average spectator saw nothing divine, only himself and his friends on stage.  At this point, the masks changed function, from mimicking or embodying a god, to the more mundane.

G:  That's kind of how Kabuki started; a woman began it, a dancer named Okuni, as a way to lampoon the traditional Buddhist prayer ceremonies.  Then it began to satirize the upper class, a way for the common folks to express themselves.  It still kept it's religious roots, though.  A lot of performances were FOR something...in Noh, for continued blessings and longevity to the ruling class, and in kabuki, for peace to the country.  It's funny...a woman started it, and then women were banned from it in 1629.  The shows became too suggestive.  Anyone else have anything on the role of women?

J:  Women were excluded from theatrical performances as well, though performances were for people of all castes.  It was the only time both the rich and educated sat side-by-side with the lower classes.

B: 
My mask is all about women. I thought it's be fun to look into an African mask so I chose the Sowei mask of the Mende tribe from Sierra Leone. (B1) (B2) They use the representational art of masks during various ceremonies and I think I'm gonna talk about the initiating ceremony for women in Mende society. They use the sowei mask to represent female water spirits who teach women how to harness the power of their beauty, wisdom, and self control in order to better support their multi-generational, polygamous families. This stuff is all done when a girl of group of girls reach puberty.

C:  Actually, the only roles women were aloud to play in my time period were in masques, in regular plays it was illegal for women to act.

S:  Women are not permitted to perform the Krishnattam.  Only high caste, celibate, boys are accepted into training as offerings to Krishna.  (S2) As a side note, I think it's interesting that they have to train for seven years until they are allowed to express emotion, on stage.  The rigidness of the system almost killed it as an art. During the Marxist revolution in the 1950's Krishnattam was taken out of the public domain.  It was sustained for twenty years by a few devotees and went through a renaissance in the 1970's and now parts excerpts of the cycle are toured world wide. In spite of this touring in general it is a very closed system.

G:
  That seems to be the way all around... Women were excluded or marginalized in the theater, or by the theater, in all of our forms. As a matter of fact , in 1659, Kabuki was itself almost banned ...it almost disappeared when the rigid structure of the Japanese feudal system collapsed. It was barely kept alive by a few who cherished the heritage it conveyed...  J:  Not exactly related, okay, not related at all, but amusing nonetheless, but the Greeks had what's called, "Old Comedy" which was the antithesis of the traditional dialogue, where the actors wore grotesque masks and giant stuffed phalluses.  Old Comedy was banned after Athens was take by Sparta in because of it's "caustic satire and lack of moral restraint."

G:  Oooooookaaayyy.... While it's in my brains...it seems like we have a natural timeline here, too...Jeremy, with the Greeks and his phalluses...Steven, when were you looking at?

S:  Around 1600 A.D. ... Krishnattam is highly stylized and intricate and was born out of the synthesis of hundreds of ancient folkways of the Kerala region, that can be traced back to at least the middle of the first millenium. So there's another theme: the origins of our more highly stylized theatrical forms grew out of ancient forms.

C:  So... about 400 years ago?

S:  Yes.

J:  OK...so, during the presentation I'll go first...

G: Then me...though, Noh is the among the oldest forms of theater, Kabuki came around in the 1620's-

J:  OK, then you...then Chris.

(C2) Yeah, Elizabethan masques were first introduced to Britain in 1512, by King Henry the 8th, Queen Elizabeth's father and went through the early 1600's. 

B:  Damnit, I didn't think to figure out the exact time when the Mende people started doing these ceremonies, I just know that it's an ancient part of their culture and it is still used today which is crazy for me to think about because the circumcise these poor girls at the same time!

S:  OK, so we have a time line we can structure this around. Anything else?

G:  Jeremy...what were those masks made of?

J:  What? Oh, eventually the Greeks got smart and made them from the much-lighter terracotta, but the earliest masks seem to have been made from stone.

G:  Cheese and crackers! Stone!? The Noh masks were usually made of laquered wood (G4)...Did they cover just the face, or the head?

J:  (J3) It would seem the whole head.  How they ran around a stage with a giant stone bucket on their head, I'll have no idea.

B:  (B3) Sowei masks are carved out of wood and often times cover and elongate the neck as well as the head of the woman wearing it.

C:  (C3) The British made their masks out of the most expensive materials they could afford; rare cloths, feathers, and jewels.  This was all so that they could show off their wealth.  It was like fashion contest.  The theater, and it's masks, functioned in the same way as many cultural artifacts of the age: as status signifiers.  

G:  One thing I thought interesting...some of the oldest masks I found had hinged jaws! (G5) (G6) That came from the puppetry influence of jojuri, Japanese puppetry, Both of these influenced kabuki, too.  Especially in the symbolism of color and expression.  I read that the really talented performer could use light and subtle changes in head position to actually create different expressions on the masks...but the colors were most important-

S:  How so?

G:  Well...(G7) (G8) for example...deep red symbolized anger, rage, or obstinancy; pink, for youthfulllness, coyness...indigo for melancholy, or to represent the villain. Noh has 125 kinds of masks, and they are rigidly traditional...kabuki makeup was mask-like, too...the symbolism was there, and the fixed expression from the exaggerated makeup represented the main trait of the character. (G9) Also, the performances had some kind of moral to them...usually that the virtuous were rewarded and the wicked punished.

J:  Oh, just like real life.

S:  The Krishnattam also uses a rigid color structure for the meanings of their masks.  (S3) There are some obvious connotations such as black meaning evil and red meaning violence, but there is a level of complexity that is difficult to understand, unless you are a practitioner.  The juxtaposition of colors, colors being set next to each other on the mask, denoted meaning and usually the character, as in a certain organization of black lines on a green mask would tell the audience that they were looking at Krishna and not some demon.  (S4) This is very important because the dance and movements are even more complex and often indistinguishable, to the untrained eye, so the masks allow for a level of comprehension of the character that might not be otherwise possible.

C: This makes me think: why did they make these masks in these ways?

J: 
Well, in Greece, the theatres were so big (J4) that often the audience had trouble to see and hear the actors, so the masks changed to be characatures of facial expressions, and molded like a megaphone to add resonance to his voice.  The actors also wore thick-soled boots to increase their height.  If they were in mourning, they wore black or grey.  If a character was going on a journey, they put on a hat.  Props suddenly became very important accessories to the masks.

B:  (B4) The Mende liked to exaggerate and highlight the facial features they like big foreheads for wisdom, long necks for beauty, hair is made wavy to represent water, but the eyes however are narrowed and hard to see out of so the woman leading the pubescent girls on this spiritual journey must be led by another trusted woman in their society.

G:  Kabuki theaters weren't large...they were set up so that the audience could react with the performers. Most performances were day-long things...with a progression.  They started with an historical play, then a dance and comedy interlude...then there was a domestic play followed by a final dance sequence.  People were expected to come and go through the day...and they even served food during the performances.  So, the actors had to contend with noise from the crowd, more than distance...

S:  (S5) Krishnattam is very much like Kabuki in that way; performed for a relatively small number of people and performed over a long period of time. It is a phenomenon in itself. It has influenced and inspired new work in India, but remains an end in itself for millions of people... You and I had plans to do a similar play, once...

G:  That's right, we did!  So, we have a time line, religious origins, symbolism of materials and color and we discuss the role of women.

C:
  This sounds like a good start to work on.

B:  Are we done here?

J:  I was just thinking, too bad we can't just do a sort of play, like this - the group sitting around a coffee shop, discussing what we've learned.  It's  a more interesting way to present the information, since we pretty much just discussed everything we would want to present anyway.

S:  Wait, why can't we?  Because... that's a good idea.

J:  We'd have to streamline it and trim it down to fifteen minutes instead of the hour we've been sitting here.

S:  Piece of cake.

C:  I think it's brilliant!

B:  Hells yeah!

G:  We...will...CRUSH THEM!!!

J,G,S,C,B:  CRUSH THEM!!!

(J6) END SCENE