Setting the Scene:

I went to lunch with Miss Olivia (Newton John) at Guido's in cool springs… what a lovely establishment… I love the room.  I love the atmosphere… and the food is downright okay.  Good lunch… Good God discussion.  But we were hurried along as she had a meeting in Spring Hill. So I thought... "sweet.... I have time to get my oil changed...." 

Oohh.. the places you'll go...

Timeline:

Ahh... the holidays.  I'm sitting in a Starbucks... which shouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, except for the fact that it's in Pittsburg, Kansas.  Last time I was here... they didn't have a Starbucks.  It's hard to believe it's been so long since I lived here.  Hard to believe... because I almost feel like I've never lived here... Nashville is like a piece of heaven to me... like a place I've always supposed to have been...

I remember... I had been living in Nashville for a month... and I was driving down west end (near music row)... and it hit me... how at home I was.  I just breathed deep... and thought... this is my city.

So back to Pittsburg,...
I led worship this morning at - what I will always consider to be - my home church.  So much development happened through that church... spiritually, physically, emotionally... so much happened.  I guess that was a bit of a milestone... if only in my mind.  Going home... when its not home anymore...

I had some time to wander about the "city" this afternoon... Drove by my old white-with-blue-trime house, which was painted by my church while I was having heart surgery... saw my old gold couch... outside on my old porch... I played the "I gave that house a new roof game"... since there's one every 10 blocks... except for the houses on 19th... which are now part of the Wallgreens parking lot.

Then I stopped writing at Starbucks....
____________________________

Now... looking back on my trip....

I spent some quality time with an old friend of mine... and that was good for me.... one of those paradox moments... when you know someone... but you see that it's not *just* you that changed in the past 8 years... but everyone else has changed as well. 

I drove through the middle of the night to get back home.... there was no traffic.... just Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, and frappachino to keep me awake.

Been dabbling with a new song since I got home... experimenting with the production right now...

I have wandered every path,
         except the one that you have paved
I have carelessly held hearts,
          and cast my body as a slave

yet you say...
its alright to stumble, its okay to fall
you are by my side, when its all I can do to crawl
I am human,
you are invincible.

I have chosen wrongly,
           when I knew exactly what I chose
I have broken sacred vows,
           and I have even worshiped gold

yet you say...
its alright to stumble, its okay to fall
you are by my side, when its all I can do to crawl
I am human,
you are invincible.

to be continued....

The room is basically empty.  I mean, there are 15 of us... but in this room it feels like a lot of empty space. Peter Bradley Adams has just completed his set, and the few of us wait... with this deep excitement for Mr. Brian Vander Ark.

He takes the stage, in his casual way... he's got to be almost 7ft tall... he looks huge holding his miniature guitar... which I'm sure is larger than full size, perhaps a jumbo.  Kind of like the problem John Mayer faces when he picks up his little martin.

Then... he starts to play... and sing....

Its everything I imagined... and more.

See, the first song I ever learned to play and sing on guitar was the Verve Pipe's  Freshman.  Brian Vander Ark was the front man for that band.

I've kept up on his solo career through the years, downloading demo tracks off his website... and every song tends to get me high.  But this... this show was different... every song hit me... like really hit me... there was depth... and complexities... metaphor swimming on top of metaphor.... and he actually... SAID something.

2nd song in the set was:

 "I don't want to be a bother"  

The first time I was born again
everything was one more sin
I had Jesus on a notebook then
and a fear of his father.

Born again a second time
conception wasn't so divine
you gotta marry that girl and stay in line
and I didn't want to be a bother.

The third time I was born again,
I left that girl that did me in and
I found Nirvana from within
swaddled up in dirty flannel

A family that misunderstood,
why I had to leave that neighborhood
God's reception wasn't that good
and the devil had a clear channel

So I packed a bag and I left the sticks
and joined the class of '96
where MTV's and empty fix
with all the other weekly flavors

Like Manson preached a devil's spell
but to teenagers that's an easy sell
I said you want to be rebellious
you should tell them Jesus is their savior

And he cast me out like an exorcist
into the arms of a late night evangelist
and for a thousand dollar vow I made the list of
all his weekly prayers

I guess I would be quite surprised
if he were the Devil in disguise
it would be more clever to hide behind
a political agenda

So I turned to the government to make some noise
cause I had one vote and I had one voice
I heard you can't be religious and pro choice
I don't know why I even bother

Now I believe in God there is no debate
but I believe in separation between Church and State
So I went back to the church to seal my fate
and they brought me to the father

He said you can't come in with that point of view
just ask yourself what would Jesus do
I would've said Jesus was a rebel too
but I didn't want to be a bother

The last time I was born again
I found nirvana from within
the eyes of a girl who took me in
swaddled in my dirty flannel

we went back to my neighborhood
and heard you can't get to heaven just being good
I smiled and said, I understood.

So last night... I got to converse a short while with Mr. Brian Vander Ark.  I didn't really have much to say... I thought I'd have more to say... I really thought I'd have more to say....

(read more of Ben's blogs on benlongberg.com)

So I figured an update was in need...

These past few weeks have been super busy, and frought with goods and bads and everything in between.  I'll start with the bitter parts for you.

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I have returned to the single realms.  It wasn't a bitter hateful breakup, it was just time.  Theres no point in really sugar coating it... or smoothing it out with explanations.... I was stressed out a lot and worried... just overall not myself...

Don't get me wrong, I loved the girl... but at some point you have to be honest with yourself when you ask 'Is this really going to work?'  And... it wasn't going to.

I mean it could have 'worked out', but the extreme amount of 'trying to make it work' is probably a very good indication that there is someone more perfect for me, and someone more perfect for her.  Its not fair to her for me to keep her here, trying to be someone shes not... and vice versa. 

I think people need to understand each other emotionally... they need to be able to dive into the depths of each others souls... and swim around... check out the scenery........ its probably a songwriter thing I'm sure.   So with much prayer, I hope God will continue to guide her and I in our seperate lives.

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Switching to the positives...

As of recent, I've been jamming with a legendary bass player.  You all may be familar with the Funkadelic, Parliment, Commadores, Temptations, Smokey Robbinson, Lionel Richey... Well.... Billy Bass Nelson toured with some of those bands, and played on some their albums.  Yeah... the original funkadelic... Billy Bass Nelson!

Scott and I were playing our show on Friday at Past Perfect.  Nathan walks up with the michevious grin that he gets when something cool is going to happen.  So then... Mr. Nelson introduces himself, and we about poop our pants... when he asks... if we need a bass player.... and as of that day, yes... yes we do.

So I spend 5 hours the next night jamming with a legend... and this guy has chops... he plays guitar better than me... and bass like a bat out of hell.  Funked as can be.

I've spent some quality time with this man over the past week.  He's the tyical 50+ yr old... lots of stories.... and the typical musician.... super wierd... like the rest of us....

I've been learning so much, its crazy,,,

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On the middle side...

I've been super busy.   Running around trying to get things done, practicing, getting cd covers designed... etc.  I've been trying to give God more time, so I've been praying in the morning before work, which has been working out pretty well.  I haven't done that for awhile... but I'm running on about 2 weeks of being consistant, so thats huge.

I've been getting excited for tommorrows show with Misty... and excited to see if Billy Bass is going to be around for our show friday.... all and all...

and this is HUGE....

This is the first week in like 4 years.... where I woke up... and KNEW that I was a better guitar player, than I was the day before.  That... is one of the best feelings in the world.

So given my current plus and minus state... I thought I'd end with some classic Pearl Jam...

"I seem to recognize your face
Haunting, familiar, yet I cant seem to place it
Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name
Lifetimes are catching up with me
All these changes taking place,
I wish Id seen the place
But no ones ever taken me
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...

I swear I recognize your breath
Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising
Me you wouldnt recall, for
Im not my former
Its hard when youre stuck upon the shelf
I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate
Perhaps thats what no one wants to see
I just want to scream...hello...
My God its been so long, never dreamed youd return
But now here you are, and here I am
Hearts and thoughts they fade...away...

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade...away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade..."

-Pearl Jam

An interesting weekend....

So Saturday, about 5pm... Holly and I asked Scott what he wanted to do that evening.... well Scott responded with "I want to go to the beach."  So... We went.

Scott, Donny, Holly and I loaded up my new Mazda 3... and drove off on our spontanious beach adventure.... about 20minutes into the drive we turned around, and picked up our canadian friend Amy (who is visiting Nashvegas for 2 months).   Then resumed our trip.

Some 7 hours later... it was 74 degrees, dark... with a cool breeze... as we walked across the beach, and just inches from the water... we did what everyone does... just stared.... while standing in the sand at Gulf Shores, Alabama....

So then we needed to sleep (it was 2am).... but being as this was a spontanious trip... all the hotels within 40 minutes were booked.... luckily enough for us... Pensecola is 45 minutes.... so we drove from hotel to hotel hopeing for a room... we did find one a little after 3 in the morning...

Morning comes.... I'm excited to get out of the hotel... and on the beach.... Holly is excited... Amy is excited... Scott and Donny are not morning people, so they want to sleep.... so we get out the door about 10:30.... and begin the long slow drive down highway 98 towards our destin-nation.  We get to the beach about 11:30 after stopping for supplies (such as a cooler).  

BEACH TIME!  Sand... Sun... Water... Sandcastle... and... yes... 8hours later... Sunburn as well....

We left about 8:30... for the long drive home.... after driver swapping a dozen times, Holly got us home about 4am.... and our bright red lobster-selves went to sleep...

and now.... my face is red.... ow.

-A Guy Named Ben

I've been like completely devoid of feeling lately.  Like walking around and going through the motions but feel like I'm missing something.  Its not that I'm mad, or depressed, or even melencholy.  It's like I'm just hoovering... waiting for something big to happen.

My band moved out here this month, and we've been slowly getting back to meshing like a band.  It'd be over 9months since we'd really hung out together.  (Since I moved out here and they were in kansas)  That's been exciting.

I've been practicing with Misty Rae.... because not only is she a super star... shes an amazing person as well..... You should check her profile out (top friends).

Well.. I think thats pretty much all I have to say... which will be wierd for those who know me....

-Ben

One year ago today....

I had open heart surgery to replace my aeortic valve with one constructed from the paracardium of a cow's heart.

Thats a big memory.  I guess that makes it my vavles birthday today.

What were you doing 1 year ago?