It's a wheelchair, and I'm not a toy! I heard myself saying this over and over on Monday. By the end of the day, I and think we all have had enough of me and my wheelchair!
You see, running errands takes a lot of is an out of me now, especially when we need to go to large stores where a lot of walking is necessary. Because of this, I now have a lightweight wheelchair for these trips. We thought it would be an answer for me; something that would allow me to have more freedom to go places with my family, but the first time out…. well let me just tell you how it went…
Our first stop was Costco. Although they have scooters, I thought it would be better for the kids to start practicing as I knew we would need the wheelchair at our next stop. I asked my oldest daughter, who is 13, to push me around while my mom pushed the grocery cart and walked around with my two other children. What an experience! As a passenger of a wheelchair I had no steering wheel or brakes; all the corners are blind and many people don't care to move out of the way or make any accommodation for personal in a wheelchair. Towards the end of the store, my oldest daughter commented that I needed to learn to trust her, so I bit my lip and she did a good job. I discovered sitting in a wheelchair is painful, especially upon rising to walk, as that is when my body really let me have it!
Here's her take on the whole thing:
Yesterday my Mom had to use a wheelchair that my grandma's friend donated to her for when her legs hurt. She was upset over using something that gave her more freedom! It sort of angered me at first because she was always complaining about being stuck in the house or being not able to do something because it hurt to walk. I wanted to tell her to stop acting like a child that didn't get actually what she wanted. I know she wants to be able to go to work and do other things with her body but we also know that we can't have everything we want. When it comes to being granted something to give us away to get her around then she should take it. Even though yesterday frustrated me a lot I think it angered me more about how she pitied herself a little more than she should. I know that she feels sad, weak, and frustrated but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
Then we were off to super Wal-Mart. I knew we would have to use my wheelchair here because the scooters are in such bad shape that they are dangerous, wires sticking out and such. It was my younger daughter's turn, she's 10. We soon found out that the customers here are much more impatient and rude, then anyone we had encountered at the last store. I found a real respect for people who have to use a wheelchair all the time! For example, when the person pushing you doesn't hear you, either you pass what you want to see or your left trapped because the person pushing you left to see something else and you can't move because you're in someone else's way.
Now by this point, my son, who is 8, was feeling left out because he wants to push mom too. He finally gets a brief opportunity, but is rapidly stopped by his older sister. I know its sibling relationships, but if his sisters would give him a chance, he could do anything for the most part at his sisters can.
Of course there are two sides to every story. Here is what my children had to say:
This is what my younger daughter said:
Although I don't want to hurt my mom, it upset me that she has RSD and had to use a wheelchair. I was angry at mom because she was being so bossy, when I was pushing her in the wheelchair. It was hard yesterday with my Mom in a wheelchair, people stared at us.
This is what my son said:
I had to push my mom in a wheelchair and it was really frustrating because she didn't like being in a wheelchair!
When the day finally came to an end, my kids were totally frustrated with me for being so bossy, and frustrated with each other. Somehow, I felt like I lost all parental authority when I was in a wheelchair. Also, I felt like I wasn't respected by adults as well, nor could anyone hear me unless I seemed to be speaking louder than normal and this came off as yelling, which is not what I meant at all. I was in pain, uncomfortable, frustrated, angry at the inconvenience of being in a chair, and no fun to be around.
But every experience seems to have a lesson for me. What did this experience teach me? First, I need to accept the chair and stop feeling sorry for myself. At the time, this really didn't occur to me, but looking back at it I need to let my children have a chance to control the situation and trust them more to do what needs to be done. If I need to give any direction, telling them once or twice is enough - over and over solves nothing. I didn't take the time to recognize that they understood my feelings and were trying to do the best that could. Finally, we all need to work together. A little give and take, a few deep breaths, and more practice, will make it easier on all of us.