I've had my beautiful little 2000 silver Ford Focas for three days. Carl and I had to babysit his cousin, Garrit. I dropped them off back into Frankfort at Garrit's house, and I went back to my house to get a few things, because we'd be babysitting for three days. I had to go to Citgo in Pleasant Valley, for pop. On my way back, *bare with me things start getting fuzzy after this) I had just past Maplegrove Road, and around that little bin. My car started shaking real bad, from what I was told I went off the road to the right, then to the left hitting the guardrail, then off to theh right again, into a fence almost hitting a pole. I screamed at the top of my lungs for atleast 45 seconds. My throat was still sore this morning when I woke up. I was so damn scared, my phone wasn't working and one girl that stopped to see if I was alright (if you read this, thank you so much!) and I used her phone calling mom and Carl.
Carl, mmm, he was so scared. When I got out of the squad, he was hugging me so tightly, and don't raz him, but he was CRYING! Oh God, he just kept telling me that my car was a hunk of metal, that it could be replaced, but not me. I was so worried that my purchaser would have been so mad at me!!!
After all the police reports, and everything settled, I finally got home and changed my clothes. Carl, Kyle and Kasey changed my tire (thank you) and took it for a ride, nothing was too badly damaged, just some deep gashes in my bumper with a big hole, and my find was dented from the guide lines.
Carl said when he came over that hill, he had flash backs from his wreck he had. He was so good to me since it happened, I mean with him crying, I finally realized that he really does care for me and loves me. Makes me happy to know someone really does love me (someone that's not family or I see as family) Well, Carl is part of my family now, and he has been for a while, I love him. :)
After all was done, this morning, my dad was right, it does feel like I got hit by a Mac Truck. It's mainly in my back, my neck, bottom part of my head, my right arm and thumb.
Carl, Garrit and I walked through Frankfort a few hours ago, around 9 or so, and I realized that I have some numbness in my right leg, I can't really move it right. I hope it wears off I got work Monday.

Don't get mad, I decided not to go to the hospital (In which I probably should have)

And after all this, I STILL don't belive in God. But if he was watching me, if he exsisted. He fucked up when I went off the road.

**If you guys want to check on me, I'd have you call the cell. But after all this my phones broken too. (How my laptop survived I don't know) Hm. I'll check myspace from time to time. So leave some love.

Love always,
Alli

I love you. I never thought after Jason, that I'd feel this way about someone, I thought he broke me, for good. But then I realized, and do some thinking today, and heard somethings, I have to thank my mom for being nosey and to talk to you. I thought something bad was going to happen. But no, :) nothing bad. I'm so happy I could burst. Nothing in this world could make me feel any different. I'm set. I'm happy with everything.

 

Happily Taken,

Allison

A song I like to listen to, it's sweet. Life's getting easier, slowly. But it's coming along. I'm still hurting from things that happened in the past few months. It's not forgiven, and certianly not forgotten. Just another heartache that I had to go through.
I'm just trying to find myself, I guess

I believe that everyone is walking with their head down. But the people, the lucky people who have found themselves are walking up right and face out to the world. In a white aura that surrounds them. But everyone else is looking, at the ground in a gray colouring. I never really saw myself walking with my head towards the world, smiling, saying "Yes, I've found myself" I thought I did, a little while back. Someone needed me, someone needed me to be there for him. I've always wanted someone that thought about me all the time. That made a soft giggle and a sweet innocent smile when I passed threw his mind. I thought I had that. But people can be wrong. In my case I was.

I promised myself, about two years ago, that the next boyfriend I had I was going to keep forever. To do nothing to fuck it up. I thought I had that with this past boyfriend. I thought over and over and over in my mind 'what did I do this time?' But as far as I can tell now, after almost two months from not seeing him. I STILL can't tell what I did. Was I moving too fast? Was I saying all the wrong things? Was I doing all the wrong things? I can't think of a thing. But I'm assuming everything's in the past now. I've kept in contact with all of my ex's... all but this one. And Bub... well we won't get into what happened there... I look bad in that story. But you know it's only 16 after 12 so why not? With Bub what happened there, we were together for three months. We had a wonderful relationship, we never fought. I honestly thought that we were going to get married. But then I got scared, because everytime I have a new boyfriend, and I'm happy. I know saddness is soon to follow. And it did. Everytime I have a new one, this happens. I must have some anti-love shield around me. Now I know when someone comes along, to keep my guard up. No matter what. I have to, because if I don't the same thing will happen again.... and again. I admit, I miss Bub, after two painful years.... I still... love him. But if something happened, and our paths crossed again. And that he wasn't married now, I still couldn't be with him. There is too much that happened. Same thing with the last one. Maybe it is better to move on. But you know I can't stop turning to the past. And thinking what could have been. Not with Bub, but with the last ex. It's too painful to even say his fucking name. How sad and childish is that? I know it was only a month but I felt something... something I've never felt before. True and honest.... Love. It all felt so... right. How can you not stop and turn to think and remember that. Laying there with him, laughing at him while he sleeps. I don't know I just thought it was funny seeing him sleep, but that's just me. The little things that made me think about him, but then I beat myself up because I was thinking about him. I don't want someone to come and try to wash him away. Because it's impossible; I still love him and I always will. I'll just have to try to find someone else that'll try to make me think less of him. If that's possible. I just feel horrible for saying that. I know I'll stop and think about him from time to time, even when I'm married. Same reason I still think about... Mike. I hate him with all I am. That Bastard. I'm not the type to hate anyone. I'm the type thay loves pretty much everyone. But this he's... not even considered a human being to me. If I could pick one person from my past to see; it would be him. Just so I can beat the living day lights out of him. I'm 19 now, and I'm a hell of a lot stronger then I was almost 4 years ago. So I can kick your ass now. How's that for a woman's scorn?

The Rules Are: Once you have been tagged you will have to write a blog with 10 weird or random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end you choose 8 people to be tagged, list their names, and why you chose them to be tagged. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "You Are Tagged" on their profile and to read your latest blog.



1. When riding in a car, I always have to sit behind the passenger in the front. If not I get anxious

2. When I was in High School (well Junior High too) I wrote everything I did twice. Because I didn't think my writing at the time was up to par...maybe even 3 times...

3. I smoke about a pack pack and a half a day now, because I worry too much. When someone doesn't talk to me, I feel like they either hate me or that they're mad at me. No matter who it is.

4. I hardly ever finish a can of Pepsi. If I'm smoking and my ashtray cup is too close. I'll get another can because I think there's some ashes in my pop :(

5. I have a werid obsession with office supplies, like pens, pencils, pen cups, paper trays, I have a 1,000 different items just on my desk alone.

6. I have to draw for at least 3 and a half hours a day, if not my hand hurts like hell for some reason.

7. If I hear a song I like/love. I have to download it and play the shit out of it. Until I know the words. (I know the words to probably over 300 songs but thats a rough estimate.. I think it's a lot more)

8. I have an obesession with time. I have about 20 different watches and bout 8 different alarm clocks, and a wall clock with my Zodiac/Astrological sign on it, it looks like a huge old alarm clock that has the bells on top (it's freaking LOUD too)

9. I know pretty much EVERYTHING about Sailor Moon. I don't have an obsession... I'm a Moonie :)  (like there's a difference)

10. I sing in Japanese when I'm drunk. English when I'm tipsy...

 


~The 8 people who I chose to tag:


1. Susan- Because I think she'll like to read this

2. Carl- Because he might have fun with this.

3. Jason- Because I think he's a fruit cup; but he's my fruit cup. :)

4. Outgrid- Because I love her and she lights up my life :) (inside joke)

5. Valerie- Because I wanna see what she writes.

6. Jessi-  Because she's my Jessi-monster that's why no other reason!!!!!!!!!!! xD

7. Zac (my brother)- because he's a flaming homo and I wanna see what he'd say...

8. Tina- Because it'll give her something to do while she's sick :(