Huge meaty slabs of assorted breads, coated in an orange zest and cinnamon batter, lovingly fried, crisp around the edges, piping hot, fresh off the griddle.

steaming black coffee; bitter, aromatic, yet comforting.

the excitement of firing champagne corks off into the back yard, orange juice, effervescance. reveling in the exploits of "last night"

---

coughing wildly as the incompetent chef burns the shit out of a batch of egg soaked bread, trying to maintain an appetite, and not feel so nauxios from all that cheap malt liquor you had last night.

uncouth, bad, uncomfortable, smelly company.

a grotty, dishevelled house....plates that you are unsure have ever been washed at all.

---

..await in yet another Snicket(tm) oddesseyyeyy!

which roughly translates to: i'm off to minnesota for a week or so, to visit aunts and uncles and cousins.

yes mother, i have packed a coat. yes mother i have packed hella scarves, no mother i wont get any STDs.

don't miss me, i know you won't, but i'd like to imagine that the reason you wont is because i told you not to, rather than genuine disinterest in seeing me.

please enjoy the fabulous pillowfight on the 14th at 6pm at justin herman plaza. it will be an event so splendiferous it was almost sufficient for me to not leave the city at all. take pictures. and make out.

peter

so, this is my new thing. i'm allllll about it.

whilst riding along, grinding like mad up some god forsaken hill, you notice a PG+E truck with some really tasty lookin' bars on the truckbed. One sidles up to said vehicle and latches on with one's grubby little mits. There is a moment of fear, as you feel your whole arm being tugged. you lean yuor bike away from the truck, and feel this incredible feeling, just like being caught by a wave in the sea, where the momentum you have put into moving forward is taken over by something stronger. You are surfing!

then you notice the homie in the car is freaking the fuck out, and is wiggling about the road, aceeelorating and braking, because the lttle fuck can't understand, and thinks you are tryin to attack him, or STEAL his energy, or *gasps heard from the audience* getting fingerprints on his car!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skitching

i see it as the end of the world.

everyone cutting themselves over and over, falling off their bikes, getting splinters. all this normal stuff, but at a rate faster than our bodies can deal with!

which means...that gradually we are all dying, it might take a couple weeks, but folks, this IS the end of the world. not what you expected was it? no, you were expecting a meteorite, an earthquake, Nuclear War. no, it's cuts and bruises...i'm sure about it this time!

===============The Random Englishman=============== Sunday, November 27th, 2005

hi all, how are you this fine day? been a while hasn't it? well, good to see you're still there, eagerly awaiting the next installment.

so, naturally lots of things have happened since i last wrote, but that's all water under the bridge, and needn't be talked about since, well, there is so much of it, and it's all stale, moldy news.

i guess the biggest news is that i'm now a bike messenger, having started that last Monday. and with a week under my belt, i can say that i really really enjoy it. it's hard as hell, some days are right up there with the hardest i've ever worked in my life (along with that one day i spent on Richard henry's ranch, where we had three guys, two chainsaws, and a bunch of trees to cut down. my job was to drag the fallen trees from one end of the ranch to the other.dawn till dusk, i kid you not). i wake up at 7am, turn my radio on by 8:30 and start getting jobs. "pickup at 500cal, suite 1800, deliver to 525 spruce street, OTL, RSH". in the morning it's mostly small stuff getting whisked through the downtown, but bit by bit i get loaded up with longer distance stuff, stuff for the sunset, the Richmond, Potrero hill. Then, with 3 or 4 on me, they'll send me way out in the afternoon, into the barren wastelands of "the boonies". Yeah, it's a relatively simple job, but is obviously very physically demanding, and i'm REALLY surprised at how easy it's been to bike for 8 or 9 hours a day. i'm not very tired during the day, and still have reserves left for rush jobs at 4:30pm. My dispatcher is in love with me, just tells me over and over how fast i am. feels great to surprise a veteran (of maybe 15 years) when i call him up telling him i'm "clean on spruce". and he says "already? damn that was fast!" and i smile with my endorphin fulled euphoria.

it has been hard enough work though, that for most of this first week, i've just crashed out at 9 or 10pm, unable to prevent my eyes from closing. we'll see if or when that goes away. Thursday i was ok, but got really, really trashed that night, so Friday night was kind of a bust.

a couple messenger stories from this week. 1. i'm flying down Scott street from Alamo square, and i'd just gone through the park, so i had chunks of mud all in my tires, and it's starting to fly loose and spray in front of me as i pick up speed. so there is all this stuff in my field of view, stuff that you ignore. all of a sudden these two dots hover instead of falling away, and i realize that this peripheral stuff i'd been filtering out included two humming-birds, one chasing the other, and both of them flying right along with me, like dolphins do with big ships. they were just skipping around in front of my wheel, one chasing the other. after a few moments of this, they both blasted off, leaving me amazed. i didn't know birds did that sort of thing, i'd heard of dolphins doing it, but hummingbirds? it was beautiful.

2. seems i'm getting a reputation as the guy to call for rush tags. there are three basic levels of service. regular is "just get it there by the end of the day", rush is with a couple hours, and red-hot is ASAP, usually less than 1 hour. Friday night i got 3 red hot tags in a row. the first one was from south oh market to spruce and California, which is mostly across town. not a huge deal, but fun. pickup at 3:30, dropped off at about 4. then they had me hang out for a few minutes, and i get a call, while hanging out at spruce and California, for another red hot, from 38th avenue, to civic center area of van ness. had to be in by 5pm. for those of you not familiar with SF, spruce is about 50 blocks from 38th. and van ness is 70 from 38th. so that's roughly 120 city blocks in 50 minutes. picked it up ok at about 4:25. got another call on route for another red hot from 2700 block of bush to California street downtown. this one was ideally there before 5pm too. crazy. so i pick the bush street one up, and take off for van ness. hit van ness and drop that off at what must have been around 4:45 or 4:50, then zoom downtown and deliver this other one at exactly 5:00. felt soooo good. you can't imagine the crazy stunts i pulled to get that done, the speed involved, and the crazy high one gets from that kind of exertion. it was awesome. i'm sure it sounds lame or dangerous, or unspectacular because you don't know the city too well. well, all i'll say is that i think they are pretty impressed with how fast i am. i'm quite surprised about it myself actually. i shouldn't be all that fast, because i didn't ride all that much before i got this job.

the job is great, the pay is terrible. so i'm eating lentils and instant ramen. all part of "paying your dues" i'd say. making me a stronger and stronger person, more and more adaptable. i kind of love being this poor. means i have to find ways of getting people to buy me drinks/food/clothes/soap/...

that's it for now...maybe something about thanksgiving soon.

peter

hey y'all, it's me, and i'm here, on myspace. there were just one too many requests, one to many mentions of this farcicle game. why not right? well, because once you start, you can't really stop, you don't want to be the dorky one with 3 friends. so you are FORCED to play along, to amass huge qualtities of friends, (which i don't have), and trick out your page so that it's mostly unreadable. yay for the internet! anyhow, seems fun so far ;-) peter