They do, they really do, don't they.  Most usually and more often than not, they just do.   I accept it.  I'm ok with it.  I think it's kinda necessary even, sometimes.  Then other times, maybe not so much.  I dunno.  It's evasive of me to be so non-specific.  I think it's cuz I'm coming off the fumes of watching a very intense, yet evasive movie called 'August' with Josh Hartnet.  Not to be confused with 'August Rush', mind you, not at all the same.   The movie is about a sorta true story of about a couple of brothers who made millions in the dot.com world then it collapses.   There are so many problems in the edit, but let's get one thing really really straight, Josh Hartnet is a great actor.  Even with the evasive dialogue he had to act so passionate about.  I got it, don't worry, tis not that I didn't 'get it', t'was just that as a movie with substance-appeal, this movie lacked ....substance....as did the dot.com businesses so often.  But, the movie could've had more plot built in and it would've been great had someone taken the time to go a little further in that area.  It was as if a 'dot.com'er' directed and edited the movie....and was very proud of it.  Did I say Josh Hartnet is quite beautiful?  If I didn't then I apologize for the delay....he is and hurtfully so....I just had to add that. Moreover, however, he is a really really strong actor and I hope he gets some other great parts soon, while he looks like he looks and while he possesses the superstar appeal that he is exuding.  Someone must put him in something quickly whilst he smolders, it's a must.  Also, liked the tatoo placements he had in this movie.  Guys, I don't like the tatoos always, but creatively placed, can be quite nice.   Ok, don't know where this began but I think that definitely it goes without saying that terms, conditions and fees apply.  Even here.   G'nite all, thanks for indulging me, you all look lovely this evening, so there.   xo, j

When my Norton anti-virus alarm comes up on my computer and tells me I'm in danger, I get a sort of thrill.   I know I'm doing something wrong, therefore...I feel dirty.  I feel as though I'm exposed and living on the edge in danger...with the virus...and its intentions to do me harm...yet, I do not renew...I forge ahead and risk it all opening programs, closing them, all with disregard to the warning that I'm "at risk".  They're very serious about it, those Nortons.   I admire their tenacity f  o  r  sure!  Yet, I wonder how much fun they're truly having.  Anyway, I hope they get out in the sun time to time.  There's lots to see and do.   In my backyard, currently, the South American hummingbirds are at one another.  No, really, there are full out hummingbird wars going on back there.   I love those little guys, I just hate to see 'em fight.  I'm gonna talk to 'em later.

So, I haven't blogged in a while.  Thought I might have forgotten how.  Then slowly it comes back to you.   You realize that if there can be such a show made, then aired, all about tanning, you have to get out there and socialize a bit more with people and let them know that there is definitely more to life than this...tanning show.    So, this blog is serving a few puproses, ok,  firstly......if you know the NOrtons personally, go meet them and ask them to dinner, they seem to have nothing better to do than to point out other people's dangers and inadequacies and make them feel bad and dirty, take them to dinner and love them, the NOrtons, show them there's fun to be had, even by them.   Secondly, hummingbirds have frustrations just like the rest of us.  Theirs may actually be worse.  So, take this opportunity to listen to the little guys in your life, stop ignoring them, give them some more sugar water and let them know you see what's going on and yes, you care.  Nextly,  the tanning show.  You don't have to watch it, or understand it, I don't think one can understand it, so move on, don't try to make sense of why anyone put this show on the air, it's ok, there are people who think this is quality television, you don't have to have them over for Thanksgiving dinner. And I'm sure their nice folks, but come on people, let's be part of the solution to quality, not the opposite by adding to the shallow trash that just keeps coming at us....relentlessly...unapologetically.  You don't have to wonder how some people get paid to do this.  You can only hope that one day your own talent will be discovered and placed upon a television set...but please, make it a good talent.  Be part of the answer when searching for your entertainment and choose wisely.  If you don't we may all suffer for it.  It's up to us really isn't it.  I was totally afraid of that, myself, I'll try to do my part.  Until then, be well and get out there amongst it all.  peace n love, Jennie  (ps, new record coming soon, very soon, very very very soon!)

So I dreamed this dream.  It was odd as dreams go.  I'm in Germany (in the dream, not now) and I'm in an old prison that's been refurbished to be a wonderful fancy hotel --- as they might do, you never know.  So, I'm in mid-tour or something, cuz the band is all around in these tiny little rooms (striped bed-spreads, kinda shiney) and we're all packin' up to go to the next place.  Suddenly, I realize I've brought 4 cats with me and how am I gonna get 'em home.  Thing is, I guess I actually brought them a year earlier and there they still were  -- being alive and being well taken care of by the wunderful German guests.    

Cut to new scene - parking lot - guy in light blue, sort of a prison guard guy actually, don't joke around with him, ok, he's not really into that.  He likes to make his own jokes though, cuz I ask him a question, he gives me a silly answer and then holds out his hand for a 'tip'.    Now, I'm stuck, if I give him a 'tip' the ctv cameras are gonna think I'm bribing him....and suddenly this little dream isn't so fun anymore now is it, no, I agree...it's starting to reek a bit of espionage and I'm thinking this little B&B is still a prison, for pete's sake. 

Cut to next scene - I'm inside again, can't find the band, I'm in my bathrobe and I'm posing as a maid so I can steal the chocolates and bags from the room next door.  I walk right in - like a maid - no questions - they ask me something in German like 'what up girl' and I feign a pretty darn good accent of German mumbles, swipe a box of giant heart-shaped chocolates (to which I know I'm allergic but it doesn't matter) and as I'm swiping them, I'm stuffing them in my mouth and also nabbing the guest's bags so I can pack up some stuff, leave it behind for a friend to ship for me and then I'll have room to take the cats.  Yup.  The cats are the whole motivation behind my criminal behavior. 

New scene:  I see my friend and he's talking to a girl and I try interrupting and he sort of motions that 'hey don't interrupt' and stuff and introduces me to the girl.  I act polite, although I'm in a hurry cuz my big German bus is getting ready to leave...yes, the band and me go by bus to and from Europe I guess....anyway, I say to the girl 'hey, nice to meet you, what do you do?' and she politely says 'I work in the snow with my shoes'.   

La Vien Rose - ahhhhhhhhh - Great movie, see it.  Looking at the world through rose colored glasses....a story about Edith Piaf.  Beautiful and tragic.  How can a life be so beautiful and tragic at the same time?  It just can.  Anyway, I highly recommend it.  It's all subtitles so you gotta work for it.   Anyway, I'm a bit shy and speechless right now.  So, as a friend once told me "never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut."    Thanks for stopping by.  Au revoir

Oxytocin.  No, not oxycontin ( don't even know that I spelled that right).  Oxytocin, you know, the stuff in your brain that bonds you to the object of your affection, yeh, that stuff.  What about that anyway?  It's true that there is a curiosity factor attached to the nature of mating, bonding, falling in love and such.  You have your spiritual beliefs on one hand but you cannot deny this chemical deceiver and the powers it yeilds.  Dude, c'mon.   The oxytocin releases when you connect with someone....so, eyes laid upon each other first, let's say and then the physical stuff follows through more than likely.  With each kiss, etc., the oxytocin keeps releasing and creating the bonding stuff, the mental thing in your brain that says "I MUST HAVE THIS".  This book I'm reading, however, says that guys don't really have all that much oxytocin.   They have this other stuff.  It's vessopracin (don't hold me to it, I'll check my spelling) that serves them as an eraser.  For all intents and purposes it causes them to have a bit of amnesia.  How is this fair?  It's not really.    So, what's my point?  I don't know but I'll try to come full circle somehow.   

I suppose that the issue of the concept and reality of oxytocin, for those who care, would be that women must guard your oxytocin/dopamine chemicals as though they were precious diamonds unearthed from the deepest volcanic rock and only to be spent on .....well, there's the glitch....what do you wait for?  I mean, rightfully it's your oxytocin and you should be able to enjoy it how you see fit, really. Do you wait, though for the one supposed guy who's your knight in shining flippin' armor ooooooooorrrrrr do you learn how to play ball with the men.  If you are going to live the life of the modern girl and perhaps not be the marrying kind, then you have to get used to the state of mental-illness (yes, they say it's very much the same odd chemical concoction) that spilling your oxytocin everywhere will land you....in....  So, you have to prepare yourself with shields and weapons and armors that allow you the same luxury the gentlemen have with their secret weapon of detachment, their vessopracin, yeh, learn it, get to know the feeling of being a girl in the field and living life without the net or the contract or the finality always leading to marriage.   (Sometimes I start reading several books at once and oddly form a connection between them......this has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I just thought of it and wanted to share).  Personally, well I'm only playing a role here in this blog; personally, I sorta go for the romantic thought that you can keep afloat on oxytocin with one person for-to-the-ever, but that's my irrational living-in-my-own-little-world way of thinking, it's not for everyone, so I'm just throwing out some ideas here. 

So, I saw the "Other Bolin Sister" and I think King Henry was such a selfish idiotic child.   He was so horny that he figured out a way to begin a new religion just so he could be granted a divorce instead of just beheading his current wife based on whatever he wanted to accuse her of - which is what he'd done with previous wives.   He was frightening.  He acted quite like a child at the expense of real people he ruled.  I didn't like the movie, for one and I didn't like the sisters and I don't much think I would've liked Henry or the Bolin girls.  Problem:  I need someone with redeeming qualitites in the movies I watch in order to root someone on.  Unless, of course it's Zoolander....wait, I take it back, yes, even in Zoolander - I want Derek to succeed and have his school for ants, damnit!  Whatever.  I'm simple. Although, historically I think we were maybe supposed to walk away and think 'how insanely outrageous that a political leader would sacrifice so much for his selfish whims...."   I walked away thinking not much has changed with all the little boys still in charge playing army with real lives and still serving their whimsical fancies.  Some of you may concur.  And don't get me on the boy vs. girl thing, I'm not for a woman only cuz she's a woman, nor against a man just because he's a man.  Give me credit for being a deeper thinker.  I'm only saying there's still so much selfishness in our leaders at our expense that it is our job, our JOB, to keep them in check and make big loud noises about what we want - that's why we hired 'em - let's remind 'em that we're the boss, not they. 

Ok, sooooooooooo.....don't know what I just wrote but let's try bringing it back around shall we.....

I'm an obsesser, obsessor?  I dwell.  I speculate.  I kick around.   I go high, I go low.  OCD? Sure, whatever.  As much as I have attention deficit, I also fall into deep wells of thought and linger.  I do it with a song, a gig, passions, the government, a piece of jewelry, a person.  I dedicate insane amounts of energy to a moment or a feeling or anything that has lured me into releasing my oxytocin.  If I am reciprocated in the venture then it can be a beautiful meeting of energy and last I'd say for a long time, forever is too heavy, so let's just say I commit heavily to my projects in life, my lusts, my loves and give fuel to it and hope it's received.  My highs and lows, well, I'd hate to be analyzed by a professional or given anything to straighten out these experiences because I sorta like 'em.  Sometimes, however and of course, some things are not to come to fruition and I accept those as well and move on.   I can actually now, knowing myself, choose a new object - a ring, let's say, from Tiffany's-even better - found in an antique store by accident while junk-shopping, it's pink and shiney and girly and I decide to make it a goal.  So, I remove my focus from the current oxytocin-sucking-obsession as it it non-reciprocal, something's imbalanced and I'm not receiving what I'm giving - so this new focal-point-diversion to the new object (let's call it FPD) is what I do to regain footing, reel in the oxytocin, and just preoccupy me until I'm well again.   

Anyway, the moral to this story is this I suppose:   Know Yourself.   If you're an addict of sorts, which I honestly think everyone is, know your weaknesses and tread carefullly so's you don't fall in too deep.  Care for your heart and your head.  Just know yourself.  Use your passions to the best of your ability but don't let them lead you into places that you know you shouldn't be or that you can't control.  Apply your emotions to stuff that bears fruit, how's that, yeh I like saying it like that.  I think this Oxytocin is a dangerous drug that if prescribed carefully can do lots of good.  Just don't let it make you spend all your money, or spend all your heart on a non-recirpocating person or item. Learn how to use it, release it and reel it in.  Recognize what you're doing, ok. That's all, thanks for playing