Conner

            "Hey many, good luck at the game tonight! I wish I could suit up with ya!" I called to my man Chris in the hallway of ....Blue.. ..Valley.. ..High School.....

            "Yeah Conns, fucking wrist of yours." he called back, slamming his locker shut. A few weeks ago, I fractured my wrist during baseball practice; afterwards I could barely move it. It sucked, but made more time for my SAT prep classes.

            "Will you be there? Game's at seven." I looked to Emily.

            "Wanna?" I murmured to her.

            "Yeah, sure. I'll text my mom and let her know.

            "Yeah man, we'll be there." To Emily, "Let's get to class." I'm not the kind of boyfriend who carries his girl's books, Em thinks it's degrading, and who am I to disagree with my wrist problem?

            "C'mon." she said. I put my arm around her waist and began to walk.

            "Chesser comma Conner?" Our substitute in health class called my name during attendance, for some reason pronouncing the punctuation.

            "Here." I called. The old guy finished attendance, shut off the lights and pulled out a outdated TV to the center of the room.

            "There is to be no talking." he announced. Yeah right, I thought.

            "How was the test?" I whispered to Em.

            "Eh, don't really know." she whispered back.

            "I'm sure you did great love."

            "Sssshh! I said quiet!" the guy yelled at me.

            "What an ahole." Chris mumbled, causing all of us to laugh.

            "Welcome to the wonderful World of Sexual Health." a female voice announced from the TV. The entire class groaned and moaned. "Today's topic is sexual assault and rape." Oh crap. My eyes bulged out of my head. "It is a common statistic that most people who are raped are rapped by someone who they know." Sweat was beginning to form on my forehead. I swallowed hard. Get a grip. Just put it out of your head, I told myself.

            "Our interview with the following woman was taped on June 21st, 1998. She asked us to call her Jenny and for us to change her voice for privacy reasons." The shadowed out woman began to speak.

            "When I was four years old, my uncle came into my room. He pushed me down on the floor..." I can't do it. I shoved my chair away from the desk and bolted out of the dark room. Where they hell would I go now? Go to the bathroom? No, someone would come look for me. Screw this; I'm getting out of here. I got into my Jeep and sped out of the parking lot.

"Hey, Conner! Open up. What's wrong?" her voice seeped through the think wooden bathroom door. I let my head fall into my hands. Why did I let it go this far? "Conner, please baby. Open the door." I sighed and got up off the stone floor.

The lock clicked open, Emily stood before me, and my wool blanket was draped around her shoulders, covering her naked chest.  Another mistake on my part.

            "Conner." she said softly, wrapping her arms around me, her soft skin caressing against mine. I closed my eyes and rearranged the blanket so as our skin was no longer making contact. She looked up, her eye lashes wet.

            "No, please no. Don't be upset. This isn’t because of you. Don't blame yourself." I told her.      

            "Did.... did I do something wrong? Tell me." She asked her voice cracking. I took her hand in mine and sat down on the floor.

            "I'm sorry. I let us get that far, I... it was stupid of me. Just know it has nothing to do with you, or us. I want..." No, that not the right word I thought. "I need you to know that." I finished through gritted teeth. She laid her head on my shoulder. Why is she even still here? Haven’t I disgusted her enough?

            "What's wrong Conner? Please, I'm here for you, open up to me." Her voice was calm, the opposite of what mine must sound like now. I was thankful for the darkness; I don't want her to see my face.

            "Emily, you know I love you right?" I asked.

            "Of course. I love you too." She intertwined our fingers.

            "I need you to understand that this isn't because of you... I want this for us, but I just can't."

            "I'm sorry. It was a bad idea for me to come over. I mean with your parents being out of town for the night and all."

            "No, I want you to be here with me, I feel as if I never see you anymore. With your play and my SAT classes...I don’t want to lose you. This is my entire fault. I misjudged my control. I can't lose control with you." Not after what happened, I thought.

            "Con, don't beat yourself up over this, I know you. We're not ready anyway." I looked straight ahead and let her words sink in. "Hey, look at me. I'm fine, just as long as you are. You really scared me back there." She gestured towards my room.

"I love you." I nodded, yelling at myself internally. Man up you idiot.

            "Love you too Em." I lifted her head and touched her lips to mine. "You know how much you mean to me." Her lips parted in a smile.

            "I know." She replied in her cute voice.

            "Let's go, you must be freezing." I stood up and together we walked back to my dark room. She yawned and we lay down, separated once again by the blankets. I can handle this, I know I can. I let her lay her head on my chest and focus on my breathing. "Ah, muscles." She laughs.          

            "Wow Emily, woooow." I shake my head and laugh along with her.

            "Night." She says and I know I will not be getting any sleep tonight, memories will be flooding in, fast than any dams could hold back, faster than I can control, as much as I try.


COMMENTTT PELASEE <33

*STOLEN*

She pushed my hair out of my eyes and began kissing me again. Her lips melted into mine, oozing with passion and urgency. Without thinking, I let out a low moan.

            "Co... Conner." Emily whispered in my ear, sending shivers up my spine. I knew that I had to end this, but every fiber of my being was screaming at me to do just the opposite. Her hands slid down my hips and I knew that it was my gender role she was playing now. Oh  shit.

            "Em, I can't do this." I removed her hands from my body and sprung from my bed. I would not allow myself to lose myself with her, not after what he did to me.

Not after what he stole from me.



So yeahhh :) Comment if you read it please :)

Happy early thxgiving btw!

Kristen<3

The Game

At first we were both shy

So embarrassed we thought we would die

No one would dare make a move

But I’m ready to play

Ready to lay all my cards out on the table

I’m rolling my dice

Dealing the cards

Putting all my chips down

I’m ready to play the game

Ready to try you on

Ready to make the next move

Wanna see what we can be?

I think this could be something special

But we’ll never know

Unless we give it a shot

I’m ready

Are you?

I’m rolling my dice

Dealing the cards

Putting all my chips down

I’m ready to play the game

Ready to try you on

Ready to make the next move

I’m not gonna read the rules

Cuz I don’t have the time

I’m ready to win this game

And call you mine