[This is what a friend and mentor of mine wrote. I agree 100%. How I feel can be well expressed in the last 3 paragraphs about being principle-driven and being present... having "Presence." It's something you can FEEL without having to logically understand.]

I know what you're thinking... but don't worry... I'm not going to have a political discussion here. My political views aren't important anyway... But I have to say, I've been really entertained by the Presidential Debates. You see, I tend to view everything through the lens of a social scientist. I'm always analyzing the subtle dynamics in social interactions. And the recent presidential debates have been, as always, a clinic in social dominance.

What most people fail to understand is that the content of each candidate's message is pretty insignificant compared to his non-verbal communication. The candidates that tend to fare well are often the most dominant in their mannerisms. But these mannerisms are not what you'd think - a lot of what conveys dominance is counter-intuitive, and communicates directly with your subconscious, and NOT your conscious mind.

You see, as the candidate talks, your conscious mind is listening to his WORDS. But your unconscious mind is watching the WHOLE of his OUTPUT, or "Expression." Your subconscious is concerned with some basic questions: "Does he believe what he is saying?" "Is he used to people submitting to him and getting his way?" "Is his intention selfish or altruistic?" "Is he calm and happy, or depressed - is life defeating him, or is he dominant and in control of his situation?" The interesting thing is that the guy who's coming with the most anger, the most attacks, and the "tough war veteran" attitude is actually NOT the most dominant of the two candidates.

---

Now all political persuasions aside, let's look at the clear winner in each debate in terms of social dominance (which is the real competition between these two guys). Here's my favorite Obama quote from the debates...

When questioned about being personally attacked, and called a "terrorist" at McCain/Palin rallies, Obama replied: "I don't mind being attacked for the next three weeks. What the American people can't afford is four more years of failed economic policies. When people suggest that I pal around with terrorists, then we are not talking about issues."

Wow. This is powerful stuff, and I'll explain why. There's a lot going on here, but for clarity, I'm going to break down Obama's mindset in three categories:

1.    Emotional stillness
2.    Strong, unwavering focus
3.    High-road ethos

If you've been following the debates, and each party's campaign, you'll agree that Obama is super-cool. He never comes undone, never gets upset. He's either calm and attentive, happy and lighthearted, or determined and assertive. But he's never angry, defensive, annoyed, or flustered in any way. And I don't think he's faking. From my trained eye, this guy is for real. He has his emotional state completely under control. He is SELF-CONTROLLED. And this stems from having a STRONG, UNWAVERING FOCUS.

In the quote, you can see how Obama's focus is never swayed or distracted. His mind is filled only with his primary concern - becoming the President, so that he can use his policies to improve the lives of Americans. Now the question of whose policies are better is not my concern here. You can make an argument for both candidates. The difference between the candidates is that Obama cannot be distracted from his message, while McCain, in several instances gets caught defending himself, and attacking Obama. Obama just coolly repeats his message, and his basic argument that McCain's policies will resemble those of George W. Bush.

Look at the quote. He could have easily criticized those at the rally for being racist or ignorant. But that's not the point, and he knows it. The debates are not about who said what at some rally. The debates are about who will run the country for the next four years. Instead of ridiculing the McCain camp for allowing such ignorant behavior, he instead brings the focus back to the purpose of the debate. "When people suggest that I pal around with terrorists, then we are not talking about issues." He transitions this distractive focus right back to what we should be paying attention to. ...And he does this, I think, because he WANTS to focus on the real issues, because he believes MORE STRONGLY in his plan than McCain does.

---

If you look at the history of each party's campaign, McCain's camp has changed their slogan, their message, and their policies several times in an attempt to keep pace with Obama. Now I don't know if Obama is just operating on a higher intellectual plane than McCain, or if he has a better staff, but this guy's campaign has been flawless and powerful since day one. And that tells me a lot about what kind of administration he will have if elected. I'm still not sure if his policies will help or hurt my life situation, but the level of organization and integrity he exacts from his team can only help our country. Even their image branding - an American Flag re-worked as a sunrise on the horizon - beautiful.

Lastly, Obama's primary intention relies on a strong inner-map of values. A man can only stand strong if he knows what he stands for. The problem is most guys don't actually know what they stand for. Obama has a very clear set of ethics based on his core values. He knows what is important to him, and he doesn't compromise that. He values certain policies, but overall, he values helping the lower and middle class improve the quality of their lives. On the other hand, McCain probably puts the success of large and mid-sized businesses first, as he feels this will eventually create more jobs.

But the difference is in how McCain defends his opinion compared to Obama. And the difference is sub-communicated with body language, eye contact, vocal tonality, and overall emotional state. Obama puts his values first and foremost in his mind. He doesn't allow his energies to be sucked into the games of negative politics. He plays his game and he plays it well. He focuses only on what he feels is important, and doesn't get emotionally upset when others act hostile or try to distract him from his focus.

This is dominance personified.

"The way to get beyond your fear is to go through it. Do the thing you fear and the fear loses its control over you. Fear can help you to assess the risk and prepare for all kinds of challenging situations. But the purpose of fear is not to stop you.

Some fears are entirely justified while others are just plain silly. Yet no matter how valid the fear may be, there is never any reason for it to control you.

Certainly it is important to look carefully before you move forward. And it is just as important that, after sufficient due diligence and preparation, you do indeed move forward.

Confidence, ability, strength and success are not built by seeking refuge in what is already comfortable and familiar. They are built by venturing out into unknown territory, prepared for the challenges and determined to do whatever is necessary.

First let the fear sharpen your awareness, and then let it inspire you to act. On the other side of fear is the achievement you seek."

-- Ralph Marston

What Constitutes a Good Life?

by Jim Rohn

The ultimate expression of life is not a paycheck. The ultimate expression of life is not a Mercedes. The ultimate expression of life is not a million dollars or a bank account or a home. Here's the ultimate expression of life in my opinion, and that is living a good life. Here's what we must ask constantly, "What for me would be a good life?" And you have to keep going over and over the list. A list including areas such as spirituality, economics, health, relationships and recreation. What would constitute a good life? I've got a short list.

1) Number one, productivity. You won't be happy if you don't produce. The game of life is not rest. We must rest, but only long enough to gather strength to get back to productivity. What's the reason for the seasons and the seeds, the soil and the sunshine, the rain and the miracle of life? It's to see what you can do with it. To try your hand, other people have tried their hand; here's what they did. You try your hand to see what you can do. So part of life is productivity.

2) Next are good friends. Friendship is probably the greatest support system in the world. Don't deny yourself the time to develop this support system. Nothing can match it. It's extraordinary in its benefit. Friends are those wonderful people who know all about you and still like you. I just lost one of my dearest friends. He died at age 53 - heart attack. David is gone, but he was one of my very special friends. I used to say of David that if I was stuck in a foreign jail somewhere accused unduly and if they would allow me one phone call, I would call David. Why? He would come and get me. That's a friend. Somebody who would come and get you. Now we've all got casual friends. And if you called them they would say, " Hey, if you get back, call me we'll have a party." So you've got to have both, real friends and casual friends.

3) Next on the list of a good life is your culture. Your language, your music, the ceremonies, the traditions, the dress. All of that is so vitally important that you must keep it alive. In fact it is the uniqueness of all of us that when blended together brings vitality, energy, power, influence, uniqueness and rightness to the world.

4) Next is your religion, your spirituality. It helps to form the foundation of the family that builds the nation. And make sure you study, practice and teach. Don't be careless about the spiritual part of your nature, it's what makes us who we are, different from animal, dogs, cats, birds and mice. Spirituality.

5) Next - here's what my parents taught me. Don't miss anything. Don't miss the game. Don't miss the performance, don't miss the movie, don't miss the show, don't miss the dance. Go to everything you possibly can. Buy a ticket to everything you possibly can. Go see everything and experience all you possibly can. That's what my parents taught me and it's served me so well to this day. Just before my father died at age 93 if you were to call him at 10:30 or 11:00 at night, he wouldn't be home. He was at the rodeo, he was watching the kids play softball, he was listening to the concert, he was at church, he was somewhere every night.

Live a vital life. Here's one of the reasons why. If you live well, you will earn well. If you live well it will show in your face, it will show in the texture of your voice. There will be something unique and magical about you if you live well. It will infuse not only your personal life but also your business life. And it will give you a vitality nothing else can give.

6) Next are your family and the inner circle. Invest in them and they'll invest in you. Inspire them and they'll inspire you. With your inner circle take care of the details. When my father was still alive, I used to call him when I traveled. He'd have breakfast most every morning with the farmers. Little place called The Decoy Inn out in the country where we lived in Southwest Idaho. So Papa would go there and have breakfast and I'd call him just to give him a special day. Now if I was in Israel, I'd have to get up in the middle of the night, but it only took five minutes, ten minutes. So I'd call Papa and they'd bring him the phone. I'd say, "Papa I'm in Israel." He'd say, "Israel! Son, how are things in Israel?" He'd talk real loud so everybody could hear - my son's calling me from Israel. I'd say, "Papa last night they gave me a reception on the rooftop underneath the stars overlooking the Mediterranean." He'd say, "Son, a reception on the rooftop underneath the stars overlooking the Mediterranean." Now everybody knows the story. It only took 5 - 10 minutes, but what a special day for my father, age 93.

If a father walks out of the house and he can still feel his daughter's kiss on his face all day, he's a powerful man. If a husband walks out of the house and he can still feel the imprint of his wife's arms around his body he's invincible all day. It's the special stuff with the inner circle that makes you strong and powerful and influential. So don't miss that opportunity. Here's the greatest value. The prophet said, "There are many virtues and values, but here's the greatest, one person caring for another." There is no greater value than love. Better to live in a tent on the beach with someone you love than to live in a mansion by yourself. One person cares for another, that's one of life's greatest expressions.

So make sure in your busy day to remember the true purpose and the reasons you do what you do. May you truly live the kind of life that will bring the fruit and rewards that you desire.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

This article was submitted by Jim Rohn, America's Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to www.jimrohn.com or send a blank email to subscribe@jimrohn.com
Copyright © 2000 Jim Rohn International. All rights reserved worldwide.

Excerpts from The Mastery of Love by Miguel Ruiz
"The wounds in our emotional body are covered by the denial system, the system of lies we have created to protect those wounds. When we look at our wounds with eyes of truth, we can finally heal these wounds."

"This is the first step to using the truth as a scalpel: You find that the injustice that created a wound is no longer true, right now, in this moment. You discover that perhaps what you believe hurt you so badly was never true. Even if it was true, it doesn't mean that now it is true. By using the truth, you open the wound and see the injustice from new perspective.

"The truth is relative in this world; it's changing all the time because we live in a world of illusions. What is true right now is not true later. Then it could be true again."

"I am responsible for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you understand. We live in a completely different dream, What I say, even if it is absolutely true for me, is not necessarily true for you. The first rule is very easy: Don't believe me."

"Open your ears, open your heart, and listen. When you hear your heart guiding you, to your happiness, then make a choice and stick to it. But don't believe yourself just because you say so, because more than 80 percent of what you belive is a lie—it isn't true. The second rule is a difficult one; Don't believe yourself."

"You create your own dream of heaven; no one can create it for you. Nothing but common sense will guide you to youe own happiness, your own creation. Rule number three is difficult because we have the need to believe other people. Don't believe them."

"By not believing, whatever is untrue will disappear like smoke in this world of illusion. Everything is what it is."

Here's a bunch of my fave quotes that I've picked up along the way.
This is stuff I've learned from authors, mentors, speakers, friends, family.
Some stuff I paraphrased in my own way.
And even some stuff I came up with while teaching drums and life coaching.
Eventually I may rank them according to effectiveness in my life.
This'll be an ongoing blog as I keep applying so-called "new" ones.
I might have to make a Top 20 or 50... coz right now it's long as hell.

===

Thurs 8/21/08
"Invest. Enjoy the rest."
"Be it. Don't say it."
"Do one thing every day that scares you."
"Go for what you want and fuck what anyone else thinks about it."
"No excuses."

"If you're bored, you're boring."
"You can't give what you don't have."
"Happy is he who works and plays and doesn't know the difference."
"When you can wake up in the morning and still feel the imprint of your woman's arms around you, you're invincible. No one can touch you."
"Most people are more concerned with what you think of them than what they think of you."

"Fire. THEN aim. Do it again."
"98% of our fears never happen."
"CREATE social pressure. Don't be a victim to it."
"Leader of one. Leader of many. If I can't lead one, I can't lead any."
"Number one, productivity. You won't be happy if you don't produce. The game of life is not rest. We must rest, but only long enough to gather strength to get back to productivity."
"Friends are those wonderful people who know all about you and STILL like you. ;)"

"The Truth is incontrovertible. Ignorance may attack it and malice may deride it, but in the end, there it is."
"The Mind is a toy. Not a master. Have fun with it."
"The man's job is to advance. It's her job to try and stop him."
"The woman's job is to try and change him. It's his job to not let her."
"Love. The ultimate human experience."

"Learn. Do. Teach. Teach others to teach."
"The goal of class and seminar rooms is to eventually have the students in the back gradually move towards the front... till eventually they're the trainers. Then the trainer leaves and someone else takes his or her place. The cycle continues."
"Leave a legacy. Build something from the ground up and be able to leave it running sufficiently on its own."
"Resolve says, 'I will.' The man says, 'I will climb this mountain. They told me it is too high, too far, too steep, too rocky and too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You will soon see me waving from the top or dead on the side from trying.'"
"In the amount of time it took for you to complain, you could've already finished it."

"I found it easier to get rich than to make excuses."
"You are who you surround yourself with."
"Your income growth will never exceed your personal growth."
"True friends stab you from the front."
"Honesty builds the foundation of Trust, which builds the foundation for Respect. Tell the truth. Keep it up."
"Don't mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon."

"True learning happens away from books."
"Leave people better than when you found them."
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile."
"Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing."
"Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk."

"It's only a mistake if you acknowledge it."
"It's only a mistake if you don't learn from it."
"Some of the world's most beautiful works of art started as an accident."
"The majority is always wrong."
"You can't be old and wise if you aren't young and crazy."

Fri 8/22/08, 1:30am
"Feel the fear and do it anyway."
"It's not a matter of whether you can do it. It's a matter of whether you can HANDLE it. Yeah... this is probably gonna suck. Can you handle it?"
"Man up and take it."
"The more you tell the truth, the less you have to make up."
"How can you mess up... when you're making it up?"

"Instead of trying to make your employees happy, hire happy people!"
"Everyone sucks. Just some people suck a lot more than you. Be glad you suck less."
"Being awesome is overrated."
"Make an impact. Make it memorable."
"Imperfection is perfection."

Sat 8/23/08, 12:03a
"When the reason is clear, the cost don't matter."
"Don't do what doesn't feel right... and don't regret anything that does."
"Don't start what you can't finish."
"Quit or be exceptional."

Sun 8/24/08, 10:07p
"It takes courage. It takes the courage of admitting to yourself when you have defeated yourself, gotten in your own way, foiled yourself. It takes the courage of admitting your shortcomings and weaknesses. It takes great courage to face yourself every day, unflinching, and tell yourself the truth.
It takes even more courage to tell the world the truth about yourself.
But once you have done that, you are free to tell the world the truth about everything else."
"Watch your thoughts; They become words. Watch your words; They become deeds. Watch your deeds; They become habits. Watch your habits; They become character. Character is everything."
"Without ego there can only be laughter and love."

(From Building-Courage.com)

Assertion vs Aggression

Another key area where people fail to make a critical distinction is between the human traits of assertion and aggression.  Too many people, in their endeavor to get ahead in life take on an aggressive nature.  They feel that if they are not out there "going for it", then "nice guys finish last."  These types of people become very aggressive in their attitudes towards others and this will create a lot of enemies.  In effect, these people have a distorted view of what it really takes to get ahead in life.  Or to put it differently, the fail make the distinction between assertion and aggression.

    People that are overly aggressive in their pursuits have failed to realize that there is A BIG DIFFERENCE between being assertive and aggressive.  Both assertiveness and aggressiveness are forms of personal power that propels you forward in life.  In the short term, it is possible that being aggressive will get you further along in a shorter time period.  However, in the long term, assertiveness will get you to your destination with a lot less hassle, build up a lot more productive relationships, and most likely will keep you from falling when things turn against you.  So with that said, let me emphasize again there is a big difference between assertion and aggression.

Assertiveness Is A Very Positive Trait

    What is assertiveness?  Let me start by saying that assertiveness is not about being a bully.  It is not about having the vulgar attitude of "it's my way or the highway!"  Assertiveness is not about trying to win at the expense of others.  And above all, assertiveness is not an "I don't care what you think!" type of attitude when it comes to dealing with other people.  In fact, I find people with these types of attitudes as being rather obnoxious.  How long would you want to work with or help out someone like that?  Not very long I imagine.

    Then what is assertiveness?  It is simply making sure that your ideas, actions, wishes, etc., get enough attention put on them.  Assertiveness is making sure your ideas, beliefs, opinions, etc., all get taken serious even if they get rejected for something different.  In effect, assertiveness is making sure you and your opinions get represented as best as possible in any situation.  In any type of human interaction, you want to make sure your opinion or ideas get enough serious thought.

    Being assertive is not the opposite of being meek.  Being assertive is not about dumping any humble attitudes you have.  Meekness and humbleness are both positive traits that do not have to be snuffed out of you personality if you want to succeed.  Being assertive is making sure your opinion gets serious attention in all those areas that are truly important to you.  Being humble means that you have to accept the fact that there are other ideas that are better than yours that might get selected based on their merit.  Do not get these things confused.

    So the point with being assertive is to make sure that your ideas or opinions get enough attention given to them only in those areas that are truly important to you.  Do not waste your time being assertive in something that is of little importance to you.  In other words, make sure you know what is important and what isn't.  If it is not so important, then take on a more meek attitude and let it pass.

Aggressiveness Is Not A Negative Trait

    I want to make clear right from the beginning that aggressiveness is NOT a negative trait.  The problem is that too many people misuse that aggressive trait when dealing with other people... and if you are perceived as being aggressive too often, you will find yourself making a lot of contentious relationships.  The end result is that you do not form alliances with people that will help when things turn against you.

    Before I continue on with this section, let me give you my definition of aggression.  Aggression is simply the act of pursuing your desires in spite of the ramifications for both yourself and those around you.  In the case of aggression, the ramifications are usually always very negative.  Overly aggressive people often make enemies and not friends.  Or, in the case of existing friends, aggressive people abuse the friendship to the point of losing very important allies.  The end result is that the aggressive person will not have any beneficial friendships or alliances.  Do I need to tell you that this is not a very good thing?

    So how do you know when to be aggressive or not?  How do you know how aggressive you should be in a particular situation?  How long do you maintain this aggressive stance and when do you turn it off?  And most importantly, how do you realize you are being aggressive in the first place?  These are all important questions.

    Let me ask you, do you find yourself getting into arguments with your coworkers, friends, or loved ones quite regularly?  If yes, then I would say that you are too aggressive too often.  I would say that you need to do a thorough self-analysis to find out if you try to have things your way too often.  Maybe you are too aggressive too often and this is ruining your relationships?

    The problem with aggressiveness is that there are plenty of times that you MUST be aggressive.  The tough part is to know which scenarios require being very aggressive and those that don't.  Also, when do you stop being aggressive?  The answer is that you will have to build up that skill on your own.  The point is that I do not know who you are and what type of scenarios you get involved in.  All I can tell you is that you must be able to make that important distinction of knowing what matters and what does not.  In other words, pick your fights carefully.

Today I found out who you really are and what you're about. You only care about yourself. You don't think much about how others feel and what's meaningful to them. Why have I invested so much time on you? Why have I helped you or tried to help you for so long? Why do I keep bending over backwards for you? Why is it that when I serve an opportunity to you on a silver platter, you don't see the value in it? What's up with your priorities?

I've had it. I've had enough. If you can't see that diamonds are everywhere and you don't know how or try to see them, why should I continue to try to show you where they are? To continue on our project together could lead to greatness together. But what about my own greatness?

I don't need you to be successful. With or without you, I'm gonna do what I gotta do. I'll make it. Hell, I've already made so much. I want you to be a part of it. I chose you specifically because I like you and I want you to be a part of my life. Life is happening. You're invited. But my success does not require that you be involved.

I realized tonight that with you, we could be great. We already are. We just oughtta keep the momentum up. But what does this have to do with my long-term goals? Nothing. This is a stepping stone. We've made so many new friends and so many connections that are useful for other projects. Maybe that's all we were together for. I've grown a lot since knowing you. And I'm grateful for it.

But now it feels as if my life's momentum is coming to a standstill. Is this a vehicle, or a distraction? Is this a milestone, or a roadblock? I've made so many life decisions these days because of you. You're a part of what makes me who I am today. And now I feel that not much else can become of this. We've hit a wall.

We went fast. We hit it hard, and it was wonderful. I think we're done now. It's tedious to continue gossipping about the same negatives over and over behind your back. Such things shouldn't even exist. I've found someone else. I've found others. I can roll with anybody. For the longest time, I've gone alone. That's how I roll. That's how I've been able to make things happen.

It's so much easier, faster, and more efficient to just find happy people instead of trying to make someone happy. My life doesn't depend on you in order for it to happen. Whatever choice I make, it's to further myself first, and then show others how to do the same. If you can't lead yourself, you have no talent or right to lead anyone else. You can't give what you don't have. Wake the fuck up! You've got nothing else. Why aren't you investing in yourself?

This will save much money, time, and effort. Who knows? After I do what I gotta do, maybe we can make things happen again. I just can't afford to be as obsessed and infatuated with you as much as I have been. Too much gas money. Too much running around. I need to work. I need my supplies. I oughtta make my other important projects happen.

Let's take a break and see how things pan out.

Originality
from Impro by Keith Johnstone

The improviser has to realise that the more obvious he is, the more original he appears. I constantly point out how much the audience like someone who is direct, and how they always laugh with pleasure at a really 'obvious' idea. Ordinary people asked to improvise will search for some 'original' idea because they want to be thought clever. They'll say and do all sorts of inappropriate things. If someone says 'What's for supper?' a bad improviser will desperately try to think up something original. Whatever he says he'll be too slow. He'll finally drag up some idea like 'fried mermaid'. If he'd just said 'fish' the audience would have been delighted. No two people are exactly alike, and the more obvious an improviser is, the more himself he appears. If he wants to impress us with his originality, then he'll search out ideas that are actually commoner and less interesting.

Ask people to give you an original idea and see the chaos it throws them into. If they said the first thing that came into their head, there'd be no problem.

An artist who is inspired is being obvious. He's not making any decisions, he's not weighing one idea against another. He's accepting his first thoughts.

Suppose Mozart had tried to be original? It would have been like a man at the North Pole trying to walk north, and this is true of all the rest of us. Striving after originality takes you far away from your true self, and makes your work mediocre.

I just found out they're playing @ the Meridian tonight! I can't go. I have to practice piano for tomorrow!!! :(

That's what I get for slackin' off all semester.

ARGH!!!

PS OH YEAH! I just remembered I have jazz class tonight, LOL! I would've missed it anyway. I'm a dufus.

The Making of "Typical"


"Typical" in Reverse

NOT!!!

Man... they didn't even gimme syrup for my hotcakes. Bastards!

O_o

:)