I cannot understand why life is so complicated. Honestly, why can't everything be good for awhile? I mean sure i guess if life was perfect it would be boring but damn, sometimes you just get pummeled with all this crap at the same time and I wonder how I make it through. I'm sure if I had less time on my hands I wouldn't be thinking of shit like this, but I've got plenty of it so here I am. I actually hate that I'm like this... being emotional and shit. Hell if I had black hair and listened to sad music I'd be next in line for the emo club. Unfortunately for them I drive a Cadillac and like happy music.

But it makes me wonder if life gets any easier as we grow older? I mean there is bills and marriage... you know, shit that makes you want to claw your own eyeballs out. They all say these are the best years of your life; I'd like to beat the shit out of the person who made that generalization. Being a teenager has been one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with. The pain, the guilt, the busted relationships, the feeling of worthlessness. In the 6 years I've been a "teen", I'd say a total of maybe a year or so has been pretty great. The rest has been bullshit. I could skip a couple of those years to be honest. Someone once asked me if I could go back and change anything about myself, would I? I'd have to say no, only because all of the missteps and all the crap I've been put through will make me a much stronger person in the end. I've also realized that it's not entirely other peoples fault too... some of it is my own fault. For being so selfish at times, for not always being there, for saying things I didn't mean... but I'm a human. But hey that's not an excuse for everything either. At times I have just felt like given up, but that's not an option.

I'm not going to let other people get in the way of me living my life. Certain people have thought i've got the perfect life because of where I live, what I own or what I drive, but that's just judging me for all the wrong reasons. Some people think I'm stuck up because I come off snobby at times. I have my reasons for not letting people in my life so easily. Few people know the real me and what I deal with. This past year has been an interesting time in my life... a year full of ups and downs, highs and lows. But I realize now that it's also the year I realize I'm not a kid anymore and I have to start taking responsibility for things in my life. It's mine to live, and I need to start making the best of it.

i was bored so I took a quiz on my birth month. btw, all of this is true. if you know me, you know all of this.

February:

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.