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Mentally Speaking... All natural thoughts and feelings

I before....E

Erik Richardson


Last Updated: 11/30/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 32
Sign: Pisces

City: San Francisco
State: California
Country: US

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Thursday, December 18, 2008 

I could tell you I miss you. But, you wouldn't believe me.
I can tell you I'm sorry. But, you won't hear me.
I can write for days endlessly trying to recapture the purity of you.
But, I know you have done what is best for you.
Subliminally we're identical, searching for something.
My world is wrought with personal strife. Self imposed, nonreciprocating, and selfish emotions.
When our world's collided I was unprepared for the depths of love you had for me.
What can I do?
Do you think of those nights, and hours we shared? I do, often. I think of waves crashing, Miles playing, and for some odd reason that shit in the tin can you made. I think of you in universal languages being spoken in tongues of non-verbal communication.

"Remember back in them days?"

Should I write it in a 4pg letter? Would a video better explain me than myself?
In a few days you will be gone, and gone you already are. Yet no matter what your location, my heart yearns for what it cannot have.

Do I want too much? I do. On the contrary, I want what is best for me. I no longer even know mE. Lost inside myself, you helped to see through me.

Respect is about a personal choice to see things in the correct way and to treat others as you wish to be treated. I wished to treat you better, and took to action. I allowed my inner demons/ weaknesses to control me. Instead of being the man, and saying "No!"

If I asked you to come by would you? If I told you I missed your "eyes" would you hear me? I know you feel me.

See, I posted for all the world to see. Those with and without vision can see sight beyond sight. I only hope you feel in your heart love beyond physicality.

Timing is an invisible, inevitable force no one can deny. You came at the right time.
Currently listening:
When I Look in Your Eyes
By Diana Krall
Release date: 1999-06-08
Wednesday, April 23, 2008 
So, I haven't had much to say lately. I guess, I'm in class droppin this line. School is tough and kicking my ass. I don't ask myself "why" anymore. I know why. Right now it's about how. How am I going to make the necessary steps to improve. I'm ok here, I still miss the East Coast. The people, the food, the SNOW. Yet, I could stay here, it isn't that bad, just not too many of ma'folks are here. I've lost 27 pounds since being on the gym tip. So, I'm gettin my beach figger back [really I am, since late Jan.]. I'm happy about that. As usual there are other things that weight my mind down. I'll see through, 1 way or another.

Just stopping in,
E
Saturday, January 19, 2008 

Current mood:  awake
So, being out of school here has given me all the time I need to reflect. Things are cool. Classes begin in about 12 days. Looking forward to that. I've been scoping out p/t jobs, apts. too. I just need more than Crate & Barrel. I also see that I need to go to the Financial Aid office to get a better grasp on what I need as far as my loans are concerned for school. I'm getting into scholarship too. I'm restless right now. I'm a very light sleeper, so when I'm disturbed in my sleep, I'm up. I hate that. I've been chillin, and thinking about my future. It's bright, I just gotta keep on it. There's so much here, and there. I'm good. I'm cool. Sure, I'm thankful to be alive. More random early morning rambles to come...
Currently listening:
Soundtrack for Sunrise
By GB
Release date: 02 November, 2004
Wednesday, November 21, 2007 

Category: Life
NO MORE TRIPS TO THE "R"
MISSING U WHERE EVER U R.
NEEDING TO SEE AND FEEL.
U GOT ME MISSING THAT SOMETHING "REAL".
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE U AGAIN.
WHETHER ITS HERE OR
IN SAN FRAN
I MISS THE JERK THAT I HAVE COME TO LOVE.
I WISH I COULD JUST SIT BACK WITH U
AND SMOKE A DUB.


LOVE U ALWAYS.

LIVE LIFE 4 U - LOVE NADIA
Currently listening:
Play with the Changes
By 4hero
Release date: 27 February, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007 

Current mood:  high
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Beowulf was a horrible movie [For what I expected of it.]! It's such a satirical effort. The graphics were good enough, very lifelike and all that. Yet, it still retained the computer generated quality and mechanics. I'm surprised that Anthony Hopkins would lend his talents to a film like this. On opening night, everyone in the theater was cracking jokes about the phony "screen on Beowulf's genitals. It's was a little "300" and a little "Clash of The Titans." I mean it was more like a play to me, like this is the eventual direction the Shrek franchise would move in if it got more serious. It reminded me of the "Final Fantasy" movie a few years back. All In all, it was nice to look at Angelina half-naked, and animated at that. That never gets old. I'll say the ending sequence of the last 40 mins of the movie are the best parts of it. So I'd give it a C+ overall.
Currently listening:
Coco
By Colbie Caillat
Release date: 17 July, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007 

Current mood:  pissed off
So, now we have spliced a lion and tigers chromosomes to create the LIGER. Let me tell you that if you think a Tiger is big [it is the largest big cat, yes bigger than lions doomas], the Liger will make you shake. This damn cat, if that's what you want to call it stood 4 feet on all fours at it's shoulder!!!! Let me put this into perspective for you. A normal Tiger or Lion stands about 5/6 feet on their hinds. This thing stood at 12 feet on its hind legs. My god was it a monster. It's like something that lived millions of years ago with the Wooly Mammoths and Sabertooth tigers. This is something that would never survive out in the wild. It weighs 900 lbs, and could never sustain the type of diet it needs to live. It is just too big. An amazingly beautiful creature, but I'll be damned if I'm going to train anything that can literally put it's mouth around your head with no problems.

Liger Liger burning bright...
Currently reading:
The Autobiography of Malcolm X
Release date: 1966
Friday, July 13, 2007 

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

I cannot believe this. But, once again Mr. Jones has polarized me, we, us. Nas is doing a song with none other than no talent, sunk in cheeks, no ass, fake tit havin [even if they're not], no talent, no skin pigment POSH spice. Yes, Victoria Beckham has decided in lieu of the anticipated Spice Girls reunion to drop her own album. The 1st single? Yes, a duet with Nas. I swear he doesn't get it sometimes. That's my mans and all. But, come the fuck on Nasir! You don't do this type of dumb publicity stunt, commercial bullshit. Did you even consult Kelis on this? Or was this something she came up with? Is this some small ploy to capitalize on his relocation and impending economic impact in the sports, commercial, and marketing world? Shit man! The fuck! Of all the non-singin chicks, you chose the über-chick. The chick who lives off her last name and her husband's fame. Can anyone tell me what Victoria/Posh has done to even be spoken of like she is? I don't want to hear the fashion icon shit either. I'd marry David for the stylists they have. I'm pissed beyond belief because I just listened to a clip of the song. This is like the worst shit. I thought you got all this stupid shit out of the way a few years ago man? Remember "Ochie-Wally" and Nastradamus? This is part of the reason why people [NOT I though] question your validity and legend. You do bubble gum pink titty songs with this pint sized Brit whore. Now see if his ass would do a Lily Allen song, or Amy Winehouse [a la Tony Starks] then we have no problem. At least Allen and Winehouse have buzz and appeal. Not to mention some sort of talent other than looking like a goddamn Vanilla wafer. Yo man, holla me. I'm here for you, always have been always will be. We go back to 3rd Bass and Zebrahead yo! You know I'm going to name my 1st born after you right? [I'll have to drug Sheebs, and tell her when she wakes up though] You know I can't be having my son named after you for no dumb shit. Nas, this would be DUMB SHIT!!!!

Currently reading:
Miles Beyond : Electric Explorations of Miles Davis, 1967-1991
By Paul Tingen
Release date: May, 2001
Wednesday, May 23, 2007 

Current mood:  tired
Category: Life

OURselves


The article itself isn't too revealing. It's more comical. But the writer does make some very tangible arguments. All be it with some middle fingeritis too. But check out some of the responses and comments. That's where I got the most insight, and passion for the truth from. For US [and you know who I mean when I say US], this is a serious issue and topic. Let me know how my peoples feel about it.

Talk to mE 

Currently listening:
Djin Djin
By Angelique Kidjo
Release date: 01 May, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007 

Now, I'm a cat that likes phone sex [in place of normal copulation]. I know my PP does not. But, I don't see the problem with once in a while. I love to hear her voice, the whole 9 of it. It excites me to hear her breathing and panting in such a way that I cannot resist. It's the ultimate tease. I can't touch her, I can't feel her, I can't see her. But, I can hear her on herself. Not to mention it's just another form of sex. What's funny is that PP has more sexual experience than I. Yet, something this simple and easy is a no go? No, it's not me right in front of your naked body acting on my desires. That's what I want the most. But, considering the distance I am from my PP, there's not a chance I'll be getting the real shit on the regular. I'm not asexual while apart, I still want it. For me phone sex is fun, it's a way to build intimacy via conversation. If I had a camera, I'd be on it too. She would never go for it though. If you know me, I use my imagination to create vast landscapes of vision. To me this is some simple ol "just do it and get it over with" type of request. I don't ask for it often because I respect that she doesn't like it. But, my point is, since I can pacify and appease her with requests I don't like to do, what about my return? Again, I'm not asking for it all the time. But, shit for my birthday, how about every 3 months? I can't get no play? What The FUCK!!! I want you, not the porno. I can watch it and do just the same. But I'm not sharing anything with the DVD, I want to share that with you.

Currently listening:
3 Chords & the Truth
By Anthony David
Release date: 24 August, 2004
Friday, April 13, 2007 

Current mood:  melancholy
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Currently listening:
Dirty Old Hip Hop
By Visioneers
Release date: 21 March, 2006