SIGN UP NOW AND BE A BROWN OF COMEDY FOR THE NIGHT!

I've seen it all ..the good the bad the ugly

I've opened up wide and peeked INSIDE to  look carefully at what

makes me

tick

hurt

laugh

cry

smile

mad

I've asked God a thousand times WHY

me

am I forever destined to see the ring, but never touch it

Am I destined to smell success, but never taste it

am I destined to witness love, but never feel it

What is it that He really wants from me?

For ME to have these things I so deeply desire

To possess what I so deeply admire

Is it a question that I will forever have

I ask

I've done the work, passed the tests, been knocked down , picked myself up and struggled with nothing but passion and perserverence guiding my path

I've smiled at the haters who thought they'd break me with their wrath

I've loved with all that am, given all that I am unseflishly, been the rock to those that were weak and my own rock for as long as I can remember

I have felt pain beyond belief, physically and emotionally and kept it moving 

I've walked the walk and talked the talk, and danced when I felt like grooving

to my own beat, my own drum

But who was REALLY listening

I see the Beauty of ME... INSIDE

The woman who has grown and blossomed like a flower 

Who has taken the beat downs as power

Smiled when she felt like crying

Pressed on when she felt like dying

Woke up in the wee hour to tell someone.. I love you

Who has sacrificed her own happiness so that others may be..its what I do

Realizes her shortcomings and learns the lessons along the way

Tries her damnest to be happy every day

I have looked INSIDE and seen things I can't describe, but my eyes tell it all

Looking INSIDE will give me the strength to fight this and stand tall

To allow this darkness I see become light to guide the path for me

To turn  myself inside out and be STRONGER than I ever thought

The devil is busy cause he knows what I do

But he has no power over the makings of YOU

unless you let him

Fight my sister FIGHT

to take back what was taken from you

Let no man or woman take your soul from you

Fight my sister FIGHT with all your might

to get out of the darkness and reveal the light

That shines INSIDE of you

When's the last time you looked INSIDE... Did you like what you saw?

...I did

The REAL ME

...& for the first time in my life I think I am falling in LOVE

BOY IT TOOK SO DAMN LONG!

Author Unknown.. for now

  ♥

Tonight the answer to my million dollar, 11 year question was answered.. As the song goes.. "How do you keep the music playing, when the love is gone...As I stood on stage tonight, in a room full of rambuctious people that obviously wanted me to "talk shit" more than anything, I realized that the truth i tell on stage is the truth I should have been listening too my damn self. The passion for what I once loved is dead! Not because of hatred or other people(people always assume when you need a "break" its because of other people, but i firmly believe that noone can take anything away from if its meant for me), but because of a deep desire to be ME... I had NO desire to prove myself or win them over tonight, I sat there on stage in silence watching them go on and on about something i had said.. which i loved to an extent, but at the same time I was feeling like i was in the audience watching myself and the light in my eyes was soo dim..basically...I didn't want to be there, and when I did start talking again. I was pouring out my soul  about all the bull I had bottled in..I had something to say and didn't care if I made them laugh.. I wanted to make them think...half the crowd was with me and the other half was lost and i didn't care... I have reached a maturity in my life that the jokes about good sex and big dicks don't apply to the mindset or even where my soul is now. Things that I once paid no attention to, now shine like the bright lights of Broadway to me..The truth I wish to tell is so much deeper than some coochie jokes.  I am TIRED people... Tired of having subject matters that matter to me pushed aside because of trying to fit in with the "new" and get the laugh.. Tired of grinding the way i do and not having precious me time and damn sure not being able to enjoy it anymore...Tired of being dedicated to something that really don't love me no mo'..Tired of living out of suitcases and missing out on significant events with friends and family.. Tired of being single because my business life makes it impossible to have anything more than a fly by night relationship.. Tired, just plain tired!! Turning the big 3? (u figure that out, I still live in Hollywood folks), has made me open my eyes and see things so incredibly different..When I started out I was a wide eyed girl that thought the sky is the limit for me in this, and now after 11 years of extreme sacrifice and determination, I now want MORE, and the life I live now may very well be blocking that.. As a young girl, I dreamt of being Claire Huxtable... educated, beautiful, intelligent, take no mess, classy and sexy...my images of successful black women looked like her, Ruby Dee, Maya Angelou, Nikki Giovanni, Angela Davis and Assata Shakur... and i was well on my way to that image and then Cocoa Brown was born.. and another entity was created that is so far from that image I seeked, and now when I have decided to be the woman I am and honestly always was underneath the alter ego i created , I  find myself hitting walls...noone wants to hear real talk if it ain't got a little cooning in the mix, and one think I am not and will no longer perpetuate is a loud, potty mouthed uncouth bitch.. I am so much better than that and I come from better stock than that.. I wonder what in the world is Nana saying up there in heaven when she sees my shows... God.. that is not what I wish she had lived to see! I got comfortable and thought that was a part of me, but now I know it was just a character that i made up in my head to escape boredom or a desire to be something else when i wasn't happy being the only black girl in the whole office..and i am TIRED of playing...Shirley, Nellie and Mildred raised a lady not a sailor and i can't do this anymore!!!And if this revelation and evolution turns off some people that have come to love Cocoa Brown, I do apologize for taking that aspect from you, but I do not apologize for seeking and finding my inner peace with my life and my decisions...I have to think of the person I will live with for the rest of my life...ME...she is TIRED and sometimes you have to let something die for something better and more substantial to live...hey if its any consolation, this cannot happen overnight and it will take many many hours and days in the "lab" with my mentor to undue and give birth to the Cocoa Brown I am truly destined to be...I have to find a way to take serious truths and make them funny, I believe i was blessed with the gift to make people laugh, but I have something to say now, REALLY say and its coming from my heart, not my mind, my soul, not my pockets...and i hope and pray that when the "process" is over ...the fans will see that...and for real.. this is for me..I'm letting go for me!!! So that I can TRULY LIVE!!!

RIP Cocoa Brown 4/97 - 4/08

DOB 4/17/08 THE EVOLUTION OF COCOA BROWN

Today has been one of those days when you step back and ask yourself "What is really good?"...I was asked today.. "Where have you been?" and my response "Grinding..like a mofo!"... My life as of lately has taken on the resemblence of a drag race...I don’t think I have ever been so OVERWHELMED in my life!!! Now don’t get me wrong, I am EXTREMELY grateful for the blessings that God has given me, despite myself,  might I add, but I am at a point where I am truly understanding the saying "Where much is given, much is required". I am seeing the fruits of my long labor and I couldn’t be happier for that, but I really wish I could STOP and smell the roses of this success.. Sometimes i am running so much I look back and say "Damn I wish I could have enjoyed that moment a little longer"..I guess I am saying that I am realizing the destination means nothing if you can’t enjoy the journey. I see some things in my life catching the repercussions of no attention/frustration and i have decided that the drum I march to must be playing go-go, cuz a sister is running. I have realized that out of sight is out of mind if you are not careful and the last thing I want to be is forgotten..so if you are one of my peoples that is wondering where the hell am I, look for call real soon. it just seems when it rains it pours and organization is key to keep all things in perspective. One of the biggest things I have discovered is my "passion" is suffering...with the acting now taking off, which I am soooo grateful for, and you know its real hard for a sister to get in out here in Hollyweird unless she is doing some things I refuse to do, I just am feeling a little disinterest in what got me here to begin with, Comedy...I guess I am a little disappointed in how the comedy business has taken the "hollywood" route and based what’s funny when it comes to females on the size of your ass. I find myself going on stage sometimes with a "fuck it" attitude because I don’t feel the respect I know I have earned.. I know if had a big ol ass and looked like a model I wouldn’t have to write a joke for shit...I could just be naked and smile.. I came up with males in this business who judged me by my talent, now don’t get me wrong many have tried to get the ass, but when they realized it wasn’t gonna happen, they still respected me and my hustle. My hustle, and I will stand by this with all I am, has been one of my greatest attributes... I have earned all that I have through hard work, ambition, preservence and treating people the way I want to be treated. I haven’t had to suck, fuck or get high with someone to touch a microphone in my life and I damn sure ain’t about to start now, with the minor exception of someone with the last name of Speilberg, Cameron, Stone, Bruckheimer or Scorscese.( LOL.. hey those are some pretty big exceptions!).. But I know that my work and my work ethic speaks for me and I made a conscience decision to keep to myself and work the angles that matter( too much drama otherwise), but I was always told by my Grandfather, may he rest in peace..."The biggest lion in the jungle doesn’t need to roar loud, they know he’s there". So with that in mind, I have decided not to judge anyone’s hustle, what works for you is for you.. but I CANNOT allow the small minds of others to rob me of what I love and I will no longer fall into the "fuck it" trap on stage, because I may be feeling a little slighted. My life and my career has gone and is going exactly as it should and when I sit back, I really have no complaints and I must not let "it" get to me anymore.. I have a wonderful gift that God gave me, to make people laugh, and I WILL NOT from this day forward let the "mess" that is going on deter me.. I have let God lead my steps all this time and how dare I change the course.. Back to the basics baby, as I blow off the dust on my tapes, yes tapes, of my first sets, when I LOVED being comedian Cocoa Brown...I  am going to stick to my heart and get back my passion ...   So to answer my friend’s question... Where have you been?.. I will call her and tell her.. In the jungle baby, in the jungle!

The BREAKTHROUGH.. one of many!

PS. Hey I know I cursed and spoke of God at the same time, but HE knows my heart and HE knows my mouth is playing catch up:)

Schedule of Events

March 20^th – 24^th 2008

Thursday, March 20^th 2008

•         Travel/arrival day for international guests and celebrities

•         VIP Sponsor and Celebrity reception hosted by the Premier 7pm – 9:00pm; Fairmont Hamilton Gazebo; Invitation only

Friday, March 21^st 2008

•         "Celebrities Take Off Their Clothes for Charity" @ ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Horseshoe Bay Beach Good Friday Event; 1:00pm

•         Comedy Laugh Off II - 7:30pm; Berkeley Institute Cafetorium (featuring Joey Wells, CoCoa Brown, Damon Williams, Tony Roberts)

•         Late Night Comedy Laugh Off, - Encore; 10:30pm

Saturday, March 22^nd 2008

•         Celebrity Bowling Tournament hosted by NFL All-Pro Linebacker Antonio Pierce (NY Giants) with Special Celebrity Bowler TJ Murdock (USBC 3-time, 300 Game Champion Bowler) - 1:00pm; Warwick Lanes

•         Awards Presentation, immediately following

•         Masquerade Ball; - 9:00pm; Fairmont Hamilton Princess Harbour View Ballroom and Gazebo Lounge; Special Guest DJ, Biz Markie

Sunday, March 23^rd 2008

•         Easter Sunday Gospel Brunch featuring a performance by Yolanda Adams @ 11:00am; Fairmont Southampton Princess Mid-Ocean Amphitheatre

Monday, March 24^th 2008

•         Travel /return day for international guests and celebrities