Well Its All Over The Web Under My Real Name (Formerly Shanni Sullivan, Now Shanni Einer) That  I Got Married Last Week To Scoop. Smile Now Cry Later. Read All About It At My Cognigen Estate MySpace Page.

Much Love As Always - Blu Jaxon, LAZAWORLD Wide Web

I Haven't Been On In A While Because Of Life. Me And JD Moved Out Of The SH&&Hole We Were At Into My Apartment Which We Moved Out Of And Back To My Home Town Of West Valley Into A Beautiful Apartment. Shortly After That, My 29th Birthday Happened (I'm So OLD! WOOHOO!) And Then Christmas. I Got A New Life For Christmas - New Apartment, A Computer, Great Times. I Had My Son For 3 Weeks During This Time. The New Year Dropped An Unexpected Twist In My Life - Literally On New Years Day About 4 PM My Mom Called And Told Me That My Dad Died. Wow. To Anyone Who Knows Me, You Know He Was My Step Dad. But The Main Raised Me After My Bio Dad Died When I Was 2. So I Come To A Phase In My Life Which Really Showed Me A Side Of Life - My Dad, And Myself That I Had Never Known Before. It Was Beautiful & Tragical At The Same Time. I Swear I Witnessed The Moment That He Made Peace With This Life And Moved Onto The Next. Way To Go Dad. Because Of This, I Had Jimmie For An Extra Week. When I Went To Take Him Back To His Dad's (Struggling With My Son Having To Go Back There) I Was Planning On Asking His Dad If We Could Keep Him For A While Because My Son Was Happy With Us And DID NOT Want To Go Back Home. I Promised Him I Would Talk To His Dad. It Started Out All Calmly And Everything. But I Couldn't Take No For An Answer. It Turned Into A Wild Fight And My Son's Father Kicked Me Out Of His House. I Had To Leave Without My Kid. UGHHIFjeiotjhewiotu98437!!!!!! Why Should I Settle For The Way My Son Is Treated There Knowing That I Love That Kid More Than Anyone? It Would Be Inevitable That If My Kid Stayed There That He Would Be Miserable. I Was Right. You Know When People Don't Listen To Me, Shit Turns South. My Kid Is Unhappy, He's Not Taken Care Of And He Knows It. So I Have Been Advocating And Trying To Figure Out How I Am Going To Get My Son Out Of There Solidly Enough That He Never Has To Go Back Unless He Wants To. Who Does His Dad Think He Is? His Kid Is Jimmie Jaxon. And Jimmie's Dad Is A Worthless Nobody Trying To Play God. God Hates Him He's Always Said. And I'm Gonna Prove It.

MLM That Works!
Or LD.Net/BluJaxon

LAZAWORLD Is Going Mainstream For New Years! Woo Hoo! Happy Birthday (Decemebr 21) And Merry Christmas To Me This Year. I've Been Changing A Lot Of Things About LAZAWORLD Lately. Since I'm Still Slightly New To MySpace, Y'all Don't Know That I Have Struggled Like Crazy For 3 Years To Develop LAZAWORLD And Make It What It Is Meant To Be And Its Been A Long Road. LONG. A Lot Of Things Have Happened In My Life Since The Beginning, The Worst Things That Could Happen Has Happened And LAZAWORLD Hasn't Been An Overnight Success. LAZAWORLD Has Seen Me Through  A Lot Of Things In My Life. Wow. Y'all Have No Idea. My Heart And Soul Forever Is Truly Here. I Want People To Appreciate It. I Hope You Do Someday.

I Can't Tell You How Wonderful It Is To Be With JD. Things Are Working Out In The Weirdest Way Possible.

I Love jD. The Words Were Exchanged. I'm Scared. I Never Want To Lose Him.

I Set For Home Tonight Thinking That I Could Give Everyone Over At JD's A Break From Me And Get A Break From Everyone To Work On LAZAWORLD. I've Stayed Over Here All But 2 Nights In The Past Week. For The First Few Hours I Was Home I Was Puking My Guts Out. That Was A Lot Of Fun. My Annoying Neighbors Thought I Was Home To Socialize And Got Pissed When I Wanted To Leave Just To Go Get Me A Bath In My Own Tub And Sleep. UGH! Then At About 1 AM I Got A Knock On My Door That Freaked Me Out. I Don't Have A Peephole So I Couldn't See Who It Was And Since I Don't Feel Safe On Account Of The Threats I've Received From My Sick Psycho Ex MIchael. GOD I HATE MICHAEL GARVER And JOEY MARTINEZ! I Didn't Feel Safe. So I Called Up To JD's And Told Rob(JD And Sparrow's Roommate) What Was Going On And He Came And Got Me, Sparrrow Is On A Date And JD Is At Work. While Rob Was Getting Gas, I Saw An Ex Boyfriend Of Mine (Not The Same One That's Threatened Me) And Said Hi. Come To Find Out He Was High Or Drunk And He Was The One That Banged On My Door. Thank God I DIdn't Answer. Thank God My JD Is A Security Guard.

Good Night Y'all. I'm Sick And Tired And The Sooner I Go To Bed, The Sooner I Will Be Able To Kiss JD As Soon As He Gets Home From Work.

I'm In Love!

It Seems Like Everyone Has A Sick Stomach Tonight. I Just Called Sparrow And He Said He Was Sick. When I Got To My Mom's House Tonight, I Told My Son About JD. I Informed Him That JD Wants To Meet Him But That It Was Up To Him And When He Was Ready. My Son Said He's Not Ready. I'm Actually Really Glad He Has Learned Caution- "Better Be Safe Than Sorry". But I Also Feel At This Point That JD Is A Safe Candidate For A Long Term Relationship And No Threat To My Family. In Introspect Of Everything That's Happened, That's Important. But My Dear JD Is Making It Very Difficult To Concentrate On Work While I'm Here. However I Am Actually Glad I Made It Here Because My Dad Had To Go To The ER Due To Side Effects Of A Recent Medical Procedure And If I Wasn't Here, He Would Have Had To Take My Son To The ER. My Son Is 8. NO WAY! Knowing My Dad He Would Have Opted For 2 Alternatives For The Situation - Leaving My Son Here Alone (Which Scares The Hell Out Of Me!) Or Suffering In Pain. I'd Opt For What Actually Happened Most. Thank You God. So The Reason I Posted The Lyrics And Video To Linkin Park's Numb Was Because Mr New York Called Me Last Night And It Freaked Me Out. Its Been Over In My Mind For Weeks With This Guy. I Honestly Never Expected To Hear From Him Again. How Awkward Was It To Hear (Though I Still Don't Believe He Was Truthful) That He Actually Made It Into Town And Intended To Take Me Back To New York With Him Because He Had (Supposedly) Built A Life For Us And He Fixed All Of My Legal Problems? None Of That Shit He Talked About Was Real. There Was One Thing That Was Real - JD. I Told Joey This And He Freaked. But I Stand My Ground. I Have JD. I'm Not Going Anywhere. I Chose Love Over Money. I Don't Have Feelings For Joey.Its Been Over In My Opinion For Weeks. The Only Reason I Continued Talking To Him Was Just To Give Him The Benefit Of The Doubt And See If He'd Actually Come Through. I Doubted Completely That He Was Going To Make Good On His Word, The Thought Didn't Even Occur To Me To Figure Out What To Do In The Event That He Did. But Joey, It Was A Little Too Late. He Showed Up. By The Time He Called Last Night, I Already Felt Too Much For JD And There Was No Chance I Was Changing My Mind. Joey Blew It, But I Still Got The Blame. I Did Nothing Wrong. I've Never Taken My Time In A Relationship To Do It Right. I'm At The Point With JD That I'm Not Sure How I Feel, But I'm Just Sure That There Are Definitely Emotions That Have Surpassed The Initial Feelings You Experience In The Beginning Of A Relationship. To Say That We Just Like Each Other A Lot Is Shortchanging It By Far. You Decide To Enter A Relationship With Someone Because You Like Them A Lot. You Don't Truly Get To Like Someone A Lot If You Don't Know Them. JD Doesn't Know This But I Shed A Few Tears Just In The Last Few Nights Before We Got Together Because It Was Driving Me Crazy That I Was Scared To Tell Him That I Liked Him. I Was Afraid Of Unrequited Feelings, I Didn't Know How Or When I Could Tell Him And It Was Hard To Hold It Back Even If It Was To Protect Myself, And It Was Hard That All I Could Do At That Point Was Keep That Distance When I Wanted To Explode Because I Couldn't Stand To Hold My Feelings Back Any Longer.. It Was Hard To Take It Slow. It Was A Week From Start To Finish. I'm Used To Telling A Person That I'm Interested Once I Discover That I Am. That's Usually A Day Or Two At Most. And Then We Get Together Immediately And Sex Followed Very Shortly After And A Day Later Came The Kiss Of Death - The Words "I Love You" Were Exchanged. I've Chosen With Him To Take Things Slow Because I Want The Real Thing. Believe Me, Rushing In Has Been The Cause Of Many Sour Breakups In My Past. They've All Done The Same Thing Because I Was In Hell - Repetition. The True Definition Of Hell Is Making The Same Mistake Over And Over Because You've Done The Same Exact Thing Over And Over, And Expecting To Get Different Results. So, What Do We Have Here - A Relationship That Is Seriously Headed In The Right Direction. I Waited A Week To Tell Him. Told Him, Good. Then We Found Ourselves Together Immediately. I Think I Maybe Should Have Waited There, But We Didn't And Looking Back, I'm Glad. Now We Both Agree That We Should Have Waited Longer To Become Intimate. But That's Been Redeemed By The Fact That With A Little Help From Mother Nature That We Haven't Done It Since. Once Again, That Time Of The Month Never Stopped Me Before, But It Did This Time. I Also Have Some Serious Health Concerns As Well. I'm Not Sure What It Is I Feel. But It Is Absolutely Breathtaking. I Feel Comfortable. I'm Happy. I'm Not Quite Sure If It Is Love, But I Know That Love Is Just A Moment In Time Away. I Feel That I'm That Close. I Feel As Though If It Gets To The Point When I Just Say It Unexpectedly After I Have Fought So Long To Keep It Inside- That's The Moment I'm Going To Know.

Lyrics Video

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes

[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I Don't Know What Brought Me To MySpace.com But I'm Here. I Think It Was Through Skunkk, One Of My Downtown SLC Daughters. That's Okay. This Is What I've Been Up To Lately. I'm Still Seeing My Son Jimmy Every Weekend. I Got A Call Today From His Step Mom Today Asking Us To Come Get Him. I'm Not With Him Now Because I'm Working (Or At Least Pretending To) But I Will See Him Tomorrow And Until Sunday. WOOHOO! I'm Exited. I Found Out That My Son Who Is In California With His Dad Might Be Coming Down In A Month Or So. I'm Exited. But As You All Know, None Of My Kids Should Be Away From Me But They Are. God Will Justify That Someday.

Yes, Believe It Or Not, I Have Been Working Viciously Hard On LAZAWORLD Lately. I've Been At Sparrows A Lot For More Reasons Than Just To Work (JD) But I'll Get To That In A Minute. I'm Really Exited Because I'm Able To Get A Lot More Done On LAZAWORLD And LAZAWORLD Because Of It Is Going To Be Taking Off Very Shortly Here. WOOHOO! That Is So Exiting. Any One Who Knows Me Knows That Just As My Family Is The Love Of My Life, LAZAWORLD Is My Occupational Calling. So Its Going To Explode!

The Next Of The Many Good Things That Have Come My Way Is The Finding Of A Great New Man In My Life - JD. He's Sparrow's Roommate If You Didn't Know. This Place Is A Really Great Place For Me Right Now. I'm Getting A Lot Of Work Done, I've Got A Great New Man Who Is Sexy, Sweet, & Responsible, And I Have The Chance To Be Close To Sparrow, Ruby And Especially Bjorn! But Who Doesn't Love Bjorn?

No, I'm Not Going To New York. Joey Was Full Of A Lot Of Bullshit And Even If He Wasn't, I Want A Guy Who's Here (JD), Who Makes Time For Me(JD) And Who Isn't Too Wrapped Up In Himself For Me(JD). Mostly, We All Know That Because Of What Happened With Michael - Him Breaking My Sons Heart, Being What He Is, And Threatening My Family To Boot (Something About Trying To Get My Rights Terminated With The One Child I Do Get To See) I Am Playing The Ever-So-Cautious, So Cautious I'm Not Missing A Beat. My Son Was Hurt Enough - NEVER AGAIN! EVER!

I've Really Made A Lot Of Changes In My Life In The Last Month. I'm So Glad For That. I Hope I Have Your Love & Support As I Move Into The Public Eye Sooner Than We All Anticipated. You Have Mine Always! Love Always, Blu Jaxon