brad jernigan was a friend of mine in my "wonder years."
i never knew anybody that had as many trophies for one thing. he was a BMX racer and all around freak on two wheels. seriously he had to rotate out old trophies because of the new ones that he kept winning.

we shared a great deal. we were inseparable. we terrorized our neighborhood with firecracker nights, and extreme 100mph drives that didn't always stay on the road. we got into a lot of trouble. at least two cop chases that we actually made it out of without getting caught. he was driving of course. in fact, i got taken in by the fuzz for my first time with brad.
we had a thing where we would see who could steal the most shit from whatever convenience store we went into. not the smartest of contests, but we were not unlike beavis and butthead...in many ways. well one night we were out trying to get somebody to buy us and our lady friends some beer. my mom was in san francisco so we were camping out at my pad and expecting a rather debaucherous evening. while hanging outside the convenience store in our neighborhood called "the bread box" waiting for somebody that looked "cool enough" to buy us some beer, we decided to go in and play our little klepto game.
we went in and out, each time coming back to the car with more useless shit.

we finally got this guy on a tenspeed to hook us up with beer. he went in to buy the beer and we kept going back and forth stealing more shit.
after he bought the beer he said that it would be cool for us to help him up over this huge hill at the bottom of which the store sat. we said sure. we packed ouselves in the car and took him up and over the hill.

on our way back a cop car pulled behind us and flashed the lights. i think all of us stained our underpants. we began frantically trying to conceal a case of tallboys in every available nook and cranny in the car.

turns out a customer saw us stealing a bunch of shit at the store and reported us...you bastard. so the cop made us go back to the store to deal.

when we got back the clerk said as long as we gave everything we stole back, he wouldn't press charges. we all sighed, but still a little uneasy at the fact of how much we stole. you should have seen the look on the clerk's, and the cop's eyes when we started loading everything back into the store.
we had taken at least a dozen packs of gum and equally as many candy bars, three or four sodas, some twizzlers and other random candy, a couple of bags of potato chips, some rock magazines, and a jack daniels baseball cap.
thank god they had already agreed to drop the charges, because when they saw all that shit, they didn't look happy. their look was not unlike one who finds he's been peed upon, only to figure it out later when the smell has already set in.

we finished up with the store and were about to leave when the cop noticed a beer up in the corner of the back windshield. he asked if we had any beer in the car and when we said no, he pointed to the beer in the back windshield. goddamnit.

he told us to dump out the beer. again he probably thought we were going to have a six pack or something. we were only fourteen. when we pulled out a case of tall boys one by one that had been stashed all over the car, i think it was more than he could take and he decided to take us in.

all in all we got out that night. brad had to go home; his mom picked him up. i went back to my house because my mom was out of town. a fun conversation to look forward to upon her return.

when it was all said and done, we all got probation, had to work eight hours of public service( mine was literally like prison work. i had to take rocks from one side of the road to the other and then back again for the last half of the day.) and had to write a 2000 word essay for the judge.

ahhh good times...


we never harmed anybody, but we did make a helluvalotta noise.

we lived in a little town called hendersonville, tennessee. i spent a lot of time at his house simply because he lived closer to town and his house was always stocked with food and an at home mom that just loved to cook for "the boys." and he had cable.

when i was a freshman i was really hitting the drums hard, and brad wanted to learn as well. which he did. his chops were as good as mine in half the time it took me. he was a natural at anything he did.

i gravitated to guitar, and so did brad. again he became quite adept very quickly. he played his ass off as far as i know. i left town my senior year and have not seen brad since. he looked me up while i was in college and we spoke on the phone a few times. each of us making our paths into a new life. we found ourselves moving forward all the while the past got further behind us.

i lost track of brad over the past ten years. i heard his name pop up in various conversations with friends i still have in tenn., but we just didn't get together.

maybe there was too much water under the bridge. maybe we didn't have anything in common any longer. maybe it was simply circumstance. whatever it was, there weren't any negative feelings between us. i always thought of brad as the crazy fucker we all wished we could be. i know i wanted to have what he had. he had balls as big as any grown man you're ever likely to meet. he was the only one in our circle that could "out crazy" my crazy ass.

i got a message yesterday from a guy who was a little younger than us, but a good friend none the less.

brad jernigan overdosed and died sometime in the last few days. our friend didn't know any details other than the fact of his death by overdose.

i knew brad had a turbulent past few years. he never achieved his dream of "rocking the world" with his music. maybe he wasn't good enough, or too different, but he never was able to connect with other players in a way that would facilitate his gifts. just happens that way sometimes i guess.

he was one of the few who, like me, had a D battery - we would say that most of you have AA sized batteries in comparison. i don't know what drug or drugs killed him, but he must've taken a whole shitload. i don't know what was happening to him that would've lead him down a road so volatile, but it is okay. i do not judge him for that. i'll just love him for what he was to me, and what he will always be to me: an amazing human being and great friend.

his mom killed herself about seven or eight years ago. he was a momma's boy, and being one myself, i can only imagine the pain he endured. i can't remember what happened to his father, but it seems to me that he may have died of cancer shortly thereafter. brad didn't have any brothers. i believe he had an older sister. they were estranged as best as i can remember. i have no clue as to how i can even find out specifics...


so here's to brad jernigan up in the sky or wher ever that crazy energy went to.
Brad i love you and thank you for being my friend and enriching my life tremendously. i am grateful that i had you as my partner in crime during those amazing formative years and i will never forget that you existed.


ps. so many of my friends from that period have left us or are in jail. i am lucky to have gotten away unscathed. in all of it, i am thankful for my life.

http://www.myspace.com/mojohandbluesmall

                                  alone alone alone.
tomorrow not yet here and i am pondering the thing alone.
                                      all by myself.
         not too shabby.

"...wish you were here."

well, some of you...

been there done that.
all thseo things that have inspired the minions and all the rest.
i have been there and done that.
i have walked with the dead and sang with the living.
i have chewed through my mouth to find new ideas waiting in my frontal lobe.
i have drempt the dream,
the dream of a better place
a dream where i can't be found by anyting other than what suits me.
i have laid witness to unseen blunders.
i have been the dark horse
and the white knight.
i don't dream of genie, and i don't
wish for change.
i just let the wall crumble around me
and wait for the world's rage
to take hold of somebody's neck
and make them scream for forgiveness.

i am the living man from the streets of anywhere
and i am not like you...

i find a breath in between

the thought of she and me

pounding chest beats a little harder

quickening the flow of my matter

and hers

wondering eyes and the slow

rise and fall of her bosom

place me in uncharted territory

of utopian design


as i watch her sleep and sigh

i feel through her and

beneath all my illusions

i am in the horizon and

on top of the mountain


with feet off the ground

and head above water

we walk on nothing

and feel the butterflies

bouncing boundless beyond

our conception of what

we have become


in a night and

by a day we have fallen

into the sublime splendor

of truth and desire


as we wait for the sun

i
carelessly

skip


and


smile

untitled no1



a word cut in two like

an olive branch on fire

with waiting lust while

this peace of everlasting

faith

floats out beyond the

scope of sight and sound



we fight and run against

the base of it all

moving forward at every turn

and find ourselves exactly

where we were wanting

avoidance



embraced by the few

is the beginning

of the next dream

but still the lines

they grow deeper

with every breath

l

e

a

v

ing

and

c

o

m

ing



at all times

here and now

and then, again.


each step leads us

there.

i see the little boy

in so many men

and the little girl

that abounds most women

we are all children


in comparison

if we recognize the child

in each of us,

we might find

answers to our

so called adult problems.

this philosophy is old

but is highly underrated

and often overlooked.

 

don't you remember the

giggles and the gaga babble

that made you into a

genuine smile?


now lick your lips and try again.

 

we slept under

the certain shade of blue

her leg over mine

and my fingers between hers

we breathed in each

breath of the other

and the moon danced for us

in and out of the puff

while our eyes were on heaven

and our souls in space

traversing the distance

between the other dimensions

and our own

back and forth

between her body and mine

in and out of

conscious intention

with wonder and awe



i placed you permanent

fixed and tattooed

in my dream

and will forever be

affected by

this rare and precious gem



these things before me

that you have given

away for no exchange

bond me beneath

and above this tiny

little life and my smile

is yours to taste

as is my well

open for your drink

the muse is calling

as a tear falls down

while i wallow

in my treasured sound

of the inner sanctum

even death could not find.


i forget sometimes

and remain sad for many days.

then, only then will i

hear the spectacular dream

from the spirit world.



i fall into the belly

of its madness

and create

but a lack of movement is

not realized by father time

so we again

are left behind the muse.


however there is no need to worry;

pain is easy to find.

a friend of mine emailed this to me.  well worth the view.