I had just gotten home from my local chapter JPF songwriters meeting,
when my songwriting partner Kathy called me, screaming at me with the
following news....

Our song "Jesus Loves You, Everyone else thinks you're an A**Hole"
from my album "Another Roll of The Dice", has made the opening Grammy
Ballots for SONG OF THE YEAR. it is selection 332 on the ballot

The album "Another Roll of The Dice" has made the opening ballots for
BEST ROCK ALBUM (selection 234) and ALBUM OF THE YEAR (selection
623).

When Kathy showed this to me, it was on of those "Is this really
happening?" kind of moments.

I think I said "holy f***ing sh**" about 5 times in a row while the
news sunk in.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Being on the opening ballot does NOT mean that I have been nominated
for a Grammy.

It means that I COULD BE nominated for a Grammy if enough people vote
for me.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT I COULD GET NOMINATED

Slim. Not because I am not good enough. But because I am not famous.


But even still, just making it this far is something that we never
thought we'd see happen. In fact we're still reeling from the news.
:)

The other day another musician told me the following joke:

Q: How do you respond when someone in the audience requests "Freebird"?

A: Extend your middle finger to them and say "There you go, free of charge" :)

The radio play keeps coming in.

This time I found out that 100.1 FM KRUU (The voice of Fairfield) played my cover of "Hey Ya" (From my CD Another Roll Of The Dice) during the Eden's Hour show hosted by Erin Skipper.

Check out the show here

http://www.kruufm.com/edens-hour-playlist-2008-9-6

Thanks Erin!

This has been circulating around the internet for some time now.

It's one of the funniest things I have ever read. And it really hits the nail on the head.

HOW TO REQUEST A SONG FROM THE BAND

When requesting a song from the band, just say "play … my song!" We have chips implanted in our heads with an unlimited database of the favorite tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar and all songs ever recorded so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge.

If we say we really don't remember that tune you want, we're only kidding. Bands do know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be… it helps jog the memory, or just repeat your request over and over again.

If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either forgot they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words for the band. Any words will do. It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!"

Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger up put-downs are the best way to jog a band's memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of "Personal Friend Of The Band." You can bet your request will be the next song we play.

Entertainers are notorious fakers and jokesters and never really prepare for their shows.They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do once they arrive. We don't actually make set lists or rehearse songs. We mostly just wait for you to yell something out, then fake it.

An entertainer's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don't let them off the hook easily. Your request is all that matters. Once you've figured out what genre of music the band plays, please make your requests from a totally different genre. The more exaggerated the better. If its a blues band playing, yell for some Metallica or Slayer or Pantera. Likewise, if its a death-speed metal band, be sure to request Brown-Eyed Girl or some Grateful Dead. Musicians need to constantly broaden their musical horizons, and its your job to see that it happens….immediately.

TALKING WITH THE BAND

The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way is at the middle of a song when all band members are singing at the same time. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. And we can converse with you in sign language while singing the song, so don't worry that we're in the middle of the chorus.

Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician does not reply to your question or comment during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to scream your request and be sure to over emphasize the words with your lips . This helps immensely. Don't be fooled. Singers have the innate ability to answer questions and sing at the same time. If the singer doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.

IMPORTANT

When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head securely so they cannot pull away.This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly and playful game of tug of war between their head and your hands. Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar player submits. Drummers are often safe from this fun game since they usually sit in the back, protected by the guitar players. Keyboard players are protected by their instrument, and only play the game when tricked into coming from behind their keyboards. Though difficult to ge t them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're especially vulnerable during the break between songs.

HELPING THE BAND

If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on stage. If you're too drunk to stand unassisted, simply lean on one of the band members or the most expensive piece of equipment you see. Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel free to walk up on stage and join in.By the way, the drunker you are, the better you sound, and the louder you should sing. If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl back up and attempt to sing harmony. Keep in mind that nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing, fifth and sixth part harmonies, or a tambourine played on one and three and out of tempo. Try the cowbell; they love the challenge.The band always needs the help and will take this as a compliment.

Finally, the microphone and PA system are merely props, they don't really amplify your voice, so when you grab the mic out of the singers hand be sure to scream into it at the top of your lungs, otherwise no one will hear what a great singer you are. Hearing is over-rated anyhow. The crowd and the sound guy will love you for it.

BONUS TIP

As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on stage and start playing their instruments. They love this. Even if you are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact you have successfully completed your audition. The band will call you the following day to offer you a position.

It happened last night. The dreaded question. I was playing at the Sawdust festival. I had just finished my cover of Led Zeppelin's "Going to California". Like a radio DJ I back announced the song when someone in the audience asked; "That songs by Led Zeppelin"? "

"Yes", I replied.

"Well than that means you could play Stairway to Heaven too…..Right"?

I have never understood this leap in logic. But there are a lot of folks out there who think that because I know how to play song "A" by such and such band, that I should then also know how to play song "B" by such and such band.

To those who have never learned how to play an instrument, let me set the record straight. Think of each song as being a different mini language unto itself. Before you can learn how to play a new song , you must learn it's language. Now it's true that many songs will have similar chord patterns and this will make learning those songs easier, but there will still be subtle and sometimes not so subtle differences that require their individual learning curves (and that's not even counting that you have to learn a different set of lyrics).

A good analogy for this is the difference between the kind of Spanish they speak in Mexico vs the kind of Spanish they speak in Spain.

It follows then, that the more songs you learn, the easier it becomes to learn more new songs. This is why if say you have an experienced guitarist who has never played Johnny Be Goode before (which is a simple song) but he's heard the song plenty of times. You can tell him, it's a a 1,4,5 chord progression in the key of "A", and he can say "OK, I can do that, so long as you can sing the lyrics".

However if you ask him to play "Mood for A Day" By Yes, it isn't going to matter how many times he's heard it, He is going to have do his homework and learn that songs individual language before attempting a performance.

But how do I explain all that to the guy who thinks that song are learned by osmosis.

I didn't.

I just said to him very seriously "I'm afraid Stairway to Heaven is against the rules".

He nodded solemnly and replied "Oh".

There is a kind of conceit among music fans and musicians too, that deep thinkers write deep lyrics, and that if you don't write deep lyrics (In other words you write songs about girls, cars, etc) that you aren't a deep person.

But you know, just because you write songs about cars and girls, doesn't mean that you are not a deep thinker.

Or perhaps a better way to say this is: Just because your songs don't have "serious" lyrics, doesn't mean you aren't a deep thinker (or a serious person).

When I first started writing songs for my first CD, I wanted to write songs that where fun. I didn't want to be serious. At the time I felt that my biggest challenge was trying to write songs about girls, cars, etc, but find something lyrically new to do with it.

Since that time some of the songs on my later albums, have ventured into songs with more serious (IE: Deeper) lyrics. But to be honest, I was no less deep when I wrote about how stunning a woman is, then when I wrote about the demons that torment my soul.

Speaking or tormented. We often associate thinking deep with being tormented, conflicted, etc.

As if you can't be a deep thinker and be happy.

I remember when John Lennon released his (sadly) last album, critics had a hard time with it because the songs mostly reflected a man who was happy with where he was in his life and with his family (As opposed to the more tormented genius that they where used to).

I remember one writer referring to the album as his version of "Silly Love Songs".

But I am sure he was no less deep when he was happy.

Once again rumors are abounding that the 14 years (and counting) in the making Guns'n'Roses album (Chinese Democracy) will be coming out soon.

http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003839499

I just can't get excited about this.

And it's not that it's taken 14 years. It took longer for Brian Wilson's "Smile" to finally come out and it was worth the wait.

No, I think it's just reading account after account of Axl's immature and self centered behaviour. This and his contempt for the fans and the world in general that's the real turn off. Remember, this is the guy who has cancelled shows because he didn't like a negative write up that he got in a particular city he was supposed to appear in.

And it's not even Guns'n'Roses anymore. Axl Rose is the only original member left. The story goes that while the real Guns'n'Roses was still together, Axl made them all sign contracts that stated that he owned the bands name should they ever break up. The other band members didn't really care. If they broke up what would it matter who owned the bands name? And they where right.

Axl works under the impression that it's all about him. And his behaviour continually shows that he's forgetten that it's also about the fans.

And I cannot forget (or forgive) his over hyped and under delivered performance a few years back at the MTV Video awards. 30 seconds into his performance and he was out of gas. His voice was shot. There are so many other artists that are more deserving of the level of attention that MTV gave him that year and he blew it. Of course MTV knew that it would be either something grand or a complete trainwreck. American audiences love a grand performance but we also love trainwrecks (they got the latter) either way, MTV would win.

Who knows….Maybe Axl will prove me wrong and release the greatest record in the history of Rock'n'Roll, but I wont be standing in line to find out. Because as far as I'm concerned Axl has worn out his welcome with me. As far as I'm concerned "The Chinese Democracy" can pretty much never come out.

It never ceases to amaze me the ads that I see as a professional musician.

I found this one while looking for gigs. I did not make this ad up. This is verbatim:

"New show casting bands who have a member who's struggling w/something (addiction, relationship, etc. Docu-style, tons of exposure. Email w/name, band name, description of member with issue, myspace, and phone number".

One of the things that I preach to up and coming musicians, is the importance of being professional. Being a drug addict doesn't work in todays music industry. Being difficult (IE: having issues) doesn't work in todays music industry environment. Here we have an ad encouraging the opposite. And offering to reward it no less.

Unbelievable!

I just want to make a good living at this so that I can keep writing and recording new songs. I just want to be the best musician and songwriter and performer that I can possibly be.

But sometimes I wonder if being a good songwriter and a good musician isn't enough to get me noticed. Sometimes I think that I will sell a lot more CDs if I shoot someone, or do something scandalous….is this what it takes?

Of course there is no way that I am running over someone's dog just to get press. But I do wonder sometimes….What's your opinion?

A while back I was playing at a resturaunt. A new waitress who had just started working there, gave me a compliment on my playing, and asked me if I had ever played the Rock Star Video game.

I had seen people trying this game at the electronics stores. You have this controller that's shaped like a guitar but it's just a controller and not a real guitar

I realized that this girl was just trying to find some way to relate to me as a musician, but for me it was like knowing how to drive a car and having someone who doesn't know how, ask you "Hey, have your ever driven a big wheel"?

I didn't say any of this to her or course, because she was only trying to be friendly (She was also terribly cute). So I just said politely "No, but I already know how to play a real guitar".

She told me that (the game) is really fun and that I should try it some time. A waiter who obviously saw the absurdity to what she was saying, jumped in and said (referring to the controller)"It's 3 buttons"!

I laughed, and she suddenly became embarrassed (I think it suddenly hit her how silly this was) and she sheepishly retreated saying "I wanna learn how to play a real one".

Just recently South Park did an episode where Kyle and Stan are playing this exact game (to the music of Kansas's Carry on a wayward sun) at Stan's house. All their neighborhood friends are there too and they are all impressed by this. Stan's father comes home and sees this. He pulls out a real Gibson guitar and amp and asks the kids if they want to see something really cool?

He plays the same Kansas song but he is really playing it.

The kids tell him that his playing the guitar is gay.

The rest of the episode follows how a record label decides to sign Stan and Kyle after they score X number of points on the game.

It was hysterical, but it made me remember that conversation with the waitress a while back and I had to wonder if South Park was that far off in their satire.

And this got me back to my previous comments on music education in schools and I have to wonder if there are kids who can't tell or appreciate the difference between a video game controller that is shaped like a guitar and a real guitar?

Is Rockstar hurting or helping?

On the one hand, it is exposing kids to lot's of great Classic Rock.

On the other hand, it feeds into the whole American Idol, instant gratification myth.

In that same episode of South Park, there was a bit of dialog where Stan's mother comments: Imagane what they might accomplish if all the time spent playing that game was spent learning how to play real instruments?

Recently at an outdoor gig, my songwriting partner overhead a young kid say to his friend (as they where watching me play a real guitar), "I can play better than him on Rockstar the game".

There has always been a lot of talk about what has killed music, and I have done a lot of thinking on this lately. There is a lot of talk about radio, MTV, the record labels and they have all played their part in this….but and I think a deeper answer to this in our (US) culture is the cutting of music programs in our public schools.

I am not a parent, but my understanding is, is that there is little to no music education in our public schools anymore, and that there are no serious classes in even music appreciation. Even when I went to high school all there was, was the school marching band and the school choir. I was not in marching band I was in the choir and I remember we learned all our pieces by rote.

The end result is that kids have little to no appreciation for music or musicianship. They grow up with no appreciation for what it takes to become a professional or great musician.

The parallel that I draw to this is that sports are never cut. Sport flourish in our public schools, so kids grow up with a real appreciation for what it takes to be a professional athlete. They understand it because they have spent a lot of time trying to play these sports themselves whereas (unless the parents have enrolled them in private music lessons) they have spent no time trying to play a musical instrument.

So we have a generation of kids who grow up this way. For me this is evidenced by the fact that I see and hear from people who think that music is created as if by some magical means or that all music is created in a studio with samples.

Another thing that evidences this for me is some of the talkbacks I have read on youtube musical performance videos. A good example was a video I saw of Jewell performing one of her songs solo acoustic. There where endless comments about how pretty she is and how great she sings, but nowhere was there a comment on her guitar playing, or her songwriting. They understand singing (and pretty) but they show no appreciation for songwriting or musicianship

I get a lot of young people who ask me if playing guitar is hard. I am startled that they would even ask, but then I shouldn't be. They have no music education.

I would be curious to hear from parents on this about what kind of music classes are offered (or not offered) in their kid's public schools.