Long Time No Wit..

(Which will be the exact words they'll use to describe Wendy's huge contribution to the ARTS when she is bring cremated following being found choked to death on her own vomit..any day now)

It feels like I have not been away from this part of (My) MySpace page..

But it seems as if it was in fact last year when I last wrote..

Since the fall of Theracineworld.com...

"you'll get all the information,news and dates first from the racine world.."
Wendy James Oct 2004

Didn't get the "information" about it shuttin' from there first did ya..?

(hang on....ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha...)

One of my interminable sermons...

Judging from the mails I have gotten recently..

You guys do really miss'em..

(you not finding Wendy's blog "entries" on My Space entertaining enough then..?)

So as a kind of warm up to future Bloggy Brilliance..

I have decided to repost this..

It was the 1,000th Blog from April 4th 2007..

I'm reposting it here in it's entirety...

(frighteningly real I-bet-thats-what-she-would say 'Wendy" dialogue too..)

Start your engines,Google....

"So the reviews on iTunes are gone?"
Wendy James

"Oooh the seance works..Is there anybody you wish to speak to,Spirit? Have you got a message for us from Houdini? How's Joe Strummer getting on..?"
DryBaby

"I was askin'.."
Wendy James

"Don't ask.Don't tell....yep those reviews in Spain and France were in fact removed..They were there for about 2 weeks then poof!..."
DryBaby

"So why are they gone?"
Wendy James

"Well actually iTunes probably suspect they were fake "reviews" put up there to help plug the punctured rubber dinghy which is Racine..I was asked by several people to translate them and lucky I did as they are gonesville now..you know Gonesville dontcha? The town next to Strummerville..ha,ha..punk,boxed set,shameless marketing of a dead person,ha,ha..etc"
DryBaby

"Were they fake?"
Wendy James

"I love that.I love that innocent question which is done in the same "fragile girlie" way you always trot out when people have found out your scams..."What? people were shocked by me posing topless in a tabloid newspaper just as my ex band had an important single coming out...Sorry? They thought I was a tacky whore?..The same people who thought my clowntime "relationship" with Mr Fugly Punk was also designed to help keep my head above water after I was shat on my my ex-major label?...I am shocked and hurt,hurt and shocked..in fact I am shirt"..Gettit?...s.h.i.r.t....shocked and hurt combined..Oh I am clever"
DryBaby

"So what were the reviews like?"
Wendy James

"The usual...Oh Wendy is so fabulous and not a bitch and she is well deserving of yet another chance after she fucked up her other chances by being so insular you'd have to ring her on her phone to ask her what day of the week it was and if she was just asking for a slap..and the Spanish one started off with the well known phrase "Madura"..."
DryBaby

"Madura?"
Wendy James

"Middle aged woman..and after that it was downhill all the way.."
DryBaby

"Seems harmless so why was it removed?"
Wendy James

"No doubt someone pushed the "Report A Concern" button and made a complaint and when a person,be they spanish or french,are dealing with you,Queen,there is ALWAYS a concern.."
DryBaby

"Will iTunes remove the reviews in The US and UK soon too?.."
Wendy James

"Probably and then without warning ban you for filling your space with arse kissers and cock suckers instead of real reviews about the actual music...you do remember that actual music which no fucker seems to talk about but plenty of flighty girls kiss up to you and tell me again who predicted all this would happen and who stuck her fingers in whose ears while sucking up to which Pricks..?"
DryBaby

"You did"
Wendy James

"Still never mind,so long as Racine continues to be just a private gang filled with girls and women no one ever saw before saying how much they think you are Greeeat (Yep..Frosties),sad poseurs like Toby "Stretch',a band who obviously are ignored by the public and you dis-encourage real musical input you will be humilated by having your "reviews" removed just as publically at they were put there and then having Racine on iTunes won't matter anyway.Still at least you will be able to deejay at Shittenhausen in Berlin at 3.00 am...to europeans who think they are coming to see Transvision Vamp..."
DryBaby

"Call me paranoid but I sense you're making a big point with your 1,000th Blog aren't you?"
Wendy James

"You betcha"
DryBaby

Incredibly W says the band are sounding fantastic...!

and the rehearsals are going great..!

No shit.

Really??

What a shocker!

When has W ever said..

"The rehearsals for this tour are shit and the band sound like shit.."

Every single rehearsal since 1988 has been "fantastic"

which of course only made people scratch their heads..

Exactly...

Pinch of salt time..

The same pinch of salt which you will have to recycle for the attendence figures for the gigs..

"The place was packed to the rafters and everyone of the 100's of people loved us and the band are hugely popular.."

Really W?

"When I say packed to the rafters I mean hardly anyone..and when I say 100's I mean about 35 and when I say the band are hugely popular I mean they are such nobodies no body wants to bother kicking them.."

Pinch of salt with that pot of steaming bullshit W..?

If I Lose Weight Will I Just Be Skin And Jones?

"It does sound a lot like Hazel O Connor.."
Wendy James

"What does?"
DryBaby

"Lauren's current band.."
Wendy James

"And she is a graduate of the W.P.James' school of songwriting..write about yourself and try to disguise it with all the subtly of wearing a false moustache and glasses.What other songs can we expect?.."
DryBaby

"Songs about her life and times.."
Wendy James

"Drunk In A Taxi?,My Friends Are Superficial?,Slightly Pretty When I Am In My 20's But My 30's Will Be My Ugly Time? I Ain't Crazy About Daisy? Why Can't I Be Lilly Allen For A While? Free But Skint? If I Lose Weight Will I Just Be Skin And Jones?,Time To Find Out If Blair's Britain Is Any Better On The Dole Than Thatcher's Dictatorship? Why Was I The Only One With A Blurred Picture On The Clay Machine Website?..songs like that,you mean?"
DryBaby

"Ooh I like that "skin and jones" wordplay..clever.So you know who Daisy is,huh?"
Wendy James

"Of course I bloody do..Always did.Want me to name some more people you think I don't know about,just for giggles? which I would imagine you are having right now if you are spliffing up as per usual.."
DryBaby

"No thanks.Just the warm glow of knowing you know these people is enough for me..and I am not spliffing up!"
Wendy James

"So the tour set list isn't on the site? Why not?"
DryBaby

"We're still workin' on it.I generally don't like putting anything on the site anyway.."
Wendy James

"Like?"
DryBaby

"Like details about me,details about the band,details about our fans,details about the tour,details about the details which I do not detail.I think it is true to say that if people want to know things about Racine I make sure they don't.In fact I go to great details while doing so.I am a stickler for detail.It's all been detailed on your site I think.."
Wendy James

"Yes that's true.I might write a blog in which you are portrayed as a hyper secretive obsessive who avoids telling people anything real and concrete.."
DryBaby

"I hope you don't.."
Wendy James

"Why not?"
DryBaby

"People might punish me by having my reviews removed from foreign iTunes sites...to teach me a lesson about who really pulls the strings of the Racine experience...so don't write a Blog making me look like I don't care enough for the fans will you?"
Wendy James

"Who does pull the strings?..."
DryBaby

"The public of course.I am nothin' without them..but this is just between you and I.If they knew they could end Racine in a second they no doubt would and where would habitual losers like Golden,Duckboy and Soft Lad get pocket money from then?.."
Wendy James

"Don't worry your secret's safe with me..after all I kept your drug problem secret didn't I and your rug munching while you were trying to sell yourself as straight?"
DryBaby

"You wrote fuckin' 1,000 blogs about them!..and 60,000 people read them.The population of a small city now think I am a junkie dyke..you naughty genius..!"
Wendy James

"My bad"
DryBaby

"Hey Mom,I want some cigarettes like that dirty bondage lady!.."

These modern nuns are so hip nowadays huh?

This is what's known as...

Proving why smoking is still seen as sexy..

Especially when a girl is smoking those big

Marlboro "Slut" Cigarettes

Although if I was there I would put that naughty madam

across my knee and give her a damn good spanking...

While playing "Venus In Furs" by the Velvet Underground

in the backround..

Of course I am not a violent man so it would be hard for me...

and difficult too...

(Notice the subtle erection joke there...you may have missed it.subtle)

And that's how I go top of MySpace's Blacklist overnight....

"First Glory Holes and now this in the space of 24 hours? Stick him top of our Blacklist and keep a bloody eye on him...."

Pushing the envelope...into a shredder and shredding it.

While naked.

Wendy-O-Vision

"I like smokin'..."
Wendy James

"I would never have guessed..."
DryBaby

"It's true.I am often to be seen with a fag hanging between my lips...and I like to smoke as well...ha,ha...oooh what am I like?..the rudey lady...who is the rudest? I am.The rudest babe.."
Wendy James

"You could do something like that,you know"
DryBaby

"What,smoke while wearing a tight fitting rubber dress?...Been there done that darling.."
Wendy James

"No you could have a section on your site for your favourite webclips that you like and want to show people.Changing it from time to time..You could call it..."
DryBaby

"Wendy-0-Vision"
Wendy James

"Correct.You could put up anything visual if it's not too abysmal.."
DryBaby

"Video footage of me and the Laddos..or just me.In fact I think yer average punter would prefer me..Giving my advice and commentary straight to camera.I could voice my opinions and as you may not know I am heavily opinionated.."
Wendy James

"I thought that was just the way you were standing.."
DryBaby

"ooh what are you like! The dry DryBaby,the witty dry person,Who is witty and dry? DryBaby is...the driest."
Wendy James

"What sort of clips could you post on Racine?"
DryBaby

"My beauty tips.How I achieved my own personal style which is so cool it hasn't changed one inch since 1986..."
Wendy James

"The Yellow straw look,you mean?"
DryBaby

"The Sunshine Glow is the phrase you're searching for.My fans would be facinated to find out that unbelievable though it may seem I have used the same make-up techniques since being a naive young woman in the beer stained bars of Brighton,where there was always Fightin'.."
Wendy James

"And what else?"
DryBaby

"I could chat to my fans and tell them how I am feelin'.."
Wendy James

"Jippy tummy and hangover like a broken jumbo jet engine,still got a cough like a mentally handicapped camel sandpapering the inside of a metal tube while listening to Hawkwind at full volume,and you might be about to have your heaviest period yet,the joint will be drenched in blood so bring a brolly to New York..those sort of feeling?"
DryBaby

"My thoughts on the modern world and issues like politics,religion and fashion.Will handbags be in or out next season?Will shoes be in or out? and now that he is in rehab will Marc Jacobs be in or out..?
Wendy James

"Considering he is gay I would imagine Mr Jacobs has been in and out lots of times.."
DryBaby

"Ohh naughty innuendo...what are you like? who makes the naughtiest innuendo?..You do..The naughiest!.."
Wendy James

"So Wendy-0-Vision meets Fashion TV,says hello and they both tell us all how to get rid of those dry bits of skin around the corner of eyebrows especially above the bridge of a person's nose..?
DryBaby

"Well important issues like that don't get addressed on the normal news and this is the cutting edge 21st century and I am all about cutting edges.I think I could help many people with my wise wisdom which is so wise it could be partnered with Morecambe..."
Wendy James

"A World looks forward to that.."
DryBaby

"Thank you.So writing 1,000 blogs must have been difficult,huh? I tried writing some once but I started to get a lump on my index finger and frankly the fingers are bad enough as it is.It is probably an addiction,biting my nails isn't very ladylike but hey I ain't very lady like.I think I am a 15 year old boy imprisoned in a woman's body..ooh there's an image you don't want in your head huh?...I couldn't think of anything to say when I tried to write too.No inspiration you see.....Unlike you,who writes a full comedy script first thing in the morning while I am still trying to decide to brush my teeth,have a fag or a big cough..Where do you get your inspiration from,cos I envy it?"
Wendy James

"You"
DryBaby

"Oooh what are you like?..Who is the biggest flatterer?..You are.You are the biggest flatterer.."
Wendy James

Wondering what to call your new label....

what you have just invented?

For your band "Drunk Puppies"..?

Well check out this page....

http://www.punknews.org/labels

It has every label in the world there..!

to check someone hasn't already got a label with your cool name..

"We already set up a label called "Granny Puke" so close yours down"

and yep I assume there is already labels called

"Scratched Vinyl Records"

and

"Compact Dix" (although I think there is a Dwarf porn site called that)

and

"Hell Pee" (gettit...?)

and if there isn't...they're mine,I just made them up...keep off!

"Hey William,I just saw a great name for our Death Metal label on this guy DryBaby's site..I truly think our band "The Mengele Manglers" would look great on "Hell Pee Records"...William?..I hope you are not messing with that fucking toaster again..you'll get a nasty burn,you really will..It is just simply wrong to try toasting your dick.."

lol!

Yes the site is called www.punknews.org...

but it is "punk" in the US sense of the word..

you know,Two 15 year old high school students saying

"George Bush is a douchebag.He sucks balls.."

instead of outright social anarchy..

(burning government buildings,hanging police men,weeing on Coats of Arms,spray painting "Eat The Rich" on underpasses,setting up People's Commitees to decide who is first up against the wall..)

As harmless as a goldfish splashing in his tank..

He gets your attention with his behaviour but you just shout

"Stop that,Goldie! or no din dins...You naughty fish..."


I will be installing a coffee bar soon...

"He will too the clever clever bastard..!"
Wendy James march 20th

Anyhoo..

To answer all the mails I read this evening asking me..

"Do you want us to boost Sailor No Youth,drybaby?"

No guys..

You don't have to boost them..

They are doing fine with their 7 (ish) plays...

That Oswald Mosley "connection" I made

obviously stuck in people's mind....

"Lauren "Chubby Chav" Jones and a Fascist?..DryBaby was so right about them..no thanks!.."

I am SUCH a little devil...naughty boy!

and yep "Weekends Ashes" sounds too much like the Jam...

Watch those coked up Pop Idol loving A&R guys rush to sign them up...

"Hey just what the 2007 music scene needs..another Weller rip off!..Can you guys do Bobby Darin cover versions?..and can you change your name to The CarpentersBeegeeAbbaSinatra?..that would be great!"

and remember the only other person with Vegas in their name is

Johnny Vegas..!!

and at least he's supposed to be funny......

Love Del Vegas' picture on MidgetBardot (not a cool name!)though..

He must have gotten hurt when that Ford Cortina he was working on

slipped from the blocks in that East End Garage..

His t shirt is totally ruined and he has a black eye..

and he's got an axle repair at 3 o clock too..

and those carburettors won't grease themselves..

Who'd be a mechanic,huh?

or at least pretend to be one..to look "hard and street"

Lol!

Still it'll be a bit of fun during the summer to see this play out...

along with the Racine Rampage..

Maybe after W is finished her short Eurotrash Vamp Club tour....

she might do a real tour...whatdoyathink?

Mieow..

"The band are sounding great!"
Wendy James....18 months ago (2005)

"The band are sounding great!"
Wendy James....15 months ago (2005)

"The band are sounding great!"
Wendy James....12 months ago (2006)

"The band are sounding great!"
Wendy James....6 months ago (2006)

"You know the drill.."
Wendy James...March (2007)

"Yep..same old same old.."
Wendy James...Dec (2007)

"Just cut and paste any past thing I said and stick it here.."
Wendy James....March (2008)

"Quote No:78,6779..band..great..sounding..I'm not 101 years old.."
Wendy James....The Future (2067)

Proving that sometimes (just sometimes) the fictional version

is better than the reality..i.e Lady Du James

"But you make me look like an arsehole!"
Wendy James

"I make you look like less of an arsehole than you really are!"
DryBaby

"Thanks for that"
Wendy James

"You are welcome"
DryBaby

"I could have two faces..."

http://drybaby1.blogspot.com/

Looks cool against the white backround..huh?

60,000 people just became aware of "Bootie NYC"...

Send the cheque to my accountant you guys at Bootie..'kay?

Pretty but thick as pig shit..

I myself am pretty too but clever as a whip..

I am going to get "Wendy James" tattooed on my penis..

50% of the time it will read "Wend"

If it's cold it will read "We"

If I'm having sex it will read "...ames"

Think about it...gettit?

"Ahhhh...I get it now..brilliant!"
Wendy James slow on the uptake

Ellen Feis...Stoned on a Mac

"Hey I'd do her..."
DryBaby

"So would I.."
Wendy James

"Can I watch?"
DryBaby

"I look good in black and white.."
Wendy James

"Well it looks better than the one on theracineworld which looks very waxy.."
DryBaby

"How come I always look better on your site than on my own..?"
Wendy James

"Because I am an artistic genius and am utterly stylish..and know how to "frame" a lady..."
DryBaby

"You can say that again..you've blackmailed me numerous times.."
Wendy James

"Guilty as charged.."
DryBaby

"Would you be able to "improve" any picture?"
Wendy James

"Yes"
DryBaby

"What if I sent you one of my arsehole..?"
Wendy James

"Why? Are you planning on photographing Golden Greg..?"
DryBaby

"Boom.Boom."
Wendy James

"That reminds me.I must do something new and fresh with Golden's site soon..It's last year since I did that J.K.Rowling gag and got that nice swedish girl to put the photo of the author in his comments section and a couple of months since the Golden Shower joke,which I did promise I would do about a year ago.Job done there..I must sit down and plan something spectacular possibly fatal,which would make a nice change from just the sticks'n'stones of mere words...could we arrange an "accident"?..maybe a collapsing keyboard or a far too tight scarf or a rickety staircase..but it would have to look "accidental" just in case someone,on the off chance, gives a shit what happens to him....unlikely I know..most of Golden's scrubbers don't care about anything except drinking and not getting knocked up by whatever "john" is playing their bills that week but still there might be one who misses Greg's "personality" after she goes looking for it with a magnifying glass...and of course Wade "Bucket and Spade" Crescent might stop preening himself in front of a mirror long enough to notice that the only other dickhead who is as much as a Nancy as him is nowhere to be seen and how is he gonna bother Heat reading scrubbers on his own.An evil genius' work is never done,huh?"
DryBaby

"If it's any consolation,you scare the crap out of me.."
Wendy James

"Ahh what a beautiful and sweet thing to say.."
DryBaby

"How many copies of Racine Number 2 were downloaded?"
DryBaby

"Racine Number 2? Never heard of it..."
iTunes Person

"It's in the "alternative" section under R.."
DryBaby

"Oh sure the one with the old chick on the crapper?"
iTunes Person

"That's it.So how many so far?"
DryBaby

"Well........."
iTunes Person

Nope.

I won't reveal it just yet..sorry folks.

Let's wait until after the tour..

"I hate it.I am a hostage to your whims..."
Wendy James

"You should see what whims are coming up.."
DryBaby

"Here's the deal.You pay me and I pretend to go out with you,okay?I'm not really into men.I prefer pussy.."

Racine SupaStar DeeJay Tour 2007

R.S.D.T....

which sounds like an STD (sexually transmitted disease)...

"I'm sorry Miss James you have RSDT on your hymeneal entrance and quite a large part of your anus.Unprotected anal sex can cause that..next time use a prophylactic.."

"Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.."
Wendy James

"Do you really believe that?"
DryBaby

"Of course not.I'm fuckin' shot through with despair and anguish.I can actually see my two cents pissant career shrinking right in front of my eyes like a block of ice in a heat wave..Goddamn this cruel bitch of a motherfucking city.."
Wendy James

"Norman Mailer?"
DryBaby

"Yep.I was trying to appear literary.I'll stick to Vanity Fair in future..You fixed the eyes on that Supersonic picture didn't you?.."
Wendy James

"Yes.Gave'em a bit of sparkle.The eyes are the window to the soul and yours more so than most people..They say what's REALLY going on in your mind no matter what comes out of your mouth or when you "turn on the charm"...You may fool a lot of people but you don't fool me.."
DryBaby

"Now THAT's Norman Mailer..!"
Wendy James

"Are you all like that in Ireland?"
Wendy James

"You've been there.What do you think."
DryBaby

"I hate bein' English.."
Wendy James

"I feel for you I really do..you can actually feel the mediocrity running through your veins,can't you? and knowing you have no diplomacy whatsoever and are as sensitive to people's feelings as a fridge.You surround yourself with English men who are like wet teatowels and you secretly hate them because they are so easy to twist around your little finger and you pretend you like that behaviour but it makes you uncomfortable to have your ass kissed.There is more passion in a funny put down and a cruel witty,perhaps truthful,caring insult.You know where you stand with such a person.You want Celtic charm.."
DryBaby

"I think I just came..."
Wendy James

I would imagine W will be aware of the fact that if she prints live photos yours truly won't be able to type out the witty (a.k.a piss taking) blog which accompanies them fast enough..

"Ain't that the truth.."
Wendy James

"Don't tell me...David Mamet..?"
DryBaby

"How'd you know?"
Wendy James

"Oh I know you backwards by now.."
DryBaby

"I like the way Mamet repeats words rapid fire"
Wendy James

"Repeat words?"
DryBaby

"Repeats them."
Wendy James

"Is there any need to repeat a word"
DryBaby

"There's every need to repeat it and more.Did you not hear me?"
Wendy James

"No.Could you repeat that?"
DryBaby

"Repeat it?"
Wendy James

"I repeat.Please repeat what you said"
DryBaby

"You and I have already written half a Mamet broadway play there.."
Wendy James

"Well I better not mention my Sam Shepard fake play.."
DryBaby

"What's it called?"
Wendy James

"Death Of A Lone Star State Cowboy In The Five And Dime"
DryBaby

"Fuckin' genius.You wouldn't write all the lyrics on my next album,would ya? I will win 50 fuckin' Grammies with your wordplay backed by my compositions.I am really stumped for ideas for the next Racine bunch of tracks.I think I have dug too often'n'too deep in the well of personal experience.The songs are beginning to sound very samey on Racine No 2..I suspect this may have been why it isn't giving Justin Timberlake any sleepness nights over at iTunes..although it's givin' me plenty here.."
Wendy James

"I love it when you beg.."
DryBaby

"Ain't that the truth too.."
Wendy James

"Single handedly you are killing that front sleeve picture on R No 2.."
Wendy James

"Gotta love that Nomad joke though,huh?"
DryBaby

"That's right.Why not put more ideas into his head,whydontcha?.I can only hope he is asleep having taken his medication to control his impulses and when he does finally see it he thinks it's his mother giving birth to a spray can.."
Wendy James

"It isn't though..Its a woman masturba..."
DryBaby

"And I'll just stop you there..I do know what it is..."
Wendy James

"Have you ever used a can in that way?"
DryBaby

"Are you joking? I can barely get my finger in there most days.."
Wendy James

"So you have a tight cun..."
DryBaby

"and I stop you just in the nick again.."
Wendy James

That Was The The 1000th blog back in the day..

Thank You For Reading The Blogs.

Even when I wasn't writin' them..

Appreciate it.

See ya

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

(it's my signature...cough)

"We'd like to know a little about you for our files"


Who are you..?

I will tell you who I am NOT.I am not an ex-manager of someone.I am not an ex employee of someone's previous label.I am not an ex-bandmate.I am not anyone vaguely connected with someone's ex band.Not any of a certain person ex boyfriends.So if this person thinks they have figured out who I am in recent weeks.She is wrong.

And you are..?

A well connected appreciator.Fortunately or unfortunately depending on your opinion.I am the sort of person you want as your champion in this industry and don't want as an enemy.

Your name..?

Never reveal your name on the internet.However some people on my mailing list have recently (last week) been sent my picture (handsome devil!) and they swear they have met me before.They probably have too.

Age
older than 25 younger than 40

Height..?
6ft.

Weight..?
12 stone.

Married..?
Nope.Girlfriends.yes.(not at the same time!)

Gay..?
Nope.Very hetrosexual.I have several gay friends and have been chatted up numerous times by gay men (I must be their type!).I support gay rights but do not practice them..

"..Listen I know where the Himilayas are.But I've never been up'em.."

Hair Colour?
Dark brown.

Eyes?

light gray/blue.

Do you live in England?

Nope.

Are you English?

Nope

Do you write under an alias?

Yes.DryBaby.

Would we have read your words somewhere besides here?

Yes

Reveal some (so far secret) details we would shocked to find out?

I am (was?) Charm Pinkerton,& Litten. I single handedly wrote most of the original notes on WendyJames.nu (1,300 entries,yep true)before it was hacked by a fake Charm in the late 90's (who faked the "cancer" story which was circulated by the UK tabloids.The fake Charm may have been a tabloid journalist).I also provided 90% of the images there.Most of the images on the current TRW site were actually sourced by me in the late 90's as that is where TRW got their images for the front page.I had some images sourced from original negatives and cleaned up for website use on WendyJames.nu in the late 90's.That site (wendyjames.nu)has since closed.Charm Pinkerton ended with that.I dont mind I do not own their copyrights.Frankly no ones going to claim copyright on them anyway...

Some pictures were from magazines long gone bankrupt but I sourced the prints from the original photographers in some cases.Thus their very high quality.Next time you log onto TRW's front page remember that...

As Litten(2004-2006) I contributed 100's of articles/messages to The Vamp board.I do not contribute there anymore.I contributed in depth studies of Racine and the individuals involved.I posted very rare interviews and explained for people there who the people in Racine were.I also made the original various RARE DEMO tapes from the 90's available on line a few years ago.They were subsequently offered for a fee on Ebay which I did NOT approve of.I gave them to everyone for nothing under another alias.Next time you listen to them remember that too...

As Litten I NEVER posted to TRW message board knowing others would.I did however encourage most of the original contributors to post there and through mailing individuals personally helped to create the original list of 150 people there and the 400 odd on The Vamp board.Subsequent events were nothing to do with me...

Basically I was THE cheerleader for Racine on the net in 2004 and early 2005 when no one (truly no one) gave a damn (some would say that still applies in certain media areas to this day).Many of the early net Racine events can be traced back to me.Ironically I had nothing to do with myspace then as I believed then (and still do now) it is a very limiting service but sadly the current mindset in Racine is myspace all the way.I very publically (as everyone now knows) disagree and quite publically accept I have become hated for it by a certain individual.She knows who she is.I still think I am right and will be proved so...

Why do you write the Blogs still..?

I enjoy writing the Blogs so much as I continue to interact with certain people.Many many people as I found out recently.I was shocked they wanted to continue reading them.

Things which you are most proud of..

Not being afraid to (metaphorically) kick a certain person up the arse when she I thought needed it (she would of course disagree she needed it!).Never being afraid to row against the tide.I appreciate someone but I don't kiss ass.Every human being should be treated with dignity but we all sit down on a toilet in the same way.I am no better than anyone else I just have certain skills they don't but I am certain they have skills I sorely lack.So we are even.Truly...

The humour of the Blogs and the wit of my personal blogs/diatribes.Which I have been told make some people laugh out loud at their computer screens (especially the dialogue in the Blogs) and talk a lot of sense (as well as quite a bit of showboating!!)

My skills and ability to get people "on side" with my ideas/concepts.My kindness to my friends.My "always on"creative mind ( a rarer thing than you might think)

My rhino skin which allows me to deflect criticism by accepting that if you give it you must take it.I admit to NOT being insecure about any criticism (A huge benefit when you criticise others and they have the absolute right to fight back)

Never running away from any punishment due me and never being a coward.Nothing wrong with being scared of something that is human but cowardise is a really repulsive attribute to rival arrogance.Confidence is a hugely attractive characteristic.Humility is charming also.

I am a genius at reading the true character of a person and this has helped me a lot in my life.So far I have never been ripped off or tricked.In other words "Never Get Wet".

Things you are most ashamed of..

Driving hugely drunk down a (deserted) street in Amsterdam in the middle of a big snow storm a few years ago.I was virtually hanging out of the car and driving right down the exact middle of the street.Luckily no one was killed.It is by far the STUPIDEST THING I ever did.Amazingly I was not arrested.I was a happy drunk (not an alcholic) but I gave up alcohol then(2004)

Sometimes in the heat of the moment (writing) being much crueler than I should be.I have a vicious tongue and despite what some people think I do regret somene might be hurt by my words.However my writing comes almost of its own accord sometimes as anybody who writes will testify.I may be a bastard sometimes but I am a readable bastard and the fact that you are reading this blog says a lot.

My temper.I am not Gandhi.I do bear grudges and admit to getting satisfaction in watching people I don't like suffer.Luckily for me my judgement in this area is often spot on.

Thing that surprised YOU most about the Blog feedback?

Many people say they like the "fictional" character of someone (which I created) more than the real life person.They say I have made "her" (she is not real) into a witty,spunky likeable independent person well able to stand up for themselves and explain their failures while being optimistic about their potential success....

Also many find "her" bad language dialogue appealing as it reveals a vunerable side.The fact that there are lines of dialogue one after the other also makes "her" seem clever/razor sharp and funny...

Not a bad image to have.

Why do I Use MySpace?

Well basically for publicity for the Blogs to be absolutely honest.I was wondering where I could get the Blogs the sort of exposure relevent to what they contain.They are parodies of a musical situation so I chose myspace as this is where my "main" (for want of a better word) audience would be.If I did parodies of a movie situation I would have chosen a movie based site.If they were parodies of literary situations I would have,of course chosen a book based site...

Frankly I am not a huge myspace activist (I think it is creaky,crashes too many times,needs to be updated to reflect the Mac generation (ipod,i tunes etc) and is becoming far too cautious with it's "terms of service" getting more conservative with every passing day.This is foolish when other similiar (and better) sites are in fact going in the opposite direction and relaxing their TOS to reflect the Wild West atmosphere of the internet in 21st century...
Applying (rapidly outdated )20th century laws to a 21st century phenomenon is like applying 19th century laws to 20th century lifestyles would have been(imagine what sort of world we would live in if homosexuality/lebianism for instance was still a criminal offense or you were "obliged" to show "due deference" to politicians/members of royalty or law officers? Exactly my point).So to recap I used myspace to get attention for the Blogs and display some of the photos (just a taster really).Taking a calculated (EVERYTHING I do is calculated) risk that this would lead to positive feedback and mailing requests.Which it more than did.I was swamped and am very pleased and happy to mail to these wonderful people who "get" me.Frankly my expectations have been overwhelmed.I though only a small number of people would contact me but it is huge.

Will you continue to post Blogs on MySpace?

Personal commentary ones like this,maybe.Ones like the musical parody? They will be continue to be written (5 already this week,plenty of subject matter!) but they will be DIRECT MAILED to people to a) avoid any "conflict" with any TOS and b) to avoid people looking over my shoulder looking for things to complain about.They have I am sure lots of things in their own life to complain about without looking for any more to take up their "valuable" time.That way the (very,very many) people who genuinely want to read (and comment/participate on) the Blogs will be able to and people who don't...er..won't have to have their eyeballs bothered/offended.They can go to any one of the many other sites which is devoted to their tastes.If they can find one.Without having to burden their minds with details of what I am doing.Myself and my mailers will get on with our activities across the web.
I will also be posting a regular mailer to people with relevent information and photos/videos (lots of photos/video!)also through DIRECT MAIL.Of course this mailer will have all relevant contacts and web addresses and in certain cases the passwords needed to access anything I choose to put behind a password system(just for the ultra Top Secret stuff).No biggie.I was never going to conduct my business in the full glare of prying eyes.As I said that period was just for publicity.Now that is achieved.It goes private.
As far as myspace is concerned.It was NEVER the centre of my universe and as I now have the mailing list/feedback I don't need it frankly.Still it will stay on my (very long)list of sites I frequent as it is handy for mailing other myspacers on their pages.Frankly it's services are weak compared to what is available elsewhere on the vast info superhighway.

How would you describe the Blogs?

Parodies of an existing musical situation and all persons connected directly and indirectly to it.The "characters" are of course fictional but are based on easily recognisable individuals.The dialogue is heavily based on real information and is designed to answer questions which have remained (deliberately) unanswered up to this point.The humour is deliberately dark and I am well aware that certain people are stung by it.
Parody is NOT ILLEGAL and has existed for many hundreds of years.Examples of parodies include certain passages in the Bible (true!),historical accounts and drawings,impersonations (Micheal Jackson,Bob Dylan,The Rolling Stones,Actors from The X Files,Marlon Brando,the list is almost endless)cartoons (South Park which makes its agenda very clear in it's opening title sequences to offend and parody EVERYONE and EVERYTHING)and musical sound a likes (The Rutles.The Bootleg Beatles...and Oasis..lol!) and even parodies at award ceremonies by actors themselves (MTV movie awards,Oscars,Emmys and Grammys) of recognisable people and situations.

It very oftens upset the target of the parody (South park/Tom Cruise or Russell Crowe/Steve Martin's parody of his poetry & "singing" career,Juliette Lewis and jokes about her using her scientology contacts to help her "music" career) and they often mistakenly rush to their lawyers thinking they can stop the parody or silence it (that rarely happens as it is fair comment of a public figure).Recent events in relation to the Tom Cruise parody (Paramount/Tom Cruise/South Park) would seem to suggest he in fact may have miscalculated which side Paramount would come down on.His lawyers clearly told him South Park would suffer and Paramount would stick with him.Wrong.Expect Mr Cruise to change lawyers very soon...

Mr Cruise (a very very good actor,let me make that clear.I like him) has "parted company" with Paramount and South Park are releasing their parody of him on dvd uncensored very soon through Paramount Home DVD.It is not cancelled as was orginally "requested" by Tom's lawyers as Paramount know who is their bread winner for the next few years.Team America was a huge money spinner for South Park/Paramount (great movie.A Parody classic) and also the South Park team are developing other potential successful movies with Paramount.Tom's lawyers should have done their homework.They are paid enough.Although not for much longer...

Will South Park parody Tom Cruise's bad luck in a future edition.....You bet they will!

Spinal Tap is rumoured to be based heavily on Black Sabbath's experiences in the US in the early 70's (the lead singer has a blond perm like Ozzy Osbourne had and his girlfriend becomes the bands temporary manager as Sharon Osbourne did.The famous "Dobly" joke is rumoured to have been based on something which Sharon said at the time)

Nobody is ever going to claim it is FACT but of course it was faction (fact and fiction)based on anecdotes and stories about that band and others.It is widely praised for being THE most accurate portrait of the experiences (usually bad) a band can have in the US market when things don't go according to plan.Hypocritical A&R people (who hate the band behind their backs but kiss ass while they think it will be good for their career until another client comes along on the way up),idiotic press/media people (who organise ridiculous interviews with people who obvious don't give a flying fig (careful!) about the band and forget them after the interview is over),and self centred managers (who claim to know what their talking about but are clearly bullshitting about the bands "positive feedback" when they are blatantly bombing)and a tour which goes from bad to worse as time goes on.

I doubt Christopher Guest (who co wrote and produced it and starred in it) contacted many Black Sabbeth fans or The Osbournes themselves and asked their permission.Basically asking them if it was okay to send up "fictional" versions of obviously real life people? No he did not and why should he?

It's called artistic licence for a reason and he has gone onto to do similiar parodies of obviously well known people/events ever since even returning to the music biz with A Mighty Wind (see if you can guess which character in that is clearly based on the reclusive Leonard Cohen and his well documented "stress" problems in the 70's)

As for criticism,do you think Mc Donalds welcomed the documentary Super Size Me when it was being made as part of a "healthy democratic critique" of their business and behaviour as they now claim through their PR company? Of course not.They tried to have it stopped and used many aspects of the internet to attempt to "spin" their version of the facts the documentary makers were saying well in advance of the movie's release and claiming copyright infringement for use of even the name and company logo!.It all backfired in their face (they honestly though it wouldn't though!) and made an already bad situation (for them) worse than it would have been.In the process they gave the documentary makers all the positive publicity they would need.
and then there is Wal Mart..Enron...The Hit men (documentary about Universal Records) coming very soon and not flattering at all (you will notice Universal recently chose this exact moment to announce their "free downloads" service,what an incredible co-incidence!)..the list goes on.
Do you think Hunter S.Thompson worried when he called Richard Nixon a "scum sucking pig" and his publishers were "requested" to remove his words by "friends and fans of President Nixon"?
Not a bit of it.He went onto to trash these "lackies of Satan" and made them regret their efforts by publically naming and shaming them.Up to that point there had always been an "unwritten rule" that people were allowed to complain anonymously but Hunter made sure as many people as possible knew these people were siding with the corrupt Nixon who later was impeached.

Parody and criticism are here to stay in one medium or another.Newspaper,Magazines,television,radio,web sites,downloads,mailers,etc.

Die hard fans and overly sensitive artists should get used to that fact or they risk being seen as humourless ego trippers deluding themselves about their status...

END.

And THIS is the full version of the "biography" my pen pal Bernie is circulating across the internet for me...

Like a good little doggie.

EXACTLY what I wanted her to do...

Only she didn't know it at the time...

DryBaby And Bernadette Giacomazzo..

(look her up on Google..)

That Dexter clip may well turn out to be THE single most popular clip I have ever posted in the entire history of DryBaby...

"A Gross English Titty Vampire..."

Or did I just dream it..?

I wrote the blog as a "reaction" to Wendy doing her....

I've-Lived-In-New-Of-The-York-Simply-Forevah-Dahlinks-Now-So-I-Can-Talk-Like-Dem-Americanos-Do-Talk-Out-Of-Their-Mouths...

routine in recent mails..

It is bad enough to have ACTUAL real east coast americans COMPLAIN about Obama not being a combination of Martin Luther King Jr and Oprah...

After all...!

No shit.

(He is currently doing the "Post 1997 Election Tony Blair Let Down" trick that all politicians do when they are elected on a wave of "Yes We Can!" and sentences which use the word "Change" more times than a beggar on the subway and then have to actually deliver on their promises in a world where Banks who have trillions in their vaults get billions of tax payer's money because they ride the President Of The USA like a cowboy rides a horse called Trigger and if that "nigga" doesn't want to follow his hero JFK in more ways than one (think grassy knoll) he will be grateful to his "mastas" who allowed him to be this year's White House Rubber Stamper....wait and see how much "help" the black inner cities get when the "Auto Industry" have gotten their $17 Billion...my guess is....not one red cent..I could be wrong though...ahh the certainly of the cynic is a like a big warm welcoming breast..)

It's all breasts round here lately..!

Where was I..?

Oh yeah...

At least those gullible "Oprah Told Me To Vote For Him" folks are actual citizens with a fine track record of electing assholes to the White House..

"I feel this time things WILL change for the better.It's long overdue.."
Average American Voter  (2008,2004,2000,1996,1992,..etc)

Wendy is just an English woman whose political conscience is so strong she could blatter on about Transvision Vamp boycotting South Africa while every product the band released was STILL on sale there...

"Ive told our management that I do not want our albums coming out in that awful country.It would be like making money from murder.."
Wendy "The Only Support I Show Is In My Bra" James (1989)

MCA said they didn't "listen" to what bands wanted..

They sold their products wherever there was a market..

Yep..Wendy James' retail taxes on Vamp product in South Africa DURING the hated Apartheid period went straight into the whites only government and helped fund (no matter how small) the torture and murder of black South Africans...men,women and of course children..

Just like her taxes to the BUSH GOVERNMENT helped fund his barbarism and idiocy for 8 long years no matter how small...

(She's played NO gigs in America but she doesn't pay tax to the UK government as she doesn't live there...so BUSH got her money..)

Wendy's taxes probably only paid for one rifle or a couple of bullets in Iraq but that was more than enough to kill a child...

Kinda like an ABORTION by proxy...

(Speaking of abortions...what the current cost of an abortion Wendy?...I am obviously not as familar with the nitty gritty of that "procedure" as you but I'd assume the price has gone up to reflect the current cost living,,,huh?)

Wink.

Thus the Karma she is currently experiencing...

(See those kudos piling high over at Casa Racine did ya..?)

"We don't give a shit about TBA gigs possibly in March or April next year Wendy do you understand that you concrete brained cock-twat..why would you even think we would and don't get us started on what you can do with your album and which hole you can shove it..?"
The Public

"But...but...but.."
Wendy "Jimmy is 28 years old" James

"Would you prefer us to leave a tidy comment or seven under your druggie Skeletor photos in that Australian DJ folder instead of those painfully tiny ones currently there..?"
The Public

"Er....no...sorry for wasting your time...Sorry.."
Wendy "Lauren is her surrogate daughter,Jimmy is her son.." James

(Conjure and image of Lauren Jones sucking on Wendy's left breast and Jimmy T sucking on her right one.Both of her "surrogate children" suckling at their mother's teat and drinking down her "cocaine and tabacco" milk....)

See my point now?

Cue people upchucking their breakfast round about now...

"You blew it big time this year lady...we're never forgiving you..never.."
The Public

(I am not wrong with THAT dialogue am I folks..?)

and she is daring to stick her snout into US politics...?

Whilst talking like she just stepped out of an early episode of "Friends" and using the sort of phrases which would have made her a (bigger) laughing stock if she'd used them in the rehearsal rooms of West London in the late 80's..

"Yeah Nick I am finding I cannot get Closure from those dochebags..."

"Whaaa..?"

"I was taking on board the concept which we heavily dialogued yesterday.."

"Do you need to be Exorcised..?"

"Don't compartimentalise my offense without workshopping my defence.."

"You are a gross english titty vampire.."

"I have boundary issues.."

Anyway...

Christmas is upon us..

(Where did the year go..?)

I smell victory in the air...

Wendy is dying on her arse over at Casa Racine..

(Even I am surprised at the exodus of "fans" from her side (her breast?) in the past 3 months but that Australian "Promo" tour seems to have been her Waterloo although these things never happen over night and the resentment towards Wendy and her (still unbelievable) attitude was bubbling away for months and months prior to now.The very fact of the official site closing down (even if you ARE refitting a site you still keep it open duirng "construction" like a restaurant or bar would...rule no 1..) and then Wendy trying to ignore it (in contrast to her hyping it opening 4 years ago) and finally trying some LAST MINUTE SELF HYPE spelt the end...)

Of course it has all played into my hands with almost minute precision...

Add to that what I am planning for 2009...

(Hint: finally DryBaby goes visual after many delays and blogs like this will be a thing of the relic past....but don't worry I will be putting up a visual archive of ALL the blogs I've written since 2006 so you guys can see how frighteningly accurate I have been..)

and now is the time...

To show Wendy a tiny bit of mercy...

If you notice carefully you will see that DryBaby has metaphorically moved closer and closer to her...

The "Alphaville" photos were just a naughty little tease to show her how close I can get..

I deliberately revealed nothing and EVERYTHING at the same time with those beauties..

(not an easy task but they are constantly being looked at over at Wordpress almost on a daily basis by the public so it did the job it needed perfectly...)

The next bunch of "wendy home" photos I post will be...

Interiors.

(and no I am not gonna announce them in advance..they will just appear one day and get everyone talking...like Alphaville..)

(I do like my teases...and I have already dropped at least TWO teases into this blog alone...look back over it and you too won't need to abort your search...)

So once again show Wendy a tiny bit of mercy...

I'll use Christmas to think about how much...

and soon I will post a list of where DryBaby's posted and been linked from..

Just to help..

"Atomik"

I know who it is...easy peasy.

(funny to watch a dog chasing it's tail pointlessly isn't it..?)

Ironically I actually haven't READ any of "Atomik"s posts...

I just operate "blind" and post my own entries through a host server...

Then wait for the reaction..

Fire off another blog entry..

So forth and so on..

It's like remote controlling what "Atomik" does...

Great Fun.

Like throwing a stick for a dog to chase in the park..

Also Readers O'Mine...

I have started (in a very very small way) the RE-DESIGN of DryBaby for 2009..

Ther'll be some VERY radical changes but some things will just get a brush up and polish...

You may notice..

I'll do the rest after the Holidays...

2009 is gonna be a winner...

I have kept in the shadows too long...

My face is gonna all over 2009...

LOL..

See ya

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

Hello Holly...

(yeah a cheesy Broadway pun-a-like but whatcha gonna do..?)

First off let me just showya this....!!!

The Right To Be Italian..And DryBaby

Seeing as you are one of the "Wendy Disciples"..

(a dwindling bunch at the best of times..!)

You will no doubt want to expand your..

Wendy Knowledge..

(The Way Of The Freckle)

Wendy sadly suffers from "selective amnesia" about DryBaby..

And often never mentions it's existence (2 years and rising!) to people like you..

Not to worry..

DryBaby comes to the rescue of the poor forgetful girl..

Show you the way to DryBaby's site(s)...

Ready..?

Go here...

DryBaby

and here...

Smutbreast

and this is a good one too...

DrybabyWordpress

Who is this masked fellow..

DRYBABY...?

I won't spoil the surprise for you..

(and it will be a surprise I promise you..!)

Just simply do the following..

Type...

"drybaby wendy"  or  "smutbreast wendy"  

(without the " " obviously!)

into any (and I do mean ANY) search engine you like...

Google...

Yahoo...

Alta Vista...

(DryBaby should be at the very top of each of them..)

If you type into Google..

Don't forget to click the "images" tab too...

Smutbreast is GREAT for images for some odd reason.

I don't pretend to understand.

(make sure your family filter is turned OFF...kay?)

and you WILL be amazed at what you see there...

Amazed...

Remember now...

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

The biggest (and currently ONLY) Wendy James site on the entire internet...

(and no I am not counting theracineworld.com....that is a terrible site!)

Wendy is SO forgetful sometimes...

Coca Cola does that to a person sometimes..

(cough...cough...cough)

Wink

So now you know.

The Biggest Open Secret On The Internet..

See ya

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y


P.S...yeah sure you can show my "friends request" to Wendy if you wanna..

No biggie..

I've got nothing to hide unlike some..

B.T.W...Holly

I don't really "do" the friends thing here on MySpace..

I am not a 14 yr old EMO and have plenty of real life friends thanks...

(so don't be surprised if you don't ever appear here on my page...kay?)

But it is worth it just to send shivers up Miss James' (curved) spine..

"dreamy"...."gross"...."sounding fantastic"...."me me me"....etc...

Did she tell you about her R3 album's problems behind the scenes..?

Thought not.

DryBaby will in the New Year...kay?

Dreamy...(or should that be "stoned and dreamy"..?)

and of course now you KNOW about DryBaby like 100,000's others do..

Check out the Cokey Wokey Snort  photos whydontcha..?

(Wendy tends to be very "shy" talking about DryB but fuck'er...LOL!)

You will learn SO much and be amazed at what you see..

Looking forward to yet another career comeback attempt from you too..

Jesse Malin...

He used to part of the One Little Indian "family"...

When Wendy was their "black sheep slutty daughter" signing...

"Derek Birkett is like one of those middle-aged men I used to roll in the 80's to pay my rent.."
Wendy James 2005

Jess has made a video in a toilet...

Best place for it some would say...

Did you know...?

Jesse thinks he is Bruce Springsteen...

Jesse gives himself his own autograph every single day...

Jesse's sister designs all his onstage hair...

Jesse's mother is married to his father...

Jesse cannot pronounce the word "Corvette"...

Jesse sued a tattoo parlour after he got his "Jesus Chaplin" tattoo...

Jesse thinks Riverdance is a "travesty of Irish culture"...

Jesse campaigns to have doors "consigned to the scrap heap"...

Jesse hobby is "How To Make A Leather Jacket From Leather"...

Jesse favourite album is "Fuck Me That Looks Painful!" by Henry Rollins

Jesse 2nd favourite album is "It Is But I Can Take It" by Henry Rollins..

Jesse once saw a book in a bookshop from a distance in a cab...

Jesse was not impressed and continues to refuse to read to this day...

Jesse does not believe reading is important in the music biz...

Jesse consequently signed a contract with his manager for 1,339%...

Jesse is convinced he is a dwarf on stilts...

Jesse donates 2% of his income to caterpillars...

Interesting huh..?

Jesse used to be part of the same family as Wendy..

But that was before economic reality arrived in Narnia York...

"You sold how many records Jesse..?"

and

"You're how much of a cow Wendy...?"

Reality Bites..

So does Wendy...

And with that overbite of her's she could take off your first two fingers...

That's why men tend to take her from behind...

Plus it doubles their "entry" options...

"I wonder could I sneak it in through this little hole..?"

Kinda like when you get two sockets in a hotel bathroom...

You know the big well worn socket is where you oughta stick it in...

But you are SO tempted to see what happens if you stick it in the smaller one..

"I am really curious to know what it feels like to stick it in the small one.."
Middle Aged Businessman

"Well Wendy's over there if you'd like to satisfy that curiousity for $30..."
Her Pimp....Jimmy

(now you saw that coming didn't you..?)

Wonder how it will take for Wendy to "re-appear" on her MySpace page...?

Before or after I get around to "explaining" what's she's doing to her fans..?

"what the Sam Hill is Wendy up to DryBaby..?"

"Glad you've asked...here's the inside scoop..."

Cough.

And the stopwatch starts...

Now.

Wink

See ya

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

Seeing as there was such a good reaction to the "Alphaville" NYC photos today...

"what could the genius DryBaby be up to now...?"

I was asked if I could repost "that Nook York" parody I wrote...

Sure thing...

I'll keep this simple and to the point...

Michael Guido

Michael Guido is the Managing Partner of Carroll, Guido & Groffman, LLP, a firm specializing in representing recording artists and independent companies in the music industry. His clients include Grammy Award winners Outkast, as well as other multi-platinum and platinum artists such as Jay Z, Velvet Revolver, Blondie, Sugar Ray, Donell Jones, Richie Sambora, Jaheim, and Sinéad O'Connor. Other artists on his roster include Black Rebel Motorcycle, Mudvayne, Amerie, Sarah Hudson, Wendy James, Method Man, and Redman, among others. Guido also represents a range of producers and independent recording labels such as Mark Ronson, Adrien Brody, Roy Hamilton, Bink, Hi-Fi Recordings, and Aquemini Records

Now you know why W thinks she might one day collaborate with Jay Z...

The conversation probably went something like this..

"Hey Wendy did you know I represent Jay Z too..?"
Guido

"Do you? I am very impressed..."
Wendy James

"Yeah he and I are the closest buddies in the world and my God strike me down if I am bullshitting you!.."
Guido

"Do you...Oh I dare not say it...Do you think he and I could collaberate on some tracks in the future..?"
Wendy James

"Getouttta This Baseball Field! Why kiss my goddamn ass! Here I have just this very second been thinking the exact same thing as you have,may God strike me down if I am bullshitting you.."
Guido

"Has Jay Z even heard of me?"
Wendy James

"Fuck My Old Italian Grandma in the ass and call me a Ginny! Heard of you? He never stops talking about you may God strike me down if I am bullshitting you."
Guido

"So Jay Z has heard of a UK singer who hasn't even bothered the US charts ever and had her last hit when he was a teenager?"
Wendy James

"You're Wendy James ain't you,you fucking New York Mets game loving plate of fine spaghetti?.Course he has heard of you and may the good gracious Lord jesus himself who probably came from New York strike me dead if I am bullshitting someone and that someone turns out to be you"
Guido

"You think maybe one day Jay Z and I could write together and produce a song as catchy and commercial as 'Crazy In Love"..?"
Wendy James

"When I take a cab ride down 56th and Vine,passing by the Chrysler Building and look up to the New York skyline I imagine Jesus Christ himself is sitting up in his big SVU in the sky,smoking himself a stogie with "Made In The Goddamn U.S.A" written on the side of it,drinking a cool glass of Dr Pepper and saying "Guido,if you are bullshitting I will strike your ass down but I won't now because as sure as Ethel Merman made Broadway world famous you ain't bullshitting.Now get out on the field and score a home run for the team and don't be gay that is just plain sick sorta behaviour for a fine upstanding member of the best goddamn country in the world today.The United States of Greatness And Big Steel Balls.."..that is how sure I am you will one day be writing your little heart out with Jay Z,who is like my brutta over here..and may Jesus carry out his strike threat if I am even thinking of bullshitting you,who I love like my own mother's apple pie during SuperBowl Sunday.."
Guido

"Gosh"
Wendy James

"Gee but I love the way your En-ger-lish types just cannot control your emotions and I say emotions even though only gays and other low lifes have such things and I like to think that you are like Debbie in Debbie Does Dallas..a fine broad taking one up the ass for the team and the good ole USA..and may God strike me down if I am bullshitting you.Strike me down dead and bury me in a graveyard just outside the finest city in world.Were could that be?Do you have to ask? Yes you are right my fine En-ger-lish lady with your cups of tea and having someone running the joint who has the word Queen in their name..the finest of all cities..virtually paradise here on God's earth.New Of The York.Goddamn I feel I wanna shoot someone I am so fucking patriotic at this moment in time.Just before we start World War 3 the long over due sequel to that pussy whipping WW2 we helped you Limeys with due to you not being able to fight because you are all cowards.."
Guido

"Gosh all my fans are going to be rather impressed to say the least.One cannot find the words to express but one finds oneself filled with what can only describe as one's own Oneness.."
Wendy James

Warm,Welcoming and Cuddly..

"At Last!.where have you been?..we cannot go to HER web page alone without you holding our hand.She frightens us with her constant attempts to ram Racine tickets down our throats and virtually shoving us in the direction of iTunes..and oh my god her lame attempts at humour sometimes are like fingernails down a blackboard...You,DryBaby,are the only one who stands up to her and the only one she is scared off..She doesn't give a shit about us but you...You make the whole Racine thing come to life like plugging in the power into a Christmas Tree...oh it looks okay with the decorations on it during the day to be certain but it shines when you switch on the DryBaby magic!...Without you being online we'd never go there...We stay away until you check in..then when we have you looking over us like a Guardian Angel we feel secure and know she cannot do anything to us or you'll rip her to pieces......Never leave us alone again DryBaby..We love you..and we wouldn't spend 10 minutes with her if it wasn't for you..We suspect she knows that and that is why she is such a cold person towards us.."
The People Of The World

"I resent that.I do not ram tickets down peoples throats.."
Wendy James

"Come to both?"
DryBaby

"Pardon?"
Wendy James

"Come to both...you kindly suggest to that nice girl..who is clearly an innocent soul.."
DryBaby

"She is not"
Wendy James

"She claims that she wants to meet a sewing machine..and tells us to respect fishes..she's as nutty as you are Miss Humans In Cages"
DryBaby

"Fair enough.She is perhaps less worldly wise than people like me.."
Wendy James

"Worldy wise..you?"
DryBaby

"Yes I pride myself on being aware of my world and all it's deviant corners.."
Wendy James

"You printed Nikki's letter on your page for the whole world to see.The letter which was the equivalent of him wanking himself off into your face and wide open mouth..and you printed it..The new "friend" Billy Comet or some such is almost like a Viz character from 1987..and you are worldly wise?"
DryBaby

"Well they are two of the deviant corners of the world I can handle and I do want her to come to both gigs.."
Wendy James

"Yeah so she can stand beside you and make you look even smaller..?"
DryBaby

"No so I can talk to her.."
Wendy James

"In Spanish?"
DryBaby

"No.In English."
Wendy James

"Oh good.She can barely speak english because of her nationality and you can barely speak it because of your brain cell popper burnt outs in the 90's.."How Like You My Nails?Am Liking You Muchly.I Were Hairy Mouthwise Too.Me Burny Lip Off.You Jellybum too?Me Thighs Like Granite" is not going to be the conversation of the century is it?.."
DryBaby

"Well I try a bit of spanish then.."
Wendy James

"Okay,what does her name on her page mean then..?"
DryBaby

"What name?"
Wendy James

"Emperatriz Infantil.."
DryBaby

"Hang on it will come to me now.I know this.."
Wendy James

"No you don't..so an evening of you asking her how she became so tall is going to be the highlight unless of course you use your legendary diplomacy skills and ask her "Is it true spanish girls are as hairy as turkish wrestler cuntwise?".."
DryBaby

"Now that is an interesting question..just one girl speaking to another about feminine issues..casual but inquiring on important things which affect us all.."
Wendy James

"Spanish Pubic Hair?"
DryBaby

"Well if I get any bigger in Spain I have a funny feeling plenty of the male types will be affecting me soon..with a bit of luck...I've worked very hard I might as well get some of the countries rich culture..what....am....I...like?"
Wendy James

"Oh that is gonna be a great evening.."
DryBaby

Anyway...I will helping a friend with something today and I apologise for not logging on sooner.

Going to Casa Racine on your own can be a frightening experience and you will meet all sort of creeps and sickos..

"Why not? They've been on your site first so that will prep'em for sickos and creeps.."
Wendy James

"What you mean like Guido prepped you for the harsh real world when Racine finally came out..?"
DryBaby

"Okay.Zip and I'm quiet..satisfied?"
Wendy James

"Why does nobody visit me first thing?"
Wendy James

"They are too busy coming over here.They check out what DryBaby is doing before they gather their silver crucifix and garlic and head over to the Haunted House Of Racine.."
DryBaby

"I am not that bad.."
Wendy James

"Oh you are.You scare people with your intense staring and inability to say anything more than "wxxxx" which is 54 in Latin..."
DryBaby

"I don't stare and I write just a few words because I am a person of few words until you Mr SpeechMaker.My emotions are on my sleeve for all the world to see so I don't articulate much.Don't need to to..A person only has to look into my eyes to see what I am thinking.."
Wendy James

"Yeah they do.They say "My name is Wendy,I drink contact lens cleaner and can I take a quick photo of your Winky for my friend to show her I got a lot of cockadoodleoo while on tour?...".Truly your eyes are the mirror of the repository of your deepest emotions.."
DryBaby

"None of that has been going on during this tour.I am bringing my band to our European fans and the only thing I have been,as you say,getting is the love of our fans..if anything the boys in the band have been the ones doing dodgy things.."
Wendy James

"Raymondo asking chambermaids if they wanna "play bang-bang" in his hotel room and he will tell them the story of how he nearly was in Desperate Housewives but he was playing "3rd ATM robber in Law And Order Special Victims Unit" so had to turn the offer down although his friend was a "gay rapist in Oz who got stabbed in the next episode"..?"
DryBaby

"No"
Wendy James

"Golden running with scissors in the hotel corrridor at 3 o clock in the morning shouting "I must make a collage.It's life and death.Has anyone got a picture of the main railway station at night or some backpackers smiling at a ticket machine?." then trying to carve his name into every room door which has an odd number on it so "the Angel Of Death passes you by,you'll thank me later.."..?"
DryBaby

"No"
Wendy James

"Dee Dee lying on the floor under a dispensing machine and trying to get his hand into the where the Heineken cans come out as he discovered they are much bigger than the ones the sell back in England and telling complete strangers that "men get cancer too" and warning the women they should "check your testicles,love"..?"
DryBaby

"No"
Wendy James

"Damon playing his new song "Two Day Old Full English Fried Breakfast" which is a touching ballad about what a woman's private parts look like first thing in the morning..and constantly asking you if he should call his band's new album "Six" or "Half a Dozen" and do you think he might be able to "lift" that painting in the hotel lobby without anyone noticing especially if you distract the receptionist by claiming you have been emotionally scarred by the presence of a fire hose on your landing which brings back memories of when you were raped by a fireman at the age of 22..?"
DryBaby

"No"
Wendy James

"You found it impossible to plug in your power drill which you use to drill holes in the wall to have "a quick look" at what the people in the next room are "up to" and when the hotel security took it away from you,you shouted "You will reget that.When Al Queeda blow this place to kingdom come don't come crying to me.You better not damage that camera otherwise the person I stole it from will be very angry with you..." while re-adjusting your showercap and making sure you have the right condiments smeared on your bosom because it IS Tuesday after all..?"
DryBaby

"No"
Wendy James

"Sounds like a pretty dull tour.."
DryBaby

Anyway...

Elvira WILL cum again...

(that should have been on the titles at the end of her movies...!)

Screenshots will be posted over at Wordpress this weekend..

(Elena can then use them as "backround" for her next designs as you would be amazed how little suitable images there are of "Elvira" on the net...)

And no..

I am NOT going systematically through Elena's bio likes and dislikes..

(Most of which I myself like or dislike..)

Kay..?

Wink

See ya

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

I was sent a mail today fom a girl who wanted to discuss the recent Elena Gallen blog entries (on Smutbreast not Elena's sites) with me..

She wrote me a long section about the word "Tussa"...

(I knew it means "bitch" in Icelandic)

I wrote back to her and promised I would repost this "oldie" which I had written during my "Icelandic" phase...

(Elena is currently going through her "ice" phase with her inspirations coming from everything "white" from Polar Bears to Ice Sculptures...)

Anyway here it is..

"I like Salt and Julie Christie..."

(and who doesn't...?)

"Did you see the merchandise?"
Wendy James

"Yes"
DryBaby

"Well what do you think?"
Wendy James

"Wouldn't it be cheaper to just put a piece of carboard on string around your neck with "Self Hater" written on it?"
DryBaby

"Did you like the design?"
Wendy James

"Yes it is very map of the London underground and whose that woman in the picture?"
DryBaby

"That is our official merchandise sales person..she is called Nina or to give her full Icelandic name "NinaWindDottmunstsdotter Fey" the last bit she was married to Bernie Fay but he died in a seal meat accident 10 months ago but she still keeps his name..I met her when I was in Reykjavik attending the Annual Bjork Career Memorial Festival,in which musicians from all over the world meet up to light candles in memory of when Bjork had a career worth giving a damn about..and on the final night we all join together in a beautiful ballad version of Venus As A Boy..Hopefully one day Bjork might just make an album more than 2 pretentious assholes buy..but it's not looking good sadly.."
Wendy James

"Bernie Fey?"
DryBaby

"Yes.Do you know him? He was a "face" in seal meat production.."
Wendy James

"No.But I did hear about his accident.It was the talk of the art wold for months.Bernie is gone.Killed by some seal meat.Only 67.What a waste..We all remember his Pilchards..he will live on in every sardine tin.."
DryBaby

"Well that is what her full name is but we just call her Nina for short.Although I toyed with the idea of calling her Petra..
Wendy James

"How do you know all this about her name? Do you speak Icelandic?"
DryBaby

"No.But my friend "China White" does and he often deals with Iceland when he is moving his packages through there to avoid the nosey customs of other less frozen countries.."
Wendy James

"China White? what sort of packages..?"
DryBaby

"Dark brown packages wrapped tightly in black tape..medical supplies for students,he says...I help to carry them for him"
Wendy James

"And what nickname does he give you?"
DryBaby

"Wendy The Mule...isn't that sweet?No idea what it means but it sounds very cool."
Wendy James

"Oh my god.Not long now..Bangkok Hilton here we come..."
DryBaby

"Anyway Nina has been a godsend to us here in the Racine Merchandice Division,which is really just me and Golden..he is a dab hand with the screen printing and I create the design when I'm in a trance on the back of napkins.."
Wendy James

"Does she speak english?"
DryBaby

"Well as far as we can tell the only words she can say are "I like Salt and Julie Christie"...which is unique isn't it?"
Wendy James

"Salt and Julie Christie?"
DryBaby

"Yeah..You see I say "How you doing this fine day Nina?" and she says "I like Salt and Julie Christie"..then I say "what would you like to eat Nina,chips or fajitas?" and she says "I like Salt and Julie Christie" and I say "You cannot eat Julie Christie dear,she is an actress famous mostly in the 60's although she has done some fine work in her mature years on the continent,like Charlotte Rampling,would you like a fish finger or would that make you homesick?...do you have tea bags in Iceland Nina or do you have to make tea with crab meat?..."
Wendy James

"How do you pay her for her work?"
DryBaby

"Well she won't accept money especially after Damon said he'd "have hers if she don't want it like.A season ticket to Everton costs an arm and a leg and the wife wants to keep hers,selfish cow.." so we asked her what she would like instead.."
Wendy James

"What did she say?"
DryBaby

"A moving picture frame like the ones in Harry Potter with real people inside of it"
Wendy James

"Difficult"
DryBaby

"Tell me about it.Golden has offered to stand in an empty frame for a few hours completely naked holding some fruit and a crossbow like an old painting instead but she wasn't having it...She's a cunning one that Nina,I've give her that.."
Wendy James

I hope Rachel "got" the Ho Ho Ho joke over at Smutbreast...

(She's got a lotta spirit that girl...)

If I "ran" Icanshowyouhowtodoit.com I would make her the main focus and selling point...

(Play to your strengths and she is one big strength...!)

Sometimes she gets lost in amongst the (literally) 100's of photos...

But when you come across one of her photos...

It jumps out at you..

Charisma tends to do that...

See ya

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

Seeing as it is almost EXACTLY a year since this girl came into my conciousness through her involvement with Wendy...

I thought I would write this...

Elena Gallen is Omnisexual...

Always start with something controversial..

It was either that or...

'Is It Wrong To Look At A Row Of Children And Notice The Dangerous One..?'

(and yes it IS if that 7 year old's birthday party I went to yesterday was any indication...)

Anyway...

Lots of people have said they love the I-Kissed-A-Girl Gallen photos...

(You love'em...I fuckin' think they are works of art..and I think both girls are classily stylish..)

'I am classily stylish..'
Wendy 'Dressed By Jimmy' James

'No and no..'
DryBaby

So what does Ominsexual mean..?

Well you've heard of omnipotent haven't you..?

(Everywhere at the Same Time..)

Well Omnisexual is like that...

It means a person who is open to anything which attracts them sexually..

Most imaginatively creative ladies tend to be..

'Kinda like me..'
Wendy 'Open All Hours' James

'No you are as easy as a five year old's homework not Omnisexual..'
DryBaby

People also ask me why I feature Elena so much on my sites..

'Yeah why do you?..She is not me after all..'
Wendy 'And There's The Answer' James

(She has a whole photo album here and I have turned Smutbreast into the unofficial Elena Gallen Showcase...and a wise decision it was too..)

Why..?

In a few words.

I knew almost immediately she was a very beautiful woman...

(Amazingly it did NOT seem that way to most people about a year ago but I did predict she would blossom in several blogs I wrote...I am a genius judge of people's 'real' personalities and potential...)

I like her.

I have read her (mostly spanish) interviews and she comes across as very level headed and clever enough to be able to 'stand outside' the fashion industry and see it for the (sometimes pathetic) joke it can rapidly become and seperate the art (which must always be appreciated) from the pretentious (which never should) and get to the heart of something...

It is difficult to describe but she has a genuine inate sense of style which translates into a 'presence' which comes through her pictures..

Only an ignorant fool would ignore their visual potential..

(Her friend Rachel has also got a wicked sense of humour and with her incredibly expressive eyes she can 'say' so much with just a single glance and anybody who can write 'Puta' (whore) on her own leg clearly knows she is projecting an image while being photographed..)

People sometimes mistakenly think Elena is worshipping at the altar of fashion when in fact she is satirizing it and most people forget she is NOT a fashion designer but is in fact a visual artist who is currently working in the fashion scene...

(She would much rather be making her own little short movies and videos and her recent 'Video Killed The Radio Star' clip was very imaginative and managed to be original in what is rapidly becoming a very tired and jaded genre...and I still find her 'This Is For Lovers' clip very charming)

Frankly Elena Gallen is the best thing to happen to Wendy James in a long while..

Course as Wendy tries to run out the rest of 2008..

(She thinks that keeping a low profile will merely increase the impact of what she has planned for 2009 but in fact there may be nobody round to be impressed if she doesn't nuture the remaining dwindling fans she's got...Try telling her that though in her current state-of-mind...sigh)

And her 'Yen' starey portraits are so fake they are alienating people..

(Notice how many 'fans' left Racine when Wendy revealed her big feet with just socks on..I did try to warn her with the 'Man Toes' in those gold sandals during the summer but did she listen?....Nope)

Elena is giving me enough artistic 'stimulus' to spur me on though..

(I even managed to get a few 'vagina' jokes out of P's blog...!)

Truly

Elena Gallen is Omnisexual..

I hope everyone is digging the David Lynch Gucci clip too..

All part of a make-over before the end of the year...

DryBaby is going VERY designer soon...

(make sites which people will be proud to display on their laptops in public..)

I'll blow Elena's mind...

After all I owe her that after what she did in 2008..

She blew mine.

Wink

See ya

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

Oh I know...

I haven't written here for what seems like forever...

The cynical amongst you may have thought I was being 'prevented' by MYSPACE in fact...

(Held down and spanked on my bare buttocks for being naughty..?)

The Wendy's amongst you may have hoped I was...

Sorry guys there is a very simply and more mundane reason..

I have been working on the flashy 'new' DryBaby site designs...

Which I hope to smoothly slip on later this year like a fresh condom onto a large erect penis ready for vigorous action..

(Glass of water for Miss Gallen as she has just come over all 'funny'...)

I intend to blow Elena's mind and give her something to catch up with..

(I adore that beautiful woman's creative mind..!)

Wait and See.

So anyway..

What's been occurring...?

I am getting the AUDIO ready..

'Hear Wendy's songs from the 1990's for the first time in Stereophonic Sound..!'

I am getting the VIDEO ready...

'Watch The Wendy Robot crying like a real human with genuine tear-a-likes..!'

I am getting the PHOTOS ready...

'See Wendy Acting Like Lauren's Second Mummy in The Noughties..!'

and More,More,More...!!

And 'special' Jimmy stuff for Christmas too...

(Don't post it if you don't want DryBaby to find it Jimmy-Jam...kay?)

I pride myself on picking any internet 'lock' worldwide.

Once again..repeat after me.

No Post...No Cry....No DryBaby See....Jimmeee

Gottit..?

(does it give a kind of naughty thrill thinking only you and a few could 'see' this material..?)

I expect it does.

(Glass of Water for Miss Wendy James as she also has just come over all 'funny' and seems to be weeping with tear-a-likes...)

Anywayup..

So far DryBaby has uploaded nearly 80 videos (as of today)...

and I truly hope to have 100 up by Christmas..

(You Should Always Get It Up For Christmas..)

'I have just posted a whole 3 minute video from Transvision Vamp on my You Tube page,aren't I cool and great..?'

'You ain't heard about Drybaby then Mr Joe Cool..?'

'No.'

'Well he's posted 100 videos and may well get into the Guinness Book of Records for the largest number of 'non official' videos posted on line for one artist..'

'Fuck me..why doesn't he get sued or even stopped by anyone..?!'

Good question...

Maybe because I look like THIS..



and I have the magnetic charm of the devil himself..

I am a Mentalist...

(look it up..it's not what you think..but I am one..)

Perhaps..

Good Times

Then I've been 'in correspondence' with several industry folks...

(You will see those 'results' VERY soon too..)

and doing my own videos..

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

Comin to a screen near you soon..

I am effing gorgeous..!

(Glass of water for Mr DryBaby as he has come over all handsome and sexy..)

Wink

See ya

D-R-Y-B-A-B-Y

So anyways..

Still in Milan...

But all THIS is comin' soon from The Drybaby Dream Factory...

"The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight..."

"Bald Bastard's Boolean Bollocks..."

"Tommy..."

"Andy's Not Dead He's Only Sleeping..."

"Jean Micheal G Photographie..."

"Doggie Want Drugs...?"

So...

What you wanna know..?

"Is your other drybaby my space page gone..?"

Actually it isn't as something is happening to it behind the scenes....

(don't believe all that "cancelled his membership" bullshit you may see..I'm here ain't I..?)

MySpace is too linear and literal sometimes...

DryBaby messes with their system and they cannot deal...!

Things happenin' is all...

kay?

Can't say what...

Wendy is reading this no doubt...

"Is there something wrong with me for finding her MORE attractive as she slowly disintegrates in front of everyone's eyes..?"
DryBaby

"No..."
Elena "More Wendy James Than Wendy Herself" Gallen

"Yes.."
Wendy "That 5 week Jimmy-a-thon Doesn't Seem So Smart Now Does It?" James

"How's the band..?"
DryBaby

"Fuck you.."
Wendy "That Brown Pimple Could Be Carcinogenic And I Could Be Dead By Easter" James

"How's the official website..?"
DryBaby

"Fuck you again.."
Wendy "That's How Cancer Starts You Know And Then I'm Being Measured For a (Small) Casket Before You Know It" James

"How's your love life...?"
DryBaby

"Fuck you trice..."
Wendy "Maybe I Shouldn't Tan So Much Whilst Being As Freckled As I Am" James

"Finally...how's the fans?"
DryBaby

Cough.

But my friend Tommy is waiting to make his entrance....

So LOTS of great things coming in the final 2 months of 2008...

New designs...

New videos...

New photos...

New cancer...

"You're my fucking cancer..."
Wendy "What Did I Ever Do To Deserve This?" James

"Oh you...flattery WILL get you everywhere..I feel like you being bullshitted how pretty I am in certain pictures and then finding out the public hate'em like over at Casa Racine currently..!"
DryBaby

"No comment.."
Wendy "Well Not Many Comments Frankly If I'm Honest" James

Until then..

Remember...

Every song is dope...

Every brown spot is potentially malignant...

(Better have my ticket to New York on standby just in case...I might have to fly over and perform an emergency fuck if she looks like she's goin' this side of Christmas at a moment's notice...otherwise I might have to break into a morgue to get my slice instead...not that I wouldn't it's just I think it would be more sophisticated to bang her before she spins her last cd and heads down to hell.....or am I being too old fashioned and gentlemanly in my approach..?)

Every day is a DryBaby day...

See ya

D in Milan.

"Hello..I'm the one who stopped Wendy James comeback.."

With those faithful words a certain person opened their speech at a music conference in England in the late 90's..

(if you must know it was about the role "indie" labels would play in the forthcoming internet revolution...)

Fuck all as it turns out

It was her "opening joke" as part of her speech..

It generated applause and laughter..

I won't mention her name..

But I will say "One Little Indian"...

Why not ask Wendy who I am talking about..?

I mention this as I was asked today what sort of tracks I will be putting up..

As part of Wendy's demo/unreleased tracks..

Can't go into too much detail...

(I haven't even decided which to put up first myself and some ARE in better condition that others..)

But I was listening the other day to one Wendy song which has lyrics like this..

(and I am paraphrasing so these may NOT be the exact ones..kay?)

"You're only famous because of the man you are with..
Just because he's something big.."

(listening to the rest of the song it is obviously a thinly veiled attack on all those "Hello" showbiz wifes and girlfriends of famous rich men and most notably Victoria Beckham....you'll see why when I post the lyrics too..of course it reeks of irony and jealousy...I suspect Wendy's dislike for V Beckham had more to do with her enjoying the lifestyle Wendy had thrown away rather than some high minded ideal about quality and talent...)

The general tone of most of the songs is very "down"...

There are several songs about "picking up the pieces" and "getting raped by the media" and "rejected by the public" and of course lots of subtle hints about how Wendy..

"shouldn't have made the mistakes I made.."

(They are mostly ballads as Wendy clearly thought this would make her sound more "songwriter"...and while I personally like some of them I immediately could see why no record label would ever release them..)

I got the songs in the late 90's and wanted to put some up over at Wendyjames.nu but there was no space at that time..

(I had posted a lot of audio material,mostly the live show in 1993,and that used up the capacity..it was a different time and most people still used dial up for their internet connection..and it took several minutes for a photo to download..!)

So that gives ya a taster...

Looking back now I remember the time over at WendyJames.Nu as being one in which I was sent a TON of material..

The one benefit to being the ONLY Wendy James source in town..!

(Thus all the video footage I can now post...it was sent to me..I didn't tape it originally..)

Most (sane) Transvision Vamp fans had given up on ever seeing Wendy back again..

This wasn't helped by her keeping an almost Howard Hughes profile..

When she "split" with Steve & Donna Hughes who were doing her W.O.W fanzine in such a (still unexplained and unjustified!) bitter way...

(and they were only to happy to say so publically..)

It was seen as a career "move" over the edge of the cliff face...

Most folks said..

"Sod this...why are we still holding are breath for this girl..?"

So almost every day of the week I was sent (at my home) a new padded envelope or heavily wrapped box with someone's "Vamp Collection" in it...

(The postman hated me and must have thought I was dealing drugs or pornography..)

I was even sent a "special delivery" by Universal just before they changed owners in the late 90's too..

"We will only shred this so you can have it.."

(I have a copy of Wendy's solo deal and one of Transvision's...It's most legal mumbo jumbo but I may post elements of it later..)

Said a certain "communicator" at the label..

Soon I had built up enough material to transfer to one..

500GB Hard Drive...

(Yep you guessed it...I nicknamed it "DryBaby" in 2006..it was "Charm" before that...it reminds me so much of HAL from 2001...lol)

In reality THIS is the real heart of DryBaby...I have no magazines or papers or physical videos or photos hanging around anymore (since about 99)...they are all long since locked up in a storage facility (you never know what could be valuable one day..lol!) and everything you see on my site(s) come from here...

I personally laugh when people assume I have my house plastered with Wendy James photos,memoribilia,newspaper cuttings or any such tacky things..

(The price you pay for being so prolific is people cannot deal with it and assume you are an idiot savant who can't get girls...!)

Wrong.

I would never do that...

It reeks of "fan" in the worst sense of the word..

(A la Arne etc..)

Nope.

I have 3 framed "art" prints...

My very large "Warhol" print I made myself..

(purely worthless but I simply like it's look..)

The Original of the "Portrait" restored photo..

(actually given to me by the photographer..)

The Original Gap poster..

(Only 3 exist in the entire world and I have 1...)

That's it folks...

That the full extent of my Wendy James material on display..

The rest is on old DryBaby...

Then of course on the various sites...

So..

Got a good amount of feedback about the "Little Barrie" blog yesterday..

No biggie..

I was just indulgently writing about a mail sent to me by my friend in New York..

(I don't care about Little Barrie to be honest but it was nice to fill in another empty piece of the Racine Jigsaw..)

Anyway..

I will be taking my (long over due) Holiday next week guys..!

I left it very late this year because my cousin gave birth and her sister got married..

(Read that again and you'll see it makes sense..I promise)

I will be going to Madrid then Marseille..

Then Lyon,Torino and...

Then I'm meeting up with a girfriend ( a friend who is a girl not the other type) in Milan for Halloween..

(I love this time of year..I am a nocturnal person..)

I will not be back until mid november...

I'll write more about this on Sunday..kay?

(which will be my last blog until mid november..)

Obviously DryBaby will NOT be updated during this period either..

So you will be stuck with Wendy 24/7 and no DryBaby relief..

(no jokes about DryBaby giving you quick and handy relief please..!)

For approx 4 weeks...

(possibly longer..I need a rest and want to speak French,Spanish and a bit of Italian again..)

Look at it this way..

You guys will be getting a kind of taste to what the internet would be like..

If you just had Wendy and her Racine Offical Sites..

(God Forbid...Madre De Dios!!!!)

and

NO DRYBABY....!!!!

(you never miss the water until the well runs dry....wink)

Who knows?

Maybe Wendy will add lots of great new things to her sites while I'm gone and you guys will be in paradise..!

Super new detailed blogs...!!!

Wonderfully interesting videos....!!!

Amazing photos which are not shit....!!!!

(the whole "waiting for the man" photo series seem to have gotten no comments at all and that may be because Wendy looks SO coked out...!)

and maybe many more surprises for you guys from Wendy...!!!!

(Cue sound of silence only broken by Wendy's snorting right about now..)

LOL..

I'll discuss my plans further tomorrow...kay..

Then I'm off on Monday..

Then my precious Drybabies will be under Wendy's "care and attention"..

Wink

See ya

"..The minute you or anybody else knows what you are, you are not it. You are what you, or anybody else, knows you are; and, as everything, in living, is made up of finding out what you are, it is extraordinarily difficult, really, not to know what you are, and, yet, to be that thing..."
- Gertrude Stein

If you are gonna look me up on Google..

Don't bother doing this..

"Anthony Micheal Paul Clinton.."

(Christ that is one fucking cool name isn't it?..I am so lucky!)

will just get you my MySpace page(s)...

Good though it is..

(although apparently I posted 96 blogs today and 1956 yesterday...so sumthin' wrong there huh..? Good ole My Space on the frizz again..but they have been good to me and I apprecaite the creaky old thing...even if it is too Windows!)

Wanna know more about me..?

"Yes..."
Elena Gallen

"No.."
Wendy James

"Oh Yes.."
Elena Gallen

You have to use my "french" name for better intel...kay?

Wink

Start with..

antoine michel paul de lappe

(my grandmother was VERY big in France's creative world and "de lappe" is well known and yep even a street...)

It helps if you look it up in french but I wouldn't expect you guys to..

(Thus Drybaby is much more easily found..)

Just F.Y.I...

On with the sermon..

Sorry I haven't written recently guys..

(I know this blog is a ramblin' joe rumpo of stream of conciousness but you do all seem to like it..and it's no biggie for me..and all the entries are being complied by "someone in the media" right at the moment...can't say too much)

Been busy with the videos you are all seeing appearing now..

(I could in fact "publish" one new unseen video everyday until News Years Eve and still have a lot left over and that doesn't include the "crown jewels" like Wendy crying and some "unmentionable" stuff which I am keeping for a special time to come..wink)

why look..!

It's Little Barrie..

"Wouldn't It Be Nice To Get On With Me Neighbours..?"

They are the latest in a tiresome long line of "bands" who got signed about 3 years ago..

When record labels were desperately looking for the "Next Big Thing"...

And if you had a dishevelled haircut...

(which was in fact very carefully and expensively styled..)

Could name the track from The Small Faces the above lyrics come from...

(it's "Lazy Sunday" for all you music fans..)

Were middle class but pretending to be working class...

(many of those band had at least one "Tarquin" whose name was changed..)

And crucially looked as if you were injecting heroin with young models..

Injecting heroin in the company of young models rather than actually using them like a human syringe..I hasten to add..

(in a retro 1975 "country house" if possible but a retro 1974 apartment would do so long as it had a bubble chair suspended from the ceiling and "ironic" posters of David Cassidy behind a lava lamp near the mono vinyl record player...you all know the images I am conjuring up in your head,dontcha..?)

You got signed and ridiculously hyped as..

"The best band since that last band we said were gonna be huge but weren't"

Meet Little Barrie Again...

We're Chancers And We Fuggingwell Know It....

(Much more in common with "Wendy James And Racine" than you might think at first...as you'll see later..tips side of nose!)

Hang on DryBaby....

I hear you say..

(I've got a special internet ear...thus I hear Wendy's snorting and sniffing..)

What's this got to do with anythin'..?

Well..

It all starts with Phil Meynell...

(The clever one from the Chuckle Brothers...I mean The Meynell Brothers...)

Phil "done backing vocals" on one of their (many) unsucessful tracks..

And a person in New York wrote to me today when they saw..

(Yes you guessed it..)

"Golden Boy" as the other backing vocalist...

(Is there no end to his talents..?)

And they thought it might make a good lead..

In my Racine Investigations...

(Imagine The Da Vinci Code with assholes and Wendy...)

So I looked up "Little Barrie"..

And another piece of the complicated "Racine Friends" jigsaw slotted into place like a well oiled finger up Wendy's posterior..

(Wonder how long it took her to work out the Wings Of Desire reference recently..oh I sometimes curse my genius knowledge of music and movies but by god it can come in handy when someone thinks they're being especially cryptic...)

I filled in (not in the violence sense of the word!) Billy Blackbird..

(He was always a loose end but a loose end no more..!)

and built up a LOT of contacts in the process..

So...

While "Little Barrie" are no-hopers of the first class variety..

(Their website is a classic exercise in bullshittery...their tours are in fact just session musician work with real professionals....they keep brushing away talk of when their "latest" album will be released...it was recorded ages ago..and no doubt they are fending off all the "offers" from huge labels.. and their fanbase seems to consists of about 6 people...one of whom is an obvious plant..Gosh this sounds VERY familiar..!)

They do manage to put "Racine" into perspective even more..

(To give them their due they do maintain "a kind of" messageboard and their biography is an actual biography (imagine that Wendy!) not just any old words cut and pasted there...so some DryBaby points for them..)

and of course the Meynell Brothers are turning out to be DryBaby's Best Friends for "insider" information...

Of course they don't KNOW it...

But they so are...

(it helps that they are so "intelligent and aware"...cough)

A-N-Y-W-A-Y...

Glad everyone is enjoying the latest videos...

I was asked a few questions over the past few days so I will try to answer them here and now..

"Why have you got a photo of elena gallen on your page instead of wendy..?"

Elena is better looking than Wendy and it reflects the fact that I apprecaite Elena's creativity a LOT more than Wendy's right now..Playing cd's and snorting coke is a sheer waste of that girl's potential but Wendy is currently in the middle of the "selfish phase" which ALL coke users go through.She is not listening to anyone unless they are kissing her ass.I greatly admired the way Elena faced down the recent "mis interpretation" of her Amor badges with her typical intelligent dignity bothering to write a nice reply.If that was Wendy the "comment" would have just been removed in a totally cowardly way as you guys know from previous times...

"If drybaby closed down tomorrow what would happen..?"

The seas would start to boil and people would start fornicating in the street like Australians out of sheer fear..

Nah..!

I know what you are asking....

Would Wendy's career suddenly leap if DryBaby wasn't around anymore..?

"My heart certainly would.."
Wendy "If Only She Was As Quick Witted As This In Real Life" James

"Oh you...you really are my favourite fictional character I write you know.."
DryBaby

"I am yours to command.."
Wendy "If Only She Said That Too I Wouldn't Have To Hunt Her Down" James

"Being a writer is like being God.."
DryBaby

"I am a filthy drug addled whorish little bitch who will get whats coming to her very soon and oh boy won't I be surprised..!"
Wendy "DryBaby Put These Words Into My Cold Sore Riddled Mouth" James

"See?...God."
DryBaby

In a word NO...

When the Vamp Board shut down in 2006 the general feeling (in Wendy's head!) was that most of the 2,000 members there would migrate over to MySpace..

and some clearly did...

Arne The Arscloch,Dee The Crawler,Highly Strung Stu etc...

(by the way did you know that "Neirds" over at Wikipedia who keeps changing the Wendy James and Racine entry is Dee..? I just found out a few days ago and passed on her contact details to the Wiki Moderators as they were wanting to "have a word" with her...All part of the service)

As I said before they were the lower dregs of the membership not the main contributors and creative types who would have helped Wendy's internet profile more....

Those guys were so upset with Wendy's attitude that they said "Fuck it!" and went and did something else for someone else..

(some went to Madonna and some to Kylie and other females)

but half wit idiots like Arne and fickle Queens like Stu were never gonna give Wendy the internet boost she so clearly needed..

If DryBaby disappeared tomorrow it would be a VERY dark day for Wendy James...

It would mean that her LAST BEST HOPE for any sort of internet presence would be gone....

The Drybabies who would be left without my material would be so angry with Wendy that they would go off and bad mouth her on various message boards and blogs (even more than they do now!) and post the unflattering photos they have stored from me...

"Are there any unflattering photos of me...?"
Wendy "This Cocaine Is Great For Making Me Deluded" James

"Just the ones of your face and body.."
DryBaby

"In what way are they unflattering..?"
Wendy "It's News To Me That I Am Unattractive" James

"Think the melting Nazi's from Raiders of the Lost Ark.."
DryBaby

Finally if Wendy actually is naive enough to think that I personally would just shrug my shoulders and "leave her to her own devices"....

Without inflicting a massive blow (behind the scenes) to her career prospects..

Then she hasn't read my "bio" information over at Wordpress very well..

I am not Gandhi....

I don't do "turning the other cheek" very well...

But I do "leaving behind a 10 megaton booby trap" very well like all Irish people...

"I wish I was Irish and not a piece of shit.."
Gregory "A 30 Year Old Man Calling Himself Golden?" Foat

It goes without saying that NONE of the current DryBaby material (video,audio,pics,articles) would be left up as a kind of "going away present" for Wendy's use as free promotional purposes..

(Do you honestly think she wouldn't try to hijack those two "Stockholm" videos if she thought I was gone and not coming back...and of course she would cherry pick the rest of the 60 odd videos,pix and articles too to fill up her laughably sparse official site...Probably getting Elena to give it a nice re-design and facelift too...Predictable is what Wendy is and Untrusting is what Drybaby is..That is how I've survived so long dealing with Jamesy!)

Finally add to that the terrible state of the "official" Racine sites and it would only take a few weeks for the people to get disgruntled with Wendy and Co and start leaving and not coming back..

and finally..

"Why don't you post any comments on your various sites drybaby..?"

Despite what people might think it ISN'T because of criticism as I am a big boy and can take it (as anybody who has criticised me knows only too well) but simply to avoid the cursed spamming..

As soon as you allow anybody to post a comment freely Spambots will see this and soon fill the page with "comments" which as just adverts..

And I avoid any commercialisation on my sites..

They cost me nothing..

I charge you guys nothing..

I don't need Viagra..

I don't want my penis enlarged.

(9" is more than enough thanks..anything over 6" is a genuine bonus..!)

I don't want to enter a draw for an iPhone..

I don't want a free Xbox..

I don't want a horny girl's box either...

"What about my Xbox Drybaby..?"
Wendy "She Looks Amazingly UnSexy In A Bikini Doesn't She?" James

"It would take too long to wash you and I'd lose my erection.."
DryBaby

Hope that clears that up..

Over the next few weeks I will be doing some "design" changes to DryBaby..

So don't be surprised if things look different when you check out the pages..

I am determined to outdo Elena's (pretty nice) designs..

and give ole Dry a spit and polish before the end of the year..

Between now and the new Year I hope to introduce..

The DryBaby Videos....!

(I am actually better looking and sexier in real life than I appear in those photos (arrogant? moi?) Finally you'll get to see my moving face and hear my voice...lucky you! and a shiny sixpence to the first person who writes to me and says "haven't you got very intense colourful eyes..!"...yes I have..)

The Jones Family Album from the 1990's...!

(also finally!...Lauren Jones as a child chav pony!...it is a snapshot of that "relationship" Wendy seems keen to forget but funnily enough these photos were sent to ME and not her so up they go unless she blows me in the meantime..hint!)

Wendy's 1990's Songs/demos....!

(You will finally be able to hear tracks she recorded but claims were never intended for release...well they're gonna get a fuckin' release after all..some are pretty good and it is a mystery why she replaced them with some of the ropey Racine tracks and I will "clean them up" so they sound good on your computer..This will be part of a much wider "revamp" of ALL the audio material which I will put in one easily playable place...kay?)

A Few DryBaby Specials....

(Did Wendy really think I was going to just be like all the other plebs and stand watching her career rolling by like a float in a parade?...As she ties up her shoelaces tightly DryBaby can untie them just as easily..Powerless is not a word in my vocabulary..and only Jones was impotent...Slice up that cake Wendy and put MY slice on a plate and hand it to me..kay?)

£50 says she ignores that above paragraphs like she ignored all the other advice she got in the past which lead to pain for her..

If this Golden Execution Summer should have taught her anything..

(and Golden isn't even my main focus and look what I did to him..!)

The Best Is Yet To Come..

If Wendy will not bow to DryBaby..

(she thinks she's still signed to a huge label and surrounded by business managers and massive protection when she is just a small 42 year old with the most fairweather "friends" imaginable who will desert her at the crucial moment in a classic example of her getting a dose of her own medicine...Pure Karma...you gotta love it...watch me get proved right..!)

She'll kneel...

(Have I ever,and I mean ever,cared if what I do or want causes Wendy any tears or stress in the past nearly 3 years of DryBaby...have I ever backed down from anything I promised in advance I would do..?..how many "taboos" have I broken in connection with Wendy James since DryBaby launched..? How much do I dominate Google now?..On the internet there is NO Racine without DryBaby attached somewhere...Oh she'll kneel alright...lol!)

See..?

I don't need Viagra..

I am Hard with my own Power and Planning..

My erect penis is lifting up my laptop..!

Tomorrow I will tell you all how big I currently am in Australia..

(May even have screen shots too..!)

Oh God I'm even harder..!

Wink

See ya