Ok, so why is it that I have exposed someone for the liar and fake they are but nobody seems to see it that way? Yes I may have been at fault as well I may have been wrong but why is it ALL my fault?! I don't understand, I don't understand why this world is like this. Just when I feel like I have a grip on things and how everything works it throws me to the corner and shows me how weak and powerless I am. So again I ask myself why, is there something im not seeing? not understanding? You lie, you fake and then you go complain about liars and fakers but when your lies catch up to you, you refuse to take responsibility. But I am the one wrong?.......

     I really can't wait til I leave, people keep telling me that soldiers die frequently in the army, but honestly that thought fills me with excitement. To die, to not have to put up with this crap. Such a loss but such a relif, a paradox and im not sure which I really want, life or death? Im stuck somewhere in the middle. Lost in a tide of questions. 


    People tell me they think im smart and intelligent, but they're utterly wrong. Becuase honestly i feel so fucking stupid. I honestly thought I had changed that I was different, better. But no I am the same, the same monster i've always been. Malicious, evil, wrong, manipulative, loveless.

    So for now I think it's a good idea for me to just stay by myself, that's the way it's supposed to be. The moster all holed up in an area by himself. I miss the days when I was able to be antisocial and not be bothered by it, and this way I do hope to gain that back. It is possible if I will it to happen.

Ok so I've been meaning to write about this for a while, shallow people. So normally when you think shallow people your mind automatiacally goes toward people who go for physical appearances but that's not the shallow I shall be adressing today (sorry if that's what you where looking foward too). Today I shall be talking about the emotionally shallow people. Many many times I see situations where you'd do your very very best to help someone do everything for then and they will turn around and never return the favor even if they can. Even with little things such as asking someone "What are you thinking about?" "Are you ok?" "Whats wrong?" they will never ask you those same questions and if they do it'll be right after you asked them becuase they feel obligated to ask it back at that moment. 95% of the people I know are like this they don't care to scrach beyond the surface of someone's mind they don't make an effort to really KNOW a person.

Alot people are hesitant to recieve help with or discuss a problem with someone else, do usually you might have to push them a little to help out. Now of course this has is exceptions, in general with prying into someones problems you should make sure your a close friend before you pry and make sure you HONESTLY want to help. However frequently people are just like "oh well, fuck it" when another person has a problem unless they keep bringing it up and then they get treated badly for bitching about it. Really now? If you have a friend  (im being stern with the term friend I mean a REAL friend not some person that you just know) and something is bothering them you should be able to see it in their body laungue and if you can then you SHOULD try to help not ignore them thats being a horrid friend. 

Which goes back to my discussion of being shallow, you need to dig beyond the surface of somebodys thoughts. Find their feelings, their passions, their love and hate. Only when your that familar with someone can you possibly love that person (I don't mean romantic love i mean love in general). And only then can you consider them and yourself and actual good friend

Archknight
- More than just a name

 
Places everyone this is a test
Just be sure to do your best
Make sure you smile when you tell a lie
Deception works well you should give it a try

Pretend to care, say you'll be there
When they need you don't be anywhere near
When your down make sure they rush
Don't allow anyone to tell you to hush

The world revolves around you keep that in mind
Now it's ok for you to bitch and whine
As for feelings, only yours matter
Don't ask what Im thinking that'd be just useless chatter

Get help with your problems, don't help with mine
Why would you do that? It's just a waste of time
Im just a tool that's what you feel
Use me up Im not even real

Archknight
- Everybodys a fucking pro
 So prance around and act like you know

Ok so I did something pretty fucking rare today, and do you want what that is? ~suspense~ >drum roll< ......... I tried being optimistic ~gasp~ NO WAY! Yes way and do you want what happened? I got shot the fuck down, yup it was devastating! So it went something like this. Bryan and I where standing in the ferry terminal and I look at him and say "It's going to be a good day today, things are working out well" so he gives me a funny look and and says "It's not like you to be optimistic" to which I responded "Well Im trying it out for once" a few seconds after the loudspeaker comes on in the terminal and says "The ferry will be delayed 30 mins". Then it started raining fire and zombies started killing everyone in the terminal! Well.... not really so much on the last part, but that's how I felt!!!! Anyway I have thus decided to stick with my pessimistic tendencies for it works much better. Wouldn't you agree? Probably not but I don't really give a fuck what you think now do I? ~shakes head~ nope afraid I don't. And the moral of this story is that optimism leaves you wide open for hurt so I find it's better to take the safer route once your not depressed and mopey about everything.

Archknight
Smile ^^

Though my heart may shake
though my body may quake
Bitches will never see me  break

Archknight
- Why drink myself to sleep
   When I can stay up and enjoy the buzz?

Sometimes I feel as if im suspended in time
watching the world evolve with these eyes of mine
Now what am I to do?
Should I restart the game and start over new?

Lost in a tide of conflicting voices
Speaking of how I make all the wrong choices
So I've been waiting the past couple days
Waiting for something to bring about a change

The music in my ear
Is simply ment to balance out my fear
Running circles in my mind
Searching for something thats useless to find

But when the wind blows
There's a gentle movement in my soul
Now how far will a person go?
before they turn around and head back home

Archknight
- Direct your eyes at the sky
  and move foward never questioning "why?"

As if the water could wash away my sin
My sinful acts have stained my skin
Under the water I tend to dream
Dream of a life that’s better than it seems

Hoping for something pure to creep into my head
But the devil on my shoulders always wins instead
Waiting for something to change
But the endless days remain the same

Malicious acts at my fingertips
Horrid words that seep from my lips
The foe in my head has become a friend
Will this madness never cease to end?

What exactly is love?
A challenge I can’t seem to rise above
What is it I’m really trying to find?
Just a couple questions that echo in my mind

A monster of my own design
Is that the truth you seek to find?
Maybe I’m just thinking way too much
Reality hasn’t really kept in touch….

Archknight
- And every passing glance is just a waste of time

Alot of people ask me what anime's are good and which are my favorites so I decided to make a blog posts with good anime that are definatly worth watching. The list will not be in order i'll just put them down as they pop into my head. Also i'll be adding more from time to time both because I can't think of all at once and since I was ALOT of anime they'll be more to add. I'll also put a ?/5 for how much I liked it

Kanon (Romance/Comedy 5/5) - Yuuichi returns to a town he hasn't been to in 7 years to live with his aunt and cousin. He cannot recall what happened the last time he was there and as the story unfold he slowley regains his memories while meeting numerious people from his past. If you like romance anime I highly reccomend this

Basilisk (Action/Adventure/Romance 4/5) - The top 10 ninja's of Koga and Iga Ninja clans have been ordered by the Japanese goverment to  kill each other off whoever is the last one surviving wins favor of the goverment. But the leaders of each of the clans have fallen in love and where engaged to be married. This anime was very dramitic with a wonderfull storyline and awesome fightscenes.

Black Lagoon (Action 5/5) - A japanese buinessman becomes hostage of the Lagoon Company which is a criminal delevery service but is then forsaken by his own company. In retaliation he joins up with the Lagoon Company and works with them. This anime gets indepth in the kind of life in other contries where crime runs some citys.

Full Metal Alchemist (Adventure/Drama 5/5) - Comon, everyone know's FMA i shouldn't have to explain this!
Strawberry Panic! (Romance 5/5) - Definatly one of the cutest anime I've ever seen. It's a Shojo-ai (yes that's girl+girl romance). Nagisa moves into the
Strawberry Dorms (all girl catholic school) where she is falls in love with the Etoile (kinda like a student council president). NOTE - even though this is a girl+girl anime there is no sex scenes the entire anime is rated pg13 so if your only watching it for pervy pleasure look else where. Also as a sidenote everygirl in this anime is a lesbain and nobody acts like its different, which is funny and cool.

Lucky Star (Comedy ?/5 >currently watching<) - A quite funny anime ironicly about a girl name Kohna who is a complete otaku. Thus far it's about her and her friends school experience.

Code Geass (Action/Adventure/Drama ONE OF MY FAV ANIME) - Student Lulouch attempts to overthrow the leading world power Britianna with his own army called the Black Knights. He posses a unique power called geass which fources people to do whatever he tells them through eye contact. NOTE - This anime has a very intricate and dramatic storyline definaly a masterpeice among anime.
That's all for now check back later for more.
Archknight
-Otaku 4 life

I look in the mirror and saw a face that wasn't mine
So I grabbed my clock and turned back time
What I found was a suicide of a horrific proportion
Like a paninting that's pained with distortion

A murder said she, where nobody died
I do confess we must confide
The friend in the mirror, a world apart
Took a knife and drove it right into his heart

But I knew at that point a simple truth
some bit of intel picked up in my youth
"These good times can never last" he said as he began to depart
"And I bid thee farewell for I must tend to my broken heart"

The suicide mirror I whispered to myself
It does show me, not someone else
But the trick to the mirror is what requires some though
It dosn't show whats on the outside only what lies in your heart

Archknight
- And everybody will ask what became of you
   Your heart was dying fast, you didn't know what to do

As the clock moves slowly to the left
I try to occupy my mind
For the feelings I have felt
Pass by with every ticking chime

A widow of hope in the horizon
But to think only of your sundered heart
This can’t be fixed with duct tape and glue
Some things are like that broken from the start

A collection of thoughts kept in a marble library
Tucked away in that bag you carry
So that the pages milky white
Can be tainted with the thoughts you ferry

There’s a storage room of thoughts
One they wish to evict
However a processes so firmly substandard
Cannot be easily fixed

An inky mess so carefully sprawled
Just as a suicide laid out on the floor
Much like he stains the floor with blood from his act
I’ll stain this book from front to back
 
Archknight
- And the thoughts in my head are as fleeting as her love