ok let's get a few straight:

THERE IS CLIMATE CHANGE GOING ON ON THIS PLANET RIGHT NOW.

there has always been climate change throughout earth's history. anyone that tells you otherwise is

A) on someones payroll or

B) stupid

forgive me you who may have fallen under the spell of the corporatocracy that runs this country (as it runs much of the world) and the state owned media, but you aren't allowed your own set of facts. i understand that the concept of imminent ecological collapse may scare some of you to the point of denial. maybe you fear that the cure will be worse than the disease. never fear:

THERE IS NO CURE

nothing we can do will "reverse" climate change. what does that even mean? this world has had much higher temperatures at times in its past, and much lower ones. i'm talking 50 or 60 degrees higher or lower than what we short timers think of as "normal". the very limited time humans have existed happens to fall during a time when temperatures and climate are more or less what we have grown accustomed to. duh. we evolve like everything else. if we evolved when the earth was 30 degrees warmer on average, THAT would be considered "normal".

please understand that the vast majority of species that have ever lived are currently extinct. i'm not talking 70% or 90%. i'm saying something much more like 100%- the number of species alive today are statistically insignificant in the greater scheme. you, me, and everything we know are infinitesimally more than zero% of all the life forms ever to exist in 4 billion years of life on earth.

should this disturb us? it doesn't disturb ME. it's natural. it's normal.

now, to say that our climate has not been altered by our actions is idiotic. you can SEE our effects on the air, on the oceans... from the time we began agriculture nearly 10 thousand years ago until the present day we have been accelerating and magnifying natural change and if there ever was a way to stop that process we passed the point of "no return" long before we had the capacity to understand it.

what i'm saying is it doesn't matter.

we must adapt to the new normal, and not cry about paradise lost. there's no going back, even if every corporate run government on earth got on board.

and trust me
THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

so relax, enjoy that cigarette, eat that hamburger, and watch some TV. relish that beautiful sunset made all the redder because we have changed the composition of our atmosphere so drastically. look at life, ALL life, for what it is:

temporary.

i'm sure whatever comes next will be as cool or cooler.

i'm sure almost none of you noticed, but clove cigarettes became illegal recently.

that's right, because as everyone knows, all flavored cigarettes are marketed to children, and smoking is dangerous!

remember that famous ad where kiku the clown smokes a hundred clove cigarettes then goes home and murders his family? no?

neither do i. in fact i've never seen ANY advertisements for ANY brand of clove cigarettes whatsoever. seems like the child marketing division of the indonesian tobacco growers union missed a couple steps somewhere right?

so why cloves, and not, say, menthol cigarettes? is menthol not a flavor? why not all cigarettes, for that matter? if you are really concerned about the issue of smoking causing health problems, it seems like common sense that you'd pass a far broader law against tobacco in general.

no, what we have here is what we call a "token" law. just enough to let concerned parents know that you care enough about their votes to pretend that you care about their worthless brats.

the idea is to attack a tiny sub-division of product users, and thereby not alienate a large voting block (which you FOR SURE would do if you banned menthol flavored cigarettes! the south side of chicago would be in flames by now!)

banning clove cigarettes in response to smoking deaths is like banning datsun automobiles in order to prevent car accidents (no need to bring up the fact that datsuns are no longer being manufactured. the percentage of smokers who exclusively smoke cloves is far closer to 0% than it is to 1%)..

so who benefits?

in theory, american cigarette manufacturers,who might see a statistically insignificant increase in sales. anti-smoking zealots who will be lulled into thinking they've won a battle in the greater war. politicians who lick the asses of these groups.

who loses?

all americans, everywhere, who believe in fairness in our legal system and are against group specific legislation.

it strikes me as pathetic that in our current political and economic climate, your elected representatives feel that they must take up their very expensive time to enact such tripe into law.

this is your tax money at work.

i can see why this feature might appeal to some people.

i've even taken its reccomendations on more than one occassion.

but sometimes seeing someones face on my myspace page is a jolt that puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

im not on myspace very much nowadays as you may or may not have noticed. time is short and my priorities are elsewhere.

ive got alot of responsibility, making good money, driving a company car. several hundred people work for me.

im working on my house and growing my garden of datura. life is good. 

i do not miss babysitting drunk people one bit;>

i have this thing now, that i didn't have working in bars:

respect.

both the self variety and the sort you get from co-workers who appreciate what you do.

so don't worry about me my friends:

i always come out ahead;>

i started a new job about 6 weeks ago.

it means i no longer feel trapped in an environment that pays less and less every year.

it's giving me an excuse to do things like get a PERC card and get my drivers lisence situation straightened out after 14 years.

it's going to help me make my dreams for the house come true.

what do i do?

same thing i've been doing in bars for 15 years:

i babysit.

basically it's public relations. i make sure that the security guys i supervise are doing their jobs. i communicate with the managers and try to give them what they want. mostly they just want a guard who shows up on time (or at all)...

i travel all over the city. i do paperwork.

there's no set schedule of hours or stores.

i think it's a pretty sweet gig;>

plus i get to hear things like "damn! he look like the matrix" from store clerks and
i get to have interchanges like this with managers:

(i arrive at the roosevelt and homan location) "damn, i stuck my head up in here and saw this giant white dude and thought 'who the hell is that? aw shit- they're finally comin' for me!'-  you scared the hell outa me!"

"nope not today-  right now i'm just comin' for the timesheets."

well i probably WAS the only white guy he'd seen all day...

i'm kinda rambling but this whole gig is kinda overwhelming. it just fell out  of the sky. a customer comes up to me and says "if you ever want a job give me a call." and gives me a business card.

"actually, i AM in the market for another job."

he told me what he did for a living, i thought 'oh, stoploss. i don't want to stand around in a store all day for 8 bucks an hour.' the customer (frank) must have seen that in my face, because he quickly explained that he wanted me to SUPERVISE those people.

"what makes you think i'm qualified to do that?"

"it's not hard. i just need someone who will do what they're supposed to do. i've been coming here for years. every time i come in you card me."

"well that's my job."

"exactly. i just need someone who will do their job."

apparently i'm doing it pretty well.

last year was the worst shit year i've had in nearly a decade. this year has seen the advent of dramatic changes.

i feel as though i got my natural luck back.

that makes me very happy;>

that me and taylor would be in alabama for a day, so we decided to meet up.

i tried to contact myron (my dead stepfathers sister who lives in alabama) but i didn't have a listing. before putting the phone away i tried 'awdeen'-- which is what we used to call her as kids. it was there.

although i'd been able to read the listing, there was no available connection... it never occurred to me to call my sister who lives there.

alabama is always so beautiful in my dreams, so much more so than i actually remember it to be...

then i was in a halway that got lower and lower as i progresses, until i was crawling. this often happens in dreams, so i checked my hand, but it was fine.

in a retail store with a bar/restaurant. two foreigners (they look black but have polish accents) give me crap ID, and crap attitude. the larger one gets belligerent when i don't take his shit, and then physical. i lock him up, but poorly so now it is a contest of strength. i see paulie behind him.

"paulie!" -he looks at me questioningly- "knee!"

he kicks the back of the guys knee and the choad goes down, now locked up for real.

"are we done here?" i ask, "can i let you go?" he says nothing, but i take a chance. his hand immediately shoots for my throat (big, meaty basketball player hand).. my hand is between my throat and his attacking mitt.

"what's that about?"

"i'm not going to be your bitch!"


i laugh.

scenes from a dream:

i cannot read my phone to get the time. repeatedly it is illegible... wait a minute... 1,2,3,4,5,6...

ha ha! awareness! i toss the phone away, but too gently.
i want to SMASH it!

people help me look, but i don't find mine, only two others... i smash them instead...

now i am in a car.

big rob is driving. i've shown him my hands. 7 fingers, some of which are branched into forks...

"that's pretty fucking cool."

"you drive way better than i do! usually in dreams i'm all over the place-- oh! drive on the water!"

a calm blue bay separates us from another roadway in the distance. by crossing on the surface of the water, we avoid a great deal of traffic.
in no time we are across...

i get out and thank rob for his time. i am prepared to walk... but i see a beautiful indian girl in traditional garb on the bus. i get on and sit next to her. she smiles, and i kiss her.

"i am to be married tomorrow."

"is that good?"

"i think so."

"ok then."

we kiss some more and the bus dissolves into a cafeteria. i can feel the bed at my back in another place, but i am not waking up.

my bill will not go into the machine. i cannot read the machine...

oh. right-- dreaming!

i have many conversations as i wander around town.


my sisters are trying to avoid a reporter from a news paper.


my grandfather is driving a '68 caddy, 4-door, that has been cut into a convertible.

it's pretty damn cool.

there is running water in the ghetto house!

just like regular people have!



who would have thought this day were possible???

12. Last restaurant you went to?

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 24, 2007, 6:16 AM

today i:

rode around in a big-rig semi with frank (just the other day he was a cop..)

hung out with the blade runner on a mission.

helped elaine's boyfriend ' puddy' move.


then i was lying on a bed with a pretty girl having a conversation for a long time. several things that were said caused me to think i might be dreaming, but i thought 'even if i AM dreaming, i'm staying right here'... anyway everything seemed to check out for a while...

finally, i re-counted my fingers and realized:

"i AM dreaming!"

she laughs. "of course you are."

"how long have you known?"

"the entire scene! silly!" she's still laughing...

we continued talking, and eventually i had to go.



there was an outdoor bazaar going on in a nearby field.


i bought a box of old 'star wars' robots that came in a set for @$5.50.

i wondered if kevin would think i stole them from him.

john orleans was managing neo, which was also his house.

his hair was much longer, and receding.

the bar is not open, and margot is sleeping in the next room.


i'm rolling around the building on an office chair while john bitches about stuff, scott-style...

there had been a bunch of changes at neo, many of which i was unhappy with, and i had to ask him:

"how many of these changes were mandated, and how many of them were your idea?"


he gave me a scott-like answer.

counting pennies...

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 10, 2007, 2:17 PM

have you considered drugs?

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 3, 2007, 12:52 PM

shit on the ground

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 3, 2007, 12:20 PM