Esmin Green was seated in the waiting room of the psychiatric ward at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, New York. Twenty Three (23) hours later this is the scene:

Esmin Green

Yes, George Carlin was funny.  He was so funny I couldn't breathe one day when I was watching a skit of his.  He was talking about football and baseball.

Something like this:

"Football has plays and quarters.  There is only so much time between each play.  Each quarter is twelve minutes.  There are four quarters and only three time outs per team per half.  So, you know about when the game is going to be over.  But, Baseball has outs and innings.  There are three outs per team in an inning and there are nine innings in a game.  You don't know when it's going to end."

Over the years, he changed his jokes and I never again heard that the way I heard it originally.  But, when he made changes he made them better.  He was the master of set them up and knock them down.  He had a knack for making the right changes at the right time and perfecting his stage performance.

But, the thing I liked most about George Carlin is that he made me think about things all the time. He challenged my notions and made me reconsider them.  Half my poetry in Thoughts and Reconsiderations came from such challenging ideas as those of George Carlin's.  I didn't always agree, but at least it made me think.

He affected most people this way.  He made us all sit back and take a look at ourselves for who we really were.  Sometimes, his politics made Congress act.  Sometimes, his social commentary made activists act.  He could influence people easily and that was a great part about him.

But, there are several myths and I would happen to think that they are myths because someone wanted the world to change.  George Carlin would get credit for things he had nothing to do with.  I would venture to say that attaching George Carlin's name to something he didn't write was a way to get people to think about it.  Plenty of things out there circulating the internet sport George Carlin's name and he says he has nothing to do with any of them.

They are a "sappy load of shit..."

Here is the list:

Bad American

Gas Crisis Solution

New Rules for 2006

Hurricane Rules

And the most infamous ~
The Paradox of Our Time

If you read them, you'll see why George Carlin wouldn't want his name on any of it.  First of all, he's an atheist.  Plus, he was never sappy.  A hardcore fan would pick that out right off the bat!

The White House released a report that Marijuana is more potent...updates on CNN.

The report was obviously released on April 20th at 4:20.

It might have went a little something like this:

"This is good shit man!"
"Yeah, like really good shit man!"

I was watching one of those match.com advertisements on here.  You know the ones where it seems like they are on a webcam talking to someone and they're on their computer typing things back and forth.

Yeah, that's all fine and dandy.  The thing is that I can't stop watching this girl throw her head around. She keeps getting her hair in her eyes.  So, she whips her head around.  But, it doesn't take long before her hair is back in her eyes again.

She keeps whipping her hair around.  I think she's going to get whiplash. Wouldn't that be something?

If you haven't noticed, I'm bald.  So, the day of me getting the hair out of my eyes is gone.  But, it hurts my neck and my shoulders to watch this girl whip her head around like that.

What if she whipped her head around and got it stuck?  Like when you put your back out suddenly or your calves lock up on you.  Ok, so you're not my age and you haven't had that yet.  Trust me, your day is coming.

Anyway, what if she just got stuck like that?

"Hey uh, guys?  Can you help me out of this?  Anyone?  Help?  Please?"

I wouldn't wish that on anyone...  But, it might crack me up if I ever saw it.  That's what you get for being blessed with hair.

I was literally laughing so hard, it was from the gut.  There was video after video of extremely funny stuff.  But, three were the absolute best.

The first one was a public safety meeting...and a fluorescent lightbulb fell on people in the audience.

The next one was an interview on a highway and the interview was about highway safety...until cars started wrecking into each other right behind the speaker.

The final one that cracked me up more than most was a guy holding a very rare keepsake.  He was talking about how one-of-a-kind it is and that it is probably the only one left in existence...until it broke in his hand and fell on the floor.

Now, I don't care who you are...that's funny!

Did I see what I think I saw?

Horatio Caine gets shot.  His sunglasses lie on the ground in front of him with a hole through the lens.  His body jerks and the expression on his face is like his life is passing in front of his eyes.  CSI: Miami

Fade Out
End Teaser

 

Oh wait!  It gets better.

Ryan Wolfe gets a text message on his phone, "It is done." 

It's reminiscent of what Julia Ortega, an arms dealer, said over the phone after he was put behind bars, "Let me know when it is done."

Now Fade Out
End Teaser

 

What?  What is going on?

 I have followed CSI: Miami since two years ago.  I watch the older episodes on A&E.  I've caught up with the show.  I know the history of every character because I've read all of their bios.  I know the story line because I've read up on all the episodes.

I watched the day Ryan Wolfe was hired from a street patrol to CSI.  I watched when he was fired for gambling.  I watched when Horatio got him hired again.  Horatio liked the kid from day one.  I believe there is no way Ryan Wolfe would have anything to do with Horatio's death.

So, I thought maybe I missed something.  Here's the best part.  I watched the entire episode again…online…CBS…Primetime…CSI: Miami.  That's right baby!  The entire episode is online with no commercials.  Ok, so there were four quick ones not even a minute long each.  This is not your grandma's television anymore.  I watched a rerun a few short days after I watched the original.

Yep, he was shot alright.  I guess I'm just going to have to wait until August to see what actually happened.

In the meantime, I'm catching up on the back story.

Theory: He had Kevlar on and it was a fake death.  His brother faked his death to go deeper under cover.  That could be what Horatio is doing.

He has gone to New York to chase a murderer.  He has gone to Brazil to chase his wife's murderer.  I wouldn't put it past him.  I wouldn't put anything past him.

When I was young, I thought of everything as possible.  Flying off the roof of the barn wasn't anything to be afraid of trying.  Sledding down an icy road was fun.  Nothing to be afraid of there.

When did the world change?

Now, I would consider the broken arm from the fall off the barn roof.  I would think about the cars that could be coming while I was trying to go sledding.  I guess you could say I grew up a bit.  I now have a logical outlook and reason with life even though I still jump out of airplanes and eat hot dogs from street vendors.

But, when did I start thinking things were impossible?  Instead, I should be thinking the impossible.

Quite a few years ago, I wrote my first book.  I submitted A New Return to Urbanism to the publisher, John Gordon Burke who is in the process of publishing it as we speak.  All my life I thought of writing a book, but that was the problem.  I thought about it.  A New Return to Urbanism was when I finally decided to do it.

Then, I wrote another book called A Danger to Society and it's out now.  Obviously writing a book isn't that hard.  I've done it twice now and I'm working on a third.  But, I have a secret this time.  I'm going to get a celebrity to endorse my book.

It may not be Oprah, but I'm going to try.  And I have her address as well as the phone number of her publicist.  That's information I thought would be impossible to obtain, but You Just Never Know What You Can Do.  When you try, you can do anything.

Why did I think it was impossible to get in contact with a celebrity?  Because they are protected and I want them to be protected.  I don't plan on pestering celebrities just because I have their information.  I'll handle it the way I always do.  I'll write a letter or call the publicist and see if they can set up something.  If not, then it's not meant to be.  I can try someone else.

But, that's the power!  Celebrities hold something that few of us have.  Influence.

No one else is asked to go before Congress except for experts.  But, as I recall, several celebrities have appeared before Congress to testify just because they were in a movie where they learned for a day or a mere few hours about oceanography or anthropology.  Their word is taken as heavily as an expert's.  That's influence.

Think about it!  If Ellen Degeneres says one thing about a cause or brings someone on stage to highlight them, it's on!  People everywhere will help.  Point in case:  The other day Ellen brought on a 70 year old first grader by the name of Alferd Williams.  She gave him a check for $10,000 and his teacher Alesia Hamilton pointed out that Alferd had his eye on a plot of land that was up on a hill.  Ellen made an announcement that anyone who wanted to help him build a house should get in contact with the show and she would arrange for them to help Alferd.  My point is that I would be willing to bet he has a house in no time.

That's celebrity power!  If you have an event or a cause that needs some support, celebrities can bring it.  They do it all the time.  When they lend their name to it, it explodes because we all have an uncanny attraction to celebrities.  Their simple name urges us all to action.

That's the power.  Get in contact with a celebrity today!

There's a little rule I learned a long time ago.  If you don't ask, the answer is "No!"  You Just Never Know What You Can Do!

Celebrity Contact

I got this from my friend Deanie and it was too good to pass up.  I have no idea where she got it.  By the way, check out those tats!  They KICK @$$

If myspace were REAL life: Tila Tequila would know everyone in the whole world. You would struggle over the time it takes someone you like to crack your top 8. 19 year old boys wouldn’t own shirts and 19 year old girls wouldn’t own pants. If you’re a fat girl, people would only see you from the shoulders up. Girls would always be posing, cheeks sucked in and lips puckered two feet off their face. Your attraction to someone would be based on their favorite clothing label, their favorite band, and a survey. All females are bi and all males drive import muscle cars. Your driver’s license would have hearts around your name or quote from an emo song. The phrases "Yo", "your hawt", or "hit me back some time" would attract the opposite sex. Bands with 3 song demos could book stadium tours. Lesbian women would not allow anyone with a penis within 50 yards of them, not even to deliver a pizza. It would be perfectly acceptable to blurt out any random filthy perverse sexual thought at any random woman/man you thought was "hawt" as a first greeting. It would be no more unusual to see a man walking around displaying his erect, naked penis than it would be to see random women running around in a g-string w/nothing covering their breasts but their hands. Every woman from the o.c. would have a boobjob. Every man from the o.c. would have no sleeves. You would look your very best at all times. Everyone would make $100,000 a year or higher. There would be a lot of youthful looking 99 year olds. Blogs would be required reading and any random thought in your head would be shared with everyone. Everywhere you would walk, an image of Angelina Jolie would be behind you. Forbidden would actually be hot. You’d have a friend named Tom creepily following you around giving you bad news constantly. It wouldn’t be odd to have Brad Pitt in your circle of friends. Hello Kitty would be a real person. Conversations would sound like this; "How are you?" Sent. "Good, how are you?" Replied. During a long conversation you’d have to say "Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: all right, well call me later." When it was time for bed you would say you’re "Undergoing Maintenance." You would have to paint your walls using Thomas Myspace Editor codes in your apartment. Stewie from Family Guy would be your best friend. In your circle of friends you would hang out with Scottsdale bars and clothing lines. When someone said something funny, you’d actually roll around on the floor and laugh your fucking ass off. "Friend Whoring" is equal to STD’s. "Fuckin MySpace!" is the only universally known term in any language to show anger. At nights when you are asleep you would get people running in your room that you don’t know saying. "It’s 4 a.m., I can’t sleep, someone talk to me." Bands go to your house and ask you to give them a listen because they see that you like a band they sound nothing like. Anytime you walk into someones house they have the same video or song playing all the time, non-stop for three months straight. Every couple of days you would threaten all your friends to take their information out of your cell phone and delete them, since they haven’t called you in, like, four days. People would run up to you, tell you a random message, and you’d have 17 minutes and 13 seconds to pass it along before a ghost came to your house and raped your dog. People would inexplicably be stuck in their homes for hours unable to communicate with the outside world because some asshole put up a large white wall in front of every door and window with a note attached saying Sorry but an unexpected error has occurred!

Normally at this time in the morning I'm too busy to have these kinds of thoughts.  They don't naturally come to mind until at the end of the day.  But, I'm sitting here thinking about the world and I'm between a humorous laugh and a hysterical one.

I knew one day it would happen that I would finally watch an episode of Friends I hadn't seen before.  I didn't get to watch them all in the first ten years.  There were episodes I couldn't help but miss.  I've been watching the reruns since they started on TBS and all of my friends are wondering why I would keep watching a show when I've watched all the episodes.  But, last night came one episode I know I haven't seen.  And now I know I have to keep watching Friends because there's going to be another lost episode one day.

I'm also grateful that last night was the night when television returned to normal totally.  Months ago Jim and Pam had gotten together and you know how long I had been waiting for that?  Then the writer's strike begins and television gets all out of whack.  The Office was playing on TBS, but they took it back to last season when things got awkward between Jim and Pam.  I wanted them together.  I thought they belonged together and I hate when shows do that.  It's like that's all they have to make a story so they draw it out forever.

Anyway, last night The Office was back on track.  They backed it up a few episodes just to remind us what was happening.  But, Pam and Jim are together and I like the show better that way because it's much better when they are getting along.  They team up on Dwight and get him going.  And that my friends, makes that show.

What happened to syndication by the way?  Seinfeld had to go completely off the air before they started running reruns.  Friends too.  The older shows were off the air for a long time before people saw their value and ran them again.  But, everything is being syndicated as soon as it hits television.  I'm watching CSI: Miami episodes from the first season while this season is still being made.  I watched a rerun of The Riches two days after I saw the original episode.  They changed our world on us and didn't bother to let us in on it.

The other night when I was watching Deal or No Deal, an Army Soldier was heading for Iraq.  He was there with his wife supporting her while she played the game.  But, he had about a month before he would be shipped off to the war.  As he told the audience that he was headed to Iraq, he broke up with a jerk of a tear in his eye.  I understood that.  It has nothing to do with the fact that he is afraid of war.

Think about it!  He is on television, which is probably something he has never been apart of before.  That's an emotional thing.  He is looking to win about a million dollars.  He has an entire audience of people looking at him and all the hype that takes place on Deal or No Deal.  With all of that pressure and the announcement that he is going to be going to war, leaving his wife at home to go off and do his duty…of course, his voice cracked.

And I find it simply interesting that Barack Obama is on the television in some kind of capacity every 30 seconds.  Is this a sign that the entire news industry and most of the television industry as a whole are backing Obama?  Even when it's a story about John McCain, the media finds a way to put Obama in the story somehow…every time.

Now, I know that Obama is going to be in some of the stories because that's the nature of politics and he is McCain's opponent…it would seem.  Hillary isn't out yet, but I think we're leaning toward Obama running for president.  And he always seems to be thrust into every news story or mention of John McCain.

I can understand the contrast when the news reports, "When John McCain spoke about Al Qaida being in Iraq, Barack Obama countered that Al Qaida wasn't in Iraq until we invaded Iraq."  That's a sensible contrast.

But when they mention that John McCain was visiting Ohio, "Barack Obama has been to Ohio too."

"John McCain had bacon and eggs this morning for breakfast…Barack Obama says bacon and eggs are a great way to start your day."

And speaking of Al Qaida, it's interesting when I hear news stories about suspicious things going on in the world.  Ricin was found in a motel room.  A man is listed in critical condition.

Officials say, "It has nothing to do with terrorism…"

Whew!  That's good.  I'm glad the officials are saying that.

It could be a deadly chemical that was clearly last purchased by an Al Qaida officer and was sent in a package to the White House with a return address on it and fingerprints, and officials would say, "It has nothing to do with terrorism."

I watch CNN for an extra two hours this morning while I write this awaiting to hear the connection.  But, I never hear a thing.  Like Ricin is a natural substance that you can buy at the corner store and it is starting to simply show up in motel rooms.  It is interesting how stupid journalists think we are.

Like I can't see that Obama is being shoved down our throats with all the free coverage he's getting.  Like I can't see that the "officials" don't want to scare the public into a feeding frenzy.  I'm a little bit more observant than you think.

You know what that means?  That actually means I watch too much television.  I think I have to get outside more.

But, what's funniest of all is something I read the other day and I can totally relate it to my life.  The anonymous story I read circled the internet and I wish I knew who wrote it.  She talked about wanting to wash the car and going to the garage to get started, but one thing distracts her after another and she never gets anything accomplished.

That sounds like my day.  I literally sit in front of my computer working all day long.  I start out in the morning reading emails and most of them are junk, but others actually help me design my day.  I get started designing a website for a client of mine when he calls.

He wants me to take a break from the website and write a report.  I get started on the report and remember that I only have a little more time to write a blog for another client of mine.  I have to do some research and that reminds me to check out certain computer parts on ebay.

About an hour later, after I've looked at plasma screen televisions and stereo equipment, I return to working on the website until I realize that I need that report finished.  My client calls again to talk about the website and my mind is back on that until he brings up the report and asks me how far I am on that.

After getting back to the blog, Outlook Express makes that interesting noise announcing that I have an email so I take a look.  It's an emergency website programming task from yet another client and I'm on that in lightning speed.  I take a look at the problem and realize that I can't remember the access information.  As I'm looking for the access information, I find something that I've needed to do for weeks so I make a note of that and then try to figure out what I was trying to do in the first place.

Have you ever had to sit and stare at your browser or Outlook Express until you figure out what you were going to do?  I have this moment about five, ten times a day.

And that's pretty much how my day goes.  I get all my work finished for my clients and none at all for myself.  Then, I sit back and reflect on how my day went.

Two blogs, a report, a page repair and a page construct.  That's about eight hours worth of work.  So, why in the hell did it take me fifteen?

And if you haven't figured it out by now, it took me an extra day to write this blog.  The Office was back on track Thursday night and here it is Saturday morning finishing this entry.  I really do need to get outside more.

A Danger to Society



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