I made this song for my sister and her upcoming (<-- is this the right word for it ?) child. She's in a hospital right now, and the kid might jump out of her stomach ANY TIME. OH MY GODS. I'm exited to be an aunt, although the word makes me feel quite old.

So, the song is about the beginning of a new life. As simple as that. The name "Breathe" is also a reminder for me to remember to BREATHE, when i'm hyperventilating in weird situations. Sometimes the best thing a human can experience is breathing in and out, smoothly. I also felt that the song was quite breathish because of the way i mixed it. I was in constant pain while doing this because of my dog's awful dead fishy stinky cunt breath. It really smells horrible. It's nice when he comes to cuddle, but when he opens his mouth... The world just falls apart. Birds and grannies die.

My boyfriend SAMI MF RAATIKAINEN FROM HELL wanted to ABSOLUTELY master this track, and so he did. Thanks buddy, loves you ! He is nice, but he should shower more.

This is really nothing special. I thought i'd let you know. Although, nobody ever even reads these anyway, so i could just go on and insult black people and the gays. And jews too. Sry, but i'll do that some other time.

The song is about Sumo wrestler who was abducted by aliens while he was having a poop.

Yes, pretty much like this.

OH, and don't you just love my new myspace layout. IT'S PINK. Eh, yes. I hope you will have a migraine and other pleasant things. :---)

Why not announce it here as well ? OH YEAHS. WHY NOT.

http://dagnostic.deviantart.com/journal/27758151/

I didn't plan to release this EP, but i thought who gives a fuck, so i did release it anyways.

This is obviously the second part of the Ilupir's Tales, in which i thought I'd like to go deep into Ilupir's ass...Mind. (Although, i can't see a distinct difference between these two.)

Since we already went through Ilupir's life and the things that she experienced (although not very detailedly) in the "Tales of Ilupir",  i thought I'd either kill Ilupir, or have a look into her mind. I'm not a murdered so i took the "not the easiest road" and made this EP. Yey me not.

I have nothing special to say about the making process, except that it was some pain in the ass, but also very fast, this is a poetry, ah, no, what !? Gay ass. Anyways, i made the vocals in one night and they really sounds bad, BUT, i wanted to keep them sounding as spontaneous as possible, even though it would ruin the whole thing. It kinda did for me, but nah. I'm evolving.

So, this whole concept could be considered as Ilupir's dream, or other dreamlike state where she is and kind...of...travels around.  So this is the deal in all of the three songs.
The first part "Drowning Eyes" has nothing to do with EMO CRYING, or maybe just little, but it's more of like Ilupir's start of the journey to mind. Or something like that. I guess Ilupir is pretty pessimistic because it seems that i sing "OH NOES" quite a lot. I do it all the time actually, god, this is the first time i realize it. HOW NEGATE AM I. I SHOULD EAT POSITIVE PILLS. Or maybe it's just Ilupir. That negative whore ! Yeahs...
Sorry. Where was i. Ilupir had been a self cheating weirdo all of her life, and now she's tired of everyone kissing her ass and not talking straight. She's come to realize that there's nothing better than brutal honesty and titties. While this is happening, she also feels like going away from human beings and just leave this stupid life everyone else has build around her. She wants to escape. She's kind of half "asleep" at this point.

The "Another Realm" is the state where Ilupir wanted to be in the first place. Her tiring three dimensional world starts to collapse and she's drifting to another realm so to say. She obviously misses her "real" life and starts to drift into a self-pity while she's thinking what she could've been. But then, she takes the bull by the horns and just fucking explodes (w00t) and kind of realizes that this is fuuuuucked up. And that she had choices and that she is what she decided to be. AND that there's always a chance to fix the problems and to be something else. Maybe the overflowing negativity became her. WHAT A REVELATION. And she has hard time to kind of let go of the negative way of thinking and perceiving life. So that's why she thinks that maybe that another realm would offer another chance for her. To start over or something.
But while the fear undermines her, the new ways begins to emerge. AND THEN HAPPENS THE LOVELY AWAKENING. YEEEEEEY. And then she drifts back to the so called real world and begins to awaken with the human kind.  PEACE AND LOVE AND WORLD OF WARCRAFT. But, then the same old negativity grabs her just before she's gone back to the real world and she's like "oh noes" and she struggles and struggles to get back to this reality and fuck shit up and then.... TO BE CONTINUED.

"Obscure Anesthesia". Yeaaaahs. Sorry, but i'm not sure what happened to Ilupir in this last part of the EP.  My neighbors are listening music quite loudly and i can't really follow my train of thought. Train of Thought only reminds me of the album from Dream Theater. Dream Theater is a great band.

Actually i have no idea what happened to Ilupir, so obviously everything above is either bullshit or subjective thoughts about life. Maybe she is happy, maybe she stopped. Maybe she's my ALTER EGO. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, which remind me of some 90's song...Hmmm. I have a feeling that Ilupir is still not finished yet. GOD DAMNIT. Maybe ten years from now i'll do another release about Ilupir. Maybe i will continue where i left then. Since, Obscure Anesthesia is just a BIG EMPTY SPACE for me (okay, it's quite small actually).
Maybe this is the unknown future part, left open, without specification. Maybe i understand what this all means one day. Cause i really don't have a clue at this point.
I feel so unreal now. LIKE I'M FLOATING IN ANOTHER REALM. My dog smells like diarrhea and sleeps like a baby. God, he smells but he's also so beautiful. Lovely combination.

I don't know.

 

I actually didn't mean to release any new material for a while, but i had some weird thingy boiling in my mind so i, well, did anyway. I started composing new stuff pretty much after i had finished the "Wanderer" album and i started recording them at the same time. I dunno how long will this constant creativity last, but at the moment i'm enjoying that i'm doing stuff without a stop.

Okay, so. The album (as i call it) is finished. I have mixed feelings about it; part of me is very pleased and almost sorta happy but the other part would like to vomit dead babies cause of the result of what I've just made. I don't really know which one of these feelings i should follow, so I'm staying neutral about it. This is my therapy anyway, right ? I'll need to remaster couple of songs, or not, but. There won't be any new songs on this album. Eight is the number of the beast. No wait...

Anyway, yes. I think i need to take a look of what the newest four songs mean. (If they mean anything, I'm not sure yet.)

Let's start with "Before Belief". The song is about the battle of two sides. And the small line between which separates them from each other.  My first thought was, "the mother nature" and "the rebellious creature", fighting about who has the final power. The soft vocals represents the better, wiser, calmer side of everything. And the sorta harder, malevolent and angry vocals are the opposite side of that. And i thought about it. In which side would i land ? And i couldn't really say, since in the end they're both connected to each other. They're both fighting in selfishness.
At the end of the song, "the mother nature" kills "the rebellious creature" (ok, these are dumb examples, but anyway) because it didn't want to obey the laws. And the mother nature realises, it has changed it's side to the opposite. Now she's the one who stands in the darkness. You can't stop killing with killing right ? SO, HAPPY ENDING. I actually didn't have a clue what i sang, when i recorded the vocals. I nearly ever think what i sing. (Ehheh, how professional) So, it's a miracle these lyrics made some sense. Or didn't. And also, i'm not a real vocalwanker, if that could be said. It's a couple of takes and that's it. I kinda like it.

"Passing Ignorance". I can't remember why or how this song came up, but it's very new and the making of it was very fast. It's about my fustration for the humanity and for myself, the connection between those two and the realization. I've noticed i have much negative thoughts about other people, especially when i'm walking outside surrounded with the crowd. I despise every single on of them. I hate the way they live, i hate the way they act. I hate most of them. Those are the thoughts that pops into my mind and it happens everyday. But it also reflects the way i feel about myself. Those are the exact thoughts i've seeded in my head all my life. In the past year, i've started to recognize these things, and i've realised there is not much verity in how i see life in general. I've always expected the worst to happen to me or my loved ones. Like, really neurotically. I've tried to protect them and myself by thinking the worst case scenarious in my head before it has even happened. I'm afraid all the time. But, the good thing is. I understand a bit more now. I don't need to live and think this way anymore, i've become aware of my insicurities. First acknowlidking, then changing. That's it. So, the song is about this. And this is a very important issue for me.

Then, "Distance". One of my first songs ever written. It's quite important to me, now that i think. It's about my realtionship. If you've been in a long-distance relationship, you know how hard it is. And if you're having a hard time otherwise too, then it's fucking hard. HARD FUCKING. Yes, nooo. AND if you're a lady, you'll lose your mind. Anyway. And again. The lyrics. I had no idea what i was singing. I just sang. The lyrics came when i made the melodies. They are a bit naive, but i almost smiled (WHAT) when i made them. They're kinda cute ! Lost in you, losing me. That has a big meaning actually. It's quite easy to lose yourself when you're SOOO IN LOOOVE, FUCK THIS IS CORNY, ANYYYYWAY, IT HAS A MEANING. I was very lost, when i started dating my current monkey (which i love) (no, i'm not an Animal molester) (much). One reason for that was the fact that i didn't really know if i was good enough and because there was always a small 400 or so kilometres between us. Ah, and still is. You know, this teenage angst. I'm not following myself, fuck. Anyway, don't start long-distance relationships. They smells some camel's ass. Or maybe you should. Actually. They're pretty good too ! You have better chance to figure out who you are in time, atleast if you're as fucked as the writer of this blog. Or young. I feel like a granny. So, compressed: Long-distance relationships are hard, who am i, i'd like to have kisses, i need to figure out some stuff alone.

Ah, it's good to end with an instrumental. AAH. "Eighth Friday". Made it like in.. two seconds. And that's how it sounds too. :( But, i like it's simplicity, i needed to put it to the album. I needed a multisucker to end it all. I feel it's a hopeful glance to the future.
God knows, but won't tell. I have nothing else to say about this. THIS IS THE END.


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I feel relieved. Next album will be better. I have no idea what it will be like, but it will be. Maybe it will be another piano-oriented thing, or maybe it will be Black metal album. We'll see. Thanks everyone ! I hate you ! (not) (much)


- Noradrenaline

Now we have the first four songs from the "Wanderer" album here on myspace for you to check them out. In a couple of months i will be releasing unknown amount of remaining tracks of the album and they'll all be here free to listen and download.

I could propably tell something about the songs i recently published.

The starting track "Release" was something that i created in one night. I had clear vision about what i wanted to do, but had no clue how to make it happens. I was thinking about life and the potential illusion that we call death. I thought about a place where the souls would wander when the life in this reality would end and the humankind would've gone extinct. I had some blurry picture in my head about soul's reunion and the beauty of life after death. So i basically stayed awake whole night thinking about these things and just played whatever came to my mind. First i thought i wouldn't record any whining (=vocals), but i wanted to try something light and deep and well, so yeah, i recorded whining after all. It just kinda fitted into the songs' atmosphere and it's better this way i guess.
The name "Release" was pretty obvious to me, since it was the first thing that popped into my head when i started listening what i had made. And also, this is my first own release too, so. It makes sense !

The next track "Missing Path" is my first song i have ever made with piano. I'm pretty proud of it in general, although the vocals makes me puke. As always.
Anyway. The title tells it really. I've been feeling alot of confusion in this "long" and a lonesome road i've been wandering all my life and it seems that i'm always searching for something to come across and just wake and shake me up. I love researching the universe and the diversity of this reality, but those things have also fucked me up pretty badly, and i have sometimes a hard time telling what is actually real and what is not. Well, what is real ? Everything's inside of our brains right ? Where does all of this come to our brains then.. Yeah, and so on. It feels like my life's a long dream, and i try to convince myself and others that there is still a reason to this all and that this is _real_.  Sometimes i feel like my loved ones have difficulities to understand my point and the way i see things. It feels like i burn them down with all of this.  So, the song is about my missing path, the constant thirst for information, getting fucked about it and then understanding the nature of reality itself. Yey !

Third one, "Love & The Contratiction". If i'm being honest, i don't really know what the lyrics are about. But what i think they might be is, love relationships in general. SURPRISE. What the relationships seem to bring, is alot of unwanted contratiction and huge chemical madness inside of us.  It has always been like that with me "please come near, GO AWAY" - kind of principle. It's like the falling in love part is more horrible than wonderful to me. And i feel the actual love has nothing to do with this thing. Falling in love is like feeling i'm going to puke 24/7, but still nothing comes. It's not fun ! It's dangerous. And what i think many people misunderstands, is the love. And the falling in love. They're so easily mixed. When you're in love, you're so oversensitive and martyr, "Oh god what did you bring upon me, i need to sacrifice myself"-stuff. When you love, there is nothing that stands on it's way. It's a powerful thing. It Is. But, since i don't know what this means, all of the above might just be bullshit.

The last one, "The Absence of Warmth" is very new one. I made it in the beginning of May 2009. I was inspired, i don't have anything else to say. The song can speak for itself. I wanted to make an instrumental, and i did it. I like the atmosphere. Boob.

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So, next time the same stuff with different songs. Stay tuned.
Happy summer to all, enjoy the light!