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Balls to Glasto Fest, I’ve had the radio on all day for
Jacko Fest, and I tell you what… the toilets were a dam sight more appropriate
round my flat. It is so very, very impressive listening back to all the music he’s
pressed into our ears, despite all the child grooming and the “la-la land” life
that he lived. Hearing the all the mega hits he’s churned out certainly puts Scouting
For Girls into perspective (those foul ineffective goons.)
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Without MJ, life would have been a very different place
indeed:
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If it wasn’t for Micky’s incessant query, we would never ever
have known if Annie was ok or not.
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We would never ever have known that A,B,C really is as easy
as 1,2,3. Without this insight, I for one culd nevar eva hav lernt how two
spelle propurly.
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Without MJ how could we ever have known that babies really aren’t
all that scared of being swung from German balconies? A true explorer; he dared
to venture where we mere mortals were always so afraid to tread. (The fucking
loon.)
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How else would Black people have known that dying themselves
white was an option available to them? (Am I to say “Black” person or am I now
a racist? Am I to say brown-of-skin, or Afro-Caribbean-Friend instead? Well, let’s
just say for now I refer to anyone who’s not already greyish-pink like me)
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Without
Mr M. J. Wackles, who’d have ever known, let alone given a fuck, that Elvis had
a daughter who had her father’s exact same man-face?....
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How else would we all have saved so much time on listening
through the entire Van Halen catalogue to get a succinct summary of the guitar
work without MJ having cleverly facilitated a compilation of every single one
of Eddie’s best licks into the one precise, definitive collection that we hear in
Beat It? How?
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Skinny poet and ..Sheffield..
lad Jarvis Cocker would have remained forever in relative obscurity if it wasn’t
for their on stage collaboration at the 1996 Brit awards. MJ, ever the facilitator,
ever the Jesus impersonator… helping the lowly up onto the world stage.
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Without The King of Pop, we could
never have known that clowns can simultaneously look so sad, so scary, so tragic,
so tired, and so irrefutably inhuman.
http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/01/01/gal_mugshot_jackson.jpg
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Or
that “a-cha-hoo” is a plausible lyric for a pop hit.....
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Or have felt safe in the knowledge that; it really doesn’t matter
if you’re black or white, or even if you were
black and over time you’ve become white.
Which ever way it falls people, it just doesn’t matter.
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Without MJ, childhood star Macaulay Culkin would simply have faded out into obscurity..
oh… hang on… erm….....
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Yes Micheal, What about elephants? Have we lost their trust?
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I think we may have.
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In
conclusion everyone; Jade Goody was a useless, shameless cretin and
a terrible cunt; an ignorant, belligerent, demented, despicable pest of a “human”
and a reprehensible idol for any one, even the most helplessly inbred of in-breeds,
who chose to revere her. Unrelated to Wacko, but eternally relevant none the
less.
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After having used MJ’s death here as a route to folly and
mild ridicule, I must add, that I am a massive MJ fan and I am truly saddened
by his death and departure.
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It could all be a ruse though, the fucker must surely have
paid off all his debts today from radio play royalty income alone! Clever moon-walking
bastard. Maybe we’ll start getting supermarket sightings like we do of Elvis?
Maybe we’ll find him clutching a fun sized mars bar in a bunker one day, all
ram shackled and unkempt like we did Saddam!
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Tommorrow, I’m starting with the man in the mirror.
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Next up on Radio-Gloss-Over-The-Misdemeanours-FM it’s Garry
Glitter with “Leader of the Gang!”