let me tell you a bit about our 97 saturn four door saden.  johnny bought it three years ago for $900.  even car guys buy shitty $900 cars.  and the saturn was no exception.  the blinkers only worked sometimes, there was something screwed up in the wiring.  the car had been totaled before we bought it and had a salvage title, the front bumper was actually held on by a car bra.  the transmition slipped in cold weather and the overdrive didnt work.  and my favorite little quark of the car was the ac.  if you ran the ac or the car ran hot it would not turn off.  sure you could turn the key off and remove it, but the engine would just keep running.  when this happened you would have to pop the hood and remove the fan relay. i dont care where you are people just look at ya funny when you have to open the hood to turn off your car.

so last tuesday, johnny was sick and stayed home from work.  that morning my next door neighbor asked me if i could jump his car off, which i did using the trusty saturn.  later that same day i order a pizza for dinner.  i paid the delivery guy on the front steps, and that was the last time i saw her (i will refer to the saturn as her as we never bothered to name the pos).

wednesday morning. 0530, not real happy to be alive as it is 530 in the morning.  we walk out the front door so i can take johnny to work because the focus (vivian) is broken down.  johnny leaves first and i walked into him.  he had stopped on the walkway and was just looking at the driveway.  then he turns to me and says "wheres the car?" it was just gone.

i called the cops. johnny called work and asked if someone could come pick him up. 

then johnny removes the part from vivian that needs replacing so i can get the part number and try to find a new one.  i have no idea what this part is called its a hard plastic tube that was leaking coolant.

the cop shows up to take a police report, he never gets out of his car, he just sits at the street and we talk to him through the window.  it was like a ticket only in reverse.

shortly after that johnny's ride gets to the house and i start calling auto parts stores looking for a new what ever for vivian.  meanwhile i am texting a few different friends about the shittyness of my morning. well auto zone cant find the part by the numbers on it so i start to walk that way.  i am at the street corner when i get a text from ricky that he is coming to get the part so he can look for another one for me.  well i think that is going to save me having to walk.

then johnny calls and reminds me that our bank statement (you know accounts balances and numbers)  and his check stub (with a social security number) were in the car.  so it seems i need to get to the bank soon.  by now its 0830 and i start the four mile walk to my bank.  so once you are off the side streets and onto the main road there is a bus stop every few blocks.  my plan was to walk until i saw a bus headed my way.  i dont have a bus schedule and had no idea how long that would take but i figured if i just started walking i would find one.  i get stuck behind them all the time when i am driving.  well i never saw a bus on the way to the bank.  but i walk all the way there report the information being stolen and they tell me they will monitor my account for any odd activity, then i hit the atm thinking i may as well while i am here. 

now i start the four mile walk home.  i may not have mentioned this lately but i am not cut out to be a pedestrian.  i would rather drive a pinto and risk a massive explosion after a low speed crash than walk eight miles.  but as i had no other options i started home.  by now it is starting to get warm and the sun is overhead, and of course i didnt think to put on sun screen.  but hey there must be a bus at some point, right? well i pass two busses headed from my block to toward the bank but none going my way.  so i walked.  i got home about 1300.

so the rest of wednesday passed with no word on the saturn.  that afternoon ricky brings the part for vivian and a gallon of anti-freeze, johnny puts vivian back together and we start wondering how and when we will be able to get another car.  after all who would have full coverage on a 97 saturn, not i. 

thursday morning about 0900 i hear from the fine, hard working memphis police department. they have found our car! i was just about to rejoice when they say it was actually found by the fire department.  yes she was on the side of the road on fire when she was found.  but good news, our stuff was still in it.  so i head downtown to the lot where she was towed. where i learn that if i want to retrieve our crap i have to pay the towing fee to the city. 

looks like the crooks bit off more than they could chew.  not really sure what started the fire.  johnny and i have two theories.  1.  the wiring that was all wonky to begin with finally had it and just caught fire or 2.  they turned the ac on and then couldnt figure out how to turn the car off and it just ran hotter and hotter until something finally caught on fire.  personally i lean toward the later.  when i was getting out crap out of the car i noticed that the ac compressor was on, a big taboo.  but on the sunny side the crooks apparently werent planning to ditch her so soon and had not gotten johnny's tools out yet.  now that may sound like a small victory but it was a $900 car and the tools were easily at least $1500, so i am going to write this one off as a win.