Where does it say that we, as individuals, can only have one soul mate? One chance at that perfect connection? In what corner of the world are such things determined? According to Merriam-Webster, a soul mate is someone with whom you share an affinity, are deeply compatible, a confidante, partner, lover, true love. But nowhere does it say that we are destined to have just one...one chance at love, one chance to get it right. And if we're lucky enough to find that kind of connection, but not fortunate enough to hold onto it the first time around, are we condemned to a life with mr. maybe, not-quite-right, or not-at-all?

Given the constant state of evolution in all areas of existence, why isn't it reasonable to assume that as our hearts expand and mature, that so too should the definition of our perfect mate? When what was once our forever becomes our past, what is to be gained by playing the martyr and resisting the dream, the wild notion, the crazy chance at happiness, a real second chance...

Recently my best friend referred to me as a hot mess...meant as a compliment, no doubt, but the comment left me unsettled and unsure as to why. Maybe the level of truth struck a chord, disturbing the darker places I tend to leave untouched. A mess? Perhaps something akin to delicate carnage, tormented by the worst acts that seem to replay like a bad B-movie. Some pieces easier to put back together than others, especially when faded illusions and expectation impede function and beauty. Always more time to put off discussion, the inevitable decision that comes into play, the massive pink fucking elephant in the room that continues to go unacknowleged and unwanted. Escapism, the opiate of the emotionally ravaged, a necessary tool of survival to those whose demons scream in the quieter moments. Drinking in the concept of numb, like a warm blanket over the disappointment that unwaiveringly brings a chill in the earliest hours.

Maybe mess is a strong word...maybe I'm exactly where I should be, given the altered course my life has taken. A golden goddess...still? Absolutely. Flawed, but so hopeful...somehow endlessly hopeful for the special one, the one who makes me smile...

Why the perception that I've changed so dramatically, so radically not the girl I used to be? Why is it unreasonable to assume the varied streaks of color haven't merely been lying dormant, tormented by fear of persecution? So often uncomfortable in my skin, only seeking understanding from a friend or confidant, never the facade perceived by others...those who presume to know me from a glance, those who could never scratch the surface were I to let them. It's true that time can wear deep paths of "comfort," the path to the easy emotion, the path of least resistance, along the way extinguishing vital sparks that should instead be given voice. So if we're lucky enough to rediscover shades and hues that have been blackened out, lost in the murky corners of what might have been, why should we suffer the uninformed judgements of the hypocritical? Why not celebrate the resurgence of former glory?

Sunny, silly me, still here, some yellows now blue, confidently blossoming in the girl that I knew. Fractured, but finding the pieces left along the way, my own kind of innocence still in tact, the secrets of my heart still safe. I'm still here....

Whatever happened to the ladies of grace, decorum, and...gasp...morals? When did it become cool to exploit and degrade the most lovely of lady bits, young women serving themselves up like pieces of meat? I really can't understand why it's more desirable to abandon integrity and embrace the values of the lesser masses, subjecting yourself to the rampant double standards demonstrated by the would-be character assassins. Doesn't anybody remember the anticipation? The tease? Heart-pounding, insides burning, the desperate build up that may or may not end in glory, but nonetheless leaves a mark on your heart and in your mind. Something you remember, that stays with you, leaving you wanting more instead of wanting to split.


To the mini ho's-in-training, keep your panties on!!! And while you're at it, pull your jeans up...I'm so sick of the ass-crack epidemic plaguing our young. Try to find deserving gents who long for your mind instead of your loins. They really are out there.

Sneaks and creeps, everywhere. People you'd never suspect, they like to infiltrate and disintigrate. Alienate and negotiate in the name of peace, tearing and smearing, not giving a thought to the wake they leave behind. Sad but true, it happens to us all. The transgression crushing when you're innocent, wrongly stamped with a scarlett lie. Regrettably, no rest for the dreary, onward and upward in the name of whatever.

I love to laugh, and this makes me laugh A LOT!!!! 1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. 2. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. 3. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. 4. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. 5. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. 6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 7. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 8. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. 9. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris. 10. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. 11. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 12. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing." 13. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. 14. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 15. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 16. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris. 17. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral $ex, KFC and Tequila. 18. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. 19. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection. 20. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down. 21. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. 22. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 23. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. 24. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. 25. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. 26. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence. 27. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. 28. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had $ex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. 29. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night. 30. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. 31. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's $hit. 32. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 33. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.