So I have been wondering a lot about the things that have been unfolding in my life and thinking about how things could have been different if even just one small thing changed. So then I start imagining how things could have been...
I wonder if there really are an infinite number of realms of possibility all existing at the same time as each other...
And we create the one we live in, but the others continue to exist on their own. That's kind of what makes me think that everything happens as it's supposed to - because the energy in the universe flows to it's "chosen" path.
I think about consciousness and how our perception/interpretation of it could be totally wrong. These bodies are machines and our minds are too.
We just don't know how to work them.
It's like putting an infant in front of a G4 Mac and wondering how long it will take to put together a spreadsheet. We can't possibly understand - we just don't have a capability to. So is it worth it to think about it and wonder and study - will we EVER figure it out???!!!
Are we supposed to? I wish I knew even a teeny tiny piece that we were missing - That I am missing - even that would make me feel validated. Because right now I feel like that baby in front of the computer... and all I can do is bang on the keys and hopefully make some words.

In trying to look back over 2008 and evaluate some of the things that happened... I opened up my planner and heres a little month by month recap of some of the highlights and lowlights of my year.

January
Working on shows at the upstairs
Supergiant turned 5 years old
Mom came to visit
Went to digital download tour for 3 days straight with Lizzy

February
started short film on my roommate
Started TEAM GOLD for self against city
Lost my phone
Broken Iris played on KCRA 3
My brother died

March
Went to AZ for my brothers Funeral
Saw my dad for the first time in 8 years
Did lights for the Matches and FTSK at the boardwalk

April
Started the 'jungle' for my balcony
Produced skips vocal showcase at the upstairs
Did some side work for Joe cleaning foreclosed houses
Started bootcamp program at the gym

May
Finished film project
Went to Kaboom in SF with Jenn
Roommate painted my apartment
Had a show with We Shot The Moon at the upstairs
Graduated from Sac State
Went to LA for work - Stream Naturalization Class

June
Started Stairway to Stardom program as a Coach
First ever Shoot The Lights out @ the upstairs
Went to a lot of dance parties
Broken Iris broke up
Put on the last metal show ever at the Underground

July
Turned 24 - had a crazy dance party
Went to the sammies and made a complete ass of myself
Lost my phone twice in a week
Had A Thorn For Every Heart play the upstairs
Self Against City broke up
Had a band crash at my apartment
Drank too much

August
Shoot the lights out 2 @ the upstairs
Stairway to Stardom concert
Recorded with my stairway band
HOODS played at the upstairs
Lost my job

September
All upstairs shows were canceled including shoot the lights out 3
Moved some shows to boardwalk
lost over $500 on shows
Roommate moved out
Worked on American Idol for 8 days
Went to see Third Eye Blind for the 20th time
Worked doing telemarketing for a republican movie for two weeks

October
Was sick for two weeks
Went to apple hill
Left for the salton sea
Worked 12 to 16 hour days at the salton sea

November
Came back from the salton sea
Judged battle of the bands at club retro
Started work grading standardized tests
Hung out with On The Last Day

December
Only had work for 8 days out of the month
Hung out with Brave Citizens
Had a roommate move in and move out
Went to a dance party and made an ass of myself (again)
Lost my phone (again)
Mom came to visit
Moved my bedroom into the bigger room in my apartment

is here:

BAM