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Tom

Last Updated: 12/28/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 26
Sign: Scorpio

City: newark
State: New Jersey
Country: US
Signup Date: 12/15/2005

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Monday, November 02, 2009

dear professional shoppers

okay myspace. i need your help.
1. go: here
2. go searching for a similar item, but, you know, not $400.
3. report back here with your findings and accept my undieing gratitude as your payment.

Currently listening:
Trench Town Rock
By Bob Marley & the Wailers
Release date: 2009-08-25

8:05 PM

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

you're a mess, unless you try

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r31cXWt_ndA

i despise this video. what's the message? you can be a lazy slob and put zero effort into your appearance and you're still "beautiful". please. the end should say, "cover up and some eye makeup will make you look way hotter, ...take the 10 minutes and put some on before you leave the house"

1:04 AM

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Wednesday, September 02, 2009

discovery channel SUPER HD

today, on the way down to the basement, i walked into the elevator and a lady had her puppy on a leash. i wanted to tussle the fur on his head and say something generic like, "you're a good boy, aren't you?" as i reached to do so, i met eyes with a neon green giant lizard on a red leash. insanely afraid and unsure of what to do because this giant beast had no fur to tussle, i backed away. the man holding the other end of the lizards leash was a dude from panama who advised me that he'd be taking the dinosaur looking monster to go eat carrots tonight.
i'm guessing after the meal they'll unwind by spreading some sort of zombie creating panamanian flu.
well... back to nailing boards across my windows.

12:36 AM

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Monday, August 31, 2009

in defense of halloween ii

i walked out of the theater with dani and we both agreed that the new halloween was very good.
then i went home and went on imdb to read all the stuff that i feared contained spoilers.
what i found was an army of angry people. they have all united to advise that ROB ZOMBIE IS THE WORSTEST HORROR GUY EVER> PS SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR NEEDS TO DO ANOTHER HORROR MOVIE.
i feel the need to defend the movie so>>>>
i saw halloween ii last night and i was very happy with the film that rob zombie has added to the halloween legacy.
i liked the film because halloween- like friday the 13th, like SAW, etc- is a franchise where we're so deep in, everything has been done and the plot lines have been exhausted and your scary "killer" is now a pop culture icon so people aren't afraid of him because you see six year olds dressed like him for halloween.
i feel like zombie delivered a great film UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCE.
the way the franchise was going pre-zombie- ll cool j, busta and tyra banks- was absolutely shameful. i don't think anyone can say that they think that a better halloween movie would have been delivered if this was given to a horror shlockster.
the criticism of the film that it's brutal is silly because it's a slasher movie. it was shot on the 16mm to be brutal. so many films now have that gloss of ditigal. audiences clearly like this- look at the failure of grindhouse with the grainy digital- they like their horror movies to look like a music video. i can't argue that the film isn't ultra violent, but i think that people are so put off by the violence because it happens in the dark, sometimes it happens from the distance, it's shot on a gritty film so it has a grittier feel.
the criticism that you don't care about the characters when they die i find unrelatable because, first, how many times have you cared about a character dieing in the previous halloweens and second, zombie built the film so that it wasn't a group of seven goodlooking friends who got killed every nine to keep the "pace" up. rob kept close to carpenter's second halloween where there was laurie and the people around her affected. i thought the death of danielle harris' character in the movie was incredibly affecting, but i'm not sure everyone has followed her character from the first movie. danielle dying was very very important to the film and sent all of the characters on another path. her death meant that the police captain AND laurie lost the person they were closest to. it meant that loomis has another victim on his conscious. this means that on both sides of a negociation with a pyschopath, you have someone filled with pyschopathic rage. i thought that made for a very tense last scene.
the criticism loomis' character is off base because it's the moral compass of a film where the main character is intrinsically immoral. michael myers is EVIL. that's why in carpenter's script, he is just listed as "the shape". that's why he can get shot in the face. you can't kill evil. loomis' character was important because he was constantly being pointed out, via his agent or by fans or by cheesy talk show hosts just how immoral writing this book was. you witnessed loomis himself struggle with it in the hotel scene when he watches what he said on the talk show. loomis is doing something immoral and you see him fight his moral compass throughout the film. laurie is having visions of killing like she was michael and so she's a war with her immoral thoughts. she even has gone so far as not to eat meat because of this guilt. then we have michael. michael operates throughout the film, free of a moral compass to stop him. this is how evil moves, free from the ties of that little voice inside you that makes you feel guilty, ashamed, remorseful. this made michael scarier to me.
it seems that many of the elements that rob added to the film that made this one of the best halloweens, were the elements that people attacked.
i think this movie bothers people because it's not a formula slasher.
people's strong negative reaction to this film might mean that rob zombie has made not a good halloween by public opinion, but an effective one based on artistic merit.

3:10 AM

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Saturday, August 08, 2009

too much info...

i despise this twitter thing. if you're not famous, no one gives a shit about your life so stop twittering.
if you are famous, EVERY ONE gives a shit so stop twittering. we don't know anything about you besides whatever movies or songs you've made and we like that stuff so our only frame of reference for you is that you're a genius.

case in point.
my favorite author in the history of the written word has spent his twitter time advising me:

The song I've listened to the most in the last 5 days: "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus.

The Hills: Season 4, #17. I've been searching for the uncredited song that ends that episode for months. Niki Saletta's "Won't Be The Same."

The song I've listened to the most in the last 5 days: "Halo" by Beyonce.

stop. just stop. just please... STOP.
i liked you much much better as the bisexual, coke sniffing, child of privilege, boy genius i had always perceived you to be.

Currently listening:
Imperial Bedroom
By Elvis Costello & the Attractions
Release date: 2007-05-01

3:38 AM

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Thursday, August 06, 2009

tomorrow is all about the trim

i'm going to trim my hair for the first time in a full year tomorrow.
it was around this time last year that i cut mostttt of the hair off in the back and then cut a tad shorter bangs from the ol' sidesweep. i didn't really know where i was going with that. maybe i was really into john and kate plus 8 so the kate gosselin seemed like a good choice. but just as john and kate grew apart, my hair grew longer. since then, i've had a million russell brand jokes (hence the need for a trim) and i've even had a girl come up to me on the hoboken train and ask if i'd like to use her friends comb before i met up with my friends. i'm no relationship genius, but i'm pretty sure that's a bad, "mom and dad, how did you meet?" story.
most of the cut is going to be eliminating my splitty splitsplit ends. all that straightening can't be good for my hair.
i need a direction though. i someone send me some inspiration on the next disaster for my hair.
otherwise i'm going to end up with another backcombed disaster so this is your time to stop me. if you don't say something, it's going to go back to the poof and you're going to have to shut your mouth about my hair.
this is the part in the marriage proceedings were you can be like stop! tom you can't commit to the indie mullet!

Currently listening:
Afro Samurai
By The RZA
Release date: 2007-01-30

12:38 AM

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Saturday, July 04, 2009

extreme tempature changes and fluctuations have been known...

one of my favorite rappers just commented me on my t-man myspace. unreal.

Currently listening:
Personal Journals
By Sage Francis
Release date: 2002-04-23

7:59 AM

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

where the gold @?

i was sitting on my futon, working on my manuscript and over my music, i heard a hubub outside. i turned the music down to see if i was going to have to call 911 on some guy beating his wife again, but it was different this time.
it sounded as though there was a reinactment of "leprechaun, in mobile alabama" being staged in the courtyard of my building. i thought this piece was an odd choice for a drama production, but i continued to write. then i heard a guy say, "you see that bird son, that's america's mascot, he's on your money!" another person was raving, "look at this eagle!" a man was wistling in what only could be the worst attempt at a bird call ever, until his friend just started screaming, "come here!" at the bird, over and over. apparently he was doing the literal version of the bird call. one guy told his kid that if she were to kill the eagle, she would go to jail for the rest of her life. one lady suggested, "put the bird in the hallway!"this suggestion received very little support, thankfully. i had to get up at this point because an eagle being in newark made no sense. i ran to the window, put on my glasses and saw a group of people standing around, staring at a hawk.

Currently listening:
M.O.B.-The Album
By Byrd Gang
Release date: 2008-07-01

9:00 PM

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Saturday, June 13, 2009

slowly becoming bill o'reilly

it seems like the older i get, the less i relate to humanity.
i get very confused, all the time now.
i honestly don't feel like i'm made of the same materials as every one else.

since i have an addictive personality, when i like something, i love it. because i don't have a lot of love in me, i don't love many things. there are 2 things that i've always been obsessed with though:

1. the republican party.
2. dave letterman.

1. i've always loved the republican party. i love people's image of them. i like that half the people think they are old, bald white elitests and the other half think republicans are toothless, bible thumping, gun toting dummies. the republican party has been villianized for much of it's existance and most of the time it was for agreeing with my beliefs. obviously i don't agree with all of their policies, i'm not a blind follower of what they do because that's what i cannot stand is that people who cannot form an indivdual opinion beyond their group's concensus. i always held the party in very high regard, then that whole sarah palin thing happened. the left had been trying to create the idea that the republican party was full of dummies so as to break up their power. with a republican congress under bush, the dems had to do something to shift the power back so they chose to point out every mistake bush made. they've strangely turned a blind eye to obama not knowing how many states there are, studdering like a dummy when he has to improv an answer to a question and also that special olympics joke- which bush would have been made fun of for MONTHS about. i always felt like it made a good SNL skit, but the technique of trying to make the republicans look like a group of stupids would never work. thennnnn ta-da it's sarah palin!
i felt sick to my stomach when i found out.
it's like i found out my wife was cheating on me with obama's bowling partner.
you could ask sarah palin pretty much anything and you'd get a sound bite that would make me go "oh no, oh no, oh no." when i watched her on the debates, it was stressful. you know that feeling you get when you're watching a failblog video and it's only at the setup and you know that someone is going to fall over and there's a little bit of tension because it's the calm before the storm? that's how i felt when the debate started.
the left was sooooo happy about this. before, they had to take that airhead from the view's comments and be like "this is what the republican party thinks!" now they had someone that was actually relevant in the party they could attack for being dumb. the libs getting on that view girl would be like me interviewing a left wing girl at the next frat party i go to and then posting clips of it all over youtube with names like "LIBERAL GIRL STUPIDLY EXPLAINS BANK BAIL OUT" the libs realized that they had NOTHING to go on that they were pulling audio from some airhead on the view.
now they had palin.
we could have had the same result if we nominated a kitty cat for vice president.
women like kitty cats, they are popular on the internet and they are cute. also, when you ask a kitty cat what trade publications they read, they can't answer the question.
i was so happy when the election was over. i was happy that the libs finally had someone in office that they could work on destroying like they tried to destroy clinton. i was happy that we didn't have to deal with 4 years of "look at the stupid right."
finally this woman stopped polluting the lake i swim in.

2. david letterman has always been important to me. i feel like most of my humor is based on letterman, stern, o&a and the great standups of the past. ever since i had a tv in my room as a kid, i would angle my bunny ears so cbs came in perfectly (whoa, this is day one of making that statement and sounding like an old person. hope you have your converter box kiddies). i watched dave in awe. he could interview someone i hated and make the interview interesting and funny. i liked that if a guest came on and they were a dick, dave threw darts at them. i liked the legend of the past shows, the fact that he was passed up for carsons spot, the fact that he's just as obsessive an antisocial as i am. i liked when an actress would come on in a tiny skirt and she's mention how cold it was in the studio. i watched food get knocked off the top of christmas trees, i guessed which pies david's mom made, i guessed (incorrectly) thousands of times on "will it float". just for your records- salt water taffy- yes, coal-no, all purpose miracle gro- yes, hollow glass block- yes and a hand back massager floated for a second, then sank.

there was a big huge mashup of all of the above when this happened:

and two things happened:
1. i realized that i must not be a human being because i laughed at those jokes and i don't even UNDERSTAND how someone could be offended by them.
2. i realized that no one can say anything ever.

who is taking the jokes that dave is saying on a nightly basis and believes that they are his personal opinions or even more strange, his fetishes? this is a guy who spends 5 minutes a week discussing the boyancy of an object on his show. dave does not do this at his house, i'm pretty sure. i'm almost positive when he's back in montana with his wife and son, he does not bring out the hoola hoop girl and the grinder girl and shuffle everyone into the bathroom to see if a 3 pound block of sharp cheddar floats. dave does this stuff because it's entertaining. that's his goal, to entertain america. some people like will it float and most people hate it. he doesn't do will it float to hurt the feelings of the people who hate it.
i feel strange not understand people anymore. the disconnect is odd.
in the end, this will make the republican party look like a bunch of leftest pussies, but probably will bring more viewers to dave and he will start to beat conan in the ratings and finally he will prove all the execs wrong and he'll show that he's continuing carson's legacy as america's late night voice.