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KR Himself


Last Updated: 12/28/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 23
Sign: Libra

City: area code 407
State: Florida
Country: US

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[07 Aug 2009 | Friday] 
The city that I live in, the world that we live in, the society that we're all a part of...


It has to hit rock bottom before it can be what we want it to be.
7:42 PM 
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[02 Jul 2009 | Thursday] 
(Reprint of a thread I created on several internet forums)


After some pestering from a friend, I made myself watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 this past Monday.

While the show itself was pretty much what I expected it to be, I did notice quite a few things throughout the show:

1. This was the first time I saw an Asian guy being properly profiled on American TV since I moved to the US
2. As far as I remember, this is the first time I saw an entire episode of any TV series where an Asian guy who appeared on the show wasn't heavily stereotyped
3. This was the first time I saw a relationship between an Asian guy and a white (or any non-Asian) girl being portrayed on any form of media (TV, movies, magazine ads, etc)
4. The fact that couple has eight kids (so far) is what makes the show

Let's be honest, the only reason why they've become a household name is because of all the kids they have. If they didn't, nobody would know who they are, or care about who they are. And the fact that guys with Asian heritage (like Jon Gosselin) can, and in fact do, date and marry outside of his own race/ethnicity would continue to be lost on the majority of America.

Look at Hollywood: when was the last time we saw a movie where an Asian actor was involved in a romantic scene with a non-Asian woman? When was the last time a male Asian character in any Hollywood movie was able to ride off into the sunset with the woman of his dreams? Maybe I haven't seen enough movies in my life, but I can't recall a single film in which those scenes actually unfolded.

Maybe I'm just trying to create Mt. Everest out of an anthill here, but I think there is an enormous double-standard and even stigma against Asian guys in America, especially in comparison to Asian girls and especially in comparison to guys of other racial backgrounds.

The concept of an Asian girl getting into a relationship with a non-Asian guy has become so common as to be expected; we've seen it before on TV shows like Grey's Anatomy. Hell, it's even common in a place like Orlando, where Asians only make up about 3% of the population. Yet, I can only count on one hand the number of relationships I've seen between Asian guy and a non-Asian girl (and one of them was my own, during my sophomore year of high school).

Let me put it this way: If America is really as open-minded about race as we all believe it to be, then why is it that someone like Lucy Liu can hold hands with a Bruce Willis or a Vin Diesel and hardly anybody would bat an eye, but if someone like Jet Li does the same with a Jennifer Aniston or a Halle Berry, he's far more likely to be met with , , or even

Either a sizable portion of our society still has a problem getting over the stereotypes of Asian-American males (many of which have persisted well over a century), or the male Asian population in the US is simply a parochial, unsociable, and unassimilable bunch -- and based on my experiences and observations, I can say with 100% confidence that it's not the latter.

One of the biggest problems to me is that we (referring to Asian guys) don't have a legitimate role model in the entertainment world that we can emulate. We have no strong, charismatic, and influential character that we can rally around, let alone embrace and be proud of.

In other words: We have yet to identify the Asian version of a Denzel Washington or a Samuel L Jackson. We have yet to find the Asian equivalent of a Sidney Poitier, nor have we had a groundbreaking film that defied and shattered every stereotype we've had to carry on our shoulders. Hell, we don't even have our own version of a Dave Chappelle or a Carlos Mencia, somebody who is not afraid to throw the topic of race squarely at our faces.

Instead, all we have is a series of small-time actors who are happy to accept their paychecks in exchange for playing up to the stereotypes, producers/directors that are all-too unwilling to challenge the existing ideals about us, and an audience that has completely bought into the manufactured image of Asian men that the media has sold to them.

The stereotypes. We've seen it all, we've heard it all. The abnormally brilliant student, the computer nerd, the doctor, the scientist, the math whiz, the karate/kung fu master, the anime character lookalike, the chauvinist, the effeminate, the chopsticks, the sushi chef, the oriental clothes, the facial features ("man, all y'all look alike!"), the exaggerated accent, the small genitals, so on, and so on, and so on.

It's bad enough that all these perceptions have morphed into reality. To make matter worse, they have evolved into a set of prerequisites that we must meet in order to be "truly Asian." It's really horrifying how these stereotypes have come to be accepted as facts in America, and it neatly confirms Joseph Goebbels' assertion that "a lie, repeated often enough, will end up as truth."

I guess my main point is this: We've allowed ourselves to become a walking punchline because, for far too long, we've left it up to everyone else to define who we are as a group. The only ones who should define us are ourselves. I, for one, refuse to do the upcoming generation of Asian-American guys a disservice by playing up to the character that  mainstream America wants me to play. Others might not approve of it, but then again, I'm not doing it for the sake of winning popularity contests. There is something far bigger at stake here, and I'll be damned if I don't do my part in trying to get ourselves on a more level playing field.

Malcolm X sums up my feelings on this perfectly: "Early in life, I had learned that if you want something, you had better make some noise." We can either sit around quietly and let ourselves sink deeper into the social abyss, or we can stand up, express ourselves in a firm, clear manner, and start working toward respectability in this country.

I know which option I would rather take.
Currently listening:
Movin on
By Spitvalves
Release date: 2002-07-09
5:06 AM 
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[11 Jun 2009 | Thursday] 
As you may already be aware, Takeko "Kay" Rowland passed away peacefully in the comforts of her own home on June 3, 2009, at approximately 8:00 am.  It marked the final chapter of her long-term battle with several health issues, the main one of which was Hepatitis C, which she bravely fought against for over 20 years.  My mother and I were at her bedside as she took her final breath.

We are extremely thankful for the outpouring of compassion and support that has come our way since her passing.  Those closest to her had known plenty about the considerable health problems she had faced in recent years, and provided her – and us – with priceless gifts of encouragement and help.  No amount of medications could enliven her spirits and ease the pain from her illnesses quite like the visits from her closest friends and kin, particularly in the months preceding her death, and for this, we are truly and eternally grateful.

However, the main purpose of this letter is to not only mourn the passing of Kay Rowland, but to celebrate and remember her life's journey, one that took her through a little more than eight decades, three countries, and a whole plethora of experiences that shaped her into the remarkable person that she was.

47 words, in a 1 ¼ inch by 1 ¼ inch space.  That was the amount of words and space we could dedicate to her in the obituary section of the Orlando Sentinel.  Barely enough to give an account of the circumstances behind her passing, and nowhere near enough to describe the long, illustrious, eventful, and memorable life of Kay Rowland.

Takeko Rowland (nee Shiroganeya) was born on April 17, 1927, in Iwakuni, Japan.  She moved to Manchuria with her family at a young age, and spent the rest of her formative years in the former territory of Japan.  She would often recount stories of her upbringing in Manchuria, expressing her sentiments with equal amounts of joy, nostalgia, and sadness; the friends she had made (and kept until the very day of her passing) gave her plenty of happiness in her life, while the death of her siblings and the incidents she had witnessed during her childhood – many of which were related to WWII – were recalled with grim overtones.  Through it all, however, she always maintained her enormous sense of perspective, and cherished all the memories, good or bad, from her days in Manchuria.

As the WWII came to a close and she pondered the rest of her life back in her homeland, she met one Alfred B. Rowland, a U.S. Air Force officer stationed in Japan at the time.  A relationship developed over time, and by 1955, they were officially married.  Shortly after the ceremonies, they moved to the United States – more specifically, to Alfred's native Missouri.  She was among the first “war brides” to make the journey across the Pacific, and no doubt encountered some curious reactions among the locals, if not outright hostility: America and Japan were only a decade removed from fighting each other in a brutal and costly war, yet here she was, a Japanese woman who had married an American soldier.

This is where her reserved, yet powerful sense of pride served her extremely well, both in her early days on American soil, and in the subsequent years that followed.  Japanese culture has always placed a strong emphasis on personal honor and dignity; Inazo Nitobe, the author of the preeminent book on modern-day Japan, Bushido, touted them as the foremost attributes of the Japanese nation.  Through her many years of living in the United States, Kay Rowland never wavered from the traits taught to her by her elders in Japan and Manchuria, the duty to retain her integrity in the most difficult times.

Kay's ability to hold onto her keen sense of perspective and the overall scheme of life also shined through during her career as an artist.  Always an avid painter, she held several exhibitions of her artwork in the United States and in Japan, often channeling her incredible creativity into a masterpiece on a canvas.  She also held several tea ceremony events, canvassing the state of Florida to showcase this traditional Japanese ceremony to the people.  Even as her health began to decline, she still held a great level of interest in the arts, attending numerous exhibitions and cultural events around the Orlando area.

Her life in the U.S. came to an abrupt end shortly after the passing of her husband in 1985, but she would return with the rest of her family in 1996, marking a return to the country in which she had been a citizen for many decades.  More than anything, she was happy to serve as a bridge between America and Japan, often espousing the greatest positives about one country to the other.  She was able to make a countless number of friends along the way, from both sides of the Pacific as well as from other various backgrounds, and truly transcended the barriers which may have prevented some from getting into contact with other cultures that exist within the confines of America.

Although the death of her husband in 1985 resulted in a sojourn back to Japan a few years later, she would return, with her family (my mother and I), to her adopted hometown of Orlando in 1996.  Mere words cannot describe just how helpful she was in helping us settle into our new surroundings: our longest previous stay in America lasted approximately three weeks; this time, we were all here for good.  For myself, in particular, she was instrumental in getting my academic career on the right track, hiring a personal tutor soon after our arrival and easing the transition into the school system.  By middle school, my English had caught up to the rest of my classmates, and I was now on my way to a fresh new world of scholastic successes that soon followed.

A little over a dozen years have passed since our arrival on the US soil, and since then, my mother and I have settled in wonderfully in America.  My mother recently earned her US citizenship, and I am now a college graduate, looking forward to all the possibilities the future has to offer.  For this, we have to give our utmost appreciation to my grandmother; none of this would have been possible if it were not for her work in helping us get acclimated in this country and introducing us to many great friends along the way.  She laid down the foundations on which we have been able to build and improve our lives in America, and because of this, we were able to provide adequate and proper care for her during the final days of her life.

While we will never again be regaled by her presence, Kay Rowland will always have a special place in all of our minds and hearts.  Everybody who came in contact with her spoke volumes about the enthusiasm she had for life, the unique experiences that shaped who she was, and simply as an individual.  Her physical state may have left her weak and brittle physically, but it never diminished the memories and the satisfaction she took from her long, incredible life; that is perhaps the greatest testament to Kay Rowland the person.

I loved this woman. We all did.  It's with an extremely heavy heart that I write this to all of you, because she was very much a monumental influence in my life.  She always spoke to me about taking whatever opportunity I receive in life and get as much out of it as possible.  As demoralizing as her passing may be, it also presents me with a chance to move forward and conduct my life in a way that would make my grandmother proud.  I may never live to become quite the person that she was, but if I could emulate the type of class and dignity that she always exuded for the remainder of my life, then I will come to rest a very satisfied person.

That would be the very best tribute I can pay to her.

R.I.P.
You'll Never Walk Alone


In Memory of

Takeko “Kay” Rowland
(1927-2009)
2:56 PM 
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[02 May 2009 | Saturday] 
So. It all comes to an end.

Four years of college; a little over a dozen years of attending school in the States. All on the verge of concluding with a Bachelor's Degree. So what will I be doing on Graduation Day?

Staying behind.

I can easily with come up with a list of reasons (excuses?) why I won't be attending my own graduation ceremony: too busy, too focused on studying, too preoccupied with family issues, etc. But most of all -- most of all -- I just couldn't be bothered to go.

Yes, I realize that graduation is supposed to be a monumental moment in a person's life, whether it be at the high school level, undergraduate level, or even postgraduate or Doctorate levels. I know it very well. But you know what? I simply didn't feel the need or the urge to buy my cap and gown, take my seat with thousands of other graduates, go up on a podium and receive a plaque from my college dean, and finally, throw my cap into the air, in unison, in exhilaration, with the rest of my class.

It's not that the whole show is somehow beneath me. Nor is it that I had any underlying grudge against UCF -- the place had its fair share of shenanigans, sure, but I still consider it a good place to take classes and meet interesting people.

Rather, it's the fact that I want absolutely nothing more to do with the education system which influenced my decision to skip out on the event, on what might have been the most important day of my life.


When I began my very first semester at Florida State, I felt like I could take on every single course I took, and felt like I could achieve anything and everything I ever wanted. I went to every lecture with the sole intention of taking away as much knowledge as I possibly could, all the while taking home a great set of grades that my family and friends could beam about with pride. The two years I spent at FSU were very stimulating academically, and I still felt going to class and absorbing the lessons I got from the professors was very much worthwhile.

Now, as I sit mere hours removed from taking my last exam as a college student, I've found myself feeling largely disillusioned by my college education. I'm still having difficulties attempting to figure out exactly what I got out of my four years in uni, aside from a set of great friends and a piece of paper with my name and major on it.

To be more precise: Am I really smarter or wiser than I was prior to my first ever class at FSU? Am I really more knowledgeable for having gone to college? Am I any more ready to take on and move ahead in life because of the experiences I had while spending time at two universities?

If someone asked me those questions right this second, I would have considerable difficulties with answering Yes to any of them.

Perhaps I sound like a complete and utter ingrate for not being satisfied by my university experience; after all, not everyone gets the chance to prove themselves at the higher levels of education. In saying that, however, I've basically been looking at the finish line for about two years now, without paying any meaningful attention to what would happen after I cross the finish line, and continue onto the next phase in my life.

I'll be honest here: I was only in school because of just how close I was to getting my hands on my degree. I was willing to put up with every textbook I read, with every exam that I took, every attendance sheet my professors passed around, every research paper I cranked out, every lecture I forced myself to attend; I tolerated them as long as I was still working to get the degree. Now that I'm a few grade confirmations away from being certified as a graduate, I can't find any reason why I should go on.

Could I possibly make it as a graduate student? I'll go ahead and say yes; even in my unmotivated, almost indifferent state, I was still getting A's and B's, and even contrived to get my scholarship upgraded to a full-ride status. But as I said before, all the ability in the world isn't going to generate success at a higher level if one isn't willing to work hard for it. There have been enough examples in realms outside of the academic realm to prove that notion correct (I can name dozens off the top of my head in the sports world alone, but I'll spare you the long list of names).

It's a bit difficult to explain, because I actually found much of the course material fairly interesting; it was enjoyable enough to read through some of these books on my own time, learn from them, and eventually form an opinion on it by myself over time. I suppose my problem was that I found the subsequent quizzes and papers on the topics to be of little use. To put it another way: isn't it enough to reinforce the lessons by myself without having to produce a five-page report on it?

Now, I'm not idiotic enough to believe that college indeed works that way; otherwise, I wouldn't have stayed afloat for four years. But when does it get to be too much? I've been given assignments in the last four years that were so utterly redundant and useless that I simply refused to do them, knowing full well that my grade would suffer as a result. What's the point in typing out a two-page response paper to an hour-long lecture by a guest speaker? Or giving a presentation on a certain aspect of a country's modern culture in a history class? Where's the facilitation of learning? Where's the reinforcement? Where's the ability to expand upon the ideas? Where's the recycling center that I can go to so I won't have to feel guilty about wasting so much paper?

There's the old adage about how "you can never have enough knowledge," and certainly, there's plenty of truth to that. But surely, we can all expand our philosophical worldview, discover new ideas and thoughts, and become a better enlightened society without having to worry about using the proper sources for a run-of-the-mill research paper, and then having to cite them correctly?


Although the overall tone of this essay (if I could call it that) suggests otherwise, I don't regret for a single second the fact I was able to go to university. How can I? Every new experience is a learning experience, after all; I'm all the better for going through the process, if only because I've gotten to know myself, and my surroundings, far better than I did four years ago.

But I'm not going to lie, I still feel disappointed with the overall college experience in the end. The lessons I learned from interacting with different people will likely serve me very well in the grander scheme of my life. The lessons I took away from the classrooms and the books I read... well, not so much.

Perhaps I should just stick to local libraries and bookstores from this day forward, and never step foot on a college campus again?
Currently listening:
The Fat of the Land
By The Prodigy
Release date: 1997-07-01
4:59 AM 
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[25 Mar 2009 | Wednesday] 
Last night was the closest thing I've had to a spiritual experience in a long, long time.

In case you're not an avid fan of baseball: Japan won the World Baseball Classic by beating Korea 5-3 in an epic extra-inning game. The man who drove in the winning runs?

That would be one Ichiro Suzuki -- or, as he is more commonly known, simply Ichiro.

He should consider changing his name to "Incomparable Icon" after his heroics of last night.





To be able to stand inside the batter's box, with the world championship squarely on the line -- all the while carrying the hopes and dreams of millions upon millions of Japan supporters back home, as well as all around the world -- and deliver the goods in that situation is not just extraordinary. It is utterly otherworldly.

Ichiro was always my all-time favorite athlete (even took a trip up to Seattle one summer with my mum just to watch him in action)... but last night, he officially reached immortal status in my book.


Absolute legend.
4:30 AM 
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[28 Feb 2009 | Saturday] 




1. Looks more pale in appearance than Michael Jackson
2. Has impossibly long, straight hair with ten different colors in it
3. Has at least one piercing in their lips, nose or eyelid (sometimes all three)
4. Has an affinity for Japanese schoolgirl uniforms
5. Likes to wear t-shirts with the words "Samurai Champloo" imprinted on it in bold letters
6. Owns at least three t-shirts with some corny saying in Engrish on it
7. Usually has on a combination of a checkered skirt and a striped pair of socks, each of which has three or more colors on them
8. Can often be seen wearing cat-ear hats
9. Is wearing far more make-up than usually advised
10. Sticks up two peace signs horizontally when having a picture taken (an example can be seen here)
11. Speaks a hybrid language consisting of Valley girl, Engrish, kindergarten-level Japanese, Caveman, and a slight touch of exaggerated Ebonics
12. Speaks with an excessively high-pitched voice, which is usually faked
13. Lets out a deafening screech when surprised, angered, or overjoyed
14. Responds to a majority of questions with hums and grunts
15. Sometimes struggles to string together a coherent sentence
16. Drops words like "kawaii" "baka" or "desu" in every conversation
17. Drops the word "chan" every time she says somebody's name
18. Carries a messenger bag covered with Hello Kitty patches wherever she goes
19. Usually hangs out at least one friend who also carries a messenger bag
20. Puts a different strap on her cell phone every week, if not every day
21. Plays songs out of her music player at an excessively high volume
22. Claims to be proud of being "otaku"
23. Also has no idea what the word "otaku" really means in Japanese; see #35
24. Claims to have gone to every anime convention in their hometown/state within the last three years
25. Often cites cosplay as the biggest passion in her life
26. Has three different Sailor Moon outfits in her closet at the ready
27. Makes a visit to the local costume shop at least once a week
28. Owns a vast collection of CDs and DVDs, most of which are strewn all over her bedroom
29. Has her room plastered with gigantic posters of anime characters and J-Rock stars; see #38 and #39
30. Only puts the light on in her room when booting up her computer/laptop
31. Every other IM she sends contains either the ^_^ or >_> smiley
32. Insists on including the word "neko" in every single screenname she creates
33. Cannot distinguish between "your" or "you're"
34. Is bi-curious/bisexual, or at least claims to be on her Myspace
35. Has failed or dropped out of every Japanese language she has entered during her academic career
36. Has never attended a lecture, seminar or a convention about Japanese culture that did not involve anime
37. Is a master player of DDR
38. Never fails to declare her undying love for J-rock, particularly Visual kei
39. Considers Gackt to be her personal god and sex symbol
40. Is an avid collector of fake swords, plastic shuriken and Naruto keyholders
41. Considers Hello Kitty to be the single cutest caricature ever
42. Owns every CD released by both Ayumi Hamasaki and Hikaru Utada
43. Has purchased at least one autographed photo of Gwen Stefani
44. Refers to Harajuku as the greatest place in the universe
45. States her goal in life is to make a pilgrimage to Japan
46. Is unable to spot Japan on a world map
47. Freezes in her tracks whenever she sees an actual Japanese individual
48. Trips out and goes into panic mode when presented with a chance to speak to a Japanese person
49. Swoons over anything and everything to do with Japan, no matter how arbitrary it may be
50. Gives off every impression of being immune to reality
Further additions below:
51. Claims to be a sushi lover, yet only orders California rolls at stores and restaurants
52. Stocks up on Pocky at least once every week
53. Has an addiction to Ramune
54. Swears off all other forms of soft drinks, as well as alcohol (i.e. sake)
55. Falls into a state of depression on every anniversary of Hide's death
56. Is unflinching in her belief that Moon Child is one of the greatest movies ever made
57. Can recall every major character and plot twist from the movie Battle Royale
58. Only buys manga with English-language captions
59. Has mastered the art of reading subtitles quickly
60. Occasionally imitates the actions of their favorite anime characters
61. Has never gotten a pronunciation of a Japanese word correct
62. Spends hours debating the storyline and interpretations of anime shows with her friends
63. Stays up all night to watch entire an entire J-drama series at least once every two weeks
64. Is utterly convinced that every Japanese person on the planet is a sexy beast
65. Believes everything she considers to be Japanese is inherently superior to all other things on the planet
66. Has major delusions of grandeur about her "vast" knowledge of the Japanese culture
67. Utterly rejects the labels "Wapanese" and "fangirl" when either is placed on her, sometimes violently
68. Counts THIS GUY as one of her best friends

(Final note: This is far from an exhaustive list, and is subject to further additions in the future.)





6:50 AM 
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[30 Jan 2009 | Friday] 



RZA recorded this song for his Digital Bullet album back in 2001, but he might as well have been writing the song about my predicament today. It's quite amazing to think about it now, that in a little over three months, I will be walking away with a degree from UCF. It should be a time for optimism, a time to think about the variety of options that I have once I graduate from college, whether it involves moving into a career, going further with my education, or maybe biding my time and waiting for a huge break to come my way.

On the other hand, I also think of this moment in time as humbling, numbing and even a little bit frightening.


Thursday, January 8th, at approximately 2 in the afternoon. The moment it finally hit me that I am only a few months away from the facing what will be, to date, the biggest decision of my life. I was sitting in a computer lab, taking a break during my first day of classes this semester (they officially began the day before, but I wasn't signed up for any Wednesday classes at the time) when I logged into my school account. I had intended to search for classes to add and drop, but clicked on another link down the screen by accident. It led me to a page detailing my graduation status, a place I had not even bothered to check on since filling out the form late last semester.

No matter that the status was the same as it was when I first applied for graduation; everything was (and still is, as of the last check) 'Pending.' It was nevertheless a monumental wake-up call for me, all because it signified just how close I am to actually getting my bachelor's degree.

It's often said that nothing you've experienced before in your life could prepare you for sudden, dramatic, or even life-altering events. There's a certain truth to that I suppose, but in retrospect, I shouldn't have been so taken aback by what I had just witnessed during that day, in that chilly and half-deserted computer lab. After all, I did spend the last three and a half years getting ready to leave the ranks of the undergraduates, working to get to this moment.

Yet, as I stand, just five courses away from walking up to the podium on graduation day, after all the classes I've taken and all the things I learned from people in and out of the classroom, I still find myself being unable to utter much more than a barely audible "I don't know" to a lot of questions about my future. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do after graduation, nor do I even know exactly what it is that I want to do. I don't know how my knowledge and skills will translate in the workforce. I don't know when things will start settling down, I don't know where I'll go, I don't know how to maximize my abilities, I don't... the list goes on, but it's best to leave it at that for now.

That's not to say that I'm completely devoid of any plans or dreams about the future. I've rounded down my options somewhat since last August, taking into account the distinct possibility that my future career may have absolutely nothing to do with either my major (Poli Sci) or my minor (Global Studies) -- that seems to be the case for a high percentage of everyone who works one of those jobs that require a degree of some kind:

A major-related line of work? There's also the possibility, of course, that my future job will deal mainly, perhaps exclusively, with what I've been reading and writing about for the last three-plus years. I could actually put the degree into some use and build up experience for the future jobs, and maybe even contemplate going into grad school after a while, just to solidify my base even further.

In saying that, though, a life in the political arena doesn't exactly appeal to me very much, especially the research aspect of the field. Sure, I'm keen on following the events that go on both here and abroad (with Japan obviously getting most of my attention as far as world affairs go), and I realize that one can never have enough knowledge, no matter how much they may have read, heard or seen. As much as I like the subject, I don't see myself committing to a life in politics, I just don't. It's not to say that I picked the wrong subject to study, but as far as a career goes... no, I'm just not, well, feeling it, at least not at the moment.

A writer? This is something that has always interested me, and in fact, I've gotten a bit of a head start on it by doing weekly articles for a soccer website. It's not the easiest job in the world, but rather, it's a challenge that I welcome every week; having the opportunity to find and dissect these goals and plays from my own angles, then describing them in my own ways. It's very rapidly becoming one of my passions, and I might come to find that it's something I can turn into a living.

Obviously, there are pitfalls to any line of work including this one, but I like to think that I would be more than up for the challenges that come along with it. I've never been the one to express myself through talks and speeches, and writing has almost always come natural to me; it could very well be worth looking into in the future.

A translator? This is a pretty tough job in itself, mainly because of the time, knowledge and dedication it takes to translate papers, pamphlets and other types of documents. Yet, I honestly think I can start off from the bottom and work my way up the ranks in this profession. Now that I think about it, it's a good thing my family kept on speaking Japanese in the house, despite my schools' protestations not to do so.

Considering that there's a paucity of Japanese speakers in Florida (or all of America, for that matter), it might be a beneficial attribute to have; but I've yet to figure out how it would translate into a career or even a part-time job. I'm keeping my options open though, as I still believe I can make something out of it.

An interpreter? This is even more arduous and challenging than the translator's job, not only because of the language comprehension aspect of the task, but also the ability to switch between two (or more) languages on the fly. The people who do it really earn their salary considering all the skills, discipline and quick thinking it takes to do the job as well as they do.

The only experience -- if I could even call it that -- I've had with interpreting is helping out an American guy at the McDonald's on my last visit to Japan. He was having problems communicating with the girl at the register since he couldn't read the menu, so I stepped in and helped him pick out the item he wanted (a Big Mac combo with Coke, as I recall). The grateful look he had on his face when I asked him in English what he was trying to order was absolutely priceless.

But that aside, I've already been helping my family with this stuff for years -- my dad with Japanese, the rest of them with English -- so I guess it comes a bit naturally for me as well. The only real roadblock for me, though, is that I can do everything but write out Japanese by hand. I can speak it decently enough, and reading comes easier to me now than it did before (character recognition is KEY), but actually writing individual characters out by hand is still very difficult. Even some Japanese people, who've been in the school systems there far longer than I have, get stuck trying to write things out; at least that's what I observed on my last trip back.

So who knows? It could be worth looking into as well, particularly because there's a real and obvious dearth of people in Japan who can speak English competently. But it's all up in the air.

My grandmother (the one living in Japan) once told me that I could make a great teacher, that I had the ability to use my wealth of knowledge, whatever the subject may be, and pass it down to the youngins someday. To this day, I haven't explored that possibility seriously, but at the same time, there's something to it. Maybe not as a professor at some high-ranking university, but perhaps as an English teacher. There always seems to be a high demand for them in Japan -- at least according to my dad, who himself taught English there for years -- so that could be another option. As much as I don't think I'm actually up for it, I can't discount the possibility that a chance may arise at some point.

Okay, so I have it rounded down to several goals. Now what? That, right there, is the hardest part to figure out; setting my sights on a single target, the proverbial bull's eye.

At this point, you may have noticed that I left the option of grad school off the list of future plans. My reluctance to move into the postgraduate studies, at least in the immediate future, has been well-documented around these parts, and I still have plenty of reservations about actually taking two more years of virtually the same courses.

I've been told by many that I have the aptitude for it, but I have to admit, I don't feel I have the right attitude for it. In other words, the motivation just isn't there for me. I've rehashed that reason countless times going back more than a year, but usually when I jump into something, I have to at least have some feel for it, that instinctive knowledge that it's something I will learn to greatly appreciate over time. Suffice to say, I don't have it.

One thing I've noticed during my college career, both at Florida State and at UCF, is that there is this general consensus about the modern college life. Professors (and indeed, many students) often say that there's never been a better time to be a college student, that everyday is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself and the world around you, and that it's a unique experience that everybody should savor, no matter what their major or career track may be.

While I wouldn't actively dispute any of that, I also found that there are some downsides to life in college, as well. In fact, I've been thinking about a theory that could counter some of the unwaveringly positive sentiments about being a college student. Again, this is just my own perspective and most might consider this to be utter dross: Today's generation of college students have far more pressure placed on them than those of previous generations. No other generation has had more on their plate than today's crop of future leaders:
1. Increased amount of information that one must cram into a short amount of time, leading to overdrive and burnout
2. Having to work jobs and go into debt in order to keep up financially
3. Only having so many hours in a day to juggle between materials for different subjects
4. Joining different clubs and taking up leadership roles just to pad their résumés
5. Needing to get that extra question on the mid-term or the final exam in order to gain an ever-so-slight advantage during the hiring process
6. The increasing need to crank out one mind-numbing research paper after another, all for the sake of attaining a high grade
7. Not being able to distinguish between "your" and "you're"

I can expand on my theory all night, but by now, the overall idea should be clear.


That aside, the only certainty for me at the moment is that I'll be graduating soon enough and with graduation comes the difficult choice of deciding what exactly it is that I'm going to do with myself. It's probably far too early to bring this up, but what I really want -- check that, what I have right now, in my grasp -- is an opportunity to lead a decent, full and rewarding life.

Three days into the new year, my family and I went down to Melbourne for a funeral of one of my grandmom's good friends, one of the first people she met when she first arrived in the States over 50 years ago. He was 91 years old (if I remember right) when he took his last breath, on New Year's Eve; it obviously had a devastating effect on everyone who was close to him, especially the loved ones he left behind.

At the funeral, the pastor called upon the people in attendance to share any stories about the man who they knew and loved; four stepped up to the podium to recount their memories, including one rousing tribute from one of his old friends from the military who remained close to him even after they both retired. In a day designed for mourning, nostalgia and remembrance, it was a very fitting and proper end to a great life lived.

Maybe I won't live to be 90 -- to be honest, I'm hoping I don't -- but it was obvious that the man's life was an immense and influential experience. Will I be able to say the same 30, 40 years from now? It's impossible to foresee.

Right now, I'm just trying to build.

5:55 AM 
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[07 Nov 2008 | Friday] 
Or more specifically, Floridians who either couldn't read between the lines or simply had little to no clue as they stepped up to the voting booth. Seriously, keeping McCain and his toolbox of a running mate out of the Oval Office does not make up for all the lunacy I witnessed in the Amendment section of the Florida ballot.

First things first, I'm going to take a crack at figuring out why the people who voted Yes on Amendment 2 voted the way they did (aside from the fact that some are simply resentful of everything they see as being different from them)

My guess is that these people either:
1. didn't do their homework before heading to the poll (i.e. not reading into the ballot language on the first post and just voted Yes on a whim
2. took a look at the Amendment, saw the phrase "husband and wife" and decided on the spot to vote Yes without bothering to look at the second line
Or
3. fell straight into the proponents' traps by believing that the Amendment did "one thing and one thing only"

Either way, 62% of Floridian voters did give a Yes vote to this thing. The direct result? They are responsible for not only putting a discriminatory measure into the state's Constitution, but in the process, they screwed EVERY UNMARRIED COUPLE out of civil union rights and benefits. Shit, some of these people who voted Yes on this thing are probably in a civil union themselves!

Were they really unable to figure out what the bill was all about? Did they really not take a moment to research this thing and ponder over the bill for what it was worth? Because this Amendment wasn't just about gay marriage. Hell, this Amendment wasn't even entirely about enforcing morality in a State with over 18 million residents.

One look at the ballot language should have alerted everyone to the consequences (hazards, even) of this Amendment:

"In as much as a marriage is the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized."

Explain to me how that is a proposal that is meant to do one thing and one thing only.

How it even got on our ballots in the first place is beyond me. These proposed Amendments are usually full of loaded language and vague questions, but this one fucking takes the cake. It somehow managed to pass the "single-issue" requirement for Amendment through the courts -- heaven knows how or why -- and the proponents of this demeaning bill kept on insisting that it was a "single-issue" amendment all the way to the final minutes of the election campaign.

And OVER 60% of Floridian voters fell for their ploy.

OVER 60% of Floridian voters ended up screwing an entire segment of the state population out of domestic partnership rights -- that's both gay and straight couples, by the way.

OVER 60% of Floridian voters contrived to give yet another concession to the morality brigade, the same malicious mob that would stop at nothing in their quest to force everyone to adhere to their own interpretation of "God's words."

The fact that the Floridians would reject the notion of gay marriage isn't that shocking; ditto the fact that they would take the step of writing into our State Constitution. But the fact that they would trample all over domestic partnership rights in addition to rejecting that notion is.

It's already happening in Michigan. It's on the verge of happening here. And this may well be THE single most disastrous provision ever passed by the State of Florida.

As for those in the morality brigade who continue to insist that everybody should obey the same, rigid moral guidelines as you, that the Almighty is somehow going to smite the rest of us because we just happen to be okay with the concept of individuals being attracted to the people of the same sex, I'll address my point like this: Okay, so a homosexual couple (or a person, for that matter) wants to be treated with the same levels of recognition, respect and dignity normally awarded to a heterosexual one... Christ, is that going to fucking kill you? Of course not.

There is such thing as a separation of church and state in this country, a line that is supposed to separate the two from interfering with each other. Not only do you attempt to blatantly cross that line with Amendments like the one that was just passed in Florida (and California and Arizona), you often refuse to even acknowledge that SUCH A LINE EXISTS!

The United States is not a THEOCRACY! Seriously, are you one of those people who keep voting in politicians who run their entire campaigns on "strong moral and family values" then turn around and cheat on their wives within months of winning the election and moving to the state capital or Washington?

Or are you one of those people who insisted that Terry Schiavo be kept alive because the Heavenly Father took time out of his busy schedule of tirelessly answering prayers from millions upon millions of his followers on this planet earth to communicate to you that her time on Earth is not yet over?

At the end of the day, your lot's moral values are no more sound or well-refined or superior than those who believe in other gods or just don't believe in one altogether.

======================================================

The sad part about this, though, is that the passage of Amendment 2 isn't even remotely close to being the most blatantly pathetic display of ignorance (if not outright idiocy) by a large portion of Floridian voters in this election.

I'm speaking of the Amendment 1, designed to scratch out an archaic provision on the State Constitution outlawing property ownership for "aliens ineligible for citizenship" during the 1920s -- those would be Americans of Asian origins, who had already been kicked out of California after similar laws were passed there. Granted, they never actually enforced the provision, but those words were kept on the books for all these years.

In fact, coming into 2008, we were the only State in the Union that had such a provision written into our Constitution until the lawmakers moved to put it up for popular vote this year. The stage was finally set for the State to move on from those times for good.

A 60% vote for Yes would have been enough to remove this ancient relic of racism from our books forever.

No opposition group ever stepped up to mount a campaign against the bill.

Every major Florida newspaper, from Tallahassee to Orlando to West Palm Beach to Tampa Bay to Naples to Miami endorsed a definitive YES vote.

The last paper practically suggested (and rightly so, I must say) that not approving this bill would make Florida a laughingstock.

And despite all my preconceptions and misgivings about the overall population of Florida, I thought there was no chance in hell that we, as voters, would actually reject this thing.

The Election Day came. The results started pouring in, then they stopped counting. Then, it happened.

We didn't just FAIL to approve this bill with relative ease.

We didn't just FAIL to reach the 60% mark necessary for the bill to pass.

We, the gloriously enlightened State of Florida, REJECTED this bill with a MAJORITY.

Yes, you read that right. 52% of Floridian voters effectively decided to keep the racist language in our Constitution intact.

Are you people FUCKING INSANE??? This was a completely symbolic gesture of a bill that was meant to remove an outrageous example of bigotry from our State Constitution, once and for all! What possible reason was there to actually VOTE NO on this thing?

Seriously, this actually reflects far worse on Florida than our decision to ban gay marriage. It's one thing to WRITE discrimination into the books; it's another thing to KEEP it on the books for 80 years, then NOT REPEAL IT when we have the chance!

I won't even bother trying to figure out how or why this happened, all I know is that this is one of the most inexplicable, incomprehensible, and incredulous examples of sheer idiocy I've witnessed since my family and I moved to Florida. We've embarrassed ourselves in other ways, sure, but at least could rationalize our way through those mistakes. This case just takes stupidity to monumental proportions.

You can't even make this shit up in your wildest dreams. You really can't.
12:09 AM 
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[14 Oct 2008 | Tuesday] 
It's one of those rare, candid political commentaries from yours truly, but I feel it has to be done. So without further ado...


Let me tell you about this absolute sham of a bill.
In a nutshell, this Amendment 2 that we're set to vote for in November is a ballot initiative to not only recognize marriage as that of a union between a man and a woman (read: no gay marriage), but to also disallow civil unions for both gay and straight couples.

Or, I could just let the opening sentence of the proposed Amendment speak for itself: "In as much as a marriage is the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized."

Meaning no more benefits for unmarried couples regardless of their sexual orientation, more hard times for couples of all ages and genders already short on money, more discrimination against gay couples, more intrusion into our private lives by the government, and even more restrictions against our basic civil liberties.

But don't tell that to the supporters of this bill... they would have you believe that this bill is meant to do one thing and one thing only -- uphold "God's word" that a marriage should only (and they do mean ONLY!) be between a man and a woman.

Check these videos out:







For fuck's sake.

Isn't the United States supposed to be a fucking secular country? We have the right to set our own moral beliefs and standards about the world, as well as the right to believe in whatever god or religion we want (including not believing in one at all)... am I correct in that assumption?

Then why have the lawmakers of Florida taken it upon themselves to attempt to legislate morality for the entire State?

Hell, I'm not even gay and this bill makes my blood boil. It just baffles me to no end that the government would cram this "family values for everyone" shitake down our throats yet again, as if they are somehow the unquestioned authority of what is moral and immoral in a State with over 18 million people. I mean, how incredulously asinine is that??

According to the structure of the bill, if more than 60% of the voters in Florida vote for its approval, then the State legislators can high five each other until the end of days before declaring "this too shall pass." Me, I prefer to put it conversely: if more than 40% of Floridian voters say no to this bill, then we'll at least feel more confident in the Sunshine State denizens' decision-making abilities. But that's just me.

I just hope that come Election Day, the voting public of Florida will reject this latest outrageous example of systematic screw-over (not to mention state-sponsored bigotry) perpetrated upon us by the Florida legislature.


*rant over*
5:07 AM 
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[22 Jun 2008 | Sunday] 
Note: The execs at Nike would prefer you not read the following piece

*Written from the perspective of a fairly successful football (soccer) manager, with several League championships and Cup victories on his resume*

Many critics have accused me of employing unattractive, overly defensive and negative football for many years, all for the sake of getting victories and accolades. Some have even referred to my brand of football as "Anti-football"; that is, I do not send my sides out to quote on quote take the game to the opposing teams, opting to grind every game out and attack only when the situation calls for it. Almost all of these critics have certainly come out in droves accusing me of obtaining wins by all means, with no real regard to the stylistic approach of the game.

Ah, the good old "Anti-football" jive; if I had only been even slightly bothered by that. Yes, my brand of football is not, and never has been, pleasing on the viewer's eyes. It is built on tracking back, defending, and sucking the life out of any given match, with an occasional and well-calculated foray into the opponents' half of the pitch. Yes, it is true that I do not instill the mind set of attacking the opposing team in waves; that is just the soul of a tactician within myself.

On that note, I ask these questions to you: What all the fuss about ? What are the media trying to say with all the articles and soundbites about the way I manage the team? So we eschewed attacking football once again when we won the League last year; so what? At the end of the day, we still ended up as champions, did we not? We walked away with the trophy in our silver cabinet, no?

The bottom line is this: Football is a BUSINESS. It is a result-based PROFESSION. Simple as that.

Every day in football is a fight. It is a fight to win or lose a match. It is a fight to score goals and to prevent the other team from scoring goals. It is a fight to gain possession of the ball and to prevent the opponents from doing the same. But most of all -- most of all -- everyday in football is a fight to hold on to your job for another day. That mindset goes for both the players and the coaches. In this business, you have to perform well enough in order to warrant some form of recognition, as well as security, from the directors and the chairman. If you fail to meet those expectations, then they will find someone else that will.

The average life span of a managerial job tends to be short in professional sports. There is no such thing as permanent job security; your job is never guaranteed. This is not like your normal office job, where you just put in your daily shift, go through the motions throughout the workday, and go home knowing that your comfort and livelihood is guaranteed through paychecks that come to you on a consistent basis. No, being a manager means putting your livelihood on the line every single time you take your team out on the pitch; your livelihood depends on how much you can get out of your team in a span of 90 minutes.

In summary of that, you have to gain those results, those wins and draws, those titles and cups, by ANY MEANS NECESSARY. It has to be about winning, in the end; after all, we are professionals. The players, the managers, the assistants -- we are all PAID to produce results on the pitch. There is only a precious little room for error when three points or the breakthrough to the next round of a Cup competition is at stake. The failure to do so always carries a potential for doom for your club's season, and may well lead to your managerial abilities coming under question. Indeed, failing multiple times could see your managerial position itself being compromised.

So tell me -- how and where does this so-called "attractive football" fit into all of this?

You may call me a cynical all you want, but I fail to understand why this "attractive football" nonsense seems to take precedence over WINNING football. Sure, it can be pretty; it can be very pleasing on the eye, to use an earlier expression. It can be very exciting to watch and it can produce 90 minutes of pure entertainment for the fans in the stands. But what on earth does it matter when the team that utilizes a free-flowing style runs into another team who realizes that WINNING in professional football is more important than ENTERTAINING football?

One can easily assemble a band of entertainers and call it a football team. They can do juggling tricks, back heels, step overs; hell they can do the shuffle and the dance on the pitch all they want. However, when they face off against another team of footballers, will they have as much will and determination to succeed as their opponents, especially at this level? That would be my first challenge to the tricksters: show us your mental fortitude, boys; your attempt at a cross-legged pass will not be received as warmly by defenders on my teams.

The fact remains that we are professional footballers, as in professional athletes and trainers who are paid by our employers to produce victories on the pitch. We are not a bunch of street magicians with no conception whatsoever of how to play the game, the ACTUAL game, of football. We are not tricksters and juggling fiends on the sandlots who play solely for the love of the game. Anybody can find a pick-up game in the neighborhood; but not everyone can find a spot in a professional set-up. There is a huge difference.

Here's the thing; I can pick up eleven street footballers off the playground and immediately insert them into the starting line-up for the next match, all to mollify those who want to see sheer entertainment from my team. That would also result in that side being completely demolished in that match, even if the match comes against another team in the nether regions of the League standing. To pull off a stunt like that would be akin to compromising my managerial reputation, never mind that season's body of work. I also have my job status to think about, and my family and our livelihood to think about. It is downright professional suicide to even give first and second thoughts about contemplating the idea.

In this pursuit of trophies and accolades, there is no room for nonsense. There is no room for tomfoolery. There is no place, in my view, for misguided heel passes and other botched attempts at ball tricks in professional football. On the streets, such mistakes can be laughed off and the transgressors allowed to move on; at the higher level, these miscues and blunders can and will be punished with some grave consequences, either during the match or after.

So the main approach toward professional football for me is based upon a combination of execution, efficiency, caution, concentration, the ability to steer clear of making mistakes, and even a hint of cynicism. Professional football is about finding the right balance between playing to win and playing not to lose or draw -- with the added emphasis on the latter when the situation calls for it (i.e. Cup competitions). It has to be about doing whatever it takes, going with whatever works, and gaining positive results AT ALL COSTS.

That, to me, is what football should be all about.
9:49 PM 
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