* Originally published with authorized permission by Rolling Stone Magazine, July 22^nd edition: 

Opening Night for Dick Diamond / Rok Bottomz Band Tour announced!!

Freddy and Jason, Jim Edmunds and the Cubs, Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed, Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth, Aerosmith and Run DMC, Gorbechev and Reagan: all perennial opposing forces and adversarial rivals who eventually came together for the grand call of a higher purpose and world change. Now comes the biggest and unlikely superpower alliance since the ending of the Cold War:  In an unofficial press release, Rok Bottomz (the Hair Metal Icon of the 80s) and Dick Diamond (international megastar of the 70s Lounge Circuit) have announced the selected dates of a rare tour beginning in September to promote their “Leather and Polyester Tour 09/10”.  Prompted by the recent news of President Obama personally mediating the ....Cambridge.... incident between Henry Lewis Gates and Sgt. Bill Crowley to soothe growing racial tension in America,  rock promoter Bernie Lambchops contacted both parties in hopes of “clearing the bad blood” between the two totally opposite genres of musical pop culture.  Though both camps were initially skeptical and apprehensive, the tantalizing lure of the international curiosity, potential dollar signs, and the challenge to “unite all kittens, cougars, and saber tooths from leather to polyester” were enough for Bottomz and Diamond to agree to such an intriguing pairing.  According to sources at TMZ, the two icons recently privately chatted, talked shop, and discussed the details of the upcoming tour in secret meeting at the famous “Bunny Ranch” in Vegas.  In a statement released from his management, Bottomz said that “has always respected the talents of Mr. Diamond, and looks forward to introducing his fan base to “the best of what that “other music” has to offer”, and admits that even though his hard core following might be initially lukewarm, by the end of the Dick’s set they will be “hotter than front row of a Great White show”.  Diamond also, through an AP wire release added, “you will have it all; the unmistakable scream, machismo, energy,  and intensity of Rok Bottomz, and the sensual, complex, soothing, and debonair Dick Diamond all rolled together and tightly wrapped in one show… how can the ladies go wrong?”  Adds promoter Lambchops, “We originally wanted to call this the “Family Bush Tour” being it the rare opportunity for an entire generation of granddaughters, mothers, and grandmothers alike to fulfill this “once in a lifetime” fantasy all in one concert – hell, this single event alone could produce more female bonding and tears than Fried Green Tomatoes, Terms of Endearment, Ghost, and Thelma and Louise combined!”  Yet, while these two “brothers in charm”, with their distinctly opposing musical styles are eagerly curious about the reaction, they are both optimistic that the response will be positive, and have even helped promote the unlikely pairing of hair metal and easy listening with a little friendly competition.  While Bottomz provides zingers such as: “hair metal will retrieve more rebounds than Charles Barkely once those 70s girls realize they like it loud” and “there’s a reason the 70s didn’t have MTV”, Diamond retaliates with, “somebody tell Olivia Newton John that Bottomz stole her pants from the Physical video” to “you know what they say, once you go 8 track, you never go back!”.  On the topic of who will headline or open the various dates, both parties are open to the idea of working out lineups on a rotating basis.  “Our show is strictly devoted to the ladies” says Bottomz.  “If they want to be finely wined, take a romantic walk, stare at the skies and laid on a bed of roses, only to proceed to get piledrived at ramming speed than Dick might be the obvious opener.  If they like it hard and heavy at first only to be cuddled and retire with a sensual nap in the spooning position, then I probably should start the show....”  One can only conclude for themselves how this tour will work out, and many insiders in the industry are divided among the possibilities of its success.  But one has to admit, in a show where big hair meets feathered hair, spandex meets bell bottoms, combat boots meets platform shoes, whips and chains meets gold chains, clean meets distortion, Studio 54 meets the Whiskey a Go Go, Aqua Net meets Bryl Cream, Tattoo from Fantasy Island meets Tattoo Frank, head banging meets line dancing, and Motley Crue meets Manilow, it is sure to be an enticing circus to witness. 

Come and see the one and only fall ..Midwest.. appearance of the “Dick and Rok –Leather and Polyester Tour 09” Tour at Northwoods Saloon in Schererville, IN.     Tickets go on sale at Ticketmaster by phone on Saturday, November 15th at 10:00AM. 

After intense negotiations between our marketing team of Rosengolden and Associates and numerous A-list, Fortune 500 heavy hitters of the corporate sector: Dick Diamond is proud to announce the sponsors for this year's "Dates with Dick 09 Tour".


Dick Diamond 09, Presented by:

Blue Blockers, Cialus, Rosengolden and Associates Finance Co., Just for Men, Falstaff Beer, Members Only, Botox, Little Rascal Personal Mobile Units, Hessville Restaurant, Jay-Mar Clothing, Sansabelt, Sasoon Jeans, K-Tel Records, Rhonco, Poly-Grip, Old Spice, Joint-Ease, Rosengolden and Associates Jewelry and Fine Furs, Old Goat Casino (Atlatic City, Reno, Dover), Ginzu Knives, Twister, WLS, Playback Music, Cadillac, Tiger Beat magazine, Lucky Stripes, Rosengolden and Associates Legal Services, Gerital, Geri-Curl, All Bran cereal, Gertrude's Prune Juice, Aqua Velva, Fleet Enema, Vitalis Hair Products, Mr. Microphone, Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific, Rogaine, Ben Gay, and The Clapper.

Endorsed by Ralph Furley