http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs

Folks, Fiends, and Frollickers,

What a kick in the pants it's been fer my boyz this past few months. Happy Halloween!
Not since they were scalded with burning lamb piss after fighting with the likes of their high school sweethearts have they been in so much trouble but I still love 'em as any good momma outta. I'm so proud too they finally pulled some motivation out of their asses and made a sound recording, Gertrude's Hearse: Wörst
If so inclined (it is hard times fer us all) we'd be much obliged if you'd purchase, say, 12-16 of them right from our website: http://www.gertrudeshearse.com/html/gh.html
where we are sellin' em. You could say you bought GERTRUDE'S NEW CD ON HALLOWEEN!
It sure warms my bones just listenin' to it - It makes a better gift than some crappy set of slippers or a Brian Boitano figurine, hell...it even shows more effort on your part than a gift certificate to Lovers Package, and could possibly bring more pleasure! Whooooeeeee!
So, keep up the good word, pass the good word, and fer heaven's sake...stay out of the weeds if you pass out tonight, its gonna get cold!

Love always,
Gertrude

Now I know I been a bit quiet here fer a few months but hey, you can sleep when you're dead, right? Anyhow the boyz need sum supervision once in a while and boy if THEY can't find themselves a whole heap a trouble when I'm gone I don't know who can. Last time I checked up on 'em they was carryin'-on down in Olympia playin' music on sum big stage and parading around like they owned the place. Well, here it is 6 months down the line and sure enough they've been up to no good as usual. Seems they've taken on a new Undertaking where they find there way to the tops of big mountains and come careening down on waxed up horses like a bunch a crazy outlaws. Then, they find the saloon at the bottom and wreak havoc there too. But, as we always say "WE MARRY-N-BURY here in Washington" even if it is in the snow! Last Saturday was Gertrude's first official ski lodge-meets-local watering hole gig at Mount Baker(I'm leavin' out the time they was thrown outta Alpental on New Years Eve). It carried on into the night at Graham's restaurant and pub in the lovely town of Glacier. I would personally like to thank Jethro James and the staff at Mt. Baker Ski Area and Chris, Aaron and the staff at Graham's for their hospitality. Hell, hardly anyone noticed the fact the ski area was closed on Sunday due to rain because of an impromptu FUNeral at Graham's that took up the slack. "WORM-OFF!" We'll miss you 'ol buddy. Seems Crystal Mountain too has caught the terminal fever and invited the Hearse down to host a pair of FUNerals March 23-24 for the annual Dirt Bag Ball, a ski competition and rumor has it A WEDDIN' party! So, all a y'all who think your liver is the only thing sore after witnessing a GH undertaking come on out and try yer legs on the slopes before headin' to the Snorting Elk Cellar on Friday and Saturday. I care for all ya, Undertakers All!!!! There is guaranteed to be some snow bunnies in the house, of course. And for those a ya not carin' for the active lifestyle the boyz are sellin' there is a host of other events comin' this spring including a double-bill at Althea's, beer hosting at Boundary Bay Brewery, a 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF GERTRUDE'S HEARSE at Conway Pub & Eatery (the site of the first open-mic played by Gertrude's Hearse), a place known fer good eats and rowdy nights. Mothers watch yer daughters, fathers git yer guns! Well, enough a my rantin' on and on, git on down to one a the upcomin' shindigs, say hello, dance, drink, sing, drink, fall, drink, ski, drink, board, sing, make love, drink, sing……

As always, much obliged

GERTRUDE

 

Heres whats a Rollin in the hearse

Lately the undertakers have been up to sum real good-timin fun. Not since they won William Shatners gym socks at the Royal Vancouver Yacht Club Fall Regatta have they been so busy, so drunk, or having so much funBoyz will be boyz!

They have a-marrying and a-burying and pouring their livers out to the faithful from Orcas Island to Olympia! They finally had a sit-down sit-in in their hometown of LaConner at the Nell Thorn, where it all began. I would personally like to thank Casey, Manny, and the town for all of the support so far, as they say, from the barstool to the grave.

So far this summer, they have been seen playing weddings too, congratulations Justin and Erin Fausto on Orcas Island and Manny and Astrid Fabregas from SanFran/LaConner, TILL DEATH DO YA PART! Rumor has it the undertakers were seen between scenes showing some of their pale-sides out at Doe Bays retreat and howlin to the moon at the outdoor concert/movie series in Sedro Wooley and Fairhaven (check out some great photos on the Myspace page). Thanks to all who attended these showings and supporting a 3-piece version of GH: Matt Clausen on the skins, Stephen Starr on the fat guitar, and Raymond John on the gut-bucket/mouth harp.

On down the road there are a few FUNerals not to be missed. For all of the early-crashers they have a special dinner show Wednesday July 19 at the Rockfish Grill in Anacortes (been a while since they let em in that fine establishment) from 6-9. Also on the horizon is a weekend of fun at the Lakeview fair in Olympia July 22, brought to you by 100.7 FM, The Wolf, AAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Werewolves of London). They been pumping up the Hearse and its lookin like quite a shindig shaping up. Immediately followed by an opening gig at the Eastlake Tavern, a mere 5 blocks away-talk about a TOUR!

Well, enough a me goin on and on, lookin forward to seeing you at some of the boys upcoming FUNerals, you know they just grow up so gosh darn fast!

Gertrude

     A fragment of the undertakers performed at a funeral of Gala proportions February 25th at the Moose Lodge in Mount Vernon for an adult prom put together by none other than Fortune 500's band-in-arms brother Andy Brown, Fanny Alger's Crew, and many others. The proceeds, given to the Children's Museum of Skagit County, were generated by a door charge that hardly made up for the good gourmet food catered by Leesa's Can Do Catering, the cash bar (thanks bartender Heather), and the corsage/boutonniere arrangements by Chickadee, prom photos by Holly and many other goodies to be dispersed. With any luck, Gertrude may get to see that museum someday!

     As usual, there were suprises riding in the back of the Hearse: Stephen Starr and Raymond John were left at the altar by the usual undertakers, who were either undertakin' elsewhere or pump-chinkin' at Wintergrass in Tacoma. Being the resourceful morticians that they are; the boys were able to conjure up a most fitting procession for the occasion, joined by "Mortimer-Cat" on drums, "Stormy Weather" on doo-waps, and Howlin' Lane Fernando on the Oh-Yeahs!! As if transported back to a simpler time of 3 chord wonder tunes that lifted prom dresses throughout the 1950-60s, Gertrude's Hearse pressed through such well known backseat bra removal anthems such as "Earth Angel, Blue Moon, and Sea of Love" to name a few. Slow dancing ensued until the chaperones, beset with rulers and chastity belt locks, made their way through the crowd of over 75 couples (and a stag or two) to keep things holy. After the punch started getting a grip on the crowd, the dancing went from clean to dirty to soiled. Rumors of hip grinding still go unconfirmed and several pieces of clothing were recovered by the custodian, which pieces are still unknown.

     Missed out on the Prom? No, I'm not askin about that disaster back in High School, but the big prom last weekend... well too darn bad! You can catch a glimpse of the fun on the website or at one of Gertrude's upcoming funerals, check the Schedule of events, springtime is here and so is the time for sweet lovin'... well, and burials!