So now that the dirty deed is done with the BloodRayne Fan Film... and now that you've laughed your head off at me for being such a massive geek, what's next? Well, I've decided to develop and do a bunch of other film shorts just to hone in on my writing (I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WRITING - I'm not a writer, or an artist, or a musician, or a dancer, or a martial artist, yet I can do all those things quite well)... anymahoo...

Hey! Did I tell anybody that I work quite a bit as a HAND MODEL? All this time I spend trying to stay in shape and crap and MY HANDS are the thing that is in demand the most? *sigh* It's even worse than you think. I'm a children's hand model. That 12 inch Hanna Montana Barbie commercial? ME. Narnia action figures? ME. Hallmark movie promo? ME. And so on... Well, the compilation prize for that is that I get endless amusement from saying that I'm off to do a "hand job".

I've got two film shorts I'll be producing this summer in quick succession: One is called "The Toilet" a very classy tale about the day in the life and another called "In the Apartment Building of Good & Evil" a pun on the movie title "In the Garden of Good and Evil". No gay Kevin Spacey or Jude Law I promise. Both will be very easy to do and it's more for my own personal training behind the camera and learning to edit and do FX. I actually learned how to rotoscope on BR. 8 HOURS OF WORK FOR 3 SECONDS OF FOOTAGE!!!! The amount of effort we put into that thing is astounding.

Now that that is done... I'm bored... I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, party... being straight edge is "boring" so I need to put my energy into something, anything. So hopefully within the scope of this summer of '08, you'll be seeing a couple of other short films. What I'm trying to gear up for is my own feature length film. Wish me luck kids.

A few months ago, this "girl", whose profile picture was that of her head Photoshoped to the Exorcist's body with a big red heart around it, sent me a "hate e-mail" stating the following: "I hate you, you anorexic whore!". Oh... my... god! I was so FLATTERED! She thought I was skinny? I'm all giggles! So what did I write her back? Hmmm... "Thank you so very much for the compliment! All those years of not eating and puking really paid off!"

I LOVE food! I'd love it in the way they did in American Pie if I could. My boyfriend will tell you for he has witnessed me eat an ENTIRE Dominos Pizza pie all by myself in one sitting. I'm not saying I do that every day but I pig out all the time. I also work out all the time. I sort of live in frumpy sweats.

Now, all you REAL anorexics don't get me wrong, starvation is still the fastest way to lose weight... but I'm not that desperate yet... put me up for an Oscar role and maybe then I'll be like - OMG! I'm fat!

I've BEEN fat! I've done the whole "pretty in her own way", "she has a nice personality", "Oh, she's got a good sense of humor" thing. How do you think I HAVE a personality? I had to develop one since I was probably the ugliest kid growing up. Then one day...

I woke up one morning and said to myself - "Self! Life would be a whole lot easier if I was a hot chick. I'd fit into my costumes better - remember spandex is a privilege NOT a right (so are low rise... ladies)." I was right, life IS better as a hot chick. The trick is not forgetting the whole "personality" thing :)

Kids... it's ALL about the Photoshop OK?

2. 667 Neighbor of the Beast

3. A day without sunshine, is like, night

4. A leading cause of stress is reality

5. Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons For You are Crunchy and Taste Good with Ketchup

6. ...and what difference do YOU make?

7. ASSUME NOTHING!

8. Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of the car.

9. Don't believe everything you think.

10. Don't make me release the flying monkeys!

11. Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church.

12. Enlighten up.

13. God wants spiritual Fruits, not religious Nuts.

14. Life before Death

15. Life is not the same since the house fell on my sister.

16. If Ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

17. I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

18. Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

19. Jesus is coming. Look busy.

20. My other car is a broom.

21. One solution comes up every morning :)

22. Please forgive me, I was raised by wolves.

23. R evolution

24. The end of the human race will be that we eventually will die of civilization.

25. We create enemies faster than we can kill them.

26. Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?

27. Remember, You're unique, just like everyone else.

28. 4 out of 5 cannibals recommend vegetarians

29. Adam was a rough draft

30. Born Again, and again... and again...

31. Don't Steal, the government hates competition!

32. Denial is not a river in Egypt

33. A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.

34. Another Internet Loser.

35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization

36. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

37. Adult child of alien invaders.

38. Ahhh... I see the screw up fairy has visited again.

39. Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

40. Another cynical ex-hippie now working for the establishment

41. Boldly going nowhere

42. Don't worry. It only seems kinky the first time.

43. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

44. Change is inevitable. Struggle is an opinion

45. Control your destiny or someone else will.

46. Consciousness. That annoying time between naps.

47. Drowning in the mainstream

48. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

49. Fat people are harder to kidnap.

50. Eve was Framed!

51. Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

52. God is coming and SHE is pissed.

53. Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go EVERYWHERE.

54. Grow your own Dope. Plant a MAN

55. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional

56. Hey! Who replaced my broom with a mop?

57. I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures

58. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every moment of it!

59.I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time.

60. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

61. I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?

62. I need somebody really bad. Are you really bad?

63. Instead of being born again why not just grow up?

64. Isis Isis Ra Ra Ra

65. I started with nothing and have most of it left.

66. It's as BAD as you think. And they ARE out to get you.

67. I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?

68. I've run out of sick days so I'm calling in dead.

69. If you lack enemies then you are not doing something worthwhile.

70. Kepp honking while I reload.

71. Last time we mixed politics with religion, people were burned at the stake.

72. LEGALIZE FREEDOM

73. Live Simply so that others can simply live.

74. Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.

75. May you have exactly the god you deserve

76. Minds are like parachutes.. they only function when OPEN

77. Your village called.. the idiot is missing

78. You're just jealous because the voices talk to ME

79. Your proctologist called. They found your head.

80. My Karma ran over your Dogma.

81. My mind wandered and never came back.

82. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

83. No one can make you feel inferior wiout your consent.

84. Obedient women are never remembered in history

85. Practice safe sex. Go fuck yourself

86. Reality is for people who lack imagination

87. SMILE! It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

88. Sometimes I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

89. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

90. They are not hot flashes... They are POWER SURGES

91. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship

92. There's too much blood in my caffeine system

93. The only trouble with baptists is they don't hold them under water long enough

94. There is no end to Lack of Foresight

95. We're all here because we're not all there.

96. What's POPULAR is not always right. What's RIGHT is not always popular.

97. Sure you can trust the government. Just ask an indian.

98. Remember... pillage first. THEN burn.

99. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by KILLING THOSE WHO OPPOSED THEM.

100. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

I have to start out by saying I LOVE driving. I've owned 7 cars in the last two years. It's a passion and I actively work on improving my driving skills every day (LA drivers take note).

I am a real dirty - filthy even - hard core New Yorker (was raised in Manhattan... saw 9/11 happen with my own eyes, survived the Great Blackout - blah blah blah) and as we all know, nobody in New York can drive - needless to say, nobody in LA can drive either but we'll forget about that for the moment.

When I got out here to sunny LA, I didn't even have a license. I just figured I'd get around by public transportation. Uh, yeah, that lasted about a minute. You should have seen the salesman laughing at me as I doubled over in psychological pain when I was buying my first car. It was going to be the first time I ever drove (since my road test - which I took in my dear, and brave, friend's Xterra - and it was practically my first time behind a wheel - boy, they'll give just about ANYBODY a license out here).

After my ex totalled that car (with me in the passenger's side - I hit the airbag dead on - but yet walked away without a scratch - being a stunt chick ROCKS!) in a head on collision that split my front license plate directly in half, I went through a quick succession of five other cars (none crashed I just bought a car every time I got bored - hey! some girls like to shop for shoes, me - not so much) before getting the nerve to really drive again. This time I wanted to really learn to drive - and of course that means driving stick.

This also meant that somebody was gonna have to teach me (which they happily did at the dealership). This also meant that I was gonna have to get a stick (pervs! I mean clutch). So needless to say, I did the only logical thing... I bought a brand new manual car and learned to drive in LA traffic - smart, real smart. God I really am putting that Master's Degree to work aren't I? Just don't catch me on the road, kids.