pictures of my loves for my loves....

Most of these are very recent, others are just some old favorites. ~ If you're in a picture and want me to take it down, just let me know.

Crescent Beach in April at 8am:

poking a jellyfish with a stick....

..http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v142/moonjewel/DSC09369.jpg">

Horse Farm....

..

Random Favorites I've taken (or Brandon took of me):

oh barrel-pusher, where are you now?

I will kick your ass at poker while eating your spicy goodness from burrito bros...

..

Brandon hearing the BOOM of his first real concert, The Flaming Lips...

I see lovers in a tree outside of tim & terry's...

Heh, if anyone actually looked at those all the way to the bottom.... leave me a note that says "macaroni and cheese". ;)  (if you know what the hell I'm talking about, I like you even more now).

...a florida gator!

I honestly never thought I'd say that :)  Things have been increasingly hard lately, in almost every sense that they could be. In the midst of it all I'm trying to remember that things can almost always be worse. I'm so thankful that the kids are healthy, imaginative and growing into the most beautiful people. They give generously, they share happily, and most of all they love freely and without judgment. I'm so proud of them sometimes I could literally drift off to the moon. With happiness sails and laughter winds. 

So, here I am. Just a few weeks away from beginning my education at The University of Florida. I've lived here my whole life, and yet it all seemed so out of reach. A distant dream that only others could fulfill. I imagined myself never getting there. Always being one step behind. I think I'm finally starting to catch up with my dreams. Maybe I've been strolling down backroads for too long, and it's time to put a mile or two on the highway. I'm excited, I'm determined to give my children a life without poverty and most of all... I'm proud of myself. I hadn't realized how much this would mean to me. How much it could make me feel like somebody. It's all so tangible now, sitting there like a juicy peach on a plate. I can't wait to taste it. I don't plan on licking with just the tip of my tongue, I plan to devour. I've been hungry far too long.

I love you. All of you. Knowing each of you has been such a reward in many unique ways. From lessons learned to heartache to unconditional friendships. I'd kiss every single one of you, in fact.. I will. Next time you see me. Don't doubt me, I haven't been kissed in way too long to tease ;)

How is it that you can feel so completely alone and unlovable, and yet drenched in the raindrops of hope all at the same exact moment?

And in the end, the love we take is equal to the love we make.

"..But when the self speaks to the self, who is speaking? - the entombed soul, the spirit driven in, in, in to the central catacomb; the self that took the veil and left the world - a coward perhaps, yet somehow beautiful, as it flits with its lantern restlessly up and down the dark corridors."

"I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in."

-Virginia Woolf

I saw "The Hours" last night, and was quite impressed. It inspired me to learn every dripping story about Virginia. (I was also very stunned to find out today that it was Nicole Kidman playing her in the movie, I didn't recognize her at all). I suggest you go and watch the movie and then do all the reading you can, that is, if you want to peek inside the world of an amazing woman and author.

I also watched "Henry and June" a few weeks ago and was equally inspired. Not only to explore more of Anais Nin (which I have only a little in the past), but mostly to write more myself. To make sure I don't let months go by in between my diary writing, and to put into some kind of prose the thoughts of you and him and her and us that puddle in my mind daily.

If you only knew what I was thinking about when we speak. Or, when I watch you from the distance. I'm still in love with the way you remember the color of my eyes in sunlight and the color of your own in photographs (different than in life somehow).

Everyone is beautiful today. Sitting at red lights watching them peddle by... so beautiful! Flushed cheeks and amber hair. The man in the grey jacket walking his spotted dog, I said hi to you this morning even though I know you couldn't hear. Taea said hi, too. The ugly little squished faced man with the mop, even he had a little bit of a sparkle today.

It's 11:11, make a wish.

tehe! Everytime I think of that I laugh. Natness, you should bring over more v bros episodes.... pretty please?

Today I was thinking about colors. Blue is blue, so I've been told. But, what if my blue isn't the blue that you see as your blue? You say to yourself, "But Julie, these are questions a five year old would ponder".  Yes, yes it is. Don't you know me by now? I also still wonder if my reality is all a big memory I'm re-living in playback mode, but I'll save that for later. Oh, and I still wonder how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop....

So, I did some looking around and I found this site:

oooh. read me.

If you check it out, click around from microconsciousness to differentiating, etc.

"Colors are only symbols. Reality is to be found in luminance alone." "When I run out of blue, I use red." -Picasso

More....

look

just because....

ooh! ahh! (do it)

and oooooh.....

Yessssss....

one moreeee....

someone should send me better ones if they have 'em...

Why am I still at work?