On Saturday, June 28, I lost a great friend of mine.  Joey Snyder died in his sleep at the age of 22.  Just 22 years old and his life is over.  I cant begin to tell you where my heart is...Its just drowning right now.

Today we laid him to rest and said our goodbyes.  Today has been the hardest day of my life.  He was a great guy who always had a smile on his face.  Could make a strangers' day better by just saying hello.  And when he argued with you, you had better believe he was going to have the final word!  He had a heart of gold.....

As we said our goodbyes, I did my very best to hold my emotions, but eventually it became too much.  As the people I loved began to share stories and thoughts of this great man, I began to get teary eyed...But the hardest came when I saw my brother cry.  This man never cried.  When he started, so did I.  I think it finally hit me when they lowered his casket today......

Never lose touch with your friends....Its so hard to say goodbye and now Joey will never know how much I love him.  He will always be on my mind in my heart. 

God, please protect him, even when he argues with you up there in heaven.

Rest in Peace Joey Snyder.  I love you always, and will never let you out of my heart.  See you again down the road...........

Last Sunday, May 4, something unfortunate happened and I witnessed it.  I was preparing for a softball game when a man on another softball team collapsed and went into cardiac arrest.  He never regained life.  He past right in front of my eyes.

I had never seen anything like that before and I was shocked.  It hit me hard, even though I never knew the man.  I am sorry for his family, his friends, and his partner.  My prayers are with them.

Seeing this made me see that how truly special life is.  You just never know whats going to happen next.  Nothing is guaranteed in life.  This man was out there doing the one thing he loved, playing softball.  He passed doing something he loved to do.

From this day forward, I will always seize the day.  I will no longer be unhappy; I will not be sad; I will not be seen without a smile on my face....Life is too short to let these things bother you.

I have found someone in my life who I am just excited about whats going to happen.  He is such a great guy, I am shocked that he was out there.  This is a moment in time that I will sieze and work for it because I see that he is making me happy, makes me smile, makes me laugh, and listens to me.  Thats is what I want in my life and I am going to hold on to it for as long as I can.

I have let go of what was making me sad; What was making me sad was my family.  They hurt me when I was little by turning their backs on me.  I came forward and told about my uncle molesting me for a very long time.  Did they try to help? No.....they asked him if he did it, he said no, that was the end of it.  I was called a liar and that was it.  I was left with pain, no trust, just no love in my life.  They will never know how much they hurt me and they will never admit it.  I was hurting because I just wanted them to say they were sorry and I was trying so hard to love them...its hard to love when you know that person will never admit what they did was wrong....

So with that, I have walked away.....Maybe with this, they will see what they did and own up to it, but I am not waiting for it.  I am 25 years old and not getting younger.  Its time to live for me, and only for me.  Its time for me to be happy, and thats what I will do.

So with me seeing this man pass away in front of my eyes, It woke me up.  I am going to be happy.  I am going to be with a man who loves me and will always be there for me.  I will have my friends to comfort me and laugh with me.  I will have me, for me, and thats whats important.

Well, today is December 4, 2007...it has been almost 4 and a half months since I moved to Arkansas and I must admit it has been a good experience.

I have learned alot about myself and who I am and what matters most to me in my life.  When I left Atlanta, it seemed as if things were going down hill; my job, my boyfriend (at the time); and just nothing good was going on (except for softball with the wackers!) With that, I decided to leave to see if there was better; to take a chance and go somewhere I had never been before.  As the holidays have hit, I have realized whats important in my life.....

The past couple of weeks have been hard because I have not had the comfort of my father around, nor have I had the comfort of my brother, my mamaw, all of my close friends, or my family.  No matter what happened there, or here, or anywhere in the world for that matter, they are always there for me to celebrate or get me through it....Thats what my heart is missing....I have come to realize that there isnt anywhere is this world thats going to make me happy unless they are around me...there isnt any amount of money in the world that could take me away from them....I have seen that I could have everything imaginally possible in this world in my possession, but it would mean absolutely ZERO if I dont have my father, my brother, and my friends there with me....

So with this, I have decided to go back home to Atlanta, Georgia.  That is my home.  That is where my heart is. That is where I belong now.  I guess this also comes at a time where it is important for me to be at home....

For those of you who dont know, my father is sick and has been for a while.  I dont know what the future holds for him, but I do know this; if something were to ever happen to him and I wasnt there, It would kill him not to have me there and I would never forgive myself....So that plays a big role as well in my decision.  Those of you who know me well know that I carry my father and my brother very tightly in my heart, so you can t ruly understand why I need to be at home in my comfort zone.

But I should say this; this trip was never a bust for me.  Someone here help me to see who I am, see what makes me the happy-go-lucky guy that I am, helped me to bring the true Jeff Jones (bitch!) back out in me...let me say something about him now....

Sidney Mitchell is the best friend I could ever ask for. When I got here, I was so scared and lost and didnt know what to do...I didnt even have a job for the 1st month almost.  Sidney looked after me.  He gave what he could.  He open his heart to me, and his wallet (LOL). But the money isnt even the biggest thing he could have done for me. Sidney is a man who will give you the world if he can.  All the things he has done for me he never had to; he did because thats the type of person he is.  Caring, compassionate, strong...He has given me many words that I will always have in my heart; we have had those long heart felt talks....We have also had those talks where we either end up both in tears or crapping ourselves laughing (I think I have broke a few ribs from laughing with him, or dodging the cell phone being thrown at me!) It pains me to leave him here because I know that him and I have grown close, but he is also the one who told me to go home if thats what I wanted...After all, Sidney now knows me better than anyone.....As far as I am concerned, I now have 2 brothers in this world...forever....

Sidney, I love you and you know that! There isnt anything in this world I wouldnt do for you! (well....except that...LOL!) I know from time to time some damn saying we have we pop in my head and I will bust out laughing for no good reason...but hey, thats because of you...."...my arm hurts!" or "TWO WORDS....." or "You dont know me like that!" or "Look here, missy!"....I could go on and on and on cause you know I have given you PLENTY with my tackless mouth at home..."She's so lose a mack truck could fit up in there!"...but seriously, You have a place in my heart and that will never change...I hope that one day Aaron or whomever you choose will see that great and loving guy that I know and will see your heart as gold because that is what you deserve....

Thats all I have for now...I will you guys in Atlanta soon! I am coming home.....

What is a Friend?

A friend is Someone who cares about you, Someone who likes you just the way you are.

A friend is Someone who does things with you, Someone who keeps your secrets.

A friend is Someone who sometiems might get angry with you, Someone who might hurt your feelings sometiems even when they didn't mean to.

A friend is Someone who comforts you when you're sad, Someone who laughs with you when you're happy.

A friend is Someone who wants to be with you, Someone who enjoys your company.

A friend is Someone you'll remember always even when they grow up and move away.

A friend is Someone who is loyal and says good things about you, Someone who gets mad if someone else is mean to you.

A friend is A link to someone's humanity like food for the soul to share, Someone to hold onto when life's follies bring despair.

A friend is F-frank, R-righteous, I-intrepid, E-earnest, N-noble, D-decent.

A friend is a friend - ALWAYS!

I put this poem in because I have been doing alot of thinking about the word "friend." I have noticed that there are people in this world who tell you "I like you" or "I want to hang out with you" or "I will call you" and so forth....What I have come to find is that alot of these times its not true.

A real friend means these things. A real friend wants you around and doesnt continue to make up excuses as to why they cant do something.  A real friend calls to see how you are doing from time to time.  A real friend is there for you. A real friend is...well...just that; a REAL friend.

I have found those in my life and for those of you who choose not to contact me or have made excuses...well you can ask a few who are on my profile for some help with that because the few that I am about to list are my TRUE and REAL friends and who are people who I know care about me deeply as I do them and would do anything to be around me as I would for them.  Want some advice on how to be a real friend? Just ask the following people:

Sidney, Laura, Zachary, Belinda, Amanda, Rob, Joe Morgan, April, Cherie, and Crystal.

These are my true friends.  Enough said!

Wonder why I wrote this? well there is this certain "friend" who says he will call me but have not heard from him in the last 3 weeks...funny thing is, he says he is a friend, but only calls me when he wants to hook up and hurt someone...That game I am not into.......Its a shame that 10 year olds can understand the meaning of friendship but we adults cant comprehend it......

Thank you very much to my TRUE friends!!! I love all of you!

So I have now lived here for 12 weeks and it has been ups and downs; as well as I have learned alot more about myself and what I want in life.

Sidney is still building the house.  Although now being built by a new contractor after the old one (to remain nameless) finally found the hole in his HUGE bag of excuses and I guess ran into the mothers of all mothers in Arkansas and was fired!...Sid hired a new contractor about a week ago and the house is now pretty much finish...Its just awesome...I will post the link soon with some pictures of the house.

I have met more friends here and starting to see who my true friends are.  Of course, there is Sidquisha (a.k.a. Sid) who is the best friend any guy could want....Then there is Laura (MY HAMMA BROKE-ED OFF IN THE WALL!) and Crystal (always looking at my arse!) and many more! Since I last wrote I met a new friend named Wes.  A really good guy; different, but good different in his own special way, but all around a really cool guy that I enjoy the company of and all that stuff...so who knew...and btw, He and his hubby have the cutest little girl....just going to be interesting as she grows up to see who the bigger girl is; her daddy Wes or her!!!!! Love ya! like a hooker loves the corner!

And for those of you who are wondering....I have met someone here in Arkansas who is by far more impressive than any gay man that exist in Atlanta.  this one isnt in his little clic, doesnt believe you have to have a 6 figure income to be attractive, and actually believes that a first date isnt a hook-up!  He is goal driven, smart, attractive, funny, caring and a bunch of other things....There will be more on him to follow!

I had my 25th birthday this past week (oh yea, to my "friends" in atlanta....yea, thanks.....) My friends Sid and Laura threw me a great party and design and bought me an awesome Tennessee Vols football cake! (OH YES, how could i forget....well here it is for all you UGA fans.....AND TO HELL WITH UGA!!!!...VOLS 35 UGA 14!!!! HOW BOUT THEM VOLS!!!!!!) At the end of the party I did cry because this is the 1st time in my life that my brother or family wasnt around me for my birthday and it just finally hit me...but I will be okay...This place is making me stronger.

I have started a new job with Courtyard Marriot and taking a new career direction and I think I am going to like this one!  My boss is an Ohio State fan so always an opportunity to pick there and my other boss is a huge yankees fan...well, I think we all know how I feel about that one!!!!

Last month, I went to Knoxville and played in a softball tournament with my old team from Atlanta and it was awesome!!!! Had one of the best times of my life there and laughed and played great ball!!! My team (THE WACKERS!) took 3rd place in this tournament and we finished 6-2 there!! GREAT JOB GUYS! I was so proud of how we played there!  I personally did good...I played 3rd base every game and played good defense according to my teammates (played the NO MAM! Defense) I also hit a GRAND SLAM in this tournament...my first ever and my first ever homerun with the Wackers! so all in all...its was a great time! I miss the wackers and love you guys dearly!

Well, I think that is all for now....As time goes on, I see that I made the right decision to come here because I am more focused to do well now than I ever have been and cant wait to see what the next few months bring me.  Doing all of this and getting to know a great guy is going to be a great experience....My next blog will probably intel the details about me coming out to my grandmother on my mother's side of the family...This will be very interesting since she is very biblical and the rest of the family automatically shares in her opinions and thoughts!

Well, it has been almost 2 weeks now that I have been here in my new home of Fayetteville, Arkansas and I must say it has been an adjustment to make.  The area, the people, the atmosphere, all of it has been an adjustment.....but a good adjustment at that.

Most people in my situation coming from a big metropolis like Atlanta to here would not be able to do this.  I left behind "friends," I left behind memories, I left behind things I love to do, and I left behind a brother and mamaw that I love deeply...that last part is the hardest for me to adjust to not having here.

But its been people like Sidney that have made it so much easier for me.  Sid is my best friend aside from my brother.  He has been here to show me around, make me laugh, be there to listen, and through a few unfortunate things that have happened here thus far, he has been right there to help guide me through it.  That's what a friend does for you.  I cant say enough about what Sid means to me, but I think he knows by now.

I have met many more people that are growing on me and I know will be around for a while....Like Crystal.  Granted she can be goofy at times, but inside her is a good heart I can tell and I can see her and I becoming real good friends here.  She always calls me when she is bored at work and I just tell her to go pull the fire alarm, that will excite something!!! My oh my, the trouble her and I could get into...by the way, she has a killer rack!!!!

Then there is Buddy....this guy is a freckin' hoot!  He is my drinking buddy here, who is straight so get your heads out of the gutter there.  Granted he is having his share of tough times, but all he wants is a true friend to be there to offer advice and to just talk to....as do I.  Buddy and I will be around each other for a while to come...As I am sure there will be plenty more stories to share between him and I....look for that next chapter to come.

I could go on and on and on about the people I have met here but there isnt enough room here to describe them.  Just know I am going to make this work with all my might.  I will not fail because I am not a quitter.  I will persevere because of my inner strength.  I will conquer because I am a leader.  And I will win because I am a champion.......

As I eluded to back about two weeks ago, there was going to be a decision to be made about my future.  I have sat and done alot of thinking about me.  Aside from the fact that I have some very great and loyal friends here with me, thats all I can say that I have in Atlanta.  I have gone back and forth on thoughts about what I should do.  Should I stay? Should I go to Florida? Should I go somewhere where I can focus on me? Should I go somewhere that is stress free?  Should I go somewhere that I cant be bothered with the everyday stuff that comes with being here?  I could go on and on with the questions I have asked myself.

My decision has been made and it is a very tough one and is probably going to shock and hurt some people.  I am leaving Atlanta. The shocking part is where I am going; I am moving to Fayetteville, Arkansas.  I will be working in that area, as well as going to college there.  Atlanta has given me some good memories, but with that, there have been some bad.  Success is something that I am not finding here.  It became clear to me that success would not come to me here when I told the company, that I had given four very loyal years to, that I wanted to go back to school and continue working for them, but they did not want to back me on that decision.  I was going to have to take a pay cut and lose my FT status...not very supporting.  The next thing was when I come to find that the man that I loved did not love me and in fact found more confidence in talking to his best friend and not talking to me, that was not supporting.

I am not going to leave Atlanta on a bad note.  I have moved past Zak and will continue to be okay on that note.  I have let go of (Comapny to remain nameless) and will be a much better person and succeed without their help.  That place taught me alot about life and myself; but maybe I should say thank you to (Company to remain nameless)....Thank you for being jerks to me so that I may leave and build a successful life without a being tied down and trapped with a company that you have to do it their way and only their way or they will work on kicking you to the curb, no matter what you have given to them and done for them. 

My friend Sid has been telling me "Its YOUR life...you have to do whats right for you!" and he is right.  This is MY LIFE....and I now have to do whats right for me.  I have always done what people around me have thought was best for me.  Only I know whats right for me and I need to be away from this big metropolis and just work on me for a while.  Will I return to Atlanta one day? I am sure I will since my family and friends are here.  but I will be happier after this.

When am I leaving?  Well I have decided now to do this quickly.....I am leaving Atlanta on Monday, July 23rd.  I am aware that this is very soon, but I have to do it quickly as so it will not be so hard for me to say goodbye to the ones I love.

On that note, I love all of my closest, dearest friends and those few of you, you know who you are and I am not going to lose touch with any of you guys.  You are like brothers and sisters to me.  I hope to see all of you before I go....

"Dont give up.....dont ever give up." This is what I live my life by and this is no less true now.   I am going now so that I may not give up on my goal of a career and a life.  I must do this for me.

With all my love, Jeff.

I cant begin to tell you what an outstanding experience Gay Games 2006 in Chicago, Illinois was.  By far, one of the best things I have ever done, and will ever do in my life!

These games help me to see that its okay to be who I am and to love who I am.  Living in Atlanta, I had yet to get a prideful sense of who I am because in Atlanta the majority of gay men only want you for one thing and we all know what that is...not to say that all gay men are like that here, but 90re, but maybe my luck is changing because I have met someone in that 10ere in Atlanta, but thats a completely different story....

Back to Gay Games....the games showed me that there are many guys and girls out there who want to be friends, who want to be happy, who love sports and want to be accepted in them, just like myself.  When I arrived there, I was on a basketball team with some good guys, but together, we did not mesh and attitudes got in the way and with that, it began to, once again, feel like I was back in the Atlanta gay life.....I did not want that while I was in Chicago....On our second day of competition, my team (at the time) played Team Memphis....after this game, I volunteered to keep the score of the next game along with one of the Team Memphis players...who from that point on, would become a very great friend of mine there....His name is Sid and I cant begin to tell you how much I laughed and loved every moment of it....In all of my years of being involved with basketball as a coach and player, that one game working with Sid was quite possibly the most enjoyable time I could have had....

After that game, I went out and had a great time with other members of the Memphis squad...players like Sam, Brentley, Mike H. and Mike W., Scott, Sid, and Hershell...a great group of guys with no attitudes (well unless we were joking with one another about typical gay things or when we are goking at other guys!) these guys became close friends of mine and suddenly, winning wasnt as important to me anymore...what became important was having a great time, making great memories, and laughing....from that day forward, I played with Team Memphis...

Granted, we did not win a game there, but if not for this, I wouldnt have met some of the best guys this world has to offer.....

Thank you Gay Games for opening my eyes and showing me that there is greatness out there and great people with hopes and dreams just like me!  I also now know that I do not have to be scared to be a gay athlete any longer....I will be myself and remember what I had in Chicago.

Sid, Brentley, Mike H., Mike W., Sam, Scott, and Hershall..... Thank you for a great time and all the laughs and Memories you have given me and I am sure we will make many more down the road

Sid - PIG SOEY!!!!!! cant wait until November to see Tennessee kick ass against Arkansas, but will be a hell of a time there....DO YOUR THING, HONEY!!!!! and remember the lesbians in basketball....FUN FUN FUN!!!!

Brentley - I think you and I will be clubbing buddies, just gotta get you out here to Atlanta to see me and show you around here....and why did you introduce me to Long Beach!!!! lol, just kidding!...GO HORNS!!!!

Mike H. - Wow! well gotta think of something clean to say to you! keep putting out fires and let me know if I can help!!!! lol, just kidding! LOVE YOU LIKE A HOOKER LOVES CRACK!!!!!

Sam - GIRL!!!! you done went out and found you a long beach man!!!! hope that is well! too bad you and I didnt spend more time together....hit me up sometime and maybe we can get together since we live not too far from one another...you can come chill with me at my beach house!!! later man...keep in touch!

Aight Bitches!  Love all of you like a fat kid loves cake and like Mike H, loves....well, you feel in the blank!  I miss all of you guys already and cant wait to see you guys again soon! Stay in touch and Keep the quotes of "Steel Magnolias" coming!! HIT THIS! HIT WEEZA!!!! HIT HER HARD!!!!!  NOTTIN' LIKE A GOOD PEICE OF ASS!!!!!

Talk to you guys soon, and again, THANK YOU CHICAGO!!!!!

Gay Games VII in Chicago are almost here and I am participating in them for the 1st time in my life.  I am playing basketball for a very competitive team and couldnt be more excited...so from July 15 through the 22, keep me in your thoughts and will let you guys know how everything goes and all the things i did and my "encounters" if you know what I mean...lol....talk to everyone soon!