Well, this weekend my friend Joz and I drove up to my home girl Jai’s house. Going there, we stopped off to pick up a friend in Westchester, so from there the GPS told us to take RT 9 to some off back roads technically-labeled-a-highway called Taconic or some crap. The kids had a grand ol’ time over the weekend. So Sunday night comes, and we pack up the kids to take a nice lil 2 hour ride home. So we get in the car, and I type in Joz address so we can go straight to her house first. So for like 10 minutes, the GPS said "Acquiring Satellite Signal"

I said to Joz "Yo, we’re so far in the back woods, the GPS can’t even find us." Joz attempted to take a picture of that funny. I decide to drive into town and see if the GARMIN can find us there. I have a great sense of direction and remembered how to get there…ANYWAY

When we left Jai’s house we were like "we gotta get some gas" ok, cool. So we were driving down route 9 through Poughkeepsie talking about all kinds of funny stuff, singing Bette Midler songs on the radio, "DID YOU EVER KNOW THAT YOU’RE MY HEEERO!"

HEY IT WAS ON THE RADIO

ANYWAY we look at the navi (and for the rest of this tale, that refers to the GARMIN/GPS and any other moniker you’d like to give it) and it says to take the Tactonic or what ever the hell that back roads highway is. So I said to Joz

"Hit the Detour button; see the other way it says to go"

but it said something like take route 9 all the way down! I say…

"oh hell no, it’ll take hours to get to the city, eff that." so we just took the Tacky road. Lol.

So we’re driving on the hwy and we see the exit to the 84, a road we’re all too familiar with on our many adventures to Jai’s former residence. So I say "should we take it?" but then we were like "nah eff it". So we pass the exit, and we’re driving along singing crappy songs and all of the sudden the car jerked. Kinda shocked and a little upset I say…

"Yo, you felt that?" to which she replies "Nah" Check the kids, kids still KO’d... all is well.

So I assumed I was buggin out like I do sometimes on dark and scary roads. So we driving along for a few more minutes getting down quickly too, making great time. And then I feel a big JERK.


SOMEONE WAS UNDER THE CAR!


Nah, I’m playing. But what really happened was I asked…

"Yo, you felt that shit???" to which she replied a quickened
"Yeah i definitely felt that one"
"hmmm let me slow down" because my car actually STALLED earlier that morning when I went to get coffee, which was scary enough because that’s never happened before, and I didn’t want it to happen going 80 on a dark, winding, and scary road that can barely be found on the GPS. I look down and the needle is about to BREAK it’s so far below E. I said…

"SHIT WE FORGOT ABOUT THE GAS! Quick, hit the navi and see where the closest gas station is"
"get off on this next exit, there’s a Shell station 0.8 miles away"

so we go to get off, and the exit is actually this little street right off of the highway! No ramp, no warning, not really an exit. The turn was so sharp we almost were thrown right off the road. So we’re driving off and it takes us waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out. We’re driving down these little dark ass roads with no signs of life. Another left, and a right. Another left…right. I say

"You know, a gas station would usually be found by a town... there don’t seem to be no damn town"

We keep driving following directions, and it seems way further than 0.8 miles. We start passing random houses. I’m nervous now but saying

"If there are houses out here, then there are cars, and if there are cars then damnit there has to be gas!"

Joz has gotten pretty quiet by now…

So we go to turn up this last road, the navi says the gas station is right ahead. Then out of nowhere, there’s a DEER.

"SHIT!"
I slow down.

We’re driving up the road, and what happens?

DEAD END

No gas station.

Joz says:
"We might have to stop to find directions."

While turning the car around, I say:
"If we stop, we won’t have enough gas to start again, we gotta roll"

So the navi says the next gas station is 1.4 miles away. Mobile.

Another mile and a half.

Mind you, the car has already started chugging on its last fume.

I Pray.
"Dear GOD PLEASE let this second gas station exist."

We’re driving back down the road on which we came and Joz says:
"I hope that deer is gone"

But of course, not only is the deer still there, it’s further down the road.
And not only do we have to dodge the deer on no gas, but now Ricky Racoon want to come out and play with Peter Rabbit too. A car comes towards us, turning the corner on which we just came. I want so desperately to ask this person "excuse me, where do you get gas?" but the fact of the matter was, this person is driving in the woods…. NOT A GOOD LOOK… This person could be part of the "Jack the Ripper fan club" or something. I won’t be adding four bodies to his collection! So we move on. We’re driving along, dodging wild life when the navi says to make ANOTHER left turn. We turn, and still no signs of a town or rural life.

But it gets worse


The turn, is a steep up hill climb.

So we’re going up hill, and the car starts to damn near cough. Pulling and chugging with each foot. I immediately in my head start calculating the weight in the car.

"Two adults, two kids, two suite cases..."


And we’re chugging up the hill.

"Dear God in heaven, we are out in the woods, please don’t do this to me."

We finally, we make it up the hill, and I just pray that the other side is a down hill slope. Of course we’re not so lucky. No, it’s a series of little hills. Joz says:

"If there were only lights we could see from the supposed gas station" I say
"Please let there be a gas station coming up soon, not another phantom as was the Shell station. We’re out in the WOODS"

And we’re driving along. More like coasting because the car has now started to give up on reacting to my commands. Steady, driving along this little road….Nervous. I began to contemplate how I could protect us from Jack the Ripper’s fan club and/or Big Foot. I began to think we would have to turn off the lights, turn off the GPS so the car won’t be seen in the darkness. Make a phone call to AAA, and HOPE they can triangulate the signal, because there aren’t any mile markers on paved roads of the woods. There’s no way to walk to a gas station, it is pitch black outside. Who’s to say how far away this gas station really is. Does it exist? And then, as soon as desperation set in, around the bend…





AAAAAAH the angels were singing. There was a gas station!

Joz: "I’m not gonna lie, I was kinda scared for a minute on that hill"
Me: "I was just hoping we wouldn’t stop ON the hill and start rolling backwards!"

We got our gas. And though we had many more deer, foxes, more boo’s and scary’s and other wild life to survive, we did it. We made it out of the backwoods and vowed NEVER TO VISIT JAIANNE’S ASS AGAIN UNTIL SHE MOVES WHERE THERE ARE AT LEAST CELL PHONE SIGNALS!



Oh yeah. And never count on your reserve tank. Get the gas now. Lol.

Why is it that every day, day after day, my commute to and from work is hijacked by obnoxious "performers"?  Don't get me wrong, depending on the location, these forms of "entertainment" aren't completely horrible.  For example: 42^nd Street, 34^th Street, Grand Central Station's are prime locations for performers that aren't exactly eye gouging horrible. Ms Nerissa Bramble, the Man and his Salsa Dancing Dummy (often featured during the Puerto Rican Day Parade), Classical violinist and Hip-Hop dancers are often featured at these locations.  They play on the main platform, before you reach the actual landing where your train will arrive. I wonder if they have permits for taking up such busy space.  I digress.

 

Then there are the "outskirt" performers.  You know, the 6^th Avenue, Union Square, 125^th Street performers.  They're usually some sort of Mariachi band, Bob Marley/India Arie wanna-be, or Rock and Roller with one leg strumming away at some acoustic instrument, being pretty loud and very much obnoxious.  But usually you're only subjected to the noise for a very short period of time on the platform while you wait the 2 minutes (or less during rush hour) for your iron horse to take you away.  Yeah, they're pretty annoying but being too busy (during rush hour) trying to actually get on the train, you won't have time (or opportunity) to really read your book anyway.  You're too busy not getting stepped on, pushed into the 4/5 train or trying to get into that last corner of space before the doors close. (Stand clear of the closing doors please. ding dong)

 

Then there are the "hijackers".  Those FRAKERS who decide it's their prerogative to hijack your commute.  They come in the train, playing one note on their crappy ass harmonica, telling jokes that aren't funny, or riding a horse on a stick with their hand out expecting to be paid for their effort.  When in actuality, they'd do better to say "I WONT play my harmonica if you give me a dollar".  Really, why do any of us (and I do say us, excluding myself) give these people anything? Because we just want them to get away from us as expediently as possible.  None of us care about their antics, we just want to enjoy our commute home, as quietly as possible.

 

WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO HIJACK MY COMMUTE HOME?  SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FRAK UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR RENDITION OF "LA CUCARACHA". I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU PLAY "UNDER THE BOARD WALK" --OFF KEY-- ON YOUR MINIATURE CASIO MACHINE. NO! I WANT TO SIT HERE, READ MY BOOK, AND PRETEND YOU'RE NOT THERE.

 

Yes, they may pay their 2 dollars to use the subway as do the rest of us. But shouldn't there be some sort of courtesy? I mean, you know you're going to be on an over crowded train.  Wouldn't you like to use some sort of antiperspirant? How do you smell like four cab drivers in the middle of the desert, driving a camel? Really? REALLY? You just feel I should take that??? And JUST BECAUSE I'm standing inches away from your face, does that mean you have to talk to me? Just look at the same advertisement above your head that you've been reading for the past half hour.  Yeah, you may have seen it every day for the past 4 months, and yeah, you may have memorized it, but read it again. Don't look at me. Don't ask me for money. Don't attempt to earn it.  You're annoying.  And I dislike you for existing in this capacity.  Yes, I felt the need to rant. And I felt the need to share. Because you, my fellow NYCers know what I'm talking about.  And if you're not in NYC during rush hour…… be thankful.

APPLICATION TO DATE ME

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information (like psychological profile and polygraph test) as required.
___ I verify that I am at least 25 years of age, not currently married or with a spouse.
*** Please provide a photo… applications without a photo will be denied.

=======================================================
1. Name:___________________________Date of Birth:_______________
2. Height:____________
3. Weight:____________
4. I.Q.:_________
5. Driver's License: ? Yes ? No
6. Borough:____________________________
=======================================================

7. Where Would You Take Me On Our First Date
8. I'm incredibly hot. Is this ok? ? Yes ? No
9. Do you own a? A) Van____ B) Truck with oversized tires?_____ C)Waterbed?_____
Do you have a nose ring or belly button ring?________
NOTE: If you answered YES to any part of questions #9, discontinue the application process and leave the premises!
10. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
11. Describe your last relationship and why it ended (if they died and it was your fault then please discontinue filling out this form):
12. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH ME" mean to you?
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and current employer?
14. Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential.

o If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is the________________________.
o A Women's place is in the _________________________.
o The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is__________________________________________________.
o In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like ______________to be contacted.
o My greatest fear is__________________________________________.
o When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her__________________________________.
NOTE: If the answer to the last question begins with a "B",
discontinue the application process and leave the premises.
Keep your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
15. Have you ever been fingerprinted?______ Had a DNA sample taken and recorded?_________
16. TRUE or FALSE: The man is trying to keep you down.
17. Your dentist is__________________
18. Please list any special talents/things you are good at:
19. Please list any special talents/things you are good at that can generate income:
20. It's Saturday night and your plans fell through. What's Option B?
A. Stay home and watch TV. Maybe "Law & Order" is on.
B. Get a bottle of "Curel" and have fun on your own.
C. Blame it on everybody else but you.
D. What? No one cancels on me!

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT, UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, INCESSANT LATOYA JACKSON RECORD PLAYING AND/OR HOT POKERS.
Signature________________________




Right Hand Finger Prints
----------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------


Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 days for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write.
(It could cause disqualification and injury to your body.)

Ciara- Like A Boy



Add to My Profile | More Videos

I've come up with this theory, that I would like your opinion on.  So here it is…

 

Men categorize women in 4 general categories.  These categories are as follows:

..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Beautiful

Pretty

Cute

Sexy

 

Now, I am not saying that any one woman could not be 2 or more of these things, but what I AM saying is that the human nature allows the brain to transfer only one pronoun at a time to the lips of the observer.  A woman can be 2 or more of these things, but the man cannot say both words at the exact same time.  Even if the woman falls seemingly equally between one category and another, the dominant one will be the one that is spoken first.  With this being said, the pronoun that the brain chooses to push forth first, the dominant categorization, will then determine the course of action of that man towards that woman.

 

The same man will treat 4 different women differently depending on the category they fall under in that man's eyes.  If a woman is "BEAUTIFUL", then the man will do everything in his power to impress upon that woman that he is totally enamored of her.  He will send her flowers when he doesn't even know where a flower shop is located.  He'll write her poetry and can barely read.  He'll call her day and night from the pay phone on the corner because he has no phone of his own.  He'll spend his very last dime to take her to the most impressive outings he can pay someone else to think of.  He'll take the leather off of his back to cover a puddle just so she doesn't soil her delicate, beautiful feet.  A "BEAUTIFUL" woman is deserving of such treatment.  And the man, who treats her this way, is totally engrossed in her beauty.  The man will give her this treatment because he feels unworthy in some way.  If the woman declines his many advances, he will be satisfied with having had the opportunity to at least try to impress this woman.  He will always have a soft spot in his heart for her.  And if they were to ever cross paths again, He will feel inclined to shower her with the treatment only a beauty will receive.

 

This same man will treat a "PRETTY" woman differently.  First off, a "PRETTY" woman usually is stereotyped and sized up before approached.  Many men will not approach the pretty woman, having convinced themselves the stereotypes they've heard, or even concocted are true.  Those few brave souls who feel they have nothing to lose, will not fall over themselves trying to impress the "PRETTY" woman as they would the "BEAUTIFUL" woman.  Do not misunderstand.  The "PRETTY" woman will get fairly decent treatment.  She will not get flowers and candy on a "just because" day.  She will not get phone calls all throughout the day just to keep him on her mind.  She will not receive poetry and love letters.  But she will get taken to nice restaurants.  She will get shown around town to all of his friends, taken to dinner parties, and small gatherings where he can show off his arm candy in a "look-at-me, look-at-me" fashion.  He wants to show all of his peers what he can "pull".  The "PRETTY" woman may be intelligent, a good conversationalist, considerate, a care giver, but all of that comes secondary to her being ornamental in this man's life.  The man can come to care very deeply for the woman, but he will not treat her as he treats a "BEAUTIFUL" woman, not right away.  A "PRETTY" woman can be upgraded over time in this man's eyes to "BEAUTIFUL", but this again is over time.

 

While the "BEAUTIFUL" woman and the "PRETTY" woman are on opposite sides of the same room, a "CUTE" woman is in a different room completely.  A smaller room, one with furniture from IKEA instead of custom pieces hand crafted in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Paris.  Nothing wrong with IKEA furniture, but the quality of the materials, the care and preparation just aren't there.

 

The "CUTE" woman will be treated in a way that most women are familiar with.  Keep in mind, a "BEAUTIFUL" woman and a "PRETTY" woman will hear these pronouns thrown at them on a daily basis while a "CUTE" woman will almost NEVER hear the word uttered in her presence when directed toward her.  A man will tell other's "she's cute", but you'll almost never hear "you're cute".  So women, keep in mind, this may be you.  When a man is interested in a "CUTE" woman, he is playful with her.  He wants to hang out with her.  He wants her to do the things that HE wants to do.  Play games, go to the park, watch sports, and hang around the house with friends.  A "CUTE" woman may unknowingly walk into the situation thinking "we're just cool", but the man is thinking "She's cool, she's cute, and she has fun holes".  The "CUTE" woman will not be showered with flowers and candy on a "just because" basis.  He will not shower her with endless attention night and day.  He will not take her to the finest restaurants and show her around to his friends and family saying "Look what I've got".  Not because she is undeserving, but he simply is not inclined to do so.  He is not seemingly under a spell the way he is with a "BEAUTIFUL" woman, and he is not so inclined to put her on a pedestal the way he is with a "PRETTY" woman.  She is his buddy.  She is a person he's most comfortable with.  She's non-threatening to his ego.  He's secure with her.  The "CUTE" woman is the woman most likely to get the essence of who that man is on a day to day basis.  She sees most of who he is down to the core of him, while a "BEAUTIFUL" and "PRETTY" woman is most likely to see his representative.   The person this man feels he has to portray in order to get near these categories of women.  This is due largely in part to the stereotypes that men themselves concoct in their minds  A "CUTE" woman is seemingly most well off, because she gets the opportunity to skip over the BS and find out who he is as soon as possible.  Why? Because she is his buddy with fun holes.

 

Now while a "CUTE" woman is in another room, a "SEXY" woman is in another building.  She's in a building with graffiti on the walls and the ever so strong stench of piss and mildew in the air.  The air is stale and there are green stink lines visibly floating before her.  It's stifling and dark.  This is due mainly because of human nature.  Humans, by nature are not monogamous creatures.  We are meant to procreate and procreate some more.  When a man sees a "SEXY" woman, the man takes temporary leave of his senses.

 

Take the word SEXY and think about it.  When putting the letter "Y" at the end of a word, you're saying that the object is LIKE the word.  If you define the word BITCH and apply it to a person, then you'll most likely say the person is BITCHY hence BITCH like.  A person who is mean, snappy, rude, and unpleasant is BITCHY.  That person is BITCH like.  A person who is SHADY is dark, lurking, seemingly hiding something, always a cover-up.  Like shade, casting shadows and covering things up, a SHADY person is SHADE like. 

 

Then you have the word SEXY.  I don't need to go into the connotation of SEX, but I'm sure we can all accept that a person who is SEXY, taps into some carnal knowledge in the speakers mind that sparked that word to come forth.  Something about that person immediately made the speaker think of sex.  It could be in the way that woman walks, stands, breaths, the curves of her body, something about that woman immediately sparked sex in the speakers mind.  Now keep in mind, we are talking about a woman at first glance.  These are not women that you know.  All of these women are categorized at first glance by the first word that falls out of the man's mouth.  It is not the woman's intellect that made him say "damn ma, you sexy"… he's not trying to bang her brain.  Or "Damn Ma, I just want to suck your toes"… he's not trying to bang her feet, I hope.  It is not her scent that made him say "What up sexy" from 4 feet away.  He will not approach her the same way, with the same respect he would a woman who is "BEAUTIFUL" or "PRETTY" It is some indescribable thing that makes that woman SEX like in his eyes.  It is indescribable because when a "CUTE" woman tries to be sexy, it's cute that she tries.  And when a "BEAUTIFUL" or "PRETTY" woman tries to be sexy, they're still "BEAUTIFUL" and "PRETTY" in spite of it. 

 

Now a "BEAUTIFUL", "PRETTY" or a "CUTE" woman can be "SEXY", but she will always be one or the other first.  And if the one that is first is "SEXY" well, she cannot expect beautiful flowers and candy.  She should not expect poetry in the mail.  She shouldn't look for her phone to ring during the daylight.  She won't be asked to be escorted around town or taken to meet his friends. If there is a puddle on the street, the man will politely offer to lift the woman over it by firmly grasping her ass cheeks for leverage. He will not want to play games with her and have her come hang out with him and his friends.  Instead, she will hear "oh, I feel so comfortable with you, we can just chill in the house." Or "We don't have to go out to see a movie, why don't you come over about 8, I'll get 4 videos from blockbusters and we can make it a blockbuster night.  If you get tired, you can sleep over; I promise I won't try anything" He doesn't want to play scrabble with her, he wants to play WWF.  She'll hear "Let's wrestle" and then "OOPS WAS THAT MY PENIS POKING YOU?"

 

Because this woman is SEX like she is treated in the most senseless of ways.  There is no thought, preparation or consideration in her treatment.  She is treated as if she has a mattress strapped to her back.  She is a glory hole with limbs.  Now unlike the first three categories, a "SEXY" woman is the only woman who is categorized without necessarily having a face.  A "SEXY" woman can be called sexy from the back.  But a "BEAUTIFUL", "PRETTY" or "CUTE" woman, are all noticed by their face.  An "UGLY" woman can always be "SEXY", but this can not happen with the other three categories. Keep in mind; we are talking about first visual impressions here, nothing more.

 

Now whether you believe you are BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY, CUTE or SEXY there is one thing that is almost certain. 98% of the time, you are categorized as one of these things, and then another. The other 2% of the time, the categories are switched.  Of course there are the one or two men who may "see you differently" but most of the time, this is not the case.  You are what you are.  It's embedded in you.  You cannot change this.  You can try to change your behavior, style of dress, everything physical about you, but you cannot change who you are to the core.  A "SEXY" woman will be sexy in sweats.  A "BEAUTIFUL" woman will be beautiful even playing a dirty crack head in a movie.  A "PRETTY" woman will be pretty when she's 90, and a "CUTE" woman will be cute to her grave.

 

Example: Hallie Berry. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most men will say she's "BEAUTIFUL" and "SEXY", but "BEAUTIFUL" will always be the word used first.   Don't believe me? What did you think when you saw her name?  Did you think "oh, she's cute?" or "Hallie, she's pretty".  Probably not.

 

 

Now before you "get up in arms", I know everyone has their own standard of beauty, and I'm not saying ALL men, categorize women because I haven't asked all men.  But we've all been approached by men, and most of the time the men throw the same pronoun at us time and time again.  If you're a "SEXY" woman, then you'll probably always be called "hey sexy".  If you're a "BEAUTIFUL" woman, then you'll probably almost always be called "hey beautiful".  Again, I'm not saying all men do this but of all the men I've asked, they've all given me the same answers.  Of all the men I've observed over the years, these answers have confirmed my observations.  And of the men in my questioning and observation, they've crossed the spectrum from religious to the devil's right hand man, from young to old, and from Casper to Ink-Blot.  So please don't believe that I've only asked a certain demographic of the male species.

 

To further confirm my observations, I've asked several women to think about how men approach them, and what words and actions are usually used during the occurrence.  There is truth in this theory.  The purpose of these observations, though self motivated at first, I found to be very interesting and I hope you will take this argument unto yourself and your friends and test it.  Every one of us has a friend who is always called "BEAUTIFUL" or "PRETTY" or "CUTE" or "SEXY".  Which one are you?

 

 

 

 

Please, feel free to start an argument with my disgusting pigeon-holing of women and men alike. lol

 

So my sister and I went to MckyD's the other day, were MAD excited... Fat right? I KNOW! But we wanted those Pumpkin Pies they're promoting right now (limited time specialty pies).  We were in walmart, where there is a McDonalds, but we forgot to get our pies.  LUCKILY there is a MckyD's right across the street.  And so we're off......

 

So we get to the MckyD's across the street, and we have to drive around the whole building to get to the drive through. Really weird. And so it goes.  We get to the speaker, after some dude in a corolla took FOREVER ordering his food. You would have thought he purchased $30 worth of stuff.... I digress...

"Can I help you?"

"Uh yeah, can we have 4 pumpkin pies?"

"2 dollas, please drive around"

So we drive around to the first window, pay for our pies.  Drive to the second window for the flunky with the jacked up teeth to say "we only had 3 pies, so we gave you an apple"  Of course our faces went from smiles to "huh".  But we press on.

So we're at LOWES, back in our town, shopping of course, and my sister takes out one of the pies.  Gives my nephew the first bite. He giggles and smiles in delight.  Pleased she says "yeah thats good huh"  Then she takes a bite. BEHOLD! the pie is STRAWBERRY!  As you can see this is a problem.

Leaving Lowes, we decide "Lets look at these pies" and what do we find. ALL OF THE PIES ARE STRAWBERRY IN PUMKIN PIE BOXES! So now, we have 3 strawberry pies and one apple.  NOT what we pay for.  Defeated, we go home.

The next day, I go out to get some pampers at Walmart, find myself there at least twice a week.  MckyD's is closed.  So I decide "i'll go to McDonalds by the house and get those pies we wanted."

At MckyD's on 197, there is always a line at the drive through.

"May I take your order"

"4 pumpkin pies please"

"That'll be 2 dollars."

So i pull around, pay my two dollars and drive up to the second window to be told "Im sorry, we only have apple pies."  I SHALL NOT BE DEFEATED AGAIN. That's right.  I stopped ALL production. I shut it down.  They had to get a manager to go back, get the key and open the drawer to give me ALL of my 2 dollars back.

I press on.

The moral of the story? I DIDNT GET MY DAMN PIES! Just as well though. Cuz these pies tell lies, but not on my thighs. THERE is where you'll find them, and that's telling the truth. lol.

So youve been hired. Its time to shout YAAAAAAAAY, right? Well, not exactly.  Youve built a nice foundation for your company during the Internship phase, but now its time to build upon that foundation.

 

You and your partner are both Co-owners of the We Made It foundation, and its time to start building your assets.  Move out of that one bedroom flat, start working towards a home.  Get rid of that couch one of your moms friends gave you from their basement and start getting some good furniture.  A sofa for one thing, people need something to sit on when they come to your house warming.  Start planning for your life ahead, every day is the beginning of the rest of your lives together, so forget about what happened yesterday, it was probably petty anyway.

 

So now your company has a nice home office, assets building, its time for that next building block.  At the bank theyre probably going to call them CDs but youll probably call them Children Dear, these will come in handy in about 25-30 years.  Now I hate to say it, but the American dream has been deferred for some of us by skipping a lot of steps and going straight to the CDs.  This can cause a problem, and in some cases a major problem in building a company.  Some potential Co-owners dont want to enter into a company as a partner of something that has already been built.  They cannot be faulted for wanting equal contribution to the process.  Now potential investors have been swayed towards other business plans making it harder for you to get your business off the ground.  Step by step is the logical progression.

 

Soyouve got your home office, youve been building your assets; your company is running smoothly (or sometimes not so smoothly.  You may have to call for an outside assessment or efficiency expert otherwise known as a marriage counselor) what next?

 

CEO and RETIREMENT.  Let your assets work for you(meaning, let your children and your retirement fund take care of you, enjoy the life youve built with each other), and if youve built them well, you can vacation on a beach living it up enjoying your work.  But if youve built a shitty company, you might end up in shady acres so watch your back.

Why are people so happy to be in long term relationships? Don't get me wrong, i believe in getting to know someone, getting to know their habits, their likes, dislikes, their ins and outs.  And not by a survey someone posts as a bulletin, because the truth is most people dont know the true answers when it comes to themselves.  They may answer in the way they feel most describes their particular feelings, but once you get to know a person, you really learn the truth.

I see so many people put on their pages, or say out their mouths "I'm not about the drama, so keep that to yaself" yet, these are some drama filled, all up in the drama, causing drama, living drama ass people.  And do they get themselves out of the drama? no, instead they just keep on living in/with it.  So i do believe in REALLY getting to know someone for who they truly are, not who they say they are, but how long does that take?

Dating is like getting a job.  First, you apply for the job (take/give a phone number with intentions of getting to know a person a little better to decide if you'd like to go out)

After putting in your initial application in, if the person you've applied with obliges, you go on a first interview (first date) If all goes well with your first interview, you may follow up with a second interview.

After your second interview, you may be interviewed by the higher ups on a third interview(in this case, the girl's(or guy's) friends gotta meet you and approve) If all goes well, then you may be put in for an internship.

The internship phase (boyfriend/girlfriend) is when you're really getting into your job description.  Learning what you need to know to find out if you and the other can make a successful company (pair, couple)  This requires long hours, hard work, dedication, determination in order to get returns.

What does this all lead up to.  Well, there comes a point in your internship where you have to decide if you're going to truly apply for the job (pop that question, buy that ring) or if you're going to seek other employment opportunites( break up, move on) because no one wants to be an intern forever.  This process is about upward mobility.  No one should want to remain stagnant in their career.  I mean, even the guy working the fries wants to become manager one day.

Some people have the problem of not knowing when to take this next step. Some do it too soon before they get a real knowlege of what their job description in accordance to that company will be.  Some wait too long and end up getting fired, having a better qualified applicant take their position.  So think about the job you're in right now.  Do you want to get promoted, get hired, fired, or quit?

In life, people are mistaken in thinking they have a REAL role in the path their lives take.  NOW don't misunderstand.  I'm firm believer in Losers let things happen, Winners MAKE things happen. BUT this only works when you're working alone.  But no man is an Island, so that's not really realistic is it?

Keeping that in mind, we have to one way or another find a way to accept that we are only as capable as our circumstances.  We have to accept that all things come in due time, not before.  Sunday will never arrive before Saturday.  We cannot live under water, and we cannot fly with our arms alone. We are neither bird nor fish.  So what makes us think we can control all other things.  Like love, maturation, and all things beyond physical control.

People are always quick to say "If I were you I wouldnt do......" or "If it were ME, I would ......" But the fact of the matter is, it isnt you.  and it IS me.  And you don't know what you'd do until you're faced with a situation.  People are very self righteous these days.  A lot of people seem to forget that we are all human.

NO two people will do anything the same.  Especially when it comes to matters of the heart.  We will each reinvent the wheel, EVERY SINGLE TIME!  One thing we CANNOT control, is the way our hearts feel.  We can only go along for the ride.

When it comes to living your life, you can only do it the way YOU'RE meant to do it.  Nothing in life is an accident.  Everything happens for it's purpose, no matter how small or great that purpose may seem.  It's hard to understand why people do the things they do.  That is because only HE has the blueprint.  We just have to live our lives and know that all things shall be revealed.

It is MOST annoying when people act 'holier-than-thou'.  Elder people think they know all because they've "lived through it". Younger people are tired of being told that they dont know anything because they havent lived.  When in actuality, EVERYONE only lives their own lives.  An Elder person can only tell you of their own experiences, which by the way they probably experienced when they were your age.  It's their experience, dont let them force it to be yours.  Live your own life.  The only way to have your own experiences to look back on is to live your own life.  If you dont, how will you harass someone half your age 30 years from now?

You cant learn to read by having someone else do the reading for you.  You cant learn to walk without trying. So how exactly are you supposed to learn to love, appreciate your gifts, travel the earth, AND LIVE YOUR LIFE through someone else's loves, gifts, travels and life?

I appreciate the fact that so many people are concerned with one another and they have only the best intentions for those they give advice to. But the best advice you can give is "experience it".  Because that's the ONLY way to live.  So although you try to save someone from heartache and pain, you cannot control their heart any more than they can.  Just be there for them when they need someone to lean on.  That's the best any of us can do.  We all control our lives.  The things we eat, the clothes we wear, the way we live.  But things that we cannot control are the things that make life beautiful.  Makes life worth living at all.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change those that I can

And the wisdom to know the difference"