All my life I thought I would spend my days lonely with no one to love, or be loved in return! I now find myself in a situation that I desire not to be in because I beleive I may have feelings for a friend of mine. He probably knows that I do because I somehow make it obvious to that person. I don't love him in an intimate way, but I love him strongly as a good friend. I'm afraid love just isn't meant to show up on my doorstep at all in my life. It is ok with me to never find that one person because I know I have friends that will always be there for me! I do this love this man, but just as a friend. He has told me plenty of times that I will find the right person, but I have told him that I am not meant to be in a relationship because of the simple fact that I barely beleive in love! It is a sad thought that one could not beleive in love, but it is true that I don't. Love is one of those things that scares me to the point that air can't pass through my lungs without a deep sharp pain cutting through them.

Every night as the day gets closer to an end, a lady carrying all her possessions in a multitude of bags walks up with a smile on her face asking one thing. She stands there in front of my eyes and asks for a sample of the coffee that perfumes the room. I hand her the sample of coffee and watch her make her way to add the sugars and delights to her coffee to make it her own. One day I plan to ask her name, so when she walks in carrying everything she has to her name, I can great her with a pleasant hello and the smile she always greets to me. I feel that society has played a bad card on this lady's life, and I believe in my heart she deserves a second chance. No one never knows if they one day will be too, carrying everything they own in a cluster of baggage because it's all they have. It's society we carry in our baggage. Society claims our homes and work place. Society owns us. Society is that coffee sample that we make to our liking's with sugars and cream. Today, society. Tomorrow society. We live.

Lately I have been working on so many songs all in one that's it's crazy.  I have a couple of lovey dovey songs, some "I hate you," songs, and of course I have a few of the sexual songs.  For once, though the sexual songs aren't as dirty as usual.  The songs I am currently working on are; "No Me Importa," "So Beautiful,"  "That's The Way,"  "Couldn't Have Him,"  "Don't Do It," and the newest song, "Impurities."  "No Me Importa," is about the recent break-up with one on my best friends back home, and it basically states how I really don't care about the situation.  "So Beautiful," is about the friends here, that are so beautiful, and how they make me a more beautiful person.  "That's The Way," is one of the classic C.E.P. dirty songs, but this one, for a chance, is way calmer than the rest.  "Don't Do It," is about me trying to be someone I'm not, and having my friends and family stopping me.  Now, "Impurities," is about all the rough times I have gone through in my life, and how I'm cleaning them out of my life by purifying them through words and song.  Since I have changed my life by coming down to Florida, I have realized how many people in this world can flip on you.  One moment, they are your best friend then the next one they are yelling at you over something ridiculous.  I'm taking all this negative energy, and cleaning it all out so I can live a better life.  I have hit a couple rough patches lately at work, and with my personal life, but I still come out stronger in the end. 

Life changes can do a person good,

Carlitos 

This past week I've met some of the most wonderful people in my life.  I met three new people in my life that I will never forget, their names are:  Janira, Tammy, and Wendy.  With meeting these three wonderful people, I've been singing more and writing more.  I've started works on two songs, that I'm writing in both Spanish and English.  The one song is called, "No Me Importa," which in English is, "I Don't Care."  The other song is called, "Tan Hermoso," which in English is, "So Beautiful."  A lot people and situations in my life are inspiring me more and more.  Ever since I started working at WDW, I've been singing more and more.  I'm always making up new songs everywhere I go.  I've been working the life with inspirational ways.  I draw inspiration from so many things, like lately some inspiration has been coming from a friendship gone bad, and yet I'm still getting tons of positive inspiration from someone that is important to me in my life.  I live for song no matter where life takes me because I can take the bad times and make them better by singing about it.  I've also realized some more changes in my life that my family and friends have realized as well.  One thing I've noticed is the way I talk anymore.  I've noticed that I keep mixing English and Spanish when I talk, and there's sometimes an accent that I don't know where it comes from.  People may call me fake with the whole accent and that, but I can't help it that I easily pick-up accents, it comes with the territory.  I hate it when people call me fake, when I'm the exact opposite of it.  I'm just me, and if you don't like then oh well.  Ever since I was little I easily picked-up accents, so that's who I am.  When I am around people that are from England and that, for a couple days, I tend to pick-up some of their lingo.  I know one day my music will take me far, and people will appreciate what I have to give them.

 

Inspiration from the heart is a matter of pure beauty,

Charles Everett Parker

A.K.A.

Carlitos

Over the period that I've spent helping make dreams come true, I've realized that I have changed in more ways than one.  My family has noticed changes in me when I talk to them on the phone.  There are times that I realize that my dreams will come true more than ever.  When I go around radomly singing any song that pops into my mind, I have people telling me that I can sing really well.  I have so many people telling me that I should be working in Entertaiment instead of Merchandise.  Everytime I see a performance I'm standing there crying, not only because it's a great performance, but because I miss the stage so much.  It has taking me this long to finally utilize my dreams, and start taking risk into making those dreams come true.  I have recently applied to a school in London, England, for their July term.  I am hoping so much that I get accepted into this University because if I do I will be so happy to finally explore out of my normal grounds, and be somewhere that most people haven't seen.  If I do get accepted into this Uni, I will be in England for two years to get my Associate's Degree in Media Production.  I would most likely return to the USA after those two years and continue in school to get my Bachelor's Degree probably in Los Angeles.  I've noticed how much I have changed down here, and all I can wonder about is how I will change in London, England, if I get accpeted.  I'm going back to Illinois for a couple days in January, and I wonder what my family is going to think when they see me because everyone down here has notcied that I've lost weight. It's crazy how someone can change so much in an evironment change.

Life Is Something To Always Take A Look At And Smile.

 

Charles Everett Parker

As I walked next to my friend yesterday, with him wearing the Mickey Mouse Groom Ears, me wearing the Minnie Mouse Bride Ears, and both of us supporting a Just Married Button, I realized how much this world still needs to learn.  My friend Josue and I, went around the parks at Walt Disney World to make a statement.  A statement that needs to be made more and more each day.  This world needs to realize that gays will always be around, and no matter what people try to change us in words of cruel hatred and looks of digust as they pass us.  Some of the people that were venturing around in the parks, were actually supportive and gave us compliments, but that was very few.  It's amazing how this world is still so stereotypical after centuries and centuries, and for the simple fact that homosexuality has been around for longer than man can date back.  At points in my friend's and I journey we felt as if we were another attraction to the park.  It seemed as if we got more looks than the Characters that walked around.  There was one man that said, "Gross," right out loud so we could hear it as we passed, and all I could think was how disrespectful people can be.  Why should we hide who we are?  We are people, too.  Why should we have to deal with dirty looks, when we clearly don't stare down a straight couple, and practically kill them with the look of disgust?  More people like Josue and I need to show the world, to teach the world, and to make that statement so out there, that no one, I mean no one, will ever forget it.

Two days ago, it was October 22nd, and it was my nineteenth birthday.  I usually don't celebrate my birthday ever since my parents divorce.  The last birthday I ever remember celebrating with a party, was my 10th, maybe even that.  After my tenth birthday it was just pretty much just dinner and a cake.....that's it.  This birthday was actually my first without my family around, and it turned out to be amazing.  I started celebrating my birthday at Magic Kingdom on the 21st, at Mickey's Halloween Party, and that was the most amazing night, until....  The next day was my birthday, the 22nd, and I went on a walking tour of Magic Kingdom learning about the history and magic of Pirates and Princesses.   I soon proceded to EPCOT, where I looked around the World Showcase for some time before my doctors appointment.  After my doctors appointment was done I went around the World Showcase again, then made my way to a gift shop to get some hot cocoa.  Following getting hot cocoa I was about to leave, but I didn't because I wanted to ride Test Track.  So, I'm in line for Test Track talking to this married couple, and then end up talking to the most amazing people ever.  Those three people I will hold in my heart forever, Daniel, John, and Susan.  It's amazing how three people can change your day so much.  They made my nineteenth birthday so special that I'll never be able to forget it no matter how hard I try.  If any of these three people are reading this, I just want to say thank you from deep within my heart.

 

Love is never late, it's always unexpected,

Charles Everett Parker

The skies are blue as the crystal like waters of the white and black sanded beaches of the the tropical islands of Hawaii, and as the skies turn gray the gloom sets deep into your skin.  It crawls as if you were a disgrace to all man kind.  The darkness slips in as the tears did on this day where overcast settled through the day of October Fifth.  This day of fear and pain I will never forget no matter what more challenges life sets for me.  This day I got a phone call that would bring so many tears to my eyes.  Tears that I haven't felt in years.  Tears that just couldn't be explained.  Well let's start from the beginning......  About two weeks ago I had found out that my sister was pregnant, and I was so excited, I mean who wouldn't.  For those two weeks all I could talk about is my sister having a baby, but then a phone call I never wanted to hear came to me.  My father called me and told me that my sister was in the hospital due to tubal birth.  She had lost her baby.  I stayed strong for my father when he told me about, but as soon as he got off the phone with me I balled my eyes out. I would have to say those tears are the most painful tears that I've ever experienced.  I knew there was something wrong with October Fifth when I saw the gloomy skies, and tears of angels fall on my shoulders as I walked the same steps I take to work while I looked to the sky, "There, there's a rainbow."  I knew there was something bad that was going to happen by the gutt feeling I had inside myself.  It rained all that day, yesterday it was.  The rain came, and went.  The rain showed my emotions.  It's amazing how life has turned the skies.  Why is all the bad news brought to oneself on such darker days?  My answer, "One can really tell when something horrifying to them is going to happen when there is a sinking feeling deep inside there mind.  The feeling is so strong that it just tears you apart.  Then the bad news comes, and that very sinking feeling seems deeper to the point where all there is to do is cry and let the tears roll down upon your cheeks." 

Love is something we all experience,

To the Neice or Nephew I Never Really Got To Know,

I Love You!

Charles Everett Parker

(Your Uncle)

Ever since I've made this journey to my current home, I have realized more and more of who I am. I see changes in my attitude towards life. I feel the changes with my emotions, and feel some of the same hurt I've felt once apon a time. Sure I'm here making magic happen for thousands of people a day, but there are days to where I can't tell what's going to happen anymore. I see into my future thinking of the fairytale stroies I was always told. Sure I'm not a princess, but princes have their fairytales, too. I'm still writing, singing, and acting a fool as always. I've let myself slip into what I think is a living fairytale, and I'm realizing more and more that this fairytale I'm living is very twisted. Usually there is always a happy ending to such fairytales that we don't know what's ever going to happen. I'm in one of those fairytale stories that people are still trying to figure out. My story is one that most people have never heard, and still look further and further into the story book to find what crazy things life has planned for me next. There has been witches, crooks, deaths, dragons, betrayls, etc. Some forces of evil I've still yet to face. I've delt with the poison of the apple as Snow White once fell subject to. I've dealt with deaths as Cinderella had with her beloved mother and father. The dragons I've slayed as Aurora's prince has done. The most recent force of evil I've dealt with lately is, BETRAYL. I've been stabbed by the daggers and troubles of betrayl before, but this time it was caused more blood and tears fall from my skin. Sure more pain and suffering have come from this betrayl, but I pulled myself back together quicker than I ever have. My fairytale is still being written onto the parchment of the storybook times that my ancestors lived. This fairytale, "The Realization."

Let all dreams come true,
As they should,
Charles Everett Parker

Some people accept the fact that I'm gay. Others tell me that they'll pray for me. Why in the world would you have to pray for me, for being gay? I was made this way. You know, there are many other people in this world that are either gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Are you going to pray for them too? I just think it's ridiculous, just accept it. I mean when someone tells you, "I'll pray for you," and then says, "I still love you though." Can this world get anymore belligerent? Wait, don't answer that one. When people tell me that they are going to pray for me because I'm gay, I simply tell them, "Yeah pray for me to be straight," and then under my breath say, "Like that's going to happen." That's why I refuse to go to church because I don't like hiding who I am, I shouldn't have to hide who I am because that's just stupid. For me, I'm proud of who I am, and no matter what, no one is going to bring me down. Before I came out I was always having to act like homosexuality disturbed me, just so people wouldn't give me dirty looks. Another thing that set me off was my one uncle saying, "I can see right through your act." What the hell is he talking about, it's not an act. Everyone else in my family is pretty much fine with it, except a few old fashioned people. It's not an act, not at all. Some of my family doesn't believe that I can make it in the entertainment industry, but all my friends think I can. Is it bad that your friends are more supportive of you than your family? Some of my friends think I'm a creative genius at times. People don't realize that I take all that negativity and doubt, and turn it to the purest positivity and determination. One of these days all the people that have doubted me will be like, "DAMN!" My father, sister, some cousins, and some uncles, doubt that I could ever make it as a sing, actor, or anything in the entertainment business.

"We grow stronger by taking the doubt and negative thoughts of others, by turning them into determinedness and positive actions." Said by me, Charles Everett Parker

Let there be pride in all those that are, "PRAYED FOR,"
Charles Everett Parker